by T. S. Joyce
Hitting the cold tap, she rinsed her toothpaste once and started brushing. Riker smiled at her in the mirror and her heart slammed against her sternum with how alluring that simple gesture could be. Even in the dim lighting, she could see her damning blush in the mirror, and she ducked her head to spit minty foam before he could see it.
The silence wasn’t uncomfortable as it had been taking up the same room with Jimmy sometimes. Riker was a noisy creature, rattling the toothbrush holder, sliding her bag out of the way as he passed, flopping onto his giant bed with a groan. His movements bolstered the quiet until she relaxed. Pulling the old picture Jeremy had given her from her discarded jean shorts pocket, she lay on the bed beside him and focused on the ceiling fan, as he seemed to be doing.
“I have a blast from the past for you.” She handed over the picture.
His fingertips brushed hers as he took it, and she held her breath as he unfolded the old photograph. After a long moment, he dropped the picture to his stomach and lifted a troubled look back to the fan.
“What happened to you two?” she asked.
“He left when his people needed him. He was the leader here once.”
The grim set to his mouth said there was so much more to it than that, but he didn’t seem willing to explain anything more to her.
“Jeremy was good to me. Until today,” she amended in a hard tone. Today he’d been a mega dick dipped in wanker syrup. And when he finished finding the rat or whatever he was determined to do, he was going to have hell to pay from her.
“Is Jeremy your man?” Riker asked in a frank, careful tone.
“I’m into older guys, but not that much older.” She rubbed her hands down her chilled arms and he pulled a throw blanket from the corner and tossed it over her lap. As a gift for his kindness, she’d share something personal with him. “I wanted to be a dancer.”
Arching his neck, he turned, rested cool gray eyes on her.
“Problem was, I had no rhythm and couldn’t even do the routines for my kindergarten dance recital. I took classes for years but I’m pretty sure my parents were really embarrassed at the recitals because the older I got, the better my classmates became, but not me. I stayed the same.” She chuckled at the memory of Mom’s worried pucker every time she parted ways with her backstage before a dance. “Eventually I got tired of embarrassing myself, but I still hung on for a couple more years for the flowers.”
“Flowers?”
“My dad would always give me this ridiculous, oversized bouquet of flowers at the end of every show. I might have been the worst dancer on the stage, but I got the biggest flowers. Anyway, I told Jeremy about it once and the next week he came back to the safe house we were living in with a package of those paper feet you put on the ground when you’re learning a new dance. That man tried to teach me to waltz for weeks before I told him I didn’t want to do it anymore. He would’ve never given up until I said uncle.” She turned her head and sighed. “So no. He wasn’t my man. But he was a good man to me.”
She could hear him swallow as he turned his attention back to the lazy blades of the fan. Just as she began to suspect she’d angered him with stories of a man he obviously felt betrayed by, his hand found hers. Warmth radiated from his palm, up her arm and settled in her chest. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes to better enjoy the safety she felt.
His voice cut through the quiet. “Jenny, my sister, used to love to dance when she was a girl too. She always made me be her dance partner because she didn’t have any friends.”
Well, the woman had shoved her into the ring and caused whatever hell she’d found herself in, so yeah, Jenny probably hadn’t had friends because she played too rough.
“My parents were very strict about the kids we played with. It was safer if—. It was better when we moved here.”
“How old were you?”
“Fifteen. Jenny was twelve and our parents felt like they couldn’t handle us without help anymore.”
“Were you a bad boy, Riker?” she teased.
“You joke, but I wouldn’t ever want to be in my parents’ shoes.”
Rolling, she landed on her belly and propped up on her elbows, worried at a loose thread on the royal blue comforter. “Where are your parents now?”
“Utah, where I grew up. They missed it, and as soon as Jenny and I were grown, they moved back.”
“But you stayed here?”
“This place is home. I feel stable here.”
She could see that. Even after only a few hours in his house, she’d realized he was a man completely at ease with his place amongst his people. She tried to imagine him in a city apartment, working a corporate job, and the vision utterly failed.
He rocked away and turned down the covers, removed his watch and set it on the night stand, and slid into bed. She hit the light switch and crawled in beside him, her personal stranger, whose warmth and presence somehow relaxed her in a way she hadn’t been able to manage in months. Riker was like a drug, calming her agitation and fear, drowning her heartache until all she felt was the addictive humming of his body so close to hers.
“Riker?”
“Hmm?” he mumbled sleepily, his back to her.
“I know everything is really messed up right now, but I’m still glad I met you.”
A low, purring sound came from his chest and filled the dark and he reached back and pulled her hand over his chest, held it there. “I can’t decide if I’m glad I met you yet.” His torso vibrated under her hand as he spoke. “You could ruin me.”
From the contented sound in his throat as he drifted off to sleep, his words didn’t seem like a slight to her and she snuggled closer until her cheek rested against his smooth, warm back.
If he was afraid of her ruining him, it meant he felt something for her.
****
The animal’s roar battled with the echoing bullets that zinged through her chest and Hannah shot up, gasping for breath. Pain ripped through her at the sudden movement and frantic, she searched the dark for clues to where she was. Ensnared in unfamiliar sheets, she brushed her hand against the empty warmth of the place beside her.
