“You will be,” he replied with conviction. “Life’s like any other story. It’s inevitable that what you remember most is the last chapter you read. But one chapter doesn’t define the whole book.”
“Is that your way of saying time heals all wounds?”
“No. I’m saying that time lets you find a way to live with them.”
“I hope so.” I ducked my head as I wiped down the sink. It seemed so strange to be sharing such a personal moment of grief with a near stranger. But he spoke with such conviction and authority, it was hard not to believe him.
“Are you going to get into trouble for bringing me here?” I asked, looking around the kitchen. The house was much newer than I’d realised last night and was decorated in a way that had me swooning over every room. It was probably half the size of Dad’s monstrosity, but it felt cosy and lived-in. Little details everywhere, from the framed photos of Nan with Tom as a teenager to the cushions coordinated with bedding, screamed of a woman’s touch.
“Probably, but I’m hoping the fact that they’ve given me command will give me some leeway. Tomorrow, I’ll have to submit my log of your whereabouts through the night and of my operational conduct. Once MI5 has seen it, we’ll know how badly the shit has hit the fan.” He didn’t seem too bothered, and his lack of concern helped me relax.
“I needed this. So badly,” I admitted, biting my lip nervously. “I’m not sure how much more I could’ve taken of being monitored and observed all day every day. It’s bad enough knowing that someone is constantly listening and watching, but hearing that lowlife has been through my underwear drawer was just a step too far.”
“I’ll probably get a bollocking from my boss for not taking you to a hotel or something, but you needed to feel safe. You’re not trained for this, and if you slip up with Vasili because you’re tired and stressed, this whole operation will all be for nothing anyway.”
Folding the tea towel, I draped it over the handle of the oven, then crossed my arms and turned to lean against it. To say that I was disappointed was a colossal understatement. Of course, this was all about the mission. Tom was one of the most determined and focused people I’d ever met. Bringing an end to the trafficking and locating the buyers was his top priority. It should have been mine, but somewhere along the way my focus had shifted. We both shared the same goal, but I wanted to share more. I wanted to know that he made this incredibly reckless decision because he cared about me. I’d romanticised things between us, and it needed to stop. There was a fairly good chance that I wouldn’t be walking away from this situation at all. I knew that the minute I made the phone call to the government. But on the slim chance that one day my life would be my own again, I owed it to myself to try and keep this battered heart intact. Mum, Dad, John. They were all gone, and the minute this was over, Tom would be too.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asked. Standing in front of me, he consumed my space until you could barely slip a piece of paper between us.
“I know you want to make sure I won’t break and mess up the operation, but this rest was just what I needed. If it would help, I can make a statement for your superiors stating that I threatened to pull from the operation if I didn’t get some space, so you brought me here. I don’t want you getting into trouble over this. Over me….”
He used his knuckle to raise my head until I was looking deep into those big brown eyes.
“The truth is, there are a million places I could’ve taken you to feel safe, but I wanted you here. Sleeping in my bed, cooking in my kitchen, and making yourself at home. I might not get the chance again. So stop worrying so much. Some people are worth a little trouble. I’ll get a rap over the knuckles at most, and I’d take that any day of the week for the chance to have you here.”
“You mean that?” I asked softly. My whole body relaxed in relief as he said the words I’d so longed to hear. Succumbing to the intimacy of the moment, I placed my hands on his chest as he rested his on the stove behind me, trapping me in the security of his arms. The unique scent of his soap and aftershave drugged my senses like nothing else, and I closed my eyes as I tried to memorise it. There were so many consequences to what we were about to do, a price that we would both have to pay. But in that moment, I didn’t care. All I could think about, all I could feel, all I could see, was him. His nose rubbed gently along mine as his warm breath danced across my lips. My whole body ached with the need to feel his weight pressed against me, and the small groan he let slip through his lips told me he felt the same way.
“What are you doing to me?” he whispered.
“Same thing you’re doing to me,” I whispered back.
I opened my eyes long enough to see the expression of pure torture on his face before it turned to resolve. As his head dipped towards me, my breath hitched, knowing, finally, he was going to kiss me.
“Hey, boss. What time were you thinking of making a move back to…whoa.” Will’s voice trailed off as he came around the corner and caught us. This time, Tom didn’t jump or pull away. He placed a protective hand on the small of my back, cementing our closeness before turning slightly to face Will.
“What do you need?” Tom asked him.
“Urgh, just wondering what time you wanted to go up to Hereford? The lads are a little restless and want to get some training in before we need to head back to London,” he replied.
“Give it twenty minutes. Nan’s going soon, and I want to make sure she’s safely home before we leave,” Tom said.
“No problem,” Will responded. “And sorry to disturb you. I’ll keep the lads out of your hair until we leave.” He gave Tom an indecipherable look, then nodded to me before leaving the room.
Emboldened by his confession, I rested my forehead against his chest, and he wrapped his strong arms around my body, binding us together as one. In the other room, I could hear Nan laughing and joking with the guys, and I knew we’d missed our moment.
“One day, buttercup,” Tom said.
“One day,” I agreed.
