by HELEN HARDT
"Good-bye, Holly."
"Jack!" Had he hung up? Damn these cell phones! They won’t even tell you when someone hangs up on you!
"Jack! Jack!"
No reply.
A sob broke through and she threw her cell phone against the wall. It clattered to the ground. She ran to it, relieved it was still intact for the most part. She slid the battery cover back in place and hit redial.
More Glen Campbell.
He didn’t answer and it didn’t go to voicemail.
Damn! She tried again. Still no answer.
Now what? She had to talk to him.
She sped into her office and logged in to the Cougar Club. Those ladies would know what to do. No one was chatting. Well, what did she expect? It was before nine a.m. on a holiday morning.
She’d just have to go to Jack’s place. She hadn’t paid close attention when she’d been driven either way, but if she concentrated...
She took a quick shower, raked her fingers through her wet hair and added a touch of lipstick. That was it. She didn’t want to take any more time. She had to get to Jack before it was too late.
It already is.
She brushed the thought from her mind. True, he might send her packing when he found she couldn’t have children but she had to let him decide. She’d made the decision for him, and that was wrong.
Maybe all he wanted was a casual relationship. Maybe he wasn’t in love with her and never would be. Could she live with that?
She sighed and grabbed her purse and car keys from the kitchen counter. No use prognosticating. She’d have all her answers soon enough.
Chapter Thirteen
"Jack?"
Her voice cut through him like a switchblade. He’d just come in from a midmorning ride with Sam and had sent his son to find Luisa. Taking care of the horses soothed his mind, so he let Sam off the hook this once and decided to curry both horses himself. He’d just finished cleaning the last hoof when her voice sliced into him.
He didn’t turn.
"What do you want?"
"I need to talk to you."
"Not interested."
Such a lie. He was so interested that his heart was thundering against his sternum just at the damn sound of her voice. Why had this happened? Why had he fallen in love? Why had he brought her here and introduced her to Sam?
Sam deserved better.
"I’m so sorry...."
Her words trailed off and he still didn’t turn. If he looked at her, he’d be lost.
Her breathy sigh caressed the back of his neck. She was that close. Don’t turn around, Jack.
"I didn’t think you’d get this hurt."
Damn. Those were fighting words. He turned around and the moistness in her emerald eyes tugged at him. But he hardened his heart.
"Not get hurt? What did you think I invited you here for, Holly? Sex? A prolonged weekend of hedonism? Hell, I didn’t need to bring you to my home, introduce you to my son, for that."
"No, I—"
"Please go away."
"I can’t, Jack. Not until you hear me out. I behaved stupidly. I know that. But there are reasons. And I—"
He let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know. You’re forty. You’ve made it abundantly clear how you feel about our age difference. And I thought I’d made it abundantly clear that I don’t give a rat’s ass but you can’t seem to get past that."
"You don’t understand. There’s more."
"Nothing I’m interested in." He steeled his heart against her misty green gaze.
"You’ve got to listen to me."
"I don’t have to do anything. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take care of my animals."
He turned, but she grabbed his arm. A sizzling current traveled to his groin at her touch. She flung her arms around him, grabbed his cheeks and drew his lips to hers.
His memories soared to their first kiss in the elevator. She nibbled at his lower lip, then his upper, her tongue probing for entrance.
He granted it. Hell, he was still a man—a man in love with a woman. His body couldn’t help but respond to her physical presence.
He parted his lips and when her tongue touched his, he melted and his resolve disintegrated.
She tasted of vanilla cream and still a touch of lime. He devoured her mouth. His mind clouded, and energy—hot, raw, and primal—crackled between them.
He gripped her ass, squeezing, kneading, and forced her against the hardness beneath his jeans. Her tiny moans hummed against the back of his throat and he probed farther, deeper, until he was lost in the passion that had sizzled between them since their first meeting.
Then, from somewhere in a different dimension, a small voice broke through the haze.
