“I’m adopted.” Sloan looked at Ruby meaningfully as if that would be all he had to say. He hoped that’s all he would have to say. The rest of it seemed too tawdry after the telling of her story.
Wrinkling her brow, she scrunched her nose. With a half-smile, she blinked in confusion. “You’re too old to be my son.”
He laughed and the tension eased a bit. Maybe she could handle it. Maybe she wouldn’t freak out about what his truth made him. He worked his throat for a moment, like he wanted to speak but the words hadn’t figured out how to form. Finally, he forced them out before he could run and hide. “True, but I am the product of rape. My grandparents adopted me because my mother didn’t want me. They wanted to protect me, in case my father came back to claim me.”
Shoulders slumping, Ruby exhaled on a whoosh to the side. The crease between her eyebrows on the bridge of her nose smoothed. “Oh thank goodness. I thought it was something terrible. You turned out great. If my son is anything like you, I’ll count that as a blessing.” She laughed, slapping her hand on the plastic of the chair. “Oh, wow, I’m so relieved. That makes me feel better about Camden. Thank you.”
He didn’t reply, couldn’t understand her reaction. Was she disgusted with him at all? Why wasn’t she looking at him like he’d done something wrong? He assumed she was just saying that it wasn’t her son’s fault when she’d said that. She hadn’t really met him. He watched her, unsure how to respond.
“Why didn’t your mother want you? Did you ever ask her?” She leaned forward on the lounge and reached across the table to touch his shoulder. She waited to continue speaking until he’d looked up and met her gaze. “There must be something wrong with her. She must’ve been very hurt by what happened. I’m so sorry for you for having to deal with that in your mother, but I’m not sorry for how you turned out. It’s very encouraging when my aunt repeatedly said my son would’ve grown up to be a no-good troublemaker like his father. You take the starch out of her theory.”
Sloan was taken aback, replying slowly as he took in what she was saying. “I always thought there was something wrong with me, like it was my fault.” He blinked. Her reaction took everything he’d made fit in his mind over the last year and shoved it into new spots that shouldn’t have worked, but worked better.
Ruby shook her head. The heat of her hand hypnotized him. She stroked the soft skin of his inner forearm as an afterthought. “How can there be anything wrong with you? You didn’t do anything. You’re so generous to do all of this to donate everything? You need to give yourself more credit.”
“How did you know I donated everything?” He couldn’t focus on more than one thing at a time.
She cast a sheepish glance his direction from beneath impossibly long lashes. “Honestly? I did some googling and came up with a few articles on you. None of the deep history like you just shared, but the money stuff, like selling everything and doing this.” Ruby waved her arms to encompass the whole of the building and then she lowered her gaze to his.
She’d struck him dumb, he could barely think apparently.
The awe in her gaze faded to sorry and something he didn’t want to recognize as pity. “Your mother must’ve been more afraid than even she knew. I’m really sorry.”
“How can you be so different from the others?” He breathed the question like it wasn’t possible.
The woman sitting beside him was pretty, but her kindness made her extraordinarily beautiful. He could see more of who she was as she dropped her guard. She offered so much but not to just anyone. The man that finally won her trust would be the luckiest man in Montana.
Even the world.
“We’re all different. We all have different pains. Just, some are ready to fight for theirs.” She gathered her plate and other dishes from the table and stood. She cleared her throat, avoiding his gaze. “Excuse me. I’m really tired. Thanks for joining me for dinner.”
She walked away, leaving Sloan to consider just what she had left to say and why she left so abruptly.
Either way, he was glad for the reprieve. What she’d left behind was a confused man who couldn’t understand why one woman wanted her child and another didn’t.
A large piece of his heart didn’t believe anything was wrong with his mother. There had to be something wrong with him. If he let Ruby get too close, too dependent on him, he might disappoint her and that was the last thing he wanted to do.