We stayed there, holding onto each other for as long as we could, until we heard Nan and Will arguing.
“I think they’d appreciate some privacy,” Will said.
“Then they can go to a hotel. Now get out of my way, William. I don’t want to hurt you, but if you don’t remove yourself from the doorway, I will take away your mother’s chance of ever having grandchildren,” Nan replied before barrelling into the room.
“Housekeeper? Really? You always were a terrible liar,” she said, pointing an accusatory finger at Tom. I had no idea how she could hold it up for so long with the weight of the heavy looking gold and jewelled rings she wore. Tom gave a long-suffering sigh before kissing me gently on the forehead and turning to face her.
“What is it you think you know then, you nosy old crone?” he asked. It was shocking to hear the way they spoke to one another, but their witty banter back and forth seemed to be based on genuine affection. Tom wasn’t a man who smiled often, but he smiled for Nan.
“She owns a shipping company worth bloody millions, so why is she in my house pretending to be a maid?”
“Housekeeper, actually,” I muttered, put out that my imaginary position had just been demoted.
“It’s my house, and maybe I’m marrying her for her money so I don’t have to hear you bitch about cutting me out of your will all the time,” he said, baiting Nan, which only seemed to wind her up further.
“It’ll be your house when I’m dead, and is it too much to hope for a straight answer?”
“It’s my name on the deed, and how could you possibly know who she is anyway?” Tom replied.
“I took her picture on my phone and did a reverse image search. I got a couple of hits, and then I found her. What I want to know is what she’s doing here.”
“Jesus Christ, Nan. The CIA and MI5 combined have nothing on you,” Tom protested. “Look, trust me when I say you’re better off not knowing. Sarah only came for one night, and
I had no idea you’d be stopping by. I’m grateful to you for keeping up the place when I’m gone, but it’s safer all around if you pretend we weren’t here.”
“Oh, cut the crap, Thomas. Either you tell me what’s going on or I’ll work it out for myself.” Tom rolled his eyes at the use of his full name, but the look of resignation on his face told me that Nan would get her way.
“Just tell her, Tom. What harm can it do now that we’ve eloped,” I said. His eyes met mine, and the conspiratorial look we shared told me he’d caught on to what I was doing.
“I guess it was only a matter of time before she found out about the baby anyway,” he replied, adding to the farce.
“I do hope it’s twins, darling. A boy and a girl. One of each would be wonderful, wouldn’t it?” I gushed. At this point, Nan’s eyes were bulging out of their sockets.
“We’ll call the girl Nan so her name will remind us to visit you when we finally get your wrinkly arse into a care home,” he said, and she finally cottoned onto the fact that we were winding her up.
“You’re a terrible son, you know that? It would serve you right if I did disinherit you!”
“Like I give a shit about your money,” he said, planting a huge, wet kiss on her cheek.
“And you, young lady, shouldn’t encourage him,” she said, pointing her finger at me. “If it weren’t for the fact that I’ve seen my boy smile more this morning than he has in years, I’d say you were a bad influence. Now, enough fooling around. Spill it,” she ordered as she walked around the kitchen to put the kettle on.
“We’ll have a cuppa if there’s one on the go,” Will shouted from the other room as the water began to boil.
“Does this look like a bloody café?” she shouted back, and was met with laughter, but she lined up enough mugs for everyone regardless.
“I took over the running of my father’s company about a month ago and discovered that the underlying core of the business is in trafficking for a Russian gang operating out of London,” I explained, not wanting to put Tom in the position of having to be insubordinate again. I was warned not to tell anyone, but I wasn’t military. Nobody could order me to do anything. “MI5 are tracing the shipments in the hope of tracking the buyers, and Tom is watching over me in case they decide they’d prefer a change of management.”
She levelled a glare at me, likely trying to access whether we were yanking her chain again. When she saw the truth of it in my face, she turned towards Tom again.
“Was it too much to hope you’d find a nice school teacher or something, leave the army, and pop out a couple of grandkids?” she said, sighing.
“We don’t get to choose,” he replied cryptically.
“No, we don’t, son,” she agreed.
One by one, the guys filtered in, until Will, Eli, and Crash were lined up beside us.
“What’s the plan then? I mean, I’m assuming you’ve got a plan for when the government cuts her loose and this all goes pear-shaped,” Nan said.
Will looked towards Tom, and I could see then that this was something they’d already contemplated.
“Are you saying the government is going to throw me to the wolves when this is over?” I asked Tom.
“If they are, we’ve not been told of it. But I’ll be honest. The minute I was told about this operation, it occurred to me they’d consider you expendable,” he admitted. The confession was enough to make my blood run cold. Without these guys protecting me, I had no chance.
“Am I expendable?” I asked him quietly.
The intensity of emotion in his beautiful brown eyes, had a shiver running down my spine. “Not to me.”
Tom
“Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in, soldier?” Lieutenant Colonel Timothy Davies said to me. In basic training as a new recruit, I’d been screamed at more times than I could count. Falling back on the same techniques I’d used throughout my childhood, I processed the command and blocked out the barracking as simply white noise. It was a skill that had developed into adulthood, giving me the ability to tune out crowds and screams to focus completely on a target. But Davies wasn’t a man to raise his voice often. If he did, you knew you were in deep shit.
