“Oh, right.” Very observant, Evelyn.
“That's reminds me,” started Ikovos, “you're, ah . . . squirrel thing is in the study.”
My eyes widened immediately. Tanis! I can't believe I forgot him. “Is he okay?”
Ikovos laughed. “He's fine. . . . He's actually pretty smart for an animal.”
Though I was still a bit horrified by my negligence, I couldn't help but laugh.
And that's more or less how it went the whole way back. We'd had a rough night, but, much quicker than I would have thought, we were back to normal. Well, maybe not normal . . . closer? Somehow I trusted him more. . . .
This came out a few times during the walk, when I would say something I wouldn't have before. Sometimes he noticed, sometimes he didn't, but none of the responses were as horrible as I imagined they would be.
By the time we arrived at the lodge, we had talked about everything from magic drink preference. The conversation was now taking an odd turn towards Jaden. That was something I still wasn't ready for.
“He's going to the meeting tonight by the way,” stated Ikovos. We had stopped outside of the lodge doors and he was now leaning casually against a tree. “Are you still going to go with him?”
I looked off. The whole Jaden thing seemed like too big of an issue right now. I had just gotten things straightened out with Ikovos for heaven's sake. How was I supposed to handle two at once?
Still . . . the longer I was here, the more I wanted to see how the whole Meoden politics really ran . . . And I wouldn't really have to talk to Jaden. . . .
I bit my lip. “I don't know. At this point I'm not sure if he's still willing to take me.”
Ikovos crossed his arms. “Why? Something going wrong with the training?”
I smiled, though any real humor was absent. “I don't think so, we haven't even started that yet. I'm not sure that we're going to. . . .”
The fact that the last part was barely a mumble didn't keep Ikovos from perking up. “What? Why?”
I had a lot of plausible answers to that question. He's a jerk. I can't seem to control myself around him. He thinks I'm a mental case . . . . None of these seemed like reasons that would appease Ikovos, so I just shrugged. “We don't seem to be meshing.” He didn't appear satisfied. “Maybe Holdan could teach me.”
Ikovos pursed his lips in a downcast sort of way that looked more like he was holding back a smile. “Maybe.”
I looked down. The subject of Jaden always made this painful feeling in my stomach.
Ikovos straightened, tapping my arm. “Either way, I think you should try to go tonight. Eventually you'll want to see how things work, and like it or not Jaden's pretty much the only person you can hitch a ride with.”
I furrowed my brow. “Don't you go?”
He shook his head. “Not anymore. Not a big fan . . . too boring for me I guess.”
There was something more he wasn't sharing, but I reigned in my skepticism. Demanding no secrets would just be too hypocritical.
“Cornelius doesn't go either,” Ikovos pointed out, “. . . and I don't think you know any of the others. I wouldn't advise asking Master Thoran, you'll be lucky if he lets you tag along at Jaden's request.”
Oh great, he has to ask? Now I know he's not gonna take me.
“But,” said Ikovos, straightening up, “whether you go of not I probably won't see you till tonight.”
I tried to ignore the drop in my chest. “Why? Where are you going?”
He smirked. I wondered if he could sense my disappointment. “My bed, for at least ten hours.”
I cocked my head before realization hit. “Oh . . . you don't sleep on guard duty.”
He shook his head, yawning right on cue.
I felt bad, then, for keeping him out longer. He wasn’t leaving still, so I whisked a dismissive hand. “Okay, go on. Time for bed.”
He grinned as I walked to open the door. “You sure you're gonna be alright a whole day without me?”
I held the door open behind me and looked up at him. “Probably not, but you're no good to me tired.”
He stopped in the entryway. “Oh, I see how it is.”
I pushed him through. “No, you’re so tired you’re imagining things, now go on.”
After a few steps he stopped. “Aren't you coming inside?”
I threw a thumb back. “I left my pack outside.”
His eyes narrowed. It was easy to see now how tired he was. “You did that on purpose.”
