Closing her eyes, she pressed her palms to the thin skin. Her head was pounding and she could swear there was beating drum behind her eyes. A buzzing in her ears followed. Andy tried to focus on her breathing; in and out. She tried to calm the waves of panic buffeting her. She barely registered that someone was speaking to her. It all seemed so distant.
"Andy? Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Matt's pitch reached her just briefly.
"Headache." Liar! Tell him! She shook her head. She couldn't tell him. She felt Matt lift her up off the floor and swing her into his arms. Leaning her head into his chest, she took small comfort in the rhythmic beating of his heart. She held onto it. She tried to lose herself in it. She just wanted the fear to end.
***
Nora had mentioned something about pie when she came out of the kitchen. Both he and Garrett had agreed that it sounded great and he offered to help Nora serve it. He knew that Andy and Nora were both in the kitchen. He could hear the soft voices murmuring down the hall into the living room. A couple of phone calls and a brief chat with his sister was all it took to confirm that the two women were in very similar situations. No, Nora had never told him who Drew's father was. Perhaps due to the fact you threatened to kill him! Matt mentally shrugged. Nora had made it plain that it was none of their business, but her own. He wanted Andy to confide that same secret to him, but he wasn't sure she ever would. He might have to make peace with the fact that she never would.
Nora stopped outside the door, her face creased with concentration and worry. His older sister very seldom had such a look on her face and it instantly sent warning bells off inside his brain. Andy. His heart had leapt at the fear of what it could possibly be. He had never heard her raise her voice. Nora stepped to the side as she saw him head for the door. Walking into the kitchen, Matt saw her phone on top of the counter, but he didn't see her. Where had she gone? He scanned the room. Skirting the counter, his heart slammed in his chest.
Andy was sitting on the floor with her back against the cupboards, her legs pulled up to her chest, and her eyes covered with her hands. She looked so impossibly small and vulnerable at that moment. Matt fought the urge to shout in anger and pummel whatever was in his path. Little good that would do. Instead he crouched down next to her and spoke in as less of a menacing tone as he could. She didn't seem to hear him. He tried again, touching her knees with one hand.
"Andy? Sweetheart, what's wrong?" He watched her carefully. Her breathing was hurried and her face was so pale. Something fought to break free inside him, but he shoved it down. Now is not the time! He steered past the question of when it would ever be the right time.
"Headache." Andy mumbled without taking her hands off her eyes. Taking a deep breath, Matt carefully helped her stand and then lifted her into his arms. She was trembling as she pressed her ear into his chest. Casting a worried glance at Nora, he took her down the hall and up the stairs. He briefly registered that Garrett had asked what was wrong, but he left that up to Nora. Matt only wanted to get her into bed.
Turning down the hallway towards his room, Matt was careful not to bang her legs against the door frame. He paused at the edge of his large mattress and deposited her in the middle. Andy instantly curled into a helpless ball. His gut twisted. Gritting his teeth, he went to the windows and drew the heavy curtains. Almost all light was swept from the room. With the light gone, his other senses took on more definition. He stripped his shirt from his body, throwing it into the chair. He unzipped his jeans and tossed them on top of his shirt. Leaning over Andy's curled form, he turned her over and began baring her down to just her bra and panties.
She fought against him at first. He had paused, wondering what his own motive was in this. Still he continued to wrestle with the clothes with no help from her. Once that chore was complete, Matt pulled back the comforter and nestled them both underneath. Andy's body hugged the length of his own. He felt her goose bumps and her trembling fingers on his chest. He wrapped her close to his warmth and he rested his chin on top of her head. He wished he could protect her. It was beyond him why she wasn't letting him do it. Hadn't he told her often enough that he wanted to be all and everything to her?
"I'm sorry, Matt." Andy's thin voice spoke words that he had no interest in hearing. He kissed her forehead and her eyes.
