by Gwen Lowe
The police arrived soon afterwards – Chloe had made the most impressive phone call ever. She told them that Tryton Mell had been attacked and asked the police to hurry please as the pupils had caught the criminals ready for arresting.
The main hall resembled the aftermath of a great battle. Dozens of prisoners were tied up, all groaning or unconscious. High above them the Poppets were still stuck to the purple wall, goggling at the scene below.
The policeman in charge took one look and got busy on his radio.
‘This is the worst thing I’ve seen! We need back up! Send ambulances! Send fire engines! Send the navy! Send everyone!’ And within minutes, ambulances, fire engines, social workers and more police arrived.
‘Right, now tell me what’s been going on here!’ demanded the chief policeman, looking puzzled.
They all tried to tell him the truth at once, explaining about the Best Minister’s evil plans and how they had foiled them. But even before they finished, it was obvious that the authorities had already interpreted what had happened to their own satisfaction.
‘Sounds like these burglars broke in and threatened the poor children. The little dears did a good job of defending themselves, mind.’
‘Over-active imaginations, but that’s to be expected at their age.’
Alice nearly burst with rage at this, but Kevin just shrugged his shoulders.
‘Don’t yer fret, them grown-ups were never gonna listen to the truth about the Best Minister’s plans or believe that a bunch of kids could beat him.’
Jago nodded in agreement with Kevin.
‘Strange thing though,’ one of the police mused. ‘The suspects refuse to say a word and none of them are carrying any identification. That’s a criminal charge and a prison spell straight away under the Best Minister’s new rules.’
This cheered Alice up a lot. She felt a familiar feeling in her chest.
‘I’m going to giggle!’ she warned the others. In answer Jago and Chloe sneezed in unison. Alice whipped round and inspected them. They both looked like they had nasty colds.
‘I think you’re getting my Pirus,’ she said, and started laughing as they stared at her in shock.
Everyone lined the corridors and cheered as the prisoners were marched off, handcuffed in pairs. Jago insisted on shaking the spare hand of each prisoner. The police obviously thought he was mad, but Alice knew he was determined to make sure that all the Best Minister’s soldiers got the Pirus.
‘They won’t be able to hurt us then, because they’ll be too busy being happy,’ he explained.
Alice searched every face, but the Best Minister wasn’t there. She wasn’t surprised. He wasn’t the kind of man to get caught.
There were no teachers either; Alice guessed that they must still be locked in the staff room. But that didn’t explain where Miss Grammaticus or Mrs Peasley had gone.
Then, as the police were checking the register, Miss Grammaticus sailed in through the front door, immaculately dressed in coat and gloves.
Alice and Chloe goggled at her. Alice couldn’t believe she could just stroll in like that as though nothing had happened.
‘How did she escape?’ she asked Chloe indignantly.
‘No idea, she was in her study with the others. Maybe she got out through one of the secret doorways.’
Miss Grammaticus took one look at the scene and gasped.
‘Oh my goodness! What on earth is going on? Can’t I leave you alone for one evening without there being trouble?’
‘Don’t believe her! She’s part of all this! Can’t you see she’s lying?’ Alice shouted, furious that Miss Grammaticus wasn’t going to be arrested. Kevin grabbed her, hastily covering her mouth.
‘Shut up Alice!’ he hissed. ‘Yer don’t wanna get noticed!’
‘Oh, my poor little children!’ Miss Grammaticus cried, ice glinting in her eye, as the chief policemen explained what had happened. ‘Never mind, I’m here now, and here’s Mrs Peasley coming too, so you can go. We’ll make sure everything’s all right.’
Alice nearly exploded at this, but luckily the chief policeman wouldn’t leave until Miss Grammaticus had sent the children to bed.
‘Just in case there’s any more trouble,’ he said, watching the firemen, who were up ladders cutting the weeping Poppets down. ‘It’s all been very strange, and I don’t think we want the children upset by anything else.’
Miss Grammaticus looked very put out, but there was nothing she could do.
‘Bed, children!’ she called, choking over having to be nice. ‘You can skip bath for once, it’s so late.’
‘Good job, since there’s no water left,’ said Kevin.
As soon as they reached their dormitory, Chloe and Alice scrambled into their pyjamas at top speed.