I inched the door closer. “Don't be silly, we both know I'm not that smart.”
With a small shake of his head he threw his hand up.
I waved back. “See you later.”
Closing the door behind me, I turned around and let out a sigh. I could get used to this friend thing. It was fun. Really fun. So fun, in fact, that I couldn't believe I hadn't tried harder at it back in Tiver. I walked over to my pack as I considered the options. No, maybe it was a good idea to hold out for someone special. And he was special, my best friend really. I sighed again as I leaned over. The wind was blowing excessively.
How pathetic is that? My best friend . . . I'd better not disclose the information.
I headed inside to make my way to the study, but couldn't get the subject off my mind.
Can you even call someone a best friend if you're not their best friend? Who was Ikovos’s best friend?
I clicked the door of the study shut, scoffing.
Jaden, of course. . . . I can't really compete with that.
I tried to distract myself by checking on Tanis. He seemed fine, sleeping now, must not have gotten a lot of shut eye last night.
After setting my pack down in the corner I decided I'd better take a shower . . . then I decided I had better spend half-an-hour fixing my hair . . . then I decided I had better take even longer than that picking out which outfit I should wear.
As I checked my appearance in the mirror for the millionth time I tried to tell myself that this had nothing to do with potentially seeing someone today.
I rolled my eyes.
For all the time I’d spent I looked rather normal. My hair was fixed up in pins. My shirt was a fairly modest, long-sleeved, turquoise, blouse, and my pants were just simple leather. I had spent more time fussing over the reflection than actually doing anything . . . which clearly signified that I was nervous.
I sighed and walked through the door into the hall. Nervous is understandable if I'm gonna be around the Meoden. I took the left turn towards the cafeteria. I was truly undecided on whether I should go or not, but, much the opposite of the indifferent assertions I had made to Ikovos, the choice felt intensely dire. I had very good reasons for wanting to go, and very good reasons to stay. . . .
By the time I reached the cafeteria I still hadn't made a decision, but once my thoughts had drifted back to Ikovos, I got very excited. The thrill was still buzzing through me when I walked up to the counter.
“Hello, Sophie,” I chimed.
She looked over, smiling. “Oh, hello Evelyn. You seem chipper.” Wow, that obvious, huh? She wiped her hands on her apron, puffing flour into the air around her. “How was your first night on duty?”
I grinned, pouring out a cup of coffee. “It was fine. Not so much with the duty, though, Ikovos is pretty self sufficient.”
Sophie laughed, then nodded. “Yes, I suppose he would be.”
I pursed my lips a moment at the odd way she said it.
Sophie didn't seem to notice. She was reaching for a plate. The kitchen was a bit of a mess around her. Baking utensils, dough, and flour everywhere. Behind me the cafeteria wasn't too crowded. I figured in a while, more would be piling in for lunch. The thought reminded me of my absent breakfast, but it looked like Sophie needed some assistance first.
I rolled up my sleeves. “What can I help you with?”
She turned around, plate in hand, and pointed to a stool. “You can sit down and tell me how I did on this muffin.”
I smi
led and obeyed as she set the plate in front of me. I took a bite. “Mmm, good . . . blueberry?”
She nodded, eyes glowing.
“Really excellent.”
She looked pleased as she turned back to her work. It made me feel beyond special that she'd asked for my opinion. I couldn't hold back a plastered smile now, today was going very good.
“So, whatever happened to your trip last night?” I asked.
She licked a doughy finger. “Ah, mix up with Thoran. There's a meeting with the Meoden today and . . . we had some things to go over first.”
I nodded, chewing another bite slowly. “What time is the meeting?”
She shrugged. “Usually around dusk, but it's a fairly long trip, they'll be leaving a couple hours before that.” She continued to roll out the dough.
I was glad for her distraction. I don't think she would normally be answering in such detail, or at least not without a reason. I decided not to press my luck on the subject, though. If I wanted to go I would have to find Jaden before three, and that was far enough away to ignore for now.