"Shh, don't say anything." If you can't tell me the truth, don't lie to me! It was better if she didn't say anything at all. He felt her nod and when he went to kiss her forehead again, she tipped her chin up. Her lips met his in the dark room. Instantly he became aware of just how intimate and intense it was to not have sight. His fingertips wandered over her body, setting flame to every inch he could reach without breaking their kiss. Andy pushed against him, insistent on his possession. He wanted to take her, desperately. This need for her had gone so far beyond sexual possession. He needed her heart and soul as well.
Sliding his palm along the swell of her hip to her thigh and back up, Matt found her wet and wanting. Foreplay had no claim here. She was more than ready for him and he was more than ready for her. Her hands brushed, teased, and claimed his body. Leaning over the top of her, Matt groaned at his hardness and its demand to be satisfied. Her not-so-subtle tugs communicated her desires. One thrust and he was lost. Sweet Jesus! The world fell away.
Chapter Seventeen
Matt pulled his sweat pants on along with a plain cotton t-shirt and left his bedroom where Andy was still sleeping in his bed. It had only been a couple of hours since he had brought her upstairs. He couldn't seem to lie still with all the thoughts and questions running amok in his mind. It was like a hamster wheel in there! Gritting his teeth, he made his way back downstairs. His sister, Nora and his brother, Garrett, were still in the living room. Nora was holding a sleeping Harper.
Each Johnson sibling looked from one to the other, not quite certain what to say. They all knew more or less what had happened. Three sets of blue eyes measured each other and weighed their words carefully.
"Is Andy all right?" Nora asked softly, tucking the fuzzy blanket closer about Harper. Matt's eyes rested on the baby. His heart thumped in possessive form. He nodded his head in affirmation.
"Did she say anything about who was on the phone?" Garrett asked, turning his cold beer bottle around in his hand. Matt moved the last few steps into the room and plopped heavily onto the couch.
"No. She didn't say anything." Matt responded. He felt really uncomfortable even in the same room as his siblings. His gut was telling him that this was not good. Secrets were not good by nature. They always seemed to jump up and bite you in the backside when you least expected them to.
"Has she ever mentioned the name Lance to you?" Nora asked hesitantly, tilting her head to the side. Matt was drawing a blank with the name. She didn't have any siblings, he knew that, but he didn't know her parents' names. Maybe it was her father?
"Doesn't ring a bell." Matt reached for Andy's cell phone sitting on the coffee table. Either Nora or Garrett had brought it in from the kitchen. He gripped it tightly, trying to decide what he should do.
"I heard her shout, 'She isn't yours'. It could be the baby's father." Nora all but whispered into the heavy silence. Not something I want to hear! Matt speared his fingers through his hair and it stood in short spikes. His gut clenched and his throat tightened. He blew out a frustrated breath.
"How did he get her new number? Didn't you just change her phone, Matt?" Garrett asked the obvious question. Andy would have had to give him her number.
Was she still in contact with him? Why wouldn't she tell me that?
Matt gripped her thin phone so hard he thought that it might break into pieces. He swiped the screen to unlock it and opened up her call list. Clicking on the number, he only saw the incoming call for tonight. It wouldn't be that hard to get the phone list from his provider. Maybe he should have the detective from Monica's case look into the phone number. He was paying for her phone after all.
"Don't go off halfcocked, Matt." Nora warne
d from her chair. Her blue eyes were completely serious. This was the mother side of her. It looked good on her. "She has her reasons for keeping the name of Harper's father to herself. You can't understand that kind of burden, but I can. Don't go forcing this issue if you really mean to keep her." Nora looked down at the sleeping bundle in her arms. Her face was softly haunted. Matt swallowed hard. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his sweat pants.
"I just want to keep both of them safe. How can I do that if I don't know what or who the enemy is?" He couldn't look at his siblings. This had been the most he had ever shared with his family. No relationship had ever been this involved or this serious. Hell, I knew I loved her from day one! Not that he was even going to admit that before he had shared it with Andy.
"I say give that detective the number. Ask him to do some recon. Andy wouldn't have to know and you would have peace of mind." Garrett shared from his corner, his bulky form relaxed in the chair. He added, "Well they have access to the phone records because of Psycho's incident, don't they? That wouldn't be a lie." Garrett gestured with his hands, looking from Nora to Matt. Nora's face was priceless. Her eyes wide and her mouth falling open in complete shock.