‘Better do what we’re told – Miss Grammaticus is furious!’ said Alice.
‘What do you think she’ll do to us?’ Chloe asked, her voice shaky.
‘Probably—’ Alice stopped, turning.
The door handle was rattling.
‘Oh pants!’ gasped Chloe, diving under her covers as Mrs Peasley burst in.
‘You’re all to go back to the school hall this minute! Them’s her orders!’
‘What, in pyjamas?’ Emerald sounded scandalized, but Alice didn’t mind at all. She was very fond of her pyjamas now; they had been through a lot together.
And when they got to the hall, it didn’t matter at all because everyone else was wearing nightclothes too.
‘Maybe Miss Grammaticus is giving us one of them pyjama parties,’ Kevin grinned as he and the other boys slipped over to stand in line behind them.
Chloe glared at him.
‘Miss Grammaticus is so mad we’ll be lucky if we’re still alive by tomorrow,’ she said gloomily.
‘Yes, but we did get most of the Best Minister’s army arrested,’ Alice said, trying to cheer her up.
‘And hear that screaming? Mrs Peasley’s just gone completely nuts – she’s found out someone’s vandalized her handwashing classroom. She’s in there sobbing,’ said Oscar cheerfully, winking at Alice, who couldn’t help giggling at this.
‘But the Best Minister escaped and he knows exactly where to find Alice,’ Jago pointed out, which made Alice stop giggling at once.
‘Yer worry too much – it’ll be fine,’ said Kevin as Miss Grammaticus strode angrily to the front of the hall, Precious by her side.
‘The police have only just left. They told me that you were attacked tonight. I know better. I know that you nasty snivelling little rabbit droppings attacked those poor innocent people. I want to know who organized it. They are nasty little snoops and must be punished!’ Miss Grammaticus’s voice rose to a scream. Alice thought she saw steam coming out of her ears.
No one spoke.
‘If you don’t tell me who led this I’ll punish all of you. I’ll lock you in the dungeons for ever!’
Alice took a deep breath. There was no way she was letting everyone else be punished for what had happened. This was between her and Miss Grammaticus now. She stepped forward.
‘I don’t think you should do that,’ she said loudly. ‘That would be cruel and nasty.’
Miss Grammaticus’s eyes bulged. ‘Portland Maggott! So it was you! I always knew you were a nasty little worm.’
‘And us!’
Alice looked around. Jago, Chloe, Kevin, Oscar and Emerald had stepped forward too. She was very touched, but carried on talking.
‘You see, I was in your study earlier, Miss Gram-maticus, and I heard you and your brother planning some really nasty things.’
Miss Grammaticus turned puce. ‘I’m going to destroy you, you horrid little Maggott!’ she shouted, launching herself forward. Precious rose to his feet, growling.
‘Oh, didn’t I say that Precious was there too? Come here, Precious.’ Precious leapt off the stage and stood by Alice, snarling.
‘Trugg, get her!’ screamed Miss Grammaticus.
‘Yeah, Tru
gg, come and get me!’ said Alice, grinning, but Trugg hung back, well out of reach of Precious.
‘Do you know who I really am, Miss Grammaticus?’
‘A revolting little worm?’ The headmistress snarled, glaring at her.
‘No, I’m Alice Dent.’
‘No . . . NO!’ Miss Grammaticus staggered backwards in terror.
‘She’s gone red!’ shouted Oscar.
‘She’s gone white now!’ screamed another boy.
‘And blue!’ Henry added gleefully.
Miss Grammaticus slumped to the floor. The Poppets stood back uncertainly, but Alice stepped forward guiltily to check the headmistress was all right.
‘NO!’ Miss Grammaticus screamed at her. ‘Keep away from me, you Pirus-infested menace!’
‘Oh I will, don’t worry,’ said Alice. ‘But I think you’ve already been infected. If not, my friends have just got their Pirus colds. They’re very generous, and you know children are super-spreaders, so they’re going to share their germs with you. Jago’s already shared his with all your friends. They’re brewing nasty little colds, and they’ll be so much happier soon. I expect they’ll share the Pirus with their friends too.’
Alice paused to see what effect her words were having. Miss Grammaticus was curled into a little heap on the floor, moaning loudly. Alice decided to carry on.
