Dear Virginie,
We are in Milan and we are safe.
Virginie breathed a sigh of relief. Their fate had been preying on her mind constantly, tainting everything she did with worry. She would not have to carry that worry around anymore.
We have rented a villa and we are recovering from our ordeal. The boys have astounded me with their resilience. I fear now for the resilience of France as the state of affairs only seem to grow worse. I have no inkling at this time when we will be able to return. For now, Italy will be our home.
We heard of your safe delivery from Tomas.
She felt her heart speed up at the mention of him. She had to force herself to read every word or she knew she would rush and skip words, which would likely result in her getting the wrong meaning.
He came only two days before I write this letter. It was the most pleasant news to know you are both alive and well. Tomas also had the details of your family, so I know where to send this letter. I have worried endlessly over you both.
As much as I wish it, Tomas will not stay here. He had decided to journey to the New Orleans in the Americas. It seems a decisive step, but he is under the impression that there are opportunities there. As much as I want him to stay, I have come to realize that he must find his place in the world. I only wish it were not so far away.
Virginie’s brow furrowed. She didn’t know how to take the information that Tomas was sailing for the colonies. It seemed to move him even further away, out of her reach and further out of her life.
She also knew it would make sense for Tomas. There was nothing for him in Europe, even less with France having been overtaken by utter madness.
The rest of Etienne’s letters described some of the actions that the Committee of Public Safety were undertaking in the name of the revolution. Having experienced a little of their directives, she knew it was likely much worse than Etienne was describing.
“Good news?” Sarah asked.
No, Virginie wanted to say as Tomas was still on her mind. “Yes,” she said. “They are safe and well.”
“I would so adore a tour to Italy,” Sarah said. “Simon will not tell me where we are to go after we are married. I hope we go to Italy, could you imagine? Perhaps you will get the chance once you are married. You could perhaps visit your friends.”
Sarah’s statement only brought home the fact that she wasn’t going to be seeing Etienne again and if she ever were to have a chance it would be a decision for her husband. These were things she knew and had always accepted, but they just seemed more of a burden somehow. But it wasn’t Italy on her mind, it was New Orleans.
She knew a little of New Orleans, it had been an important colony for France. She hadn’t known anyone who’d gone or visited there. It wasn’t the kind of place where people in her society went unless they were severely disgraced. She wondered what it would mean for Tomas and what opportunities it would provide for him. On an abstract layer, she was pleased for him, perhaps he would find a place for himself where he could be the kind of person he wanted to be, but it was a loss of hope for herself. Not that she knew exactly what that hope entailed. They were not for each other, but equally, she didn’t want to lose him.
Virginie felt a little out of sorts after the news. A little bit in shock and she wasn’t quite able to keep up with the things going on around her. She’d lost track of time. She’d also lost track of the number of times she had re-read Etienne’s letter.
“Come on, Virginie, get your coat,” Sarah said.
“We cannot be late,” Mavis said like she did every single day.
“Where are we going?” Virginie asked. She searched her mind but no answer came.
“We are calling on Miss Henword, remember?” Sarah said.
“Right,” Virginie said. “Who?”
“You know, that girl we met last week, the daughter of some woman mother knew years ago. Now get your coat, it’s cooling down.”
Tomas worked in the bow of the ship. He’d been taken on by the ship’s surgeon because he could read Latin, although he ended up doing most of the caring for injuries as the surgeon was drunk most of the time. Tomas could see that he’d once been a proud man, but the loss of his family had reduced his will to live and as a result, his circumstances.
Tomas spend most days in the dark dusty room that was the surgeon’s office. He had stumbled onto the surgeon in one of the taverns near the port in Lisbon. Tomas had been searching for a way to cross the Atlantic and serendipity had put him in the path of the surgeon heavily in his cups.
The surgeon hadn’t changed his mind about taking on an assistant the next day, so Tomas stayed on when they left port. He wasn’t sure the Captain of the ship even knew he was there, but it didn’t matter. The vessel he was on belonged to the Governor of Belize, sailing troops to New Orleans. It routinely brought mail, goods and people back and forth between Spain and its colonies. It was much larger than any ship he’d been on, not that he actually saw much of it.
The voyage would take five weeks in total and it wouldn’t be pleasant, although it could be much worse. He felt like he had to do this. He had to get away from Europe and all the scars it had inflicted on him. In truth, he saw no other choice. It would be insanity to return to France, there was nothing for him in Italy and he knew his bitterness would only grow if he stayed there. He couldn’t even contemplate returning to England, for the sole reason that it was the place he wanted to be. He had to forget her; he had absolutely no chance of a contented and meaningful life if he couldn’t get her out of his mind.
He didn’t know what he was heading toward, but it couldn’t possibly be worse than what he was heading away from. He knew the rules were different in the Americas; the old ways didn’t have the same unrelenting grip there. He had no illusions that his life would be easy, he was sure there was hard work in front of him, but at least he hoped there was a possibility of building a real life. He couldn’t imagine having a future with a family as at this point the only woman that occupied his mind was cossetted in the gray misty winter of England, amongst her people.
