“It’s okay, Chester,” I said. “I’m sorry they have stuff on them. My mother smokes a lot. It’s okay though. They have to taste better than the dumb grass you keep eating.”
I got on my knees and leaned forward.
“Come on, Chester. You can trust me. I… I love you, okay?”
I forced myself forward a few more inches and then Chester got spooked. He jumped up off the ground, hit the ground, and then took off into the thick grass.
“No,” I cried out. “Chester!”
I waited for a few minutes but Chester never came back.
I left the pile of carrot shavings there and walked to the front of my house. I waited some more and Willow didn’t come outside. She was lucky too. I was going to put gum in her hair.
Instead I went back inside my house and avoided my parents as they fought, starting to get physical.
I needed to calm my nerves… so I tried something new - I had my first cigarette.
chapter fifteen
(willow)
*NOW*
The coffeemaker let out its final sigh and I matched it with my own sigh.
The evening news droned on in the background as Grammie sat there in her favorite chair with the morning paper. The same paper she read three times already.
Deb had tried to warn me the best she could but there was no real warning. We had a long talk about what to do and I knew what waited. This wasn’t a thing for years… it wasn’t even a thing for months…
After shedding some hard, guilt filled tears, I made it clear to Deb that we could do the right thing for Grammie. But before that, I was going to take care of her. Going to give back to her what she gave to me.
I poured a mug of decaf coffee and added some milk and sugar. I smiled, remembering the mornings when Grammie would make her own coffee and I’d come downstairs holding my favorite doll. There were mornings when Mama would be sleeping at the table, still drunk. But once Mama died…
I shook away the memories and brought Grammie her coffee.
She quickly went to sip it and burned her lip, spitting the coffee and dropping the mug to the table. It all happened so fast I didn’t know what to tend to first. I grabbed a towel on the table and hurried to help Grammie’s lip.
“I’m fine!” she yelled at me and swatted. “Why’d you make it so damn hot?”
I wiped the table and couldn’t believe the mug didn’t shatter.
“It’s coffee, Grammie,” I said. “It’s supposed to be hot. Are you okay?”
“Why was there a salesman here?”
“He was just asking questions about the house.”
“Where’s Deb?”
“She went home. To her family. Her husband… kids…”
“She’s married?” Grammie asked. “She’s fourteen!”
I forced a smile. “No, she’s not fourteen. She’s older than me.”
“Mary? You…”
Grammie pushed me away and forced herself to stand. When she got really confused she would walk away. I let her go and let her try to collect her mind. It was hard to watch her come and go, always trying to figure her way back.
This time she walked to the hutch in between the living room and dining room. She ripped open a drawer and fumbled with a bunch of papers. After a few minutes she pulled out a newspaper clipping and held it up.
“This is you!” she yelled. “You, Mary! You died four years ago!”
I gasped. I lost my breath for a second.
“Grammie, it’s me. It’s Willow. I’m…”
“Oh, no, no, no,” she said.
She dropped the paper and walked by me and toward the steps, rubbing her forehead.
“Grammie…”
“I’m not dead yet,” she said. “You don’t come near me again, Mary. I don’t know what you’re trying to prove.”
I let Grammie go and after taking two steps, she stopped, and walked toward her bedroom. Deb told me that when she slipped bad it would only make things worse to confuse her even more.
So I let her go for a little bit before going to her bedroom to check on her. I slowly opened the door and Grammie sat on the edge of the bed and was saying her prayers. I watched her pray and my eyes filled with tears. She then tucked herself into bed. It was very early but I wasn’t going tell her not to sleep.
I entered the room finally and turned on the TV. I put the remote on the nightstand and I kissed her forehead.
“I love you, Grammie,” I whispered.
“I love you too, Willow,” she said. “You stay strong. For everything. You were always strong.”
I looked at Grammie and wanted to say so much to her. But she gently swatted me out of the way and grabbed the remote and started to turn up the volume. That was my cue to go away.
As I shut the door behind me, I started to cry.
This was going to be hard and I knew it. But it seemed each day there was a new surprise waiting with Grammie. She was a tough fighter, that’s where I got it from, but she was fighting a battle that she had no chance of winning. And that hurt bad.
I opened the cabinet above the fridge and there was a bottle of scotch. Grammie only drank when someone died or on New Year’s. That was it. The bottle was half full.
It was probably a terrible idea, considering all that Mama had done.
But I wasn’t going to hurt myself.
I just needed a drink.
There was never such thing as just a drink.
I was buzzed, teetering on drunk. I checked on Grammie and she was sleeping. I pulled up a chair and sat with her for a few minutes, just watching her sleep. The woman had taught me so much about life and there was nothing I could do for her then.
Before I got emotional I kissed Grammie’s forehead and left the room. Deb told me to lock the door which I hated to do. But truthfully there was no choice because if Grammie ever went for a midnight walk she’d be gone for good. I stuck a key in the door and twisted. Then I twisted it again, unlocking.
“No,” I whispered.
