by Cour M.
“Yes, I did,” Twelve said, “to the best of my ability.”
“Then you did what I didn’t.”
Eleven turned around and rushed after Clara.
“Clara!” Eleven cried, rushing through the TARDIS and racing after her. “Where are you?”
“Leave me alone!”
“I will not.”
He saw her retreating form as she ran into another room, then he followed her. Into another room and then another, he chased after her. At last he caught up to her as she tried to escape through another door. He closed it before she could emerge through it, trapping her by placing his arms on either side of her body. She tried to duck under him, but he only pressed his arms tightly around her as they both collapsed to the floor. Clara tried to struggle out of his embrace.
“How could you do that to me!”
“I couldn’t help it. I was dying.”
“And you could have come back!” She wailed, “but you didn’t. You chose not to come back.”
“You saw my future self back there. I could not refuse to die now, or he would never have been born. And you are special to him, Clara, so very special. As you are special to me.”
“I’m not special to you. I just happened to be here.”
“Stop talking like that.”
“There is no other way to talk. You don’t care for me, you just kept coming back because I was impossible!”
“No, that was not it. I gave you my key back when I met you in the Victorian Era, remember? I wanted to take you with me.”
“Because I kept chasing after you. I always chased after you. You never chased after me. And that was the problem. I see it now. I’m worthless to you. I’m just a machine! Not a person in your eyes, I’m just a machine.”
“No, you are not!” Eleven bellowed, kissing her hands, cheek and forehead. “You were everything to me. You are everything to me.”
“Then why did you leave?”
“Because it was time. I’m old, Clara. It was my time. But don’t ever doubt that I did not admire you terribly. Do not ever doubt it!”
Clara collapsed onto his chest and he cradled her in his arms. Next he placed her on his lap and let her head rest on his shoulder.
“You broke my heart.”
“The heart,” he sighed, “that thing I have two of, but I forget the one that is always in you all. I always keep telling you that I will stay, and then I leave, don’t I?”
“Yes, you do, and I can’t do it anymore.”
“Clara, until the time when I have to fully leave, which I will so that he can be born, I will never say goodbye again.”
“You won’t?”
“No, I won’t. I will keep you beside me. We shall do everything together. That was always the problem, because the mystery was never enough for any of you. I need to learn that it never is. We will never move very far away from each other, no, and I will tell you something to prove it.”
“What?”
He leaned into her ear and whispered something. When he moved away, she looked at him in wonder.
“A name.”
“Yes, a name.”
“Is it… your name?”
“No, that secret only belongs to one, and it has to remain there. No, that… is the name of my mother.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
Clara began to laugh through her sadness, and she did not know what to do. Therefore, she lay in his embrace and looked up at him in amazement.
“Chin boy,” she announced.
“My possible girl. Can it be, that you finally showed me just how human you are?”
“I suppose,” she confessed, “that now I was ready to do it.”
“Yes, I suppose it was the perfect time.”
“Doctor, I have a lot of anger in me, heartbreak, pain, sadness, and the weight of many failures,” she confessed even more, “And if there is one thing that I can’t stand: it’s losing things. I just don’t ever show it to you.”
“I know.”
“You did?”
“Yes, you don’t have to be perfect anymore. You are still my Clara.”
Clara squinted and then she took his meaning.
“Wait, do you mean…”
“Yes,” Eleven tapped his head, “It was the reverse regeneration. Now it has undone it all, and I remember. I remember everything.”
Clara sighed.
“Good. Now tell me what your future self did to you?”
“It was a theory by the Timelord, the Experimentalist,” Twelve began to explain to Donna so that she understood. They both sat down in the command control room, in close and comforting counsel. “Yes, there was the theory of why we Timelords cannot meet our future selves, but that was demolished many times when we did. When it was discovered that we Timelords could meet our different selves and paradoxes would not ensue, he had another theory. It was called the Reverse-Regeneration process. He predicted that we Timelords, if we needed our prior selves to do anything, we could travel back in time to the day that our previous selves regenerated. Then if we grab them, and we pushed some of our regeneration energy into them and they emitted some into us, we cross cancel each other out and stabilize. Thus our previous self will stay the same, and so will we. So, for example, I needed Eleven, so I traveled to this day that he regenerated into me and pushed my energy into him, he did so in turn and thus we can remain in this same timeline.”
“Forever?”
“Not sure.”
“Well, what were the Experimentalist’s findings when he tried this?”
Twelve was quiet.
“He never tried it. This was just a theory, Donna, where he would only guess, based on his calculations, but no Timelord ever was brave enough to attempt to do it. The results if it did not work would prove to be disastrous. I could have killed myself fully, him and I together, and everyone around us.”
“But why did you risk it? How did it affect me, because I am better now?”
