“I know it’s early,” Nan said to me, “but I want you to think about moving in here.”
“Tom asked me the same thing Friday. We were going to go up to Yorkshire in a couple of weeks to empty out my flat. But now, I don’t think I can. This place belongs to you, and if it doesn’t, it will soon. Besides, I’m not sure it will feel like home without him,” I replied, looking around wistfully.
“Of course it will. You can’t outrun grief, you know. It’s like a shadow that follows you everywhere you go. If you want to learn to heal, you’ve got to find a place you love, one that makes you feel safe, and you need to face your grief head-on. Three dead husbands taught me that. Besides, the house isn’t in either of our names,” she said. “The house belongs to a trust I created with the proceeds of his step-father’s life insurance policy. Tom was the sole beneficiary. And I’m pretty sure he’d want you to have the place now.”
“Nan,” I protested, “I can’t. It’s an incredibly generous offer, but I’ve inherited more than anyone should in their lifetime. This was your home. You keep it. I’ll just be glad to come visit once in a while.”
“We can argue about that later,” she replied. “But stay for now? At least for a little while.” It wasn’t in her nature to ask for things, but she was literally the only person in the world who’d loved Tom as much as I did.
“Of course,” I replied.
“I’m keeping my key though. I need to know I’m not getting locked out every time I piss you off,” she said, and we shared a sad smile.
“What do you think will happen now? With the army I mean?” The idea of arranging his funeral made me want to vomit, but it just wasn’t fair to leave things all to her.
“It’ll be weeks before we’ll be given the body. They’ll want to do a post mortem and investigation, but I won’t be party to any of it. The bloody army will keep every scrap of evidence about it to themselves. I may never be given official recognition of who he actually was by those bastards, but I will never forgive them for letting me learn of his death from the news. It grates on me every time I see those images over and over in my head. I still don’t understand how the media got hold of the video footage. I mean, this isn’t the kind of thing that happens in the SAS. Not one of those boys would leak a tape or sell the story. It just doesn’t make sense,” she said, reaching for her pack of cigarettes. I walked over to get an ashtray from the windowsill.
“I think it was leaked. Just not by the SAS,” I told her.
“What d’you mean?”
“This whole thing started, not just as a response to what the terrorists were doing, but because the prime minister wanted to send a message. Wanted to assert the fact that she wasn’t losing control of the country. To send a strong warning to terrorists that the UK would respond to extreme terrorism with extreme action. This whole operation, the joint task force between MI5 and the SAS, was sanctioned directly by the prime minister and the cabinet committee. It was the exact same motivation Margaret Thatcher had when she ordered the SAS to storm the Iranian Embassy. What better way to communicate the message she wants to send than by showing live footage of some of the most highly trained, elite special forces operatives in the world wiping out an entire terrorist cell?”
“But why leave the footage of Tom being shot in there. Surely it looks weak that we sustained a loss too?” she asked.
“Because it doesn’t show weakness; it shows strength. The power of the terrorist is that they were willing to lose men, suicide bombers, for their cause. Now she’s made it clear that if it means destroying every one of them, we’re prepared to make that sacrifice as well.”
“Son of a bitch,” she responded, and just like that, grief became anger.
Tom
“Jesus Fucking Christ. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. You sure Crash hasn’t been at the wheel again?” I complained, swearing a fucking blue streak at the pain of being separated from my Kevlar vest.
“It’s good to see your ugly face, you bastard. I thought we’d lost you,” Will said, grabbing the back of my neck and leaning in for a hug of sorts.
“Sorry, mate. You’re gonna have to shelve those Brokeback Mountain fantasies of yours. I’ve got a girl now, or haven’t you heard?” I said, grinning despite the pain.
“Yeah well, your girl was this close to getting you back in a box,” he replied, using the distance between his thumb and finger to remind me how close I’d come to death.
“What happened out there? This thing was an ambush. We were prepared, we had good cover, the high ground. Nothing should have gone wrong. This whole thing should have been a fucking cakewalk,” Crash asked.
“Let medical give him the once-over before we debrief. The brass will be dissecting this shit for months, so we need to get everything down before someone forgets something,” Will replied, ushering the guys out.
“You’re going to be pretty bruised and banged up, but the Kevlar’s done its job. I don’t think you have any permanent damage, but I’d like to get you in for some X-rays, just to be sure,” the medic said.