I’d sleep on the couch.
I hated when Grammie woke up and couldn’t get out of her own room. It was weird to me.
I went to the table and saw the bottle of scotch and my cellphone. I was going to grab one or the other.
So I grabbed my cell.
I’d forever blame the scotch but I knew better than that. It was all me. All of what I wanted to do.
I wanted to put Gage to the test and see what this outlaw of a man was all about. If he could deliver on his promise to me.
So I texted him.
Keeping true to your word?
I couldn’t believe it when I actually sent it. Then I couldn’t believe a few seconds later when I got a response from Gage. And so damn fast.
Always, babe. You need me?
I swallowed hard with my fingers twitching.
Yes. Right now, Gage.
He stopped in the alley and climbed off his ride. When he got close enough to me the first thing I realized was that he didn’t stink of smoke. His hands touched my hips as he started to back me up, taking me right to the house. I looked up at him as he looked down at me.
“You didn’t smoke,” I said.
“Not since the last time I saw you. Right out here.”
“Why?”
“Is that why you want me here right now?”
“Fuck no,” I said and grabbed the back of his neck.
I jumped up to my toes. Gage came down as I moved up. Our lips touched and the kiss was as hot as before. Our tongues touched, fought, and then Gage broke away. His hands went flat to my belly and he straightened his arms.
“You’re drunk,” he whispered.
“No. Maybe a little.”
“No fucking way,” he said. “You’ll wake up tomorrow and hate yourself for this.”
Gage backed away.
“No!” I yelled. “You said to call you. For anything…”
<
br /> “Not drunk sex,” he said. “Not like this. You’ll hate me even more. You’ll hate yourself. This won’t fix…”
I ran to him and grabbed his wrists. I couldn’t believe how fucking bold I was about to become. I put his hands to my breasts. Right over my shirt. Forcing those long and strong fingers of his to touch me.
“You don’t know how long it’s been…”
My lips quivered.
“Fuck, Willow,” he said. “What do you want from me?”
“You,” I said. “Right now. Make it go away, Gage. Make the pain go away. Make me… go away…”
I slipped his hands down my body. One hand went to my lower back and the other grabbed the front of my pants. He ripped them open, right there on the deck. I shuddered, a second away from telling him not to do anything outside.
Shut up, Willow! This is what you want! You want the bad boy! You want the outlaw!
Gage put his nose to my neck and ran it up to my ear. His lips flirted with my earlobe as his hand eased down the front of my panties. His fingers were rough against the softness of my mouth. I put my head back and moaned into the night. He was a centimeter away from touching my super sensitive clit when he stopped everything.
“This can’t be undone, babe,” he said into my ear. “If I go down this road…”
I grabbed his wrist and pushed, demanding his touch.
His fingers moved down and curled against my slit.
I jumped and cried out. Gage’s other hand at my back prevented me from getting away.
Two fingers curled and pressed against me. My legs flexed and I groaned, feeling him penetrating me. The tips of his fingers were quickly followed by the rest of his fingers. They felt endless, digging beautifully deep into me, curling, then pulling right back out, bringing a wetness that dripped to my panties and my inner thighs.
“Holy shit, babe,” he whispered. “So fucking tight and warm.”
“Yes,” I said. “Yes, Gage. Yes.”
He thrust his fingers into me again. And again. And again.
I felt myself already beginning to reach the point of climax.
I took a step back, then again, pulling at him to take me inside.
Then everything stopped again.
Gage and I locked eyes.
“Remember this moment,” he whispered. “Because this is the biggest decision of your life.”
His hands grabbed at my ass and lifted me up. I threw my legs around him and he walked me to the door.
Our lips and tongues met again.
How could he keep kissing me hotter each time?
That didn’t matter.
What mattered was that Gage carried me into the house and took me right to the living room couch. He dropped me down and leaned over the couch. My hands shot up and stripped him of his leather cut. I then grabbed his shirt and tore at it, wanting it off.
But Gage got away. His hands grabbed my pants and panties.
With a firm hold, he stared down at me. And he said one thing.
“This is for you, babe… this is my apology…”
chapter sixteen
(gage)
*THEN*
I forget who told me that Willow lost her virginity, but he got a punch to the mouth. Fuck the bullshit of don’t shoot the messenger. I was tired of gossip in town and wanted it dead and gone. It was part of the reason I heard rumors that Willow was going to split Bishop. Why not? She was old enough to do so. She deserved a chance outside of town.
Then I made a big mistake.
After I punched the guy that told me about Willow, I helped him up, gave him a stolen beer, and asked who she was with.
He dropped the bomb on me that it was just with some guy.
Some guy? Just some fucking guy?
I had lived across from her for how long and she went and let someone fuck her and didn’t know who it was?
I demanded a name and I got the name.
The prick was two years older than us, able to legally buy beer, which I was sure played a factor into Willow’s dumb ass decision. I used all my money that summer to buy my first motorcycle. College was a thing long gone for me, as was dealing with high school drama. I was in that in between stage in life, secretly waiting until I was twenty-one (only four months to go) and then I could drink myself stupid legally and tear up all the bars in town.
