I let my fist tighten. You have to be strong, that’s what Cornelius said.
With a heavy chest I marched out of the room, fiercely determined to help in any and every way I could.
~ ~ ~
Chapter 18
Helpless
“OKAY, GUYS, that’s the last one, thanks for the help.” I set the last pot onto the highest shelf inside the pantry.
For the past four days the lodge had been in upheaval. Not long after the meeting I’d slipped into, Thoran announced to all of the boys, the changes that would be taking place, leaving out only a few of the finer details. I thought they’d all taken it quite bravely to be honest . . . especially the younger ones.
As Cornelius had asked, I’d found Lucas directly after speaking with him. The young boy gave direction without complaint, taking me through all the steps of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner, as well as how to organize the laundry and cleaning.
Sophie really was amazing.
It wasn’t so bad for me though. I had a lot of help. Trevor, Nathan, and Lucas were my almost-constant companions. A fact for which I was very grateful. All of the older boys were rarely here and when they did come, it was only to rest and eat.
Ikovos I’d gotten to speak to in short bursts a couple times. He would always check on me when he got back in.
Jaden was . . . Jaden was worse. I saw him less than anyone. And even when he was around he was quiet and distant. I got used to enduring it.
Today had been by far the most hectic day yet. It had started out with news of an outpost in the other dimension being lost to the Meoden. The first real confirmation of war. Since then, I’d been cooking and packing meals double-time, while still trying to take care of the younger boys around me.
I’d just finished cleaning up from dinner with the help of Trevor, Nate, and Lucas, all of whom were waiting in the kitchen as I exited pantry.
“Do you have anything else for us to help you with?” asked Nate expectantly. Though I knew he must have been exhausted. It was well past dark outside.
“Hmm . . .” I put my hands on my hips and looked around. “I actually think you guys helped me get everything done early tonight.”
The place was empty besides the five of us. The boys didn’t come out to study at night anymore.
When I glanced back at Nathan smiling, he looked displeased. I checked Trevor and Lucas who were sitting at the counter for input. They both shrugged.
“What is it, Nathan?” I asked.
He was leaning against the wall, head down. “I just don’t like to go to bed this early.”
“But you worked so hard all day, aren’t you tired?”
“I don’t know,” he started. Then he looked off, chocolate eyes glistening. “And if I’m not tired enough . . . I’ll just lay in the dark alone, and—” my features fell as I bent down in front of him “—I get scared that the Meoden will come again.”
Again. My teeth clenched. That’s right . . . it wouldn’t be his first time.
I checked over to Trevor and Lucas. They were looking down darkly, obviously understanding, if not identifying themselves. I gulped, forcing a smile to Nathan.
“They won’t come, Nathan. There’s no way they could get past all of our super-strong protectors.”
“You mean the Masters?” he asked, looking up at me with a sniff.
“Yup.” I nodded, smile holding. “Remember all the stories you told me of Ikovos and Jaden when I first came?”
He lightened at this, grinning just slightly. “Yeah . . .” but then it fell “. . . I wish they were here now.”
My heart lurched. “Me too. . . .” Then we both fell silent.
“Hey, I have an idea.” I said it cheerfully enough to regain his attention. “What if we all had a sleepover in the library tonight?” I looked over to Trevor, and Lucas. “Just the five of us.”
The other boys perked immediately.
Nathan lightened too. “Yeah!” I smiled. “That would be awesome!”
“Okay,” I said, standing up. “I just have to bring Tanis his food, then I’ll meet you guys down there.” I picked up the bag, looking back at them. “Don’t take too long.”
They all nodded exuberantly and I walked out.
Despite my joy at the boys’ exuberance, I sighed grimly as I hit the hall. To top everything off, Tanis had been sick since this had all started. Sometimes he wouldn’t eat and rarely moved. I was pretty scared that he wasn’t going to make it.
When I’d reached the study and gotten Tanis to drink a good amount of water. I bundled up a blanket and pillow, put my pajamas on, and headed back down to the library.
