“What am I doing?” Asher shakes his head. “Getting Darian away from you. He’s the one that’s gotten you into this whole mess.” He stares at me with an expression I don’t understand. Like he’s hurt—like I hurt him. If anything, it has to be the shame of his binding mate being caught with another guy, because I know he doesn’t really want me on any romantic level.
“I’m sorry, Asher,” I say, and mean it. I never meant to hurt him—for anyone to get hurt. “But this isn’t Darian’s fault. I-I…” I struggle for the right word… “care about him.”
Asher winces. “He’s a murderer.”
I shake my head. “No, he’s not. And I didn’t kill my parents either. They did.” I tick my head in the direction of the jail.
Asher holds up a silencing hand. “I’m sorry about your parents, Desiree. Honestly, I am. That’s part of the reason I helped you escape. I don’t believe you did that, but I don’t want to hear about it right now either. All of this…everything is so messed up.” He runs a hand back through his dishevelled hair, then rubs a tired-looking eye. Sighing, he says, “I couldn’t stand to see you in the Terrorscape one more minute. I came out here to help you. And I needed…I needed to make sure that you really want to be with him.” He juts his chin toward Darian. “And that, you know, he wasn’t forcing you or whatever.”
I shake my head as Darian groans.
“Yeah, that’d be me,” Darian says. “Forcing girls to be with me. Just add rapist along with murderer to the charges flung at me.”
“He didn’t force me to do anything, Asher. I promise.”
I step forward and Darian starts to protest, but Asher lowers his gun. “I said, I didn’t come here to hurt her.”
Darian lowers his gun, too, and I heave a sigh of relief. I let my arms fall.
“If you want to help her, then you need to let us go,” Darian says, frowning. “There’ll be others coming to look for us, you know that.”
I need a few minutes to talk to Asher. He at least deserves that much after how he helped us escape. I glance over my shoulder at Darian and widen my eyes. “I’ll be okay.”
He rolls his eyes. “All right. I’ll keep an eye out for other officials. But please, don’t be long. We have to go.”
I nod and turn back toward Asher. “Tell me you don’t really want to be with Mallory,” I say, walking over to him. “Because I know that you do.”
“I won’t lie. I told you before that I have feelings for her. But that doesn’t matter, Desiree,” Asher says, his voice strained. “You’re my binding mate.”
“Says who?” I ask. I know that for Asher it’s about honor and commitment. “The Protectorate has all of these rules that they declare are to prevent us from making mistakes. But we’re not robots. We need to make mistakes in order to learn from them. And we need to go through bad times to appreciate the good ones. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect, Asher. And I’m not really cut out to be a nurse. I’m an artist.” I bite my lip, drawing courage, and then add, “And I don’t think you’re cut out to be an official.”
Challenge fills his eyes. “I’ll learn to deal with it.”
I reach out and touch his arm. “You sure? Because it seems like you’re struggling to believe that yourself.”
He shrugs. His gaze drifts silently to his feet, then up at the sky. His jaw twitches and it seems like he’s wrestling with his decision. Finally, he looks back at me, his face softening. He slides the gun into its holster at his hip, and then removes the pre-binding bracelet from his wrist—the one I gave him that bears my first initial. He clears his throat. “Here.” He holds out his hand. The golden bracelet dangles between his fingers. “You should have this back.”
I hesitate, then remove the one he gave me bearing the letter A for Asher. I give him a weak smile as we exchange bracelets. “You’re really a great guy. You deserve someone who’ll be totally crazy for you…someone like Mallory.”
He smiles. “You do, too.” His gaze slides to Darian for a moment. “We both deserve to find happiness.”
I look over my shoulder and Darian raises his chin. I know it’s hard for him to see me with Asher now, but Asher was my past. Darian is my future. I slip the bracelet onto my wrist and it crosses my mind that it’s the last thing my parents bought for me. That thought alone warms my wrist underneath it. Asher pockets his bracelet and I know it’s because if any officials notice he’s wearing his own bracelet again, it would mean trouble.
