Searching for Beautiful

by Jennifer Probst

  Rough hands dragged him back. Light exploded as something smashed against his head, and he fought for consciousness, the swirl and mix of male voices and shouts mingling in the air. His mind screamed one word the entire time he desperately tried to break away, the one word that would be repeated in his nightmares for years after the horrid night.

  No no no no no no . . .

  Two men tossed him into his room onto the bed. He groaned and twisted, but they were much bigger than Scott, and one guarded the door while the first dragged him off the mattress and threw him to his knees. He gagged, ready to vomit, his palms plastered to the battered wooden floor.

  "Gonna teach you some manners. Also gonna teach you how to make some money."

  Scott walked over, jerking his head up by his hair. He grinned with an evil purpose, blood dripping from the shallow wound near his shoulder. "You'll pay for that one. I'm gonna enjoy you working off your mama's debt."

  No. No no no no no . . .

  The first man laughed and began unbuckling his pants.

  No no no no no no . . .

  And then the nightmare began.

  twenty-three

  GEN WALKED OUT of Cafe Xpressions with a bag of biscotti and big plans for that night. She planned to make scampi with pasta, and then work off the calories by engaging in her new fave sport.

  Sex. With Wolfe.

  She hummed under her breath, swinging the bag and soaking in the sun.

  "Genevieve?"

  The familiar voice popped her bubble, and she felt her happiness slowly leak away as she stared at David. A tiny shiver of fear trickled down her spine, though they were in broad daylight. Pressing her lips together, she turned to walk away but he said her name again with an odd urgency.

  "Please give me a minute. I know I don't deserve it. We can talk right out here in front of witnesses. Please."

  She stiffened but turned around. He must have come straight from his shift, since he still wore his scrubs. His burnished hair looked mussed, but glinted like a halo in the sun. Tiny lines bracketed his mouth and eyes, giving him an exhausted look she knew too well. A pang deep inside exploded through her. She missed the hospital. Missed the work. Missed feeling a part of the bigger picture, sacrificing her time to save lives. She fought to keep the longing off her face in case he misread her emotion.

  "What do you want?"

  "First? To apologize. My actions make me sick. I lost it, was so crazed with jealousy I wanted to hurt you."

  "Sorry. I can't forgive you. You took away anything good we once had when you laid your hands on me with violence."

  He nodded, his jaw clenched with tension. "Understood. I still had to say it out loud. I made arrangements for your stuff to be delivered this weekend, if that's okay."

  She raised an eyebrow. Max had been working on it, but things stalled when David's lawyer threatened to drag her to court, declaring that her affair with Wolfe entitled her to nothing. "I don't want any personal deliveries."

  "No, I won't be there. You win, Gen. It's over. I'm going to stay away from you. I've gone over every piece of our relationship and think I know how I went wrong, but if you won't give me another chance, I can't fight you."

  "We can never go back," she whispered.

  "I know." For a brief moment, those first few months drifted past her vision and sadness leaked through. Once, she loved him. Wanted to marry him. Now he was just a stranger. Life was both odd and bittersweet. When Wolfe took her in his arms, all the pieces clicked into place. She'd never before felt such a bone-deep rightness in her soul.

  "But there's one thing I need to ask you," he said.

  Here we go. She narrowed her gaze.

  "You need to come back to the hospital."

  Her muscles tightened. It took a few moments to catch her breath and speak calmly. "I can't. You know why."

  David shook his head, intensity radiating around him. "You belong in medicine, Genevieve. You have a gift. I saw it from the very first, and to see you wasting away in some cheap matchmaking company is a crime."

  "Kinnections is a successful business that helps people find love. How dare you judge me."

  His lips pressed together. "You're hiding there. I also know I'm the reason. Look, the idea of you working beside me, seeing you every day but not being able to claim you as mine, almost destroyed me. I did everything in my power to force you out. Another apology owed. So I'm transferring."

  Her mouth dropped open. "You're the backbone of the surgical unit. And I don't believe you. It's just a trick to get me back."