Chapter 9
Ruby
Sloan’s revelation surprised Ruby. She had to hide her reaction because he’d never accept the sympathy his story brought out.
Slipping away to her room, she wiped her cheeks as she sat on the bed. Too many memories rushed her, overwhelming her emotional stability.
Before leaving her aunt’s house, Ruby had taken a moment filled with tears to ask Cindy why. Her aunt’s reply had filled Ruby’s heart with shameful doubt. “Any offspring from a man like that would only be another blight on society and bring more shame to their family.”
Just because his father was a rapist Cindy insinuated that her son would be one, too.
But that was incomprehensible. Ruby hadn’t believed it, but the doubt had been planted. As much as she wanted her son to be with her and she believed love would fix anything that might be wrong with him, Ruby couldn’t help fearing that nothing would help him, if what Cindy said was true.
Ruby wasn’t worried that she wouldn’t love her son. No, she already loved him. Unconditionally. Fear that his circumstances would prove too difficult to overcome, guilt plagued her for condemning him to a life he couldn’t escape.
And then Sloan... with his kind words and overly generous actions had disclosed something so unpredictable that while his history had overwhelmed her it also gave her unrepentant hope.
Sloan hadn’t had anything to add to the knowledge that she’d accumulated over Camden’s whereabouts. The adoption paper she’d handed him didn’t have any information on it that would lead to anything.
Looking up the adoption company listed on the paper hadn’t yielded anything except discovering it had closed a few years back. She’d hit a dead end but still hoped that maybe Sloan’s PI would be able to help her. Even pinpointing which state he’d ended up in would be better than nothing.
Something about Sloan tugged at her and made her feel like maybe he had a little bit more trustworthiness to him than most men. She had given him the adoption paper because if he really was going to help her, he needed all the information he could get.
Besides, she had everything memorized. Not just on the paper, but the blue of his eyes and the way his five-o-clock shadow made its appearance earlier in the day. Even his cowboy hat added to the masculine slant of his nose and the short cut of his hair.
If there was a place to leave reviews on Parker’s Place, she would have to give them a five-star with a comment that included the appeal of the owner. Sloan was definitely easy on the eyes.
Giving him the paper was easy, but trusting him didn’t keep Ruby from tossing and turning all night with anxiety. What if he lost the only clue she had? What if he kept it and never helped her? What if she was so far from finding Camden, she’d never discover his whereabouts? What if Sloan wasn’t who she thought he was? What if he broke down her walls protecting her heart and then he stomped all over it?
The errant questions and worries plagued her through the night until the early dusking of dawn broke through the black blanket of the sky. Nothing was getting accomplished with her worrying and stressed. Even if Sloan did destroy the document, she’d taken that risk when she’d handed it over. No going back now.
She struggled from the bed, feeling as though the blankets tried to strangle her. She’d take a shower and see if she could find something to eat.
A small white rectangle she recognized stared at her from the navy carpet beside the door. The little missive had been slipped under the door sometime while she’d tossed and turned. A small note had been paper clipped to the front.
Unfolding the paper, Ruby read tight block letters in black. “I made a copy. Thanks. Sloan.” She traced the letters with her fingertip, in awe that six words could fill her with such happiness.
Warmth blossomed in her heart. He hadn’t disappeared with her only clue. He’d even returned it to her as soon as possible. Smiling at the smudged envelope, her goofy grin snapped her back to reality. She couldn’t allow her attitude to soften. What she needed was to be hard. She had to protect herself when she went to see the counselor.
That woman was out to get information and Ruby didn’t think she needed any. Plus, what could she do for Ruby that Sloan wasn’t already doing? Bland wasn’t the one who would find Camden. Sloan was.
He was the one Ruby needed to stick close to. He could help her with Camden. That was the only reason that she would admit to.
~~~
Ruby crossed her legs on the couch in a mirror position of Jessica and stared at the counselor across the short space. Nothing had been changed in the office since the last meeting and Ruby was already bored.