The five boys were already there. They’d made a blanketed spot for all of us over by the fireplace where I usually studied, leaving me the largest of the couches. They were so very sweet.
I approached them with a beaming smile. “Hey guys.”
They all looked over. “Hey.”
Trevor and Nathan were lying out in front of the fire. Lucas was sitting on the smaller sofa with a book.
“Pretty fun idea, huh?”
They all nodded. Nathan snorted, pointing a finger at me — it was easy to see even in the dim, shadowy, room. “I remember when you slept here, Evelyn. That was funny.”
“Yeah,” I laughed, recalling my long night. Ouch - change subject. “So are you guys tired yet or do you want to do something?”
Trevor considered this. “Well, what could we do?”
I settled into my spot, leaning forward a little. Lucas turned a page of his book. “I don’t know — sleepover type things I guess. Do you guys know any good stories?”
Trevor and Nathan both beamed brightly. I knew from the past that they were both avid storytellers.
Still Lucas spoke before either of them, lifting up the tome in his hands. “I’d like to share a bit out of my herbology book.” He said it so gently, ever unpresuming and mild-mannered.
With a smirk I peeked over to Trevor and Nathan. Both looked like they’d just been deflated, but after a moment Trevor nudged Nathan and nodded to Lucas. “That sounds interesting. Let’s hear it, Lucas.”
The caramel-haired boy seemed delighted. I smiled at Trevor’s kindheartedness, then sunk into my blanket to listen. The other boys did the same.
Twenty minutes after starting all of them were asleep. Don’t ask me how Lucas had dozed off in the midst of his own reading, but I’d literally watched him topple over after his third paragraph on pinta-root collecting and usage.
I tried for a minute to join them, gazing up at the dark ceiling. The fireplace barely enough to light the room. But thoughts were too rampant tonight. Nathan thought he had problems sleeping when he wasn’t tired enough — I was worse I’d guarantee it.
With a sigh I pushed off the couch and shuffled carefully past the boys. Somehow I found myself on the second level of the library, sitting with my back against a bookcase.
My eyes turned down to my hand. There was one final side-effect to all that had happened. Since the night at the inn, when Jaden had lit my hand for me, I hadn’t been able to do a speck of magic. Not one spell, not even a spark.
I pressed my palms together and looked out at the large room. “I hope that wherever you guys are, you’re okay.”
I crashed a while later, back down on the couch near the three boys. I thought today had been bad . . . I didn’t have a clue what tomorrow would bring.
“We need more fruit for some of the tables, Evelyn,” yelled Jacob.
“Evelyn — the coffee’s out too,” shouted Trevor behind me.
My eyes widened, feet looping around. “Ah, okay - I’ll be right there.”
It was breakfast time, the busiest meal of the day for some reason. I was in the kitchen running around like chicken with its head cut off as usual. I wondered how on earth Sophie always seemed so calm and serene doing all of this. Then again none of the boys appeared as anxious as I did . . . maybe I was just over-reacting to everything.
<
br /> As I came back out of the pantry with a bag of apples, the sound of the cafeteria hit me again — a combination of conversations and clashing dishes, with people moving around every which way.
I handed the bag to Lucas who took it, wide-eyed. He — at least — seemed as flustered as me. Then I looked out, hand to my brow, nodding in remembrance. “Coffee.”
I spun around and went to refill the pot which Trevor had emptied for me. Then I clipped it in and hit the oven switch. My chest lifted. I took a breath and put my hands on the counter.
“Here I thought I had it bad.”
My features lightened immediately and I spun around. “Ikovos!”
He was sitting in a stool at the counter, most likely he’d been watching me fumble around with the percolator thingy. He grinned wide and I rushed up to the counter, leaning forward across from him.
“You were gone forever this time.” That translated to two days in reality.
“Yeah — they had us stay over twice at the gatepost.”