I got on my ride and went right to the prick’s apartment. A guy named Dale. He answered his door in jeans and some fancy designer shirt. He stared up at me like I was scum off the bottom of his shoe.
That was all I could manage.
I pounded him back into his apartment and took him down. Each time I hit him I pictured him on top of Willow. Thrusting at her. Fucking her. Taking the last true innocence she had. It was none of my business but I made it my own.
I took good care of Dale that night and made it clear that if he even so much as thought of Willow I’d be back.
I planned on going to find Willow and tell her how fucking stupid and wrong she was. That I should have been the guy to take her virginity. That’s how it was all going to play out. We had a destiny still forming and she fucking ruined it.
That night, two things happened to me.
First - I found out from Willow that she was definitely leaving Bishop. I couldn’t tell her what I knew, why, or how I felt. I didn’t want to fuck up her plans.
Second - I got arrested for attempted burglary and beating up Dale.
The day after Willow left town I was put away for a little while.
chapter seventeen
(gage)
*NOW*
I threw her jeans and panties across the living room. She was shy about opening her legs but she had no choice with me. I had been living in starvation for this moment for years. The second her sweet smell attacked my nose I was like a rampant animal on the hunt, tracking its best kill ever.
I grabbed Willow’s left leg and put it up on the coffee table. I touched her inner thighs and ran my hands up her body. I looked up to her face, watching her cheeks turn bright red as she stared at me.
Goddamn, the worry was almost sexy on her. Yet she had nothing to worry about. Her folds were perfectly thin, beautifully curled, the rest of her area well kept. Her pink flower seeped a clear nectar that my tongue went right in to sample. In this river of temptation I was going to drown. And I’d drown a happy man.
I sliced between her petals with the tip of my tongue, going right for her clit. As soon as I circled my tongue around the hard nub, then curling and tugging, I felt the way she jumped at me. It really had been a long time for her.
My tongue eased down and I thrust forward, feeling the warmth of her pussy as I entered her. I made a wide circle, wrestling against the clenching of her body, feeling how tight she was. All I could picture then was Willow being a virgin. Or at least a woman who hadn’t been with many men. Christ, she had the aura of untouched, which drove me damn wild.
I licked bottom to top, top to bottom, making sure my tongue was sloppy but effective and making sure the sound of my tongue against her wetness could be easily heard. I wanted her to hear her own pleasure as she felt it.
Her hands started at her shirt, then her belly. Her right hand finally came forward and touched my hair. I felt her hand jumping each time I touched her clit, knowing that was the do or die spot on her beautiful body.
I teased her as I licked up and beyond her clit, pressing my lips to her bare mound. I kissed all the way to her belly button, my tongue flickering at her, feeling her stomach flutter, knowing she was definitely ticklish. I brought my right hand forward and sank two fingers into her, going to a depth that made her body buck off the couch into the air. I continued to kiss at her belly, listening to her try and suppress her groans.
“Lift your fucking shirt, babe,” I ordered.
Willow grabbed the bottom of her shirt and listened to me. Her hands even grabbed the bottom of her bra and with
one pull, her tits popped free. They were beautifully full, a perfect creamy color that complemented the bright pinkness of her sweet pussy.
I nuzzled my nose across her left nipple, feeling it react to my touch. My mouth came over her breast and sucked, forcing her to let out a long and loud groan. My fingers continued to fuck her, feeling her stomach pulsing, knowing she was inching closer and closer to the edge.
Fuck, I wanted to rip my cock out and pound into her so badly, but I reminded myself that she was drunk. If she woke up tomorrow and regretted this, so be it. At least I hadn’t fucked her. At least I hadn’t done what the prick did when he took her virginity.
It was burning in my mind.
I didn’t want to be that guy to her.
Even though I had been nothing but an asshole to her for years.
I took my anger out on her breast and nipple. My teeth squeezed and pulled, painfully playful, making her chest wiggle to get away.
I kissed across the top of her chest and gave her other breast the same attention.
My fingers had become more and more aggressive. The thrusts were harder. I sank deeper. My cock was twisted and hard in my jeans, begging me to come out and play.
“Oh, Gage, fuck,” Willow moaned. “I’m so… oh…”
She let out a shaky breath and I knew I had her on the edge of the cliff.
Now it was time to push her the fuck off.
I quickly slithered my eager tongue down her body and took my fingers away from her slit. I placed my hands to the tops of her legs and held her there. We had a brief second where our eyes met and then that was it.
I put my mouth to her clit the same as I had done to her nipples. I flicked my tongue hard and fast, making it impossible for her body not to shake. She bit her lip, groaning, her hips rocking left to right. Slowly, I nibbled on her clit, then I started to pull.
And that was all it fucking took.
Willow’s ass rose up off the couch, fighting against me. She bucked her sweet pussy against my mouth as she came, leaving me to thirst all the nectar I could handle.
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