Bland just studied her, her own brow creased as she drew her eyebrows forward. Narrowing her eyes, she tilted her head to the side. Poking the air with her pencil, she accused Ruby with a disbelieving tone. “You look lighter. Who did you talk to?” Jessica shook her head. “No, don’t answer that. I don’t care who it was.”
Ruby blinked. Why did she feel like she was being sent to the principal’s office? “I did. Just a little bit. But it didn’t mean anything. It’s not like the answers to the world were revealed to me. It’s not like I talked about how I felt or covered any crying time. I wasn’t shown any Rorschach’s and no one asked me about my daddy issues.” She maintained her sarcasm but her walls were being chipped down and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.
How had Jessica known? Ruby hadn’t talked to Sloan because she wanted to – she wasn’t the type to spill her secrets just because. She’d had an involuntary reaction that he thought she was weak and that she thought she was more important. Nothing about her past was special. She was just like every other vic – woman out there.
Except her son had been stolen and she wanted him back.
Jessica cut through Ruby’s ruminations with a soft question. “Do you want to tell me?” Bland cocked her head to the side and watched Ruby. “We can talk about it. I’m probably a safer bet. I have tips to give you on coping and plans in place to—”
“Not really.” Ruby interrupted the arguments why she should be confiding in the counselor. Jessica Bland wasn’t anyone special to Ruby. She didn’t make her feel safe and she certainly didn’t challenge the beliefs Ruby held.
She shrugged, avoiding any direct contact with Jessica’s gaze. Ruby didn’t want to hurt the woman’s feelings, but she hadn’t told Sloan because they were best friends or something, she just told him because in that moment telling him felt right. Ruby had learned to listen to her instincts a long time ago.
Her expression neutral, Bland nodded. “Okay, that’s fine. That’s actually more acceptable that you trust someone slowly instead of rushing into it. It wouldn’t be very genuine of me to say you can trust me when you have nothing to base the trust on. Whoever you told can be your safe place. If you need help, I’m here. Did you look at that kit I gave you?” She leaned forward, determined to get some kind of a positive response from Ruby.
As Ruby shook her head in response to the kit, she couldn’t help wondering how Sloan would be her safe place. She’d confided in him because he’d challenged her and then he’d given her information for the same reason. Did Jessica sense that Ruby was attracted to him? That didn’t matter though. She could be attracted to a donut with cream filling; it didn’t mean she was going to trust it not to add weight to her thighs.
Jessica considered Ruby a moment longer and then leaned back, tapping her pencil on the leg of her purple skirt. “Well, I think you’re cleared to see Thompson. He’s a terrific investigator and his drive to solve riddles makes him very good at what he does.” She picked up a pad of paper and jotted down some notes. “My goal is to determine if you’re able to have any interaction with other adults without completely shutting down. I’ll let Sloan know that you’re cleared. I still want to see you tomorrow. You don’t have to talk to me, but I would like to see how you’re progressing.” She nodded at Ruby, her smile fixed but friendly. “Same time?”
Agreeing, Ruby shook off the sensation that she actually had hurt Jessica’s feelings by talking about her issues with someone else. She wasn’t sure what was going on, but she would take the shorter time with the counselor. The approval for the PI was sooner than she’d thought possible.
She hadn’t gone to the cafeteria for breakfast because she just wanted to get the counselor meeting over with. Distancing herself from the too-small office, she twisted her long, thick hair back into a ponytail.
The cafeteria didn’t hold the name well as its description could more likely be attributable to a cozy kitchen for a lot of people. Counters with drink dispensers manned the far wall and even had a machine for chocolate milk. A breakfast bar had been set up continental style and she grabbed a plate to fill with the delicious fare.
What would Jessica think, when she found out Ruby had confided in Sloan? Ruby’s interaction with Cindy and her own mother hadn’t installed a lot of faith in women. Would Jessica strike out in revenge? Jealousy? Would she try to get in the way of Ruby reclaiming her son?