“The Experimentalist also had another theory that when one was to regenerate, especially when it came to reverse-regeneration, that if a person stood next to us at the right spot, and not too far away or too close, they could be healed of any illness or ailment. Back when I was Ten, you fully touched my hand and got the full brunt of the regeneration. Thus you were given too much Timelord genes. But now, you were given just enough.”
“You were willing to do all that,” Donna remarked, getting emotional, “you were willing to risk your life for a theory that you didn’t even know would work, all because of me?”
“Donna Noble spent way too long not knowing the woman she really was,” Twelve said, “it was time she was given a chance again.”
“I feel incredibly stupid though,” she admitted, “I risked your life because I didn’t want anything else.”
“What is ever so terrible about a person fighting for her own soul? Donna, that’s what you were doing. You were merely fighting for yourself. And it was worth it. Now, I can say this, if my time ever comes, and it will, I do not want to forget any of this, not one moment, and I will always remember when the Doctor was me!”
Donna chocked on her feelings.
“You really are him, aren’t you?” She smiled, “different face, different voice, but you really are the Doctor.”
“Yes, and I always will be.”
Donna clapped his face in happiness and rested her head on his shoulder.
Thus Doctor and companion sat there in quiet contentment, and they were happy to be reunited once more.
“So that’s why he came back and saved you?” Clara asked Eleven after being told everything. With their reconciliation, they now were walking hand in hand back to the consul unit, “Because Donna was dying.”
“Yes, and you have to understand why he would make such a choice, Clara, because we all would have. Donna was special to me for a time. She picked me up after I had fallen compl
etely. Just like how you and Martha were there for me through the bad times. Never judging me, but just there. As Amy and Rory became my family and Rose was… the first one after the Time War.”
“But will Donna like me?”
“Oh, of course she will. Well, I don’t know actually. It’s a bit of a toss-up, really. But one thing that I can say is that she will not fight with you. She knows that I cannot bear fighting between companions.”
“We’d fight?” Clara laughed, “over you? In your dreams, chin boy.”
“I almost missed out on you calling me chin boy again!”
“Yes, you totally did!”
They walked on and eventually they reached the consul room.
There stood one Doctor and his past companion, with the previous Doctor and his present one.
“Hello,” Eleven said simply to Twelve.
“Hello,” Twelve said stoically to Eleven. “Sorry about barging in like that.”
“No worries, it’s a pleasant experience. And we are surprisingly still alive.”
“Yes, we are.”
Eleven turned to Donna.
“Donna, I know you don’t know me.”
“Oh who cares!” Donna laughed, “my Doctor is my Doctor and I’ve got him back!”
“Yes, you do. And this is Clara.”
“Hello,” Clara smiled, “I heard you went through just as much hell for him as me.”
“Oh, that’s the fun of it!”
“It is fun, isn’t it?”
“Yes, loads of fun!”
Twelve and Eleven smiled at each other.
“Well, so this is cozy,” Eleven said.
“I see that your definition of cozy is my definition of complicated, but hey, what can you do?”
“So,” Eleven said, “I’m going to assume that this is where everything begins?”
“Yes,” Twelve smiled. “This is where it does.”
Chapter 10
The Doctor’s Doctor
“Doctor!”
As he slept, Eleven heard his name being shouted.
“Doctor!”
Eleven opened his eyes and the tragedy of waking up in the middle of the victims who were being used to fuel the planet was brought home to him.
“Doctor!”
Eleven turned his head to where he heard his name shouted. A few bodies down from where he was suspended, he saw Riley.
“Riley!” Eleven exclaimed, “oh thank the Medusa Cascade! You’re all right.”
“Well, if this is what is considered all right, then I very much am. Then again, I’m not dead.”
“No, you’re not. That may change any time for us, but still… bottle half-full, you know.”
“Where is Martha?”
“It’s fine, Riley. She was able to escape with the TARDIS.”
“She did? Oh thank god. Why do I travel in space?”
“Because you have no choice, really. Space just calls out to us. Besides, if a man can’t find adventure on their own planet, then they need to find it elsewhere.”
“Is that what you did?”
“Yes.”
“Doctor, where are you from? No, really, what are you?”
Eleven sighed from the discomfort of being suspended among so many others.
“I come from a planet called Gallifrey, located in the constellation of Kasterborous. The sky burned orange. The citadel was encased in a mighty glass dome. I admit that I was born into a family that was actually, well, you would consider it wealthy. I was raised in a house that was on top of the side of a mountain in South Gallifrey. I had the works: parents, siblings, an uncle. You would think with all that, that there would be so much noise! I would have welcomed the noise. But in truth, I spent most of my childhood in a barn in the drylands of my planet. I was lonely so often. But there was this one person, a hermit, who I would visit often and he would tell me stories, helping me see the beauty of the world. Therefore, there was only one thing to do to escape the loneliness and continue to see the pulchritude of things. I began to dream of being an explorer.”