“So, do you go to the towns often, Sophie?”
She shook her head. “No. Once a month at most.”
“Do you like it? Going I mean.”
She rocked her head. “Sometimes. . . . It's nice to get out every once in a while. But . . . after a day or so I'm always ready to come back.”
I grinned. I understood the feeling. This place was special.
After finishing my breakfast, I helped Sophie with some cooking, cleaning up in spare moments. Eventually the boys started piling in for lunch. When I noticed Trevor, Nathan, Vincent, and Jacob all sitting together, I decided to bring over some cookies.
For a long while I sat with them. As they ate they talked about their usual topics. This time I tried to be more observant, more involved. What had happened in the cave had made me really think about these boys, and I wanted to do what I could to make things good for them. Or, at best, let them know how amazing they were. . . .
After lunch, they moved on to studying and I offered to help. We were in the midst of this when I looked at the clock and saw that it was three.
“Shoot.” I muttered.
The four boys, who had been listening to the lighter-haired boy, Vincent, recite his paper, looked over at me.
“Oh. Sorry guys. . . .” I would have thought up a good excuse for the utterance, but I didn't have the time. Instead I was forced to do the worst. “Ah . . . does anyone know where Jaden is?” My heart skipped as I said it, but I'm pretty sure I didn't blush at all.
Vincent and Jacob shook their heads.
Nathan shouted a curious: “Why?”
Trevor spoke calmly. “No. But you could ask Sophie, she might know.”
I felt ridiculously obvious, but the boys seemed oblivious. Nathan had even, apparently, forgotten his question.
“Well, I'd better go guys,” I said, rising. Before they could respond, I reached quickly for the cookie sheet. “I, uh . . . have to get this back to Sophie.”
“Alright,” said Trevor. They all waved.
“See ya later, Evelyn,” chimed Nathan.
With a self-conscious goodbye, I turned around and started towards the kitchen. I had barely let out a breath before realizing that asking Sophie was going to be much worse than finding out from the boys would have been.
I gulped. “Hey, Sophie,” I said, setting the pan on the counter.
She was sitting down now, scribbling something onto a paper as she sipped her coffee. She grinned. “How was lunch?”
I nodded. “Good.” The clock ticked above us, reminding me of my lack of time. I cleared my throat. “Hey, uh . . . have you seen Jaden around?”
She didn't even look up. “No. I think he was out late though, you could try his room.”
My throat locked up instantly, but I tried to hold it together. “And wh-where is that?” My voice sounded about three octaves too high.
Sophie looked up now, pursing her lips. “Well, it'd be a bit hard to find. . . . I could have someone show you, or write it down.”
I nodded, eyes wide. “Writing it out is fine.”
With a quick smile, she turned her gaze down, flipped to a clear sheet of paper, and proceeded to scribble out directions.
I felt incredibly awkward in those few seconds standing there. It was so affecting, my mind couldn't' even contemplate why.
“Here you go,” she said, ripping the paper out vigorously.
I took it.
“I drew a little map out for you . . . that's where we are now.” She pointed to a box on the diagram.
I nodded. “Right, okay.”
The map was thoroughly detailed. Not at all what I would expect from Sophie. Below it were much messier, written directions.
“I wrote it out underneath too, and Ikovos’s room is right here, near Jaden's. Just so you know for the future.”
I might not have been able to keep my mortification from showing if I weren't so taken with the map. It was really quite impressive. I looked up. “Thanks, Sophie.”
“Anytime,” she said, slipping back into her chair. “Oh, and you look nice today, by the way.”
Though the comment made me feel insecurely exposed, a smile crossed my face. She was already back to reading when I muttered a thanks and goodbye.
*
I was barely through the doorway when the prospect of asking Jaden to take me along hit me freshly. I looked down at the map and began following the path, starting with a left turn.