‘And one more thing, Miss Grammaticus – the last vial of antidote is gone. I smashed it in front of your brother,’ Alice told her, grinning. ‘So I think you’re definitely going to get my Pirus.’
This was the last straw for the headmistress. As she gave a terrible moan and fainted, Alice turned to face the school.
‘I think everything’s going to be all right now,’ she said, beaming.
‘Three cheers for Alice Dent!’ screamed Oscar.
‘Alice! Alice! Alice!’ shouted the others.
Alice was carried through the corridors by a crowd of cheering pupils.
‘You were amazing,’ said Emerald, her eyes shining. ‘Just amazing.’
In the entrance hall, everyone threw themselves on the plastic sheeting that covered everything.
‘Tear it down!’ urged Oscar, demonstrating. Shortly afterwards, Kevin found the keys to the padlocked swings, which made everyone very happy.
‘Let’s tear down everything!’ yelled Henry, rushing off to attack the boarded-up side passages. But before anyone could follow him, the telephone in the red phone box rang loudly.
Everyone fell silent.
‘What the . . .’ Kevin muttered, diving in to answer it.
Alice held her breath, but Kevin soon shot out again, the biggest smile ever on his face.
‘Mum’s going to be all right!’ he screamed. ‘She’s going to be in hospital for ages, but they’re going to make her better!’
‘Of course they are!’ said Mr Pye briskly, striding towards Alice as everyone cheered. He shook her hand.
‘Well done Alice! I’m proud of you,’ he said quietly, and this made Alice glow inside.
‘Let’s have a midnight feast!’ Oscar shouted, grinning.
That feast was the best meal of their lives. Mr Pye, Emerald and Kevin produced mounds of pancakes, sausages, beans, eggs and buttered toast – all perfectly hot and steaming. The happiest bit for Alice though was when the door opened and Principal Swift rushed in, followed (to Alice’s great surprise) by the Dr Goodish-Leeches.
Principal Swift smiled at her. ‘Alice, you’ve done brilliantly! See, I told you eleven was plenty old enough to save the world. Thank goodness you’re OK!’ she said, holding out her arms.
‘It’s great to see you too!’ Alice replied, beaming as the Principal hugged her just like a proud mother would.
‘Is the antidote completely destroyed?’
‘Completely,’ Alice reassured her, grinning.
‘Hello Alice,’ said the Dr Goodish-Leeches cheerfully.
‘What are you two doing here?’ Alice didn’t mean it to sound quite so rude, but the doctors didn’t seem offended.
Dr Diana Goodish-Leech smiled. ‘When you visited, we thought the whole thing was very odd, so we went searching for answers. My husband’s an expert in communicable diseases and I’m an epidemiologist, so we can make up our own minds about the risks from your Pirus spreading.’
‘You’re a what?’ Jago didn’t like words he’d never heard of before.
‘An eppy . . . deem . . . eee . . . olo . . . jist,’ explained Dr Diana. ‘I find the truth about illnesses in facts and figures. It seems that your Pirus has a ninety per cent chance of saving the world if it spreads – given how people behave when they’re happy and the Best Minister’s plans against children.’
‘Wow!’ Alice pulled Nibbles out of her pocket and put him on the table next to the rat twins, who were gazing adoringly up at her.
‘How cool is that, Nibbles? It’s only breakfast time and I’ve already saved the world.’
Precious gave a jealous bark. Cuddles broke off from terrorizing the little Dunces to nudge Alice’s feet. ‘Will everyone attract animals, then?’
‘No – not everyone,’ Dr Diana replied. ‘Last time the Pirus had different effects on different children. We have no idea what will happen this time.’
‘Wow! Hope I get to fly!’ exclaimed Kevin.
‘Don’t be stupid!’ Jago told him cuttingly. ‘Any after-effects will be something physically possible, flying’s impossible.’
‘You might not get any, if you’re totally happy normally then the Pirus only gives you a cold with no after effects,’ warned Dr Diana Goodish-Leech.
‘That’ll be a swizz!’ Kevin looked disappointed.
‘By the way, Alice,’ said Dr Digby Goodish-Leech. ‘Your parents were right after all, weren’t they? This germ is extremely dangerous. It almost got you killed.’