  "No, Genevieve. I've been offered an opportunity at Boston Children's Hospital. It's time to make a move. I can do a lot more, especially in the teaching and surgical fields. I've been stifled for a while, but I didn't want to admit it. Especially with you finishing up your residency and wanting to stay in New York."

  Shock hit her in waves. The opportunity of returning to the career she had lived and breathed for so long suddenly shimmered before her again. "Why are you telling me this? Am I supposed to believe you're suddenly ready to accept our breakup? After you got a restraining order against Wolfe? And convinced my parents I was having emotional problems? Forced me from the hospital in the first place?"

  He never flinched. Just gazed at her with the same intensity he used on the residents. "It's the truth. I felt you slipping away and did everything in my power to keep you. I never trusted that asshole anyway--he was gunning for you the whole time. But I'm not about to waste the rest of my life begging you to come back to me. I wanted to tell you in person about my decision. Contact the residency director, Brian, and he'll get you back into the program. I've already cleared it."

  Her heart thundered, roaring in her ears. "It may be too late."

  "It's never too late. Don't waste yourself on a career unworthy of you. You're better than that." His gaze flicked over her. "You're better than Wolfe, too."

  She opened her mouth to protest but he'd already turned on his heel and walked away.

  Gen stared at the empty pavement. So many decisions. She enjoyed Kinnections. It was more challenging than she originally thought, and working with her best friends was a dream come true.

  But she was a doctor. A surgeon. The medical field was in her DNA, and though she'd tried to run and forget it, hoping she could have a fuller, more balanced life than before, Gen realized all roads led back to the hospital.

  She had a lot to think about.

  Gen headed toward her house, thoughts spinning.

  WOLFE STARED AT THE large-screen monitor in front of him. He'd just closed a big account that would be booking all its future conferences at Purity. Screw you, Plaza. We have arrived.

  He looked forward to telling Sawyer about his recent coup. Every win was another opportunity to give back to the man who'd offered him a chance and dragged him out of the gutter.

  As usual, his blood heated at the idea of using his brain and skills to get what he wanted. Especially in business. His personal life had been a flat, unending desert plain with nothing in sight he craved. Made things so much easier. Empty, but easy.

  Until Gen, of course. Now he bounced through his workday like a kid looking forward to Christmas.

  He shook his head in self-mockery and looked around his office. He'd furnished it in a replica of Sawyer's office in Italy. Mahogany wood. Burgundy carpet. Interesting sculptures and knickknacks that appealed to him. A floor-to-ceiling bookcase filled with rare editions and popular fiction. And a private entrance to a gym where he pounded out his frustrations on a punching bag to eighties heavy metal.

  How many times had he slept here without thought? Now the minute 5 p.m. arrived, he headed out the door. His personal assistant almost fainted when he announced his refusal to stay late and chair a meeting. Wolfe knew he wasn't needed. He just liked being involved in all stages. Until a sexy brunette cast a spell on him.

  He pushed back the worried thoughts ready to spring loose. Couldn't last. He didn't care. One full week had
already passed and things were perfect. He decided to wring out every last ounce of pleasure until what they had slowly dissolved. Who would've thought this friends-with-benefits thing could work? But so far, it did. They spent their time together, engaged in mind-blowing sex most of the night, and enjoyed each other's company. No questions, restrictions, or contracts. No promises. Just the moment, and a boatload of pleasure.

  His cell buzzed and he quickly scooped it up. A smile curved his mouth immediately. "Hey, Sawyer. How the hell are you?"

  A low laugh echoed over the receiver. "Was gonna ask you the same. Heard you beat out the Plaza in the Conway contract. Nice work."

  Wolfe shook his head in disbelief. "Who do you have planted here? The ink's still wet and I planned to call you later to give you the good news."

  "I couldn't wait. Listen, I wanted to ask you a favor."

  He clenched the phone. "Anything."

  "Think you can fly out here next week? Spend a few days with us?"

  "Is everything okay? Julietta? Gabby? You?"

  Another laugh. "Calm down, we're all great. We just wanted to share something. Plus, Julietta misses you. So do I."

  The emotion surged hot and strong, enveloping him in the only comfort he'd ever had in his life. "I miss you, too. Yeah, I'll wrap up in a few days and get out there."