She would tell Sloan her findings and then Sloan would think Ruby considered him her “safe place.” Ruby selected a grape jelly packet, a cream cheese packet, a blueberry bagel, and a banana while she argued internally. She didn’t know if she wanted Sloan aware that she had any soft spots for him.
His past aside, he’d taken it upon himself to do more for Ruby than her own parents. He took her seriously and listened when she spoke. He made her feel important and she’d never realized how much she needed to feel that way.
As if she’d conjured him with her thoughts, Sloan suddenly stood at her arm. He spoke softly and touched her elbow, the heat of his hand seeping through her long-sleeve shirt. “Do you have a minute?” His voice... his voice was something a woman deserved to wake up to and hear first thing every morning. More so than even birds chirping or angels’ harps.
She nodded slightly and led the way to a table by the window.
The sun had crested over the mountains around Missoula and the river rushed past in a milieu varying reflections of the sunrise. Trees and stumps clung to their shadows and appeared darker than the rest of the surrounding foliage. Dew had kissed everything and glistened as the sun rose.
She sat across from Sloan, nervous to eat in front of him. He wasn’t eating anything and she was suddenly self-conscious. “Aren’t you hungry?” Ruby glanced at her plate and then at the empty place in front of him.
Sloan followed her gaze and then it dawned on him what she meant. He stood. “Excuse me. I’ll just grab some juice or something.”
He came back in seconds with a jelly donut and a glass of milk. He grinned sheepishly. “The donuts looked so much better than juice.” He shrugged softly and lifted the jelly to his mouth. When he pulled away, small flecks of white powder graced the dark stubble around his mouth and his lips had their own shade of muted white and a smear of red translucent filling clung to his lower lip.
Before she could think it over, Ruby reached out with her napkin and wiped at the mess. She froze, her napkin positioned at the corner of his mouth. Her throat dried up and she shifted her gaze down to her plate, dropping her hand quickly to her lap. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“No, you’re fine. Thanks.” He claimed a napkin from the dispenser on the end of the table and finished wiping up his mouth and left the donut on the plate.
Clearing his throat as if unsure how to proceed now that Ruby had touched him, Sloan sipped at his milk before speaking. “I told you the investigator’s name is Thompson. Not Mr. Thompson or anyt
hing fancy. Just Thompson. He needs some more information about your aunt and uncle. I made a copy of your papers from last night, is it okay to give those to him? He wants to get started right away, since you’ve been approved.” His foot nudged my shin under the table as he lifted his foot to rest on his knee.
Ruby jerked forward, unprepared for the sudden contact. What was she doing? Maybe she needed a do-over day? Something was off and she needed to go get back in bed and then wake up again. Why was she acting so weird with Sloan?
Focus. He’d said something about getting started with Thompson right away. Everything was happening so fast. She had just gotten the approval from Jessica. “How did you know I was approved? And, for the record, you never mentioned that I needed approval, just that I needed an appointment with the counselor before I could see him.”
He shifted in his seat. “I just repeated what Thompson had said to me. Usually the process is much slower. We don’t usually have a woman whose child was taken from her. The few times we’ve had children involved, the woman gave the child up willingly and then later wanted to make contact. Your situation is... sticky to say the least.” He offered a comforting smile.
“That makes sense and I’m not arguing that. I’m just wondering why you know about my approval already when I just left there.” Ruby didn’t want to make too fine a point about what was going on. “It just feels like you’re watching me, or something.” She smeared the cream cheese on her bagel and then topped it with the jelly.
Sloan watched her, his eyebrow arched and his lips curled in disbelief. “What are you doing to that poor bagel?” He didn’t take his gaze off her as she lifted it to her lips and claimed a bite. He blinked and gave a soft shudder. “That doesn’t look natural. Okay, first of all, I’m not exactly watching you. I’m watching out for you. There’s a difference.”
Forsaken Trails Page 5