“Riker?” she asked the dark.
“I’m here,” he rumbled.
She squinted, her eyes adjusting to the moonlight that streamed in through the open window. The curtains lifted in the breeze and Riker crouched on a chair in the corner like a sentinel.
“You talk in your sleep,” he said in a strange voice.
Hands trembling, she clenched them to still her obvious fear. “Bad dream.”
His eyes seemed to glow in the dark in that eerie way Jeremy’s used to. The alluring color disappeared as he closed his eyes. Moments passed and he sighed.
She lifted the covers for him as he crawled back into bed, and without a word, he wrapped his body around hers, tucking her backside neatly against his hips. His arm moved under her cheek as he stroked her wrist. “Is it something you need to talk about?”
His tone said her admissions would scare him or make him shut down, or perhaps both, so she shook her head against his shoulder and saved them both the pain. His lips brushed the back of her hair in silent thanks, and his breath deepened again until she was sure he was asleep.
“I’m scared,” she admitted to the darkness.
Sometime later, as Hannah walked the edge of sleep, Riker rolled until he hovered over her. “I don’t want you to be scared. I won’t hurt you.”
Startled, her eyes flew open. “I thought you were asleep.”
Half of his face was in shadow, the other half lit in blue moonlight from the window. “Not asleep. Thinking.”
“Do you need to talk about what you were thinking about?”
“I could make you feel safe.”
She wouldn’t tell him he’d already achieved that more than anything else in the past twelve months, but the man didn’t have to know how far gone she was just yet.
A mischievous smile started in the corner of his lips as he
lowered himself, covered her mouth with his. There was no urgency, but his erection pressed firmly against her belly through his boxers. Trailing his lips to her breasts, sucking gently on the tight nub of one and kneading the other, her legs opened without him even having to nudge them apart. The effect this man had on her was frightening.
This wasn’t like her college boyfriend who didn’t believe in foreplay. Riker was slow, methodical, focused on revering her body as he sucked, and licked, and nibbled his way to her hips.
Realization crashed into her about his intentions as his stubbled jaw rasped against the inside of her thigh. She wasn’t afraid he’d take advantage. She didn’t know how she knew, but she did. He wouldn’t do anything she didn’t beg for, and oh, that man was going to make her beg. A helpless noise sang from her throat as his teeth grazed the tender flesh of her inner thigh. The fabric of her panties tickled as he pulled them down her legs, then tossed them to the floor. Arching against him, his lips and tongue teased until her head spun. What was he waiting for? She was expert level zero at this stuff, so if he needed her to do something, he had to ask. Or maybe that was it.
“Please?” she whispered in a ragged breath.
He plunged his tongue into her, reward for her finally catching his sexy hints, and she yelled against the feeling of utter abandon. As he lapped her, she rocked against him, ran her fingers through his hair as the pressure built.
His hands clenched her hips, pulling her toward him and a low hum vibrated against her sex.
“Riker!” she cried, just before she was shattered by the pulsing ecstasy he’d patiently worked for.
Sated and panting, she stilled, but he continued to taste her until the pulsing aftershocks halted as well. She twitched as he kissed her and drew up on the bed. Covering her body with his, he nibbled her neck and chuckled as she lay drained and spread out like a starfish on his bed. Why did she feel like she’d just run a marathon? She didn’t even do anything. Calories burned: seven at most.
Even the pain in her chest paled in comparison to the warmth he shared. This wasn’t right. She shouldn’t feel so close to a man she just met. “Can I tell you something?”
“Yeah,” he murmured. “I’m good with secrets.”
She snorted at the words he’d stolen from her and scratched her nails gently down his back.
“You’re the first man to make me…you know.”
He pulled back, a look of pure male triumph written all over his features. “You said you’d been with someone before.”
“He didn’t really cater to my needs.” The blush in her cheeks was probably epic right now. Thank goodness for the dark veil of night.
He propped up on one elbow, his leg still draped over hers, his erection firm against her hip. His touch was light as he brushed a strand of hair from her face. “His failure. You’re magnificent.”
She trailed a light fingertip down the length of his shaft and searched his eyes in silent question.
His teeth grazed her shoulder and he shook his head. “You don’t have to. Tonight was about you. I didn’t know how to fix your sadness.”
“So you thought cure by orgasm?”
He snorted and buried his head against her neck. It sounded like he was inhaling her scent, and when he pulled back, the remnants of a smile still tugged his lips. “Did it work?”
“I don’t want you to do that to Merit.” The certainty hit her like a sack of stones. “I want that for myself.”
“Hannah,” he warned.
“I know it’s not fair of me, and I’m under no illusions you’ll pick me, but let this be mine.”
“Dammit, Hannah. I don’t have the choice of picking you. Can’t you see that? You won’t stay, you don’t agree with our laws. Once the danger is over for you, you’ll be gone and I’ll be left to pick up the pieces. We mate for life, woman. It’s ingrained in us. You and I can’t work.”
Jesus, what was wrong with dating for a moment? Everything seemed so serious and damning around here. “Us, we. What’s so different between you and me? These laws aren’t as important as you think. There are bigger things out there in the real world besides this commune.”