  "Good. I want to catch up on things. Texting and Skype just aren't the same. And Gabby needs to torture her big brother."

  Sawyer grinned. "Give me a break. You guys just want a sitter."

  "Busted. I already bought the tickets to La Scala, so don't think you're backing out now."

  "Looking forward to it."

  "The plane will take you when you're ready. Just text me."

  "Done. See ya soon. Give the girls a kiss."

  "I will."

  The phone clicked.

  Home. Funny, New York was the place he decided to settle and grow with his career, but Milan would always hold his heart. The first time he'd learned about family, and love, and respect. The first time he'd been given an opportunity to be more than a piece of garbage. He couldn't wait.

  The thought of leaving Gen even for a few days dimmed the joy, but he pushed it aside, refusing to deal with the hornet's nest of emotion ready to sting.

  His cell rang again. He picked it up. "Everything okay?"

  Her soft sigh spilled into his ear. Instantly, he grew hard. Damn, she was a sorceress. "I forgot the Italian bread. Can you pick some up on the way home?"

  "Of course. What's for dinner?"

  "Scampi with pasta."

  His stomach rumbled. He was getting spoiled by her cooking, and had begun making up for his lack of culinary skills by cleaning and fixing up her house. He'd sealed the cracks in the tub, fixed the broken front step, and painted the bathroom. The pleasure on her face made every drop of sweat worth it, and he enjoyed using his hands to make their home nice.

  Her home.

  He ignored the mental slip.

  "Sounds great. I'll snag a bottle of red to go with it. Hey, did you DVR Love It or List It last night?"

  "Yep. Why?"

  "No reason. Just figured you wanted to see if they ended up selling it. I thought she did great with the renovations, but the guy was kind of a jerk. I mean, how was she supposed to know once they ripped up the basement there'd be mold?"

  "Oh, I wanted to see it, huh? Why can't you admit I got you hooked?"

  He snorted. "As if."

  "You're sounding more like Nate. If you're not interested, I can always watch it early and delete it before you get home."

  Damn. How was he gonna get out of this one? "Whatever," he said. "Won't bother me in the least." He made a mental note to check the computer and see if they had the new episodes uploaded yet.

  Her delighted laugh made him want to reach through the phone and touch her. Smooth back her hair. Trace the luscious curve of her lip. Kiss the freckles sprinkled across her nose.

  "I won't delete it. And I won't tell either. Drive safe."

  "I will. See you in a bit."

  He clicked off and grinned. A great meal. A little TV. Intriguing conversation. And a lot of nakedness.

  For the first time in his existence, life was perfect.

  WOLFE DROPPED THE SHRIMP and stared. "You actually spoke to him? After what that asshole did to you?"

  He recognized her sigh of impatience as a good friend. Fortunately, or unfortunately, the lover card had been pulled, and he wanted to howl in protest at any other man getting near her. Especially her ex. "You're overreacting," she said, sipping her Pinot Noir. "It was in broad daylight on the street. He seemed apologetic, and for the first time, sincere."

  Yeah. Forget the howling. He was going baboon crazy on her, thumping his chest and pounding on her sincere ex-fiance. The jealousy burned like whiskey but didn't settle into a nice afterglow. It just made him sick. He pushed away his plate, suddenly not hungry. "I don't trust anything he says, Gen. He's an abuser, an egotist, and a control freak. Why didn't you call me?"

  Her brows snapped with temper. Yep. The spark in those blue eyes was her first warning. "Because, contrary to popular belief, I can handle myself. Sometimes I do quite well without a knight in armor."

  Yeah, she was pissed. The knight crack again. He'd never felt close to being a rescuer. He was just playing catch-up for not recognizing her deep unhappiness earlier. "What if he's lying to get you back to the hospital so he has more control? And I don't believe he'll return your stuff without an excuse to see you again. I told you we should've filed the restraining order!"

  Her lips pursed. Second sign of impending temper. "It was my decision to wait. I told Slade to hold off until things settled. I didn't want him to target you."

  "Me? You were worried about me? I can take care of myself."