"Holly! You came back!"
Jack ripped his mouth from Holly’s to stare at Sam. Holly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and turned.
"Why, hi there, Sam."
"You missed our ride yesterday."
"Yeah, I know. I’m sure sorry about that. Maybe we can go this afternoon."
"Holly, stop," Jack said. He would not allow her to get Sam’s hopes up again. He took a deep breath and willed his nerves to settle. Sam was the most important consideration. His only consideration.
Holly gazed up at him, her lips swollen and scarlet. Damn, she was beautiful. He wanted to grab her again and kiss her until he elicited a promise from her that she’d never leave them again.
But he’d be strong.
"Run along, Sam. Holly and I need to talk about grown up things."
"What kinds of things are those?"
"When you’re older, I’ll explain it. Go on now. Luisa should have lunch ready soon."
"But that’s why I came out here, Daddy. Lunch is on the table."
"Tell Luisa I’ll be a little late. You go on and eat."
"Okay." Sam trotted off. The kid never walked. He always trotted or ran. Jack smiled.
"Jack...."
"What?"
"Maybe you should eat first and then we’ll talk."
"Not a chance. You tell me what you came to tell me. And no more kissin’ until it’s all out in the open."
"So you’re ready to listen now?"
He nodded. That kiss had told him what he already knew. He wasn’t ready to give her up. Not by a long shot. So he’d listen. But he’d listen from a distance. He picked up the curry comb and got back to his horse.
"You stay there," he said, "and start talkin’."
"This isn’t easy for me."
"It isn’t for me, either. Last night sucked, Holly. If you think you’re the only one hurtin’ here, think again."
"I’m sorry."
"Quit apologizin’ and explain yourself. I’m agin’ here."
She let out a heavy sigh. He focused on horse’s shiny coat.
"It is the age thing, but there’s more to it than you know." She cleared her throat. "That first night we met, I told you I was in a bad place."
"I know. We’ve all been in bad places, Holly."
"This was a particularly bad one, Jack. I’d just been diagnosed with cancer."
Oh God. His heart dropped to his stomach. He tossed the currycomb to the ground and hurried toward her. "Sugar, are you all right?"
"Yeah, yeah, I’m fine." She swiped her hand across her nose and sniffed. "Sort of."
"What do you mean, sort of? Sugar, please, tell me you’re okay."
"I am. I mean, my life’s not in danger or anything."
"Come sit with me." He led her out of the stable and onto a patch of soft grass. He sat down and drew her into his lap. His heart ached.
"Tell me."
"It was cervical cancer, Jack. I-I always had my pap smears, which was lucky. They caught it real early. But it was an aggressive strain. So they treated it aggressively."
"Oh." His heart sank. He already knew where this was going.
"They took my uterus. Plus one ovary. Just left me one for hormones. I’m pretty much cleaned out."
; "God."
"I had to give up my dream of being a mom. I thought I’d come to terms with it. Until you came back into my life."
He swallowed and kissed the top of her head. He’d thought about having a child with her. Sure, she was older, but not too old. Now that wouldn’t happen.
Did it matter? Sam wanted a brother. He knew that. He sure loved kids and always thought he’d have more eventually, once the right woman came along.
That the right woman might not be able to give him children hadn’t occurred to him.
She rested her head against his shoulder and he inhaled the apple-fresh scent of her hair.
"Sugar?"
"Hmm?" Her voice was muffled.
"I never saw a scar."
She lifted her head. "They used a laparoscope. The scar’s hidden in my belly button. It’s a lot less invasive. I was able to recover a lot quicker."
"Oh." So she had recovered quickly. Physically. He had a hunch she wasn’t completely recovered emotionally.
She’d had to give up her dream of children. Could he give up his dream of a child with her?
Before he could formulate an answer to his own question, a scream rent through the air.
Sam!
He stood quickly, his heart hammering, steadying Holly so she didn’t fall.