He knew her English family was relatively wealthy, he had seen the dress she was wearing. It wasn’t the opulent display of wealth like the French preferred, but the more understated emphasis of discreet quality. She was now continuing with the kind of life that she was supposed to have and he had to leave because there was a part of him that was starting to not care what the personal cost was to him. He wanted to be near her no matter what he had to endure, knowing there would never be an outcome that would be anything but painful. Death by a thousand cuts.
Chapter 16
The season finally ended as winter was drawing to a close. Winter was longer and more intense in England and Virginie couldn’t wait for it to be over, she just wanted it to be done. She wanted a change, but equally she wasn’t sure what kind of change she was hoping for. She thought less of Tomas, or had tried to most of the time. She had no frame of reference for what his life would be like in New Orleans, so he became a little more distant for her every day.
“My dear,” Mavis said bursting into the room where Virginie and Sarah was sitting embroidering ahead of Sarah’s upcoming wedding. Virginie thought Mavis must have had news for Sarah, but Mavis headed straight for her.
“He has offered for you,” Mavis said with clear excitement. Virginie tried to understand what Mavis was saying. She was clearly overjoyed with whatever news she had received.
“Who has what?” Virginie asked.
“Lieutenant Morecomb,” Mavis emphasized clasping her hands together. “He has written to Charles and he has offered for you.” Virginie’s uncle stepped into the parlor, which he never did under normal circumstances. Virginie had lived with the Tunnucks for a few months now and she still felt like she didn’t really know her uncle any better than the first day she had arrived.
“He made an offer,” Charles said holding up a letter. “Right here. Do you want to read it?”
V
irginie didn’t know what to say. She felt goose bumps break out all over her skin. She tried to gauge her own emotions, but she couldn’t really place them. Dread might be the best word.
“It is the most wonderful news, and he is such a handsome man. You and Sarah will see each other often as they are friends. It couldn’t be better. Two weddings to plan.” Mavis left the room as quickly as she had arrived. “How in the world am I going to manage?”
“Congratulations,” Sarah said. “It is a wonderful development.”
Virginie still didn’t know what to make of it or her reaction to it. Again she felt like things were just happening too fast.
“He will be here next week, along with Simon,” Charles continued. “You can give him an answer then unless you wish to write to him now.”
“I will wait,” Virginie said. It was the only thing that was making any sense to her. She could feel both Sarah and her uncle’s eyes on her, and she felt uncomfortable under their scrutiny. Actually, she felt a bit short of breath. “I might go for a walk,” she said and put her forgotten embroidery down. She wanted out of the house, but she couldn’t quite get her mind to work.
Eventually she managed to get on her cloak and out of the door. The cool air outside seemed to clear her mind a little, but there was still a whirl of emotions underneath. This should be what she wanted, it is the perfect outcome, but it felt like a death sentence. Which perhaps it was, she recognized. If she married Lieutenant Morecomb, she would be giving up on France as her home, but more importantly she would be giving up on Tomas.
She had tried to let him drift from her mind and she had been successful in some respects, but now it was all back. He was back in her conscious mind. She recognized that she’d been harboring hopes for them, hopes that he would come back. In time, he would likely come back to Europe in the end, but if she married Lieutenant Morecomb there would be no possibilities of them ever being together again and she felt panic over the finality of it. Her brain and her heart were in complete discord. Tomas had known it too and he had done the sensible thing and left. She knew it was sensible, she recognized how impossible their situation was.
Her mind hurt thinking about it. She wished Mavis had never burst into the parlor at all, then she could be sitting in there embroidering away in ignorant bliss and slight boredom, while hoping in the back of her mind for some ludicrous reunion between her and Tomas. He wasn’t coming and she should not be wanting it in the first place. She should accept Lieutenant Morecomb’s offer, get married and get on with her life.
She would give an answer the following week and with it she would set the course of her life. Her fondness for Tomas was juvenile and she should grow up and take on the responsibility that had always been expected of her. She wiped away the tears she hadn’t quite realized had fallen on her cheeks. She told herself that she would pull herself together, get back in the house and fit on the sofa like any normal and reasonable person.
She couldn’t quite go as far as to write a letter of acceptance to Lieutenant Morecomb, but she would get to that point next week. That point of finality when she had to put her unwarranted love for Tomas aside forever and face the predictable future that lay ahead of her.
Virginie felt the days pass agonizingly slowly, but much too fast at the same time. Time marched on relentlessly and before she knew it, they were expecting the arrival of Simon and Lieutenant Morecomb, or Raymond as she should probably start thinking of him. Her hands felt clammy and she felt the chill a little more than normal.
She had tried hard to think of her life. She would likely live near Rochester where his family was from, and a town house in London. Even though she had not seen Rochester itself, she had a pretty good idea what her life would be like. It wouldn’t be much different from right now. She would embroider, go for walks, attend functions and so it stretched on. She would have long stretches where he left to perform his duty and she would be left to care for the house and whatever family lived within it.