I listened eagerly as the boys moved about, staking dishes behind me.
“How is everything? Anything new since the outpost was lost?”
His head shook. I could see how exhausted he was. “No. There are a lot of groups set to go deeper today though. I can’t imagine something won’t come of it.”
I nodded understanding, then my eyes fell just slightly, quite involuntarily.
“Yes, he’s with them,” said Ikovos, drawing my gaze up.
Jaden.
“He should have been back yesterday. Didn’t you talk to him?”
My stomach lurched, feeling uncomfortably vulnerable at his mention. Then my head shook, smile forced. “Ah . . . no. I thought I saw him once at lunch, but . . .” My brow lifted fakely. “We didn’t talk.”
Ikovos’s expression creased slightly. I comforted it with a peppy jump up. “Want some coffee?” Then I turned around to get him a cup. Only a second later he stopped me with a hand to my arm. He’d walked around the counter.
“No. I actually have to go out again. Just came back to report in.”
My body was turned away from him. I couldn’t keep the grief from my expression. You would think I’d have gotten used to this by now. . . .
“Well, at least take it to go then,” I said, sniffling once and turning around with a happy face. I passed him the cup.
He reached for it slowly, then looked up to meet my eyes, expression grave.
Dang it, Ikovos, I’m trying to be strong right now.
One of my brows fell just a bit, then his mouth tipped and he lifted his hand up to tuck a hair behind my ear.
Without another word he was off. My eyes dropped, lungs refusing to take in air at the moment. When Nathan approached me with a question, I was forced to break my frozen state.
After breakfast, we pretty much just cleaned up and then started preparing for lunch. Today was laundry day too, so that kept us busy until sometime after five.
Trevor, Nathan, Lucas, and Jacob were being extra helpful today. I think they were setting things up to schmooze me into another sleepover. We were just about to head up to the kitchen to start making dinner when a group of boys rushed in from outside. Their faces were anxious, led by Tirk. He walked up to me.
“What’s happening?” I had to keep my heart from giving out at the fact that I knew he was in Jaden’s group.
He grimaced, gesturing back quickly. “A group was just attacked near the southern border. There weren’t any casualties, but we were forced to retreat.”
I glanced past him, there were boys being carried in on stretchers.
“Was it yours?” I asked.
His head shook. “We found them on our route. There are a lot of injuries and we only have one defense artisan with us. I thought we could set up here to care for them.”
I looked around the room. It was practically empty besides the washing bins and a row of tables.
“Yeah,” I agreed. This room would work perfectly. “If you could have some men bring some beds in . . .”
He nodded, then spun around, wasting no time in giving orders. I rolled up my sleeves, grazing the large group coming in once, then turning around to my helpful assistants.
“Guys, go get as many of the older boys as you can find to come and help. Lucas, you go to the kitchen and bring down plenty of bowls.”
They all nodded. I turned resolutely back ahead and started organizing the makeshift sickbay.
It took four hours before everything had calmed down enough for me to stop and think. I’d gone through the injured one by one, either myself or assigning an older boy if it was a simpler job. As luck would have it, not many of them knew a thing about treating injuries. I guess that’s what you get in a lodge full of boys who fight good enough to never get hurt in the first place. Plus, of course, there were usually defense artisans for this . . . but those were few and far between. The one with the attacked group was hurt and out cold. The one from Tirk’s had helped, but he was nowhere near as good as Ikovos.
The younger boys were a godsend, running about at my every order to help in any way they could. I was grateful to have Tirk’s group too, made up of at least eight men . . .
Jaden was here. I’d first seen him across the room, helping one of the injured to a table. He didn’t look well, worn and scratched up, hair hanging even more disheveled than usually past his features. When I did catch a glimpse his eyes they were dark and distant, not on mine. . . .
I didn’t say hello to him, in fact I tried to ignore him as best as I could. Right now he was talking to Tirk and another boy in the corner. Things about the room were quiet, most boys resting comfortably in a bed.