“You better leave,” he says finally, looking reserved. “Do you even know where you’re gonna go—” He halts and holds his palms in the air. “Wait. Don’t tell me. But, Desiree?” he says, lifting his brows. “I’m sorry for everything I did to you when we were kids. Maybe if I hadn’t been such a dumbass, you wouldn’t have been so disappointed to be bound with me. Maybe none of this would have happened.”
Growing uncomfortable, I shift my feet and shake my head. “The past is the past. But, Asher, even if none of that had happened between us, you still have feelings for Mallory. Guess the heart wants what the heart wants, right?” I pause, size up his wounded eyes and realize how much Asher has changed. He’s not the bully I once knew. He risked everything tonight to help us escape. If things were different, we could even be friends.
“And thanks for helping in there. Honestly, that was really brave of you.” I step forward, wrap my arms around his waist, and hug him. “I’ll never forget what you did for us.”
He stiffens for a moment in my arms, then slowly returns my embrace. Kissing the side of my head, he says softly, “Good luck, Desiree. Be careful.”
“Rae,” Darian calls from behind us. “We gotta head out.”
I smile at Asher and step away from him.
“Wait.” Asher rushes behind a nearby bush and pulls out an army-green backpack. “I hid this earlier. It’s stuffed with some things for you guys…just in case you said you wanted to go with him.” He shrugs. “You know, water, nuts, and stuff. I know you haven’t been eating much since—well, you know—since your arrest and everything.”
I swallow, hard, at his gesture.
Darian steps forward and takes the backpack. “Thanks, man,” he says. “That was really cool of you to help us escape.”
Asher nods. Then the unthinkable happens. Darian extends his hand and Asher accepts it with a firm shake.
I give Asher one last smile and Darian slips his hand into mine. As we run off deeper into the woods, I don’t look back at Asher, but I do think about what he’s going to face. I hope he can find happiness with whomever they arrange to be his new binding mate. I wish I could fix everything for him and also make a world where my and Darian’s parents are still alive—a world where we could make our own decisions, good or bad. I also realize that we shouldn’t have to depend on a machine to sleep (even though the thought of a real nightmare still scares me), and that nobody should have the right to tell us when we have to die.
It’s a long time before Darian agrees to slow down and drink water. We run until I don’t think my legs can take me one more step. My throat is so dry I can’t swallow, and spots begin to form in front of my eyes.
Finally, he agrees to stop, and we hide out among a thick batch of trees. Darian tosses me a large bottle of water as I lean against a tree, then grabs a bottle for himself.
I guzzle the cool liquid, coughing as it goes down.
Darian scoots next to me and places a jacket he pulled from the bag around my shoulders. “Take it easy, babes,” he says, leaning back against the tree beside me. He points to a huge crest of a mountain in the distance. “You see that mountain peak?” He downs some water and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
I nod and gulp back another mouthful. I rest my head against the spot where Darian’s shoulder meets his chest, and he wraps an arm around me. “And do you see how it dips in the middle in an uneven way?”
I nod again. “Yeah?”
“Well, that’s the way we head. There will be other landmar
ks along the way that’ll lead us to the Awakened’s nearest cell.” He reaches over and slides a hand along my aching leg. “Then we can rest.”
I’m so tired already that I don’t know how I can make it. My body is broken and bruised with dried blood caked to my pants. Worse, my eyes are weary and there’s no way for us to sleep.
Darian shifts and his warm fingers tug my chin up. And, despite everything, my heart throbs when our eyes meet.
“I’m so sorry about all of this,” he says. “I-I know you lost everything.”
I reach up and close my fingers around his arm. “You lost everything, too,” I say, my voice breaking.
His jaw tightens and he glances away, still keeping his grip on my chin. When he looks back, he kisses my eyes one at a time, then whispers against my lips, “But I didn’t lose you, my sunshine.”
My body tingles at the light touch of his warm lips. I lift my hand and run my fingers along his cheek. He keeps his kisses light, teasing. And even though we’re in the middle of the woods on the run, a wave of happiness runs through me.