"That’s Sam," he said. "Sam! Sam!"
The scream had been loud. He was close by. Jack ran around the stable. Nothing. Across a small field stood the main barn. On the ground, next to a stack of hay bales, lay his son.
He wasn’t moving.
"No! Sam! Sam!"
He raced across the field, tears forming in his eyes. Not Sam. Not Sam.
He knelt over the unmoving body of his son. Had he fallen? Jack looked up. He’d tumbled from the roof of the barn. What the hell had he been doing? He was supposed to go in for lunch.
"Jack." Holly knelt beside him. "What happened?"
"I don’t know. He fell, I think." His voice sounded peculiar, like it came from somewhere else. Thoughts couldn’t form. He reached under his little boy’s body and gently cradled him to his chest.
"Jack, you shouldn’t move him. He might be...injured inside."
Jack knew. But he couldn’t think. He had to hold his son. He pressed his fingers to his neck. His pulse was steady and strong, thank God.
"I’ll call 911."
"No. No. That’ll take too long. I’ll drive him to the hospital."
"Jack, be sensible..."
"Damn it, Holly! This is my child! I need to take care of him!"
"I understand." Holly nodded. "I’ll drive you."
Chapter Fourteen
What was taking so damn long?
Holly sat in the ER waiting room and fidgeted with an old People magazine.
Jack was in the back with Sam. He’d regained consciousness for a few seconds in the car, said something about a kitty, then had floated back away. He most likely had some broken bones. At least that’s what Holly hoped. Bones could be fixed. If he were bleeding inside....
She couldn’t go there. What would Jack do without his son? What would she do? She’d grown to care for the little boy in just two days. She loved him, just as much as she loved his father.
An hour passed, and then another. The nurse at the reception desk told Holly, very nicely, to please stop asking for an update. She’d tell her something when she knew.
Holly resisted the urge to smack her.
Just as Holly picked up her fifth magazine, Jack, looking like he’d aged a decade, walked into the waiting room.
She rose from her chair, her purse and magazine flopping to the floor. "Jack?"
He sighed. "He’s okay."
She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him close. "Thank God. Come sit with me and tell me what happened."
"I don’t know yet. I haven’t gotten a straight story out of Sam. But he did wake up for a little while. He has a concussion."
Holly nodded. He looked so sad, so forlorn, and yet so relieved. She shared his sentiment.
"His femur’s cracked. The doc was amazed he didn’t have more broken bones. He won’t need surgery, but he’ll wear a cast for a few months. They did an MRI and a CT scan." Jack sighed. "No internal bleeding, thank God."
Holly let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.
"He’s resting now. They have him pretty doped up. He’s gonna be in a lot of pain. The bruises are already forming all over his little body..."
Jack’s voice trailed off and he stared at the white wall of the waiting room. Holly gently cupped his cheek and turned his face to her.
"Will he stay the night?"
"Yeah. I’m stayin’ with him. I can’t leave him alone."
"I understand."
"Could you...?" He sighed. "This is a lot to ask, Holly.
"You can ask me anything."
"Would you mind driving back to the ranch and getting some stuff for me? A change of clothes, my toothbrush, you know."
"Not at all. I’d do anything for you and Sam. I hope you know that."
"I appreciate it."
"Are you hungry? I can get you something."
"No." He rested his elbows on his thighs and cupped his face in his hands. "I can’t eat."
"You should eat something. You probably haven’t eaten since breakfast." She checked her watch. "It’s nearly five."
"Can’t. Not hungry."
"All right." She’d bring him something anyway. "It’s a long drive to your place. I won’t be back for a few hours. Have you called Luisa?"
"No. Would you?"
"Sure."
Holly quickly programmed the number Jack gave her into her cell. "I’ll call her on the way home."
Home? When had she started thinking of Jack’s place as home? He hadn’t said he loved her. She hadn’t told him yet. Now wasn’t the time.