“Ah, that’s how it always is,” Riley rolled his head, “we all dream of being somewhere else, dashing across the stars. They antagonize us all so much, because they tempt us to want to be where they are, and shine as brightly. When you got close enough to them, were they what you expected?”
“The stars?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, and no. They shine boldly, but the light they gave, if it makes any sense, it feels so cold.”
“I know how it feels. You get close enough to it and then you see that it’s just a ball of gas. You can’t touch it. You can’t own it. Therefore, it will always be something unreachable. Over time, what is unreachable eventually loses its appeal.”
“But that was the problem. Keeping my feet on the ground was never an option either.”
“Why? What was it like on Gallifrey when you were a child?”
“I befriended another Timelord who was my age. Eventually he would take the name The Master. While we were so very young, our dreams were similar and made us united. We ran across the plains together. And then it happened.”
“What?”
“The beginning of the end for him. When we turned eight years old, we were taken from our families. All the children are taken at that age, for schooling at the Timelord Academy. Then, for the initiation ceremony to the school, we had to stare into the Untampered Schism, which frightened me. I ran away, but my friend, well, it took ahold of him. When I saw him return after the initiation rite, I saw it… in his eyes. Something had broken in at that point. When I was there, I discovered the cloisters at the end of Gallifrey. I spent four days there, talking to the Cloister Wraiths. Despite his impending madness, I studied alongside the Master still. Then I visited the Medusa Cascade and created experiments. And that was when it began.”
“What, Doctor?”
“When a rivalry began to grow between myself and the Master. You see no one tells you about that when you are getting older. About how time can create animosity, tension, jealousy and cause a wedge between the person who you thought you were close to. A rivalry grew between the Master and I. Eventually I graduated, not with good scores or anything, but I still got some respect. I got married, had children, aged, then I left Gallifrey with my granddaughter and we journeyed across the universe.”
“Why though? Why did you leave Gallifrey?”
Eleven looked sternly at Riley.
“Am I not supposed to ask that?”
“There were many reasons,” Eleven said, “Each I’m not willing to give. But at the end of it all, here I am.”
“Yes, here you are.”
Eleven chuckled.
“Amazing, I don’t know why I told you all that. I usually never confess such things. I suppose it was that I felt like there was nothing to lose. Because here we are, in the midst of an abyss.”
“Who is he, Doctor? This Croesus?”
“An accidental enemy. I traveled to this planet, mistakenly with an enemy behind me. The mechanoids suffered because of it. They defeated the Daleks pretty much, being just as strong as them, but still. And to this day, I remember the look in Croesus’s eyes when he saw the devastation that was caused. Through the years, I have seen him every now and again, and we have fought. I did everything I could to protect the universe from his rage, but here we are.”
“How long do you think we have?”
“Till what?”
“Till he kills us.”
“Oh no,” Eleven groaned, “what’s with the lot of you giving up so easily? Have you forgotten? Martha’s out there now.”
“Doctor, Martha is brilliant, but look at where we are? This isn’t like it was last time where we can just give back some sun particles. We are trapped in the middle of a planet run by mechonoids and cybermen. We are serving as its core, which I thought never was going to be possible.”
“But it is.”
“She can’t undo this. No one c
an.”
“You’re wrong, Riley. Because if there is one thing I believe in, I believe in her.”
Not wasting a moment, Martha turned on the TARDIS and began speaking to it.
“Sorry,” Martha began, “but for some reason, I feel as if you can hear me. TARDIS, I know I don’t have the right to ask you for anything. I’m the one you would never favor. But this is for the Doctor, and I need you to help me. I need to find out what to do, who across the universe would help me, and above all, how to fly you.”
There was no response.
“Please!” Martha cried, crashing her hands down on the consul unit. “I need this from you. He’s in danger. And I know that you love him. We all love him! So please, what can I do? Tell me!” She banged her hands against the unit once more, “what can I do!”
Suddenly the lights in the TARDIS began to flicker, then a beam emerged from the consul unit, swiveled around her hands and into her eyes as the TARDIS began to show her all that she needed. All the information that would be needed to fly her began to fill Martha, but then the TARDIS also began to give her knowledge of the Doctor’s previous lives, all the way down to when he was One and had first encountered the mechanoids. She also began to fill her with any knowledge that would assist her, but all this data and information was too much for any average human. Martha began to weaken in her knees. She clutched at the consul unit, but still she was not strong enough, therefore, with all of her life draining from her, she fell to the ground.
“Too much,” she whispered, hoarse. “I am not strong enough for this. Tell me how to be strong enough.”
Suddenly the voice interface appeared and a hologram version of the Doctor came on.
“Doctor?” Martha whispered.
“Negative,” it said, “I am the voice interface. You requested information to unlock the TARDIS navigation systems and records.”
“I tried to take them in, but I can’t… I can’t for some reason. What is happening to me?”
“All the knowledge that is flowing through your mind and body now are weakening you.”
“How can I recover from this?”