We’re safe. Even if just for this one moment, we’re safe.
My body eases, my muscles relax. Warmth grows inside me as he gently tugs on my lower lip with his teeth, and places his mouth over mine, deepening the kiss. The gentle probing of his lips against mine makes goose bumps rise over my skin, pushing aside all of the horrible things that happened in the last few days. I slide my fingers back through his buzzed hair and pull him closer, thinking I can never be close enough.
A rumbling growl of pleasure rolls through his chest as he slides his hand up the back of my jacket and caresses the bare skin of my back. His touch electrifies me, sending shivers of pleasure rushing through me. No matter what tonight or tomorrow brings, we’ll always have this.
“You’re so beautiful,” he says, smiling against my mouth.
I nuzzle my nose against his. “You’re not so bad yourself, dragon.”
“Rawrrr,” he says, and tips his head back, laughing.
After a moment, he holds up my wrist that’s sporting the golden bracelet. “I wasn’t meaning to spy or anything,” he says. “But did you and Asher trade-up bracelets?”
I nod and reach over, twirling it around so that the letter D is visible. “D for Desiree,” I say.
“Or D for Darian,” he replies with a wink.
I laugh. “That works.”
His lips twitch. “I told you you’re my girl.”
I run my fingers along his jawline. “I’m not complaining.”
Darian presses the side of his face into my hand and brushes his lips against my wrist. After a moment, he kisses my forehead and sighs. “As much as I hate to say it, we need to move on.”
I glance over his shoulder at the golden orb peeking its head over the mountaintop in the distance. We’ve been up all night and still have a long way to go. Terrifying thoughts creep in about what we’ll do if we can’t find the Awakened cell, but I try to push them away and think of positive thoughts like finding my sister.
I reluctantly stand and brush myself off with a yawn. “Do you think they’ll know what happened to Sophia?” I ask, trying to think of something that might give me hope. “Do you think she could still be alive?”
Darian looks away and I can tell he doesn’t think she is, which makes my stomach tumble. He picks up the backpack and runs the back of his fingers along my cheek. “I don’t know, babes. But I’ll be there when you find out either way.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
We rush through the woods as quickly as we can. Even though I’m anxious about coyotes and venomous snakes, I’m most worried about what will happen if our bodies shut down and refuse to function without sleep…sleep that won’t come without the Dreamscape.
I wonder what it’ll be like to really sleep without the machine—if it’s true that the Awakened have discovered a way to remove the implant that puts us at The Protectorate’s mercy. I haven’t admitted to Darian that I’m terrified about what a real nightmare will be like. I wonder if it’s anything like the manufactured ones in the Terrorscape.
I’ve heard that, without the Dreamscape, people used to have real dreams too—good ones. That’s the only thought that keeps me calm when I allow myself the hope that we’ll make it to the Awakened…and I think about what the first time having natural sleep would be like.
The night is the hardest. Without a flashlight, it’s eerily dark in the woods and, with the sounds of creatures lurking in the brush combined with my profound lack of sleep, my mind plays tricks on me. Darian stays close, allowing me to rest occasionally, but not for too long.
By the afternoon of the second day, I’m dragging my feet, stumbling over rocks and brush like I’m drunk. My head pounds and I squint against the bright sunlight. I barely feel the cool air anymore as it rushes against my cheeks until they’ve become numb.
I can tell Darian is tired, too. He doesn’t talk as much, and the times we stop for a water break seem to grow longer.
Then, when I’m eating a handful of nuts, a black helicopter springs from out of the horizon, the whirring of its propeller growing louder as it draws closer. The white owl logo of The Protectorate splays out on the side of the craft. I’m so deliriously tired I swear I can see the bird’s wings flapping in sync with the propeller.
Darian jumps into action, grabs my hand, and dashes through the woods. It’s only with a surge of adrenaline that I’m able to move that fast. A lot of the leaves have fallen to the ground and it doesn’t give us enough cover.