She grabbed her purse and gave the top of his head a kiss. "I’ll be back as soon as I can."
"I should have been with him," Jack mumbled. "I sent him off to eat lunch so I could talk to you. He should have been my first priority."
"Oh, Jack, sweetheart. How many times have you sent Sam off to have lunch?"
He nodded. "I know. And nothing ever happened. But this time...."
Holly smoothed Jack’s rumpled hair. "Don’t blame yourself. Please. He’s going to be all right. Just thank God for that and move on, okay?"
He nodded into his hands. Holly knelt in front of him and lifted his face to meet her gaze. "This isn’t your fault."
It wasn’t. It was hers. It was hers for leaving in the first place, and then coming back. She’d kept his attention away from his son.
No, she couldn’t think like that. It was no one’s fault. Things happen. Her cancer was no one’s fault.
She leaned forward and brushed her lips lightly across his. Maybe this was the time, after all. She thumbed his stubbled cheek, and then kissed him again. "I love you," she whispered against his mouth.
Before he could respond, she escaped the waiting room.
* * * *
He’d murmured a husky "thank you" when she left his bag of clothes and sundries. He’d looked at the container of Italian takeout with glazed eyes, but she’d thrust it into his hands anyway.
"What do you need, Jack?" she’d asked. "I’ll do anything for you. For Sam. I’ll stay here all night if you want."
He’d shaken his head. "Just go home. I need to be alone with my son."
She’d left, her heart in her throat. He hadn’t told her he loved her. Perhaps he didn’t. It served her right, anyway.
Now she sat in front of her computer, staring at the blank Cougar Club chatroom. It was nearing midnight on a holiday. Of course no one would be there. They were probably all with their cubs, having a high old time.
Holly drew in a deep breath, flicked off her computer and padded into her bedroom. She flopped onto her bed and cried into the pillow that smelled like Jack.
* * * *
/> The next few days passed in a fog. Holly went to work, came home and cried herself to sleep. She skipped both her art classes, something she never did. Her heart wasn’t in it.
No word from Jack. She’d tried calling him several times, only to get the endless wails of Glen Campbell. Why didn’t he have voicemail? Didn’t everyone have voicemail these days? Still, she called.
Her mind buzzed with unlikely scenarios. What if Sam had taken a turn for the worse? What if the doctors had been wrong, and he’d been bleeding internally? And they’d found it too late?
Nausea churned in her belly.
Damn it! She loved that little boy, too. Why didn’t Jack at least call her to tell her how Sam was doing?
If Jack had decided to let her go, she could live with that. She had no choice, but she needed to know Sam was okay.
Enough was enough. Friday afternoon, she left her office early and drove home to pack a bag. She was driving out to Jack’s ranch. He might tell her to take a hike, but by God she’d know if he and Sam were all right. Fear gnawed at her during the long drive out of town.
She gathered her courage as she pulled into the long driveway at Jack’s ranch house. Was she sticking her nose in where it didn’t belong? Was his indifference his polite way of telling her to get lost?
She breathed in. It was possible, but it didn’t matter. She had to know Sam was okay.
Leaving her bag in the car—she didn’t want to appear too eager—she trudged to the door and knocked.
She pasted a smiled on her face when Luisa answered.
"Holly, buenos dias."
"Hello, Luisa."
Luisa looked behind her. "Where’s Jack?"
"Jack? Why would he be with me?"
Holly craned her neck and peeked behind Luisa into the kitchen. A smiling Sam—his right leg in a full-length blue cast—struggled forward on crutches.
"Holly!" his little voice piped.
"Sit back down, mijo," Luisa scolded. "You must take it easy for the first few days. Remember what the doctor said."
Holly rushed past Luisa and knelt in front of Sam. "I’ve been worried sick about you. Are you all right?"
"I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore. Daddy gives me pills." He leaned against her and held out one of his crutches. "Aren’t these things neat?"