‘I never thought of that,’ said Alice, taken aback. ‘I really hope they’re OK, but I wonder if they’ll ever forgive me for getting it?
‘I think you’ll be surprised – this came to your house for you.’ Dr Digby handed her a postcard plastered with exotic stamps.
Alice read the message on the back with increasing astonishment.
Dear Alice,
Hope your Pirus isn’t causing you too much bother and those in charge are looking after you. Your mum fancied a trip somewhere hot to shake off these horrible colds we’ve just had, so we’ve paddled to Africa in a kayak to build mudbaths for hippopotamuses.
We’re so happy here with all the animals – they love having their daily bubble washes and scrub-downs, especially the lions. Your mum’s even been keeping those dusting skills in tip-top shape by dusting giraffes. We’re not coming back for a while, so do whatever you want.
Dad
‘I think we can assume that they’ve been well and truly infected,’ said Dr Digby Goodish-Leech dryly.
Principal Swift smiled.
‘Do you mind staying here Alice? It’ll be easier for me to keep an eye on you – I’d like to do that.’
Alice beamed at her, but she still had questions. ‘What about Miss Grammaticus?’
‘Don’t worry about Gertriss Grammaticus for a bit, she’s petrified with Pirus fright,’ the Principal said reassuringly.
‘So Mrs Peasley’s headmistress now? She hates me even more!’
‘No,’ another voice chipped in. ‘I’ll be taking over as temporary headmaster. I put in first dibs in the staff meeting.’
Everyone turned to stare.
‘Mr Pye!’ A great big grin spread over Kevin’s face. ‘That’s brilliant, sir!’
‘A perfect choice,’ agreed Jago, nodding with approval.
Alice was delighted too, but she had other worries that needed sorting.
‘What about the Best Minister?’
‘The Best Minister’s men are all in jail. He got caught out by his own laws there. He can’t carry out his plans – he won’t risk getting his soldiers released if they’ve been infected by you lot. And he
won’t dare to come for you himself without the antidote, so for the time being, he’s not a problem.’
Kevin grinned. ‘That’s great! So we can take Alice to the beach now and build sandcastles together – we promised her.’
Alice beamed at him.
‘What a lovely idea!’ said Principal Swift. ‘May I come too? I’ll get my bucket and spade.’
‘But what about Professor Tryton?’ asked Chloe. ‘Is he OK?’
‘No one knows where he is,’ Principal Swift told her. ‘But don’t fret, the Professor can look after himself; I’m sure he’s safe. He’s tough and very resourceful – he’ll only be found when he wants to be.’
‘And we’ve still got Mrs Peasley to deal with!’ Chloe was working down her own list of concerns. ‘She’ll be even worse now she’s been passed over for headmistress!’
‘Oh, don’t worry about her,’ said Alice, stroking Cuddles. ‘I’ll only let her have Cuddles back if she’s nice to everyone.’
As everyone laughed, Principal Swift held Alice’s gaze.
‘So you’ll stay?’
Alice turned to look at Jago, Chloe and Kevin, who were coughing, sneezing and smiling all at the same time. They were her friends now, she couldn’t imagine not being with them.
‘I’d love to stay,’ she said and then added, giggling, ‘I want to be here when Miss Grammaticus gets the Pirus!’
Acknowledgements
Creating a book is like setting off on a big adventure. And like many good adventures, this one started with a mysterious phone call late one chilly January evening. It was Barry Cunningham, who told me that the wonderful reader Laura Myers had picked out the first draft of this story from all the entries in the Times/Chicken House competition (thank you Laura!) and I had made the longlist.
I didn’t make the shortlist (this was probably a good thing, getting what you want is often very bad for you), but Barry asked me if I’d like to work with Chicken House to refine that first manuscript into Alice Dent and the Incredible Germs. A huge thank you, Barry – and of course I said yes!
The middle of any adventure is always the hardest part, and when you’re writing a book, you need good editors (these are a little bit like good teachers). The best editors advise you how to polish a story until every page shines. Even more importantly, they do this in such a nice way that you end up liking them a lot. I’ve had two of the very best editors, Kesia Lupo and Rachel Leyshon, and I want to tell them how fantastic they are.