Rinsing my hands and face with a basin of water, I nodded over to Trevor and told him I was going outside to get some air really quick. He acknowledged, then turned about confidently to his supervisor-stand-in duties.
I didn’t realize how hot I’d been inside until the cool wind hit me. The closest exit near the basement led to the open wood space beside the training grounds, which could be seen to the right.
Letting the chill refresh me, I hugged my arms around my waste and walked forward until I hit a slight opening in the trees. Here I looked up. No clouds or moon tonight. The stars were shining clearer than I’d seen them in a while.
I exhaled.
“That was good work you did in there, Evelyn.”
My head spun around, shocked by the sudden voice behind me. It was so dark that I couldn’t tell who it was till he walked close.
“Oh, Holdan . . . you startled me.”
He grinned wide, only stopping when he’d reached my side. I’d seen him inside. He was also part of Tirk’s group . . . I’m sure Jaden loved that. Still, he didn’t seem as run-down as the others. I guess I should know from our training, he was quite physically adept.
“How goes the good fight?” I questioned, eyed turning back up to the sky. He did the same.
“Not much fighting going on yet,” he shrugged, oddly caviler. “But I’d say it’s going well all in all.”
I eyed him, trying to keep my expression from turning too harsh, then looked back up. “If there was no fighting I’m pretty sure all those boys wouldn’t be so beat up right now.”
“You’re right,” he said, chuckling slightly. Then he crossed his arms. “I meant for me.”
My teeth clenched, gaze locked above. I was tired and upset. I would have much rather been left alone right now.
“How about you?” he questioned. “Having fun babysitting the little guys?”
I rolled my eyes. Oh yes, it’s great fun worrying about everyone night and day. I wish evil bad guys would declare war on us more often.
“It’s hardly babysitting,” I noted. “In fact sometimes I feel more like they’re watching me . . .” a smile crossed my face “. . . I don’t know what I’d do without them.”
“Hmm.” He pursed his lips, obviously surprised by my feelings. “I can see you being more use
ful with us out on the front lines anyways—” I couldn’t help but laugh inwardly at how different an outlook this was from Ikovos or Jaden. Even if I had chosen to go with the patrols, I wasn‘t so sure they‘d have let me. “—You have capable enough abilities.”
I smiled. “Cornelius has asked me to stay here, so that’s what I’m going to do.”
He laughed at this, though I don’t know why . . . I actually think he just did that at random throughout conversations. Maybe to keep things seeming interesting, who knows . . .
“There’s some rumors going around the ranks, you know . . .” he started carefully.
My skin quivered just slightly.
“That you might be capable of more than you let on.” His body turned towards me then, arms dropping to his sides.
I looked out nervously, an innocent expression, but I don’t think it was working.
“Something like this.” He lifted his hand up, grabbing my attention. Then a silver flame shot up in his palm. He had a sly smirk beyond it.
I looked to it, swallowing once, then back up with a forced smile. “What? You mean magic?”
His smirk simply grew, silver eyes almost ghostly in the dark surroundings.
My breath shuddered and I turned my body back out to the woods. “That’s just silly.”
“Oh, I don’t think it is,” he said as he pulled my arm to make me face him.
I don’t like this.
He moved his free hand up and around mine, feeling through my fingers till he was lifting it up between us, palm out. The silver flame from his own was curling disconcertingly, lighting the area around us. “Come on, Evelyn. I know you can do it.”
His eyes were hitting me hard. I swallowed.
“Stop, Holdan. You’re scaring me.” I turned to tear my hand away and move off, but he just gripped it tighter, pulling me close to him.
“Don’t be a baby. Just do one little spell.”
My throat constricted. I didn’t want his hand on mine any more.
“Holdan!” yelled a voice from the trees. My breath was shaking considerably. The sound of it made my knees melt.
“Do you have a death wish?” he asked fiercely, moving into the light of the flame. Holdan let go immediately, Jaden’s face was livid. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
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