“Commune?” He jerked back. “Is that what you think this is? I’m not like you, Hannah. Neither are the people here. We have to live on the outskirts because it’s safest for everyone that way.”
“So, you’re like, criminals?”
“No! We aren’t criminals. We’re good people who’ve had to adapt to the world and eke out our existence here. Look, forget it.” His eyes went dead, and she could all but see him close off from her. He stood and pulled a pair of sweats on. “Stay here and I’ll be back in the morning.”
“Riker, wait!” She ran after him but he was already gone, and the front door banging open splintered the night. She’d pushed too hard, too fast. She’d pressed him right into Merit’s arms and a sick feeling slammed into her gut. She pulled the hem of her oversized shirt down lower and ran outside after him but nothing stirred save the cicadas and bullfrogs. What had she done? Her chest hurt, but not from her injuries. Her heart was shattering at the thought of him in Merit’s arms. He’d choose the other woman, of course he would, but she’d done a bang up job of convincing him Merit could understand him better than she ever could. Her time with him had been shortened to nothing.
A miserable sob bubbled from her throat and she looked around helplessly. “I’m sorry!” she yelled. She was sorrier than she could ever express over a loss she couldn’t understand. She was out of her element here, swimming in rules she didn’t know and that didn’t make sense with the society she’d grown up in. Why had Jeremy brought her here? He’d made everything worse. Sworn she would be safe here, but he put her heart right in the path of Riker’s destruction.
****
Riker watched her from the trees, his head and heart at war with each other. When she cried out how sorry she was, he leaned heavily against the nearest tree, panting. She’d ruined him. He could’ve bedded Merit and lived a long life leading his people with a loyal mate by his side. But Hannah had come crashing out of the woods like a boulder, trapping him beneath the weight of want. Under the temptation of a future with someone he could actually care about.
He turned away from her, leaned against the tree and closed his eyes. If he stayed here, watching her torment, he’d fold and run to her to ease her pain. He couldn’t do that and stay away from her like he needed. They’d already bonded too much. From the second he tasted her... “Shit,” he muttered, too low for her to hear. His bear had already chosen, and he’d chosen wrong. He hadn’t even had sex with the woman and she filled his head. This was how it had worked with Jenny and Blaine and he’d felt lucky. Lucky to avoid a love that looked so painful to go through. What an arrogant bastard he’d been. Maybe it was bonding with humans that ruined them.
Everyone expected him to choose Merit. She was the obvious choice. She’d support him, back him in his decisions, and bear him cubs when the time came. She’d make the perfect alpha’s mate.
Hannah couldn’t be more different.
Squatting, he scrubbed his hands over his face. Locking his fingers under his chin, he turned and watched Hannah stumble back into his house. Her sniffles trailed her and he shook his head as his bear fought to go after his mate. He couldn’t Change. The beast inside of him would find her. And even if he meant to protect her, she didn’t know that. She didn’t even know he was a bear shifter. She thought he was head of some commune.
And she still wants you.
Gritting his teeth to control the voice in his head, he stood and jogged through the trees. He’d get away from her, sleep in the wilds and come back when he’d had time to clear his head.
You beat a man in front of her, for reasons she doesn’t understand, and she still wants you.
You’re hard and cold, and she still wants you.
You ran from her instead of answering her questions. She. Still. Wants. You.
He felt ragged on h
is edges, open and bleeding, confused for the first time in years. Since Jeremy had left he’d known the exact path of his life, and now that old bastard had brought him poison.
Chapter Six
Coffee was necessary after last night.
Hannah poked another button on Riker’s coffee machine to no better result. The thing looked like it belonged on a spaceship and she was tech challenged. “Come on, you little beast. I’ve had a terrible night and you can’t cut me one tiny little break? Give me coffee!”
“It’s the purple button near the bottom.” A familiar woman stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame with her arms crossed.
“Jenny?”
“The one and only sister to the alpha.”
“Whatever that means,” Hannah muttered and jabbed the designated button. Steam rose from the contraption and black nectar dribbled into the coffeepot. “Hey, thanks for shoving me into the ring yesterday. You simplified my life, big time.”
“Eh,” the woman said with a shrug. “You’ll thank me for it later.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Your scar. You’re Riker’s mate. Merit isn’t.”
“More riddles. Fantastic. Well, your plan didn’t work because I pissed your brother off and he ran right into Merit’s arms, so congrats on the new sister-in-law.”
Another irritating shrug. “Even if he sleeps with Merit, it doesn’t mean he chooses her. It just means he’s doing exactly as our laws require him to do. Don’t take it personally.”
“Don’t take it personally? I personally think sex is more than this emotionless, robotic humping of two consenting parties. I personally think the laws that force him to bed two women are bullcaka, and I personally…” Her lip trembled and her voice dipped to a rasp. “I personally hate that I lost him before I even knew him.”
Jenny pulled her into a hug that nearly suffocated her injured lung. “And that, Hannah, is why you’re his mate.”
“I don’t even know what any of this means.” She sniffled pathetically into Jenny’s hair. “And when I asked him, he bolted.”