I can’t go back to the Terrorscape. Not now. Not ever.
Darian stops, eyes darting everywhere, then bolts toward an area filled with bushes.
“Over here!” he yells.
I slump beside him, behind the shrubberies, and Darian grasps me protectively by the shoulder.
The sound of the propeller is deafening as it flies overhead. It seems like forever, but finally the reverberations of the copter fade and Darian helps me to my feet.
My leg throbs. It’s coming from the spot where my pants ripped on the barbwire. I try to pull the shredded part of my pants open to examine the cut, but realize the fabric is crusted onto my leg with dried blood. White pus oozes out. I groan. The wound is infected. I straighten my shoulders so Darian doesn’t notice. There’s nothing he can do out here to help, and telling him about it will only make him worry. I know I should clean the wound with water, but we’re almost out, and we need the few remaining drops to drink.
My legs feel wobbly and heavy as we move forward for several more hours. Exhaustion overwhelms me to my core, making me stumble and trip.
Darian lunges forward and grabs my elbow, then eases an arm around my shoulder. “C’mon, babes,” he says. “Almost there.”
“Right,” I say with a sigh, my head lolling against his chest, then drooping against my own before I bob it upright again.
As my body tries to give in to sleep, needles sting my skin like porcupines, zapping me alert with a shriek.
“I wish I could cut out this stupid sensor,” I spit through gritted teeth, scratching my nails over the tattoo of the number six.
“You know we can’t do that. If that were possible, I would have ripped that sucker out long ago. You know if you do, it’ll kill you instantly—”
“I know!” I snap, feeling more irritable than ever. He doesn’t have to tell me how our nervous system is hard-wired to the implant. He doesn’t have to tell me how we’re held hostage to it.
Darian sighs and opens the backpack. We finish the last remaining water and he discards the bag in a hollowed-out log.
I don’t know how much longer we walk, how many minutes or hours. But I do know that night has fallen again. I vaguely notice we have left the trees far behind and at some point we walked into desert-like plains. Puffs of dust kick up from our shuffling feet, and Darian mumbles under his breath from time to time.
“Almost,” and “red rock,” I think I hear him mutter ag
ainst the buzzing in my brain. I’m loosely aware that if The Protectorate’s helicopter were to sprout up now, there would be nowhere to hide.
I lift my head to the wide expanse and think I see a huge peak of red rock. It’s in the distance off to the right, but the moonlight is too dim and it’s increasingly hard to hold up my heavy head. All of the muscles in my body rebel, cramping, and begging for sleep.
Darian stumbles, drops to one knee, and mutters a curse under his breath. I lurch forward, staggering, and fall beside him.
“C’mon,” he says, standing sluggishly and reaching his hand out to me.
I try to move, I honestly do, but my legs don’t budge, the pain and exhaustion overtake me. “Mmhmm,” I mumble and shift, willing my legs to move, to hoist me up.
My head sinks down and swings up again almost as fast, my skin zapping with the pain. Something shakes me, pulls my aching arm. I open my burning eyes to meet Darian’s bloodshot ones. He’s kneeling on the ground, his troubled face inches in front of mine.
“Please, c-c’mon.” Darian’s words are slurred, but he continues to tug on my arm.
I try to stand, but the pain in my infected leg makes me crumble to my knees again. I wince and groan. “You go ahead,” I croak out. “You…can come back…for me…when you find them.”
Darian’s eyes close a second, then open again. He shakes his head, closes his eyes again, then jolts alert with a grunt from the electrical current ripping through his body. “Dammit,” he growls. “Get up, Rae! Get up right now!”
I inhale a deep, prolonged breath, grit my teeth, and tug against Darian’s hand to stand. Somehow, I move forward.
“The red rock,” he says again, pointing to it this time.
The red—what looks to be a mountain—rock is only several feet away, but it may as well be days away. My feet are numb, and I’m a stumbling mess.
Shadows move in the distance, then bursts of light rip the darkness like a blade that slices my eyes.
A flashlight.
People.
Awakening Page 26