“Okay if I do it after the debrief? Unless you’re sure something’s broken, I’ll be expected to be there,” I explained, but I didn’t need to. The regiment had its own medics made up of some of the best combat doctors and nurses in the army. I guess they’d have to be to put together what we broke. We often came in beaten, bruised, and bloodied, but they always got us back on our feet.
“Fine,” he agreed, “but no more than a few hours tops. I’m going to strap you up, which should help keep you supported, but if you feel any sharp pains or shortness of breath, you need to come in right away. As for the pain, I can only give you a couple of paracetamol I’m afraid. I’m not happy to give you anything else until we get you in for testing and X-rays.”
“Paracetamol sounds great, but even that will have to wait until later. I can’t have the reports saying that my testimony was affected by painkillers. I’m not feeling any discomfort I can’t handle. If it gets worse, I’ll come by and you can do your thing.”
“Get it done as soon as you can. I won’t sign you off as operational fit until you do,” he warned.
“Fair enough,” I agreed, and with a fair bit of wincing, lifted my arms for him to wrap me. When he was finished, I struggled with my T-shirt then hopped off the bench.
“Ready?” Will asked as I rolled the kinks out of my shoulders.
“Let’s get this done,” I replied. “Sarah will be climbing the walls by now. I need to let her know I’m okay.”
“About that…. There’s something you should know. While Doc was doing his thing, we found out that feed from someone’s body cam was released to the media. They don’t have any names, but they’re reporting it that one of the team was wiped out during the op.”
“Fuck! We need to call Sarah and Nan. They must be going out of their mind,” I said.
“I’m sure one of the brass called them. With it being all over the tv and the net, there’s no way they would have left them hanging,” he reassured me.
“I’ll check with Davies as soon as I see him,” I replied.
“Davies has been a busy boy in the last hour. He’s already released a statement on behalf of the Regiment and he’s been lapping up the attention.”
“But who the fuck leaked the footage?”
“None of us have access to those feeds. The footage is streamed live to operations. Maybe MI5 if they were given access. But there’s something weird about it. None of us have been questioned. Nobody’s kicking off. Maybe they’re waiting for the debrief, but it’s fucking weird if you ask me. A leak in an operation this size, and I’d expect brass to be all over us like flies on fucking honey.”
“They leaked it. They fucking leaked it. That’s why nobody’s up our arse about it,” I replied.
“Who did?”
“I’m betting that orders to release it came straight from the top, and the regiment wouldn’t fight it. With all the publicity, we just
secured their budget for the next ten years.” I pushed open the door to the briefing room. The guys were sat around the table, looking tired but happy.
“Looking pretty good for a ghost, Reaper,” Eli said, chuckling nervously.
“You too, Brit,” I replied, reminding him that it was very nearly him not me who’d been shot. There’s no Kevlar in the world that stops two shots to the head. I could tell by the way he was squirming that he wanted to say something, but he wouldn’t until we were alone. Davies chose just that moment to stroll into the room, looking like the cat who got the proverbial cream.
“Gentlemen, after a lengthy operation, I’m sure you’re all keen for some downtime, so I’ll keep this as brief as possible. The powers that be were extremely happy with last night’s results. It will be some time before we get the full report, but early intel from MI5 and SO19 suggest that we hit every mark identified as belonging to the cell. It is possible that not every one of the cell was present at the handover, but we believe that it will take anyone remaining some time to regroup, and with the resources and intel we have on those already dead, it won’t take us long to track down the rest. Now, that having been said, the fact that Lieutenant Harper was shot twice means that something went wrong. So, let’s start from the beginning, until we’re all on the same page,” he said.
Giving me the nod, I explained my version of events. “The op started out well. Early recon identified the best positions for line of sight, so we dug in and waited for nightfall. The handover happened exactly when MI5 said it was supposed to. Two Russians turned up to check the shipment. About an hour later, two large transit vans arrived with four marks in each van. One of the marks was carrying a briefcase. He approached the two Russians, opened the briefcase, and the second Russian examined the contents. They were there for around fifteen minutes because the Russian wanted to check every stone, and I assumed payment was being made in rough, uncut conflict diamonds. After he was done, the Russians opened up every crate and the lead mark checked each crate off a manifest. When he was satisfied, he gave the Russians a nod and they took off. The marks loaded the crates into the vans, and as agreed, we waited until the loading was done to reduce the threat of triggering any of the explosives