They were all waiting when the two men arrived on horseback. Mavis was clearly excited and Sarah awaited her fiancé with good grace. They were announced and entered the room. Virginie looked at the handsome face of the man who had proposed to be her husband. He was handsome, but his gaze didn’t make her gut twist the way that Tomas’ did. Maybe that was a good thing, she told herself.
“Would you walk with me for a while, Miss Durmont?” he asked. Everyone seemed to watch her for a reaction. She had an instinct to say no, but she couldn’t. She had prepared for this moment all week. She stood up and let herself be guided out of the room by him. He helped her with her cloak and they stepped outside into the garden. They were still in sight and Virginie could tell that the people inside of the house were very curious without wanting to seem too nosy.
“Has your uncle told you of the letter I sent last week?” he asked.
Virginie felt her mouth go dry. “Yes,” she responded.
“I am here today, hoping you will give me an answer. I have come to know you over the last few months and I feel that we could function well together in the capacity of man and wife.” Virginie could tell that he was nervous, more than she’d ever seen him before. His proposal had been a bit of a surprise. She hadn’t done anything to encourage it as such. She had enjoyed the friendship they had, but she hadn’t even tried to lead it in this direction. It felt strange that it should arrive at this point without her even trying.
“I..” she started. Her whole body felt warm, hot even and the air was cold. “I can’t,” she finally blurted out. He froze beside her. It was not the answer she had planned on giving, it just came out. She just couldn’t say yes when it came down to it.
“That was not the answer I expected,” he said with clear confusion. “I know we haven’t known each other a great length of time, but I believe we can come to care for each other over time. Or is there some another impediment?”
“I am in love with someone,” she said. She hadn’t meant to blurt it out. She had meant to accept his proposal, but she wasn’t doing anything she’d planned. She did like him and she didn’t want to deceive him.
“Who?” he asked. He was obviously shocked.
“Someone who helped me to escape France.”
“And where is this fellow?” he asked with a little more suspicion.
“Gone.”
“Gone?” he repeated. “Then how is this an issue?”
“Because my feelings for him haven’t changed.” It was just coming out and it was the truth, she had been trying to hide it from herself, but his proposal had brought it all to a head.
“But he is gone? And you require time to get past these feelings?”
“Yes,” Virginie said, but she knew it was a lie. She didn’t need time; she had chosen a course of action without being completely aware of it. When it had come down to it, she was not prepared to let go of Tomas. She had unwittingly made a decision, but now it seemed like the only reasonable course of action. She just couldn’t imagine herself married to Lieutenant Morecomb or any other man. It was as shocking to her as the man standing opposite her, but it was also a huge relief.
“Perhaps I should give you more time then?” he said with uncertainty. Virginie could understand that he didn’t quite know how to respond to this. “Maybe I …” He stood there for a few seconds then turned and walked back to the house. Virginie watched him walk away. She suspected that he would not wait for her to make up her mind that she was over her affection for another man; instead she thought it more likely that he would ignore her from now on. She couldn’t blame him if that was the case.
She wasn’t sure what it was she had just decided, but she wasn’t giving Tomas up. The problem was that she couldn’t have him. He wasn’t here for starters, then there was the whole issue of him having absolutely no prospects. His birth meant he would never be accepted by her family or largely anyone else for that matter. All of this and she would still not give him up. She laughed at herself. She guessed s
he was one of those stupid girls who threw away all they had so they could run off with some wildly inappropriate man. Except that the man had run off without her.
She felt a lightness come over her, like she had finally found the exit out of a dark room. A plan dawned on her, the course seemed obvious now and she didn’t understand why she hadn’t seen it before.
She walked back into the house with a new spring to her step once Simon and Lieutenant Morecomb made their departure. She hadn’t had to wait long. There were three shocked faces welcoming her when she got back.
“We didn’t come to an understanding,” she said.
“He said something about another man. What other man?” Mavis said with astonishment. “Who is this man?”
“His name is Tomas, he is Etienne’s brother.” It felt good to talk about him, to acknowledge him.
“The by-blow?” Mavis blurted out. Virginie had not been aware that they knew of him at all. It was now clear that they knew of him and the circumstances of his birth. “What could you possibly be thinking?”
“I have deep feelings for him.”
“And you would throw away the honor of being Lieutenant Morecomb’s bride for some man without any prospects whatsoever? Are you the silliest creature ever? You do understand that he would have nothing.”
“I know full well the shortcomings of the circumstances. Irrespective, the way I feel, I cannot marry someone else.”
Mavis harrumphed with sheer incredulity and annoyance.
“Mavis,” Charles warned.
“The girl is insane Charles,” Mavis said turning to her husband. “And now Lieutenant Morecomb has left, and I doubt he’ll ever return. I don’t think she understands the situation she is in.”
“I understand full well.”
“You have nothing and you are living here at your uncle’s grace. A true proposal and you turn it down? Could you possibly be more ungrateful? It’s a disgrace,” Mavis stated. “Where is he? Do you have him hidden somewhere nearby like some common strumpet? Do you go to him when we aren’t looking?”
An Unlikely Savior Page 17