“Yes, sir,” I admitted.
“Well, do you have anything to say that justifies your actions? I’ve heard from Staff Sergeant Edwards that you were concerned for Miss Tatem’s state of mind and that you felt that your home was a secure, defensible environment in which you could get her back on track. Is that correct?”
“To a degree, sir. It’s true that the constant monitoring and aggressive meetings with the Russians, from which Miss Tatem felt she had no reprieve, was causing some fear and stress. I felt as though a good night’s sleep in an unmonitored environment, where she was nevertheless protected, would help eliminate that anxiety. But I should have saught approval before taking that decision into my hands, and I should have taken her to an independent location that was secure.” What I failed to say was that, if I had the choice all over again, I still would have done the same thing. The minute I carried Sarah over the threshold of the only home I’d ever known, I knew she belonged there. She belonged with me. Something between us had shifted in those few precious hours. I’d let go of the illusion that she was just another mission. Just one of a hundred civilians I’d saved in my career.
“What am I going to do with you, Tom?” he asked, his tone becoming exasperated. “This operation is extremely high profile. Success will make your career, and failure will likely end it. You were chosen for this operation because you’re one of my best, which is why I’ll give you a little leeway this time, but once MI5 analyse the logs, they’ll be all over this. We can’t afford any fuck-ups, and you cannot afford to become attached to this woman. She’s an asset. Nothing more. I’m going to justify your actions by pointing out that this is the first time the SAS have worked with civilian assets at this level and that you made a judgement call to rectify her fragile state of mind and get her back in the game quickly. By doing so, I’m having to admit a weakness in the regiment, which goes against everything we’re trying to achieve here. Going cap in hand to explain myself to a bunch of uptight, condescending suits makes me look stupid, Lieutenant, and I do not like looking stupid. Am I clear?”
“Yes, sir,” I replied.
“You will accompany Miss Tatem to the benefit dinner tonight as planned, and you will remain with her for the rest of the week. In order to give her the reprieve she needs, next Friday, Alpha Team B will take her to a secure location and you and your team will chopper out to the North Sea where you’ll simulate a cargo ship assault. You will return to guarding her for the final week, following which we will be meeting with MI5 where they’ll appraise us of their findings.”
He wasn’t removing my command of the operation, but it was clear that he was doing what was necessary to put some distance between Sarah and me. Little did he know that I was already past the point of no return.
“May I make a request, sir?” I asked.
“What is it, Lieutenant?”
“Have Alpha Team B take her back to my house next weekend. It’s familiar territory where she’ll feel comfortable. It’s remote and fairly isolated, so easy for the team to see an assault coming, and the security is integrated. If the Russians are tracking her in any way, it won’t be suspicious that she’s staying in my house given that I’m supposed to be her primary security. If you take her to a different location and they tie that to the regiment, the whole operation is blown.”
I fucking hated the idea of her being separated from me and my guys, and I sure as hell didn’t want her anywhere near those dick swingers in Team B. But if it was going to happen, the Neanderthal in me wanted to know she was safe and comfortable in my bed. Seeing her sleep, her long mahogany hair shot through with streaks of copper spread out over my pillow, had given me a moment of absolute peace in a lifetime of war. Besides which, I had a secure link to my phone from camera feeds across the property. I mi
ght be hanging over the side of a helicopter and freezing my arse off on the Baring Sea, but that would be a hell of a lot easier knowing she was safe.
“Very well,” Davies agreed. “The damage is done, so we’ll just have to make the best of it. But I don’t want you going anywhere near that place as long as she’s there.”
“Yes, sir,” I replied robotically. I respected Davies and appreciated the opportunities he’d given me. If I had to guess, I’d say he was most likely responsible for my selection for this command. But agreeing to follow an order you knew was made for the right reasons was its own kind of torture when every fibre of your being told you it was wrong. Regardless of how safe she might be with another team, walking away from her went against every gut instinct that I had. Defying Davies though would have me shipped out instantly without even a chance to say goodbye, so either way I was fucked. A quick salute and I was dismissed. Leaving his office, I stalked angrily back to the Range Rover where Will was waiting.
“What’s the verdict then?” he asked as he turned around and drove towards the base exit.
“He gave me the bollocking I expected, but nothing official. He’s covering for me with MI5, but if the mission goes to shit, it’s my head on the chopping block. Command is still mine, but he wants some distance between me and Sarah.”
“That might not be a bad thing, Tom. You’re getting too close to this girl. I mean, I’m the last one to pull you up on shit like this, but you’re in so deep you can’t see how fucked up it is to be messing with this chick. I get that you’re with her night and day, but shit, can a pretty piece of arse really be worth fucking your career over?”
My jaw clicked, and my fist tightened as I fought to rein in my temper. Taking a deep breath, I turned slowly to face Will. “You and I have been friends for a long time, but you call her a piece of arse again, and you and I are going to have some serious fucking problems,” I warned him.
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