It shouldn't, he did already say he would take me. Besides, I don't have to stay near him. Once I'm going I'll just walk by someone else or something.
I took another left turn, then a right, up some stairs, then another right. By the time I was nearing the room, my mind was just about as tangled around as the trip had been. Letting out one last quivering breath. I told myself to stop being a baby, straightened up, and walked the final corridor to stand in front of a dark, and unnaturally foreboding, wooden door.
I lifted my hand to knock, but it froze before touching the surface. I couldn't let myself go in like this, I was already shaking all over.
What do I have to be so nervous about anyways? . . . Okay, dumb question. Because, truth be told, in my entire life I had rarely felt as anxious as I did whenever I was with the boy in the next room. Which is actually understandable . . . he's not very nice. And I'm so blasted sensitive. We just don't fit.
I let my palm slide against the wood.
This isn't that complicated, I just have to accept the fact that we're not going to be friends . . . it will make dealing with him in logistical situations much simpler.
My stomach twisted, but at least the shaking was lessened. With intense resolve to interact with Jaden in a calm, collected, manner, I rolled my shoulders back, tucked some loose hairs behind my ear, lifted my chin up high, took a very deep breath, and knocked solidly.
Of course I realized a second afterwards that I still had the map in my hand. I muttered a curse and folded it up to put into my back pocket. The door opened amidst this. When I looked up, all carefully-perfected form lost now, Jaden was staring down at me.
For maybe a fraction of a second he looked surprised. It quickly vanished into annoyance.
“What are you doing here?”
The question hung in the air. I knew in my mind that I was expected to answer, and until I did the seconds would just keep ticking by, but nothing was coming. I thought at best I could get out a few mumbles . . . this situation was single-handedly going to give me a permanent stutter.
“I, ah . . .”
He tilted his head impatiently, dark eyes barreling.
I was surprised at the intensity of his annoyance. Usually it took a while for him to get there. Then again, I suppose we did end on a bad note last time. . . . The thought reminded me of my newfound resolution to remain emotionally detached.
“I came to ask you a question.”
He looked uni
mpressed. I assumed no response meant I was allowed to speak. Before I could I heard a noise down the hall and saw two boys pass the corridor a ways down. This wasn't a conversation I wanted the whole world hearing.
I looked back at him carefully. “Can I come in?”
At first, from his expression, I thought he might say no and slam the door in my face. But then something in the hard gaze softened, or was at least suppressed. He took a step back, hand still high in the frame, and pulled the door open.
I ducked my head slightly and walked past him into the room. It was small, dim. I didn't have time to examine further. The door clicked behind me and I turned around.
“What is it you needed?” He was already leaning, in true form, against a dresser. Arms crossed. I studied him. It seemed he was trying to be civil, but the bothered tone was thinly veiled.
I took a breath. “I want to go with you.”
“Go with me where?”
I tapped my hand nervously. “Well . . . where is it that you're going today?”
He stared at me blankly, like I was crazy, it wasn't the first time I'd gotten the look. Then I guess realization hit, because suddenly his face was back to annoyance. “Out of the question.” He walked over to the other side of the room and started shuffling through a box.
“Why not?” I asked.
He continued unfazed. “I don't need a reason, it's not happening.”
My face soured. I just can't catch a break with this guy. No matter how I act I always end up feeling like a worthless bother. He went on digging through a box, apparently ignoring me completely now. Unfortunately my new resolution didn't stop him from looking just as good . . . somehow it seemed it should.
I looked down. “Back at the cabin you said you would take me . . . next time just be honest up front, it'll save us both time.”
Without looking up, I walked to the door and twisted the knob. Before it was even half-way open a hand pressed beside me, slamming it shut.
I twisted around.
“Are you trying to say I'm dishonest?” The intensified boy was looking at me indignantly, arm still stretched out on the door beside me. He was quite close, I felt a little trapped flattened up against the hard wood.
“I'm not trying to say anything, I'm just stating a fact.”
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