  "And I can take care of myself," she growled. "David dropped all the assault charges and the lawsuit, didn't he? He's out of our lives and now he's transferring to Boston. No reason getting all upset."

  "I'm not upset."

  "Then everything's great."

  Silence descended. They glared at each other, not sure why the other was mad and not sure what to do about it. He tried to sound calm and reasonable. "I don't like the idea of him getting you excited about going back to the hospital. Like a carrot he wants to dangle in front of you, then yank away."

  "I know. If I decide to go back, I'll be dealing with a lot of emotional backlash. Resentful employees who believe I forced him out. Nothing wrong with taking a step back before making any decisions. Brian already called me and confirmed David's new position in Boston."

  Why did he feel like she'd snuck behind his back? What was wrong with him? This crippling possessiveness was way out of his comfort zone. He figured she'd talk to him first, go over her options, tell him where her head was. But it seemed she didn't really need him and went ahead with making her own plans.

  Isn't this what he wanted though? They didn't have a permanent relationship. And friends weren't expected to confess details about their decisions. Right?

  "Do you miss the hospital?" he asked.

  She stilled. Tangled her fingers together. Yes, she did. It was all over her face, and suddenly his heart ached for the life she had turned her back on. She was born to serve, and though Kinnections was a good break for her to take a breath, she needed to go back.

  "Yeah. I do."

  He nodded. And damned if the next screwed-up question didn't tumble out of his mouth. "Do you miss him?"

  She jerked. Her eyes widened, and she suddenly simmered with emotion. Clenching her fists, she leaned forward over the table like she wanted to strangle him. What had just happened?

  "Why? Are you afraid I'm thinking of him when I'm fucking you?"

  Wolfe jumped from the chair, his own anger lighting up and pumping through his veins. She never talked like that. Never challenged or pushed in such a primitive way. "That's a crappy thing to say," he snarled. "Why are you trying to pick a fight? I just wanted
to watch TV!"

  She jumped up from her chair and shook her finger at him. "So did I! But I hate when you treat me like some ridiculous child who needs constant protecting. And if I was still missing David, I would never have gone to bed with you!"

  "Fine. Good. Whatever."

  "You're acting like such a mitch."

  He turned back, shock in his eyes. She did not just say that to him. "What did you call me?"

  "A mitch. You know. A male bitch."

  "Yeah, I know. Nate uses that word for his hairdresser, but if you call me that again there will be consequences."

  She threw her head back and fake laughed. "Is that how you handle things in your world? Big-bully threats to your one-night-stand girlfriends? How about a little communication? How about admitting that maybe you're just as confused as I am about what we're doing together, that you may be jealous of David, and that we both have no clue what to do next?"

  She was right. But the line between friendship and girlfriend was too terrifying to step over. He didn't know how to play that role. He'd been alone far too long and knew he'd fail. He narrowed his gaze, took in her defensive stance, and relied on the only asset that always worked.

  Sex.

  "Maybe you like the sort of threats I give you," he drawled. "Like ripping off your clothes and tossing you on that bed, till your smart mouth doesn't know how to say anything else but my name?"

  Oh yeah. Her eyes blazed and he caught the tightening of her nipples under her shirt. For a second, he thought she'd surrender. Would've cashed in all his chips on the bet and let it ride. But then she stiffened her spine, straightening to her mighty five-foot stance, tilted her chin, and stomped past him.

  The bedroom door slammed behind her.

  Wolfe groaned. He'd screwed up again. How had the whole conversation gotten redirected into an argument? What if he hadn't come in and David had raped her? Wolfe shuddered at the memory. He'd use his dying breath to make sure that never happened. He didn't want to shield her from the world, or lock her in a bubble like the asshole had. He just hated watching her get hurt. And now he was the one who'd hurt her.

  He rubbed his fingers over his forehead and began cleaning up. He'd apologize. Give her a few moments to calm down. Maybe explain where his head was at, and how watching the attack affected him. Wolfe concentrated on stacking dishes, putting away the leftovers, and refreshing the wine. He'd knock and give her a peace offering. Try to communicate. He'd sleep on the couch tonight, give her some time, and--