"I cannot believe you just said that, Garrett! Of course it is a lie. Even if he never tells her, it would be an omission that could screw everything up if she finds out later." Nora's eyes hardened, blue shards of glass that speared each man.
Garrett had only said what he was already thinking, but Nora's point of view was probably close to what Andy would think. He didn't feel comfortable keeping it a secret. He didn't like sneaking around behind her back. It definitely didn't set a sturdy foundation. Lord knows you both need it! Nothing could be built on shaky ground. Matt closed his eyes. He tried to think about Andy and Harper's welfare. If he was truly going to protect them, what could he live with doing to keep them safe?
Matt pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed the detective's number. He ignored the heated hiss that came from his sister's lips. His blood was pounding in his ears.
"Detective Briggs." The hard edged voice came out of the receiver. Matt swallowed.
"Briggs, this is Matt Johnson. I need some information." Matt scrolled to the number that called Andy tonight. Lance.
"It depends on the question. Does it have to do with the case right now? We still haven't found Miss Graham." Briggs sounded hesitant to spill the details further. Something about the man screamed emotionally closed off. Maybe in that line of work, you couldn't afford to mix emotions.
"Sort of. There was another strange phone call on Andy's phone and it upset her. I'm afraid that it might be someone working with Monica Graham. Can you check it out?" Matt felt his stomach knot and his mouth went dry. He felt wrong about finding out about this unknown caller this way, but he couldn't see any other way to do it.
"Give me the number." Briggs said, his gruff demand short and to the point. Matt rattled off the digits and confirmed them as they were repeated back to him. There was silence for a moment. A rattle of pens in a cup, shuffle of papers and a loud bang near the phone. Matt cast a quick glance at his brother and Garrett shrugged taking a drink of his beer. Matt didn't dare look at Nora. He could feel the volcanic gaze boring into him. She might not forgive him for this either.
Hang up! Hang up, right now! Tell Briggs you made a mistake and to forget it! Hang up!
His over-taxed conscience screamed at him to do the right thing. The problem was this seemed to be the lesser of two evils. He needed to protect Andy and Harper.
"Mr. Johnson? I have looked into that number. It is not connected to Miss Graham. It belongs to a man named Lance Harper in Illinois." Briggs' answer was like lead in his stomach. The detective sighed and continued. "I would ask Miss Martin why she was so upset. If she doesn't want to share that information, my advice would be to let it go." Like you should have done before this!
"I appreciate it, Detective Briggs. Have a good evening." Matt clicked off the phone and placed it with a thump on the top of the coffee table. Nora wore this look of "I told you so!” Garrett raised a brow in question. Matt groaned and wiped a palm over his face.
"Lance Harper from Illinois." He felt off balance and his head was still sporting an entire orchestra's drum section. His sister had been right. He wished he didn't know. This wasn't the way to go about getting the information he wanted so badly.
"I told you not to do it. If she ever finds out you had that phone number identified, Andy will lose it. You could lose her, Matt." Nora's voice was shrill and uncomfortable. Her blue eyes were half full of tears and the other half full of fire. He felt terrible, but now he felt like a lower level species.
"Nora, what if this Lance Harper is that baby's father? Doesn't he have a right to know his daughter?" Garrett played the devil's advocate, but his words faltered at the end. His eyes were riveted on the hallway behind Nora. Matt didn't have to look to know what Garrett saw. Hell could open up and swallow him now!
He turned his head to meet deep green eyes sparking with outrage and disbelief. Andy's lips were pinched, her forehead creased with pain. Fuck! Any words he wanted to say cindered on his tongue. They were lost. He had just crossed a line he might never be able to make right again.
***
Andy felt her chest seize, her mouth turn to dust and all the dreams that she had been dreaming exploded at the name Lance Harper. She stood in the hallway listening to Garrett say that name and she knew once the name was out there, a million questions would come flooding forward. How did they find out about Lance calling? Had she said something in her shattered state? Nora wouldn't meet her eyes, but she could feel the fury and pain radiating off her small form. Andy noted she also held Harper.
Matt had gone white. His lips pursed and thinned as if he wanted to say something, but didn't know what. Her phone sat on the table in front of him. Had they called Lance? She didn't know what he would say to Matt. What would be his version of the truth? She swallowed hard. Her head felt like it was swimming again, images blurring with the tears. Andy tried to cling to the anger. It was ever so much more predictable than sadness.
"Andy, I didn't mean..." Matt started to say, but she surged forward. Silently gripping the fury.
"You didn't mean to what, Matt? You didn't mean to lie to me? You didn't mean to betray me?" Andy only took a couple of steps. Her legs wobbled and she clutched at the back of Nora's chair. Harper was sleeping. She needed to get a grip on herself before she flew apart.
"It was never meant as a betrayal, Andy. I only wanted to protect you and Harper. You scared the heck out of me with that phone call." Matt raised his voice just below a shout. Andy lifted her head in alert. She wasn't good at confrontation. She absolutely hated it actually. She found a small measure of comfort in Nora beside her. She was Matt's sister, but she looked nearly as angry as Andy felt.
"That was my business, Matt. If I wanted to tell you who it was, I would have. You told me that I could trust you, but I don't think I can." Andy felt the tears spill down her cheeks and her words came out as choking gasps. Things were starting to whirl in her head. Afraid she might collapse, she turned to Nora and lowered her arms. "Please give me, Harper." Her words came out as a whisper. Nora only hesitated a moment before relinquishing her sleeping daughter to her arms.
"Andy, please, just listen to me. We need to talk about this. I'm sorry I did what I did, but I want to know about him. Is he Harper's father?" Matt got up off the couch and took a couple of steps towards her. Andy pressed the warm bundle into her chest. The tears still coursed unchecked down her cheeks. She let all the air out that she had been holding without realizing it. Silence in the room was only marred by Harper's soft snuffles. Andy raised herself up in an effort to gain control of herself. She looked Matt in the eye and read the uncertainty and guilt there. Her heart broke.
"No. Lance Harper is not my daughter's father." Turning around to leave, Andy made her way to the stairs and began to climb them. She had only gone half of them, wh
ich might have been the equivalent of Mount Everest, and she felt someone coming behind her. Still she continued to her room. Turning to the left, Andy went to her room. Her legs felt like she was trudging in wet clay. Her whole body felt uniquely heavy.
Andy put Harper down at the head of the bed and placed pillows around her sleeping form. She heard the floor creak as someone walked across it to the chair in the corner. Andy finally allowed herself to look and see Nora sliding into the chair. Matt's sister looked as devastated as Andy felt. They really were very much alike. Matt was right at least about that.
"I didn't want you to be alone." Nora answered the silent question. Andy nodded, inwardly grateful for the company. She wasn't sure if she was going to lose it completely. This had all come from left field and completely blindsided her. Exhausted by everything that had happened, she sat heavily on the end of the bed. Her eyes went to the open door of her bedroom, but no sounds came from outside it.
"I don't know what to do. I feel so...betrayed." Andy whispered loudly into the room, her tears renewing as her heart limped along. She already knew that she loved Matt. When that had happened she wasn't sure, but she did all the same. That is what twisted in agony. Nora nodded, brushing her own tears away. Andy stared off into the void, not really seeing anything. All of her focus was internal.
Hours ago Matt had been so sweet and caring. They had made love in such a way that they never had before. She knew he was worried about her. She didn't want to share the truth with him. It had been her decision. He had taken the decision from her by gaining Lance's name. Where did they go from here? So many boundaries had been crossed. Maybe she needed to leave. She couldn't stay here in this condition. Everywhere she turned Matt would be there. A constant reminder that unless she shared her secrets, she could never be truly close to anyone. They are your secrets! No one but yours! An internal voice argued with her weakness to confide in someone.
Black Hills Angel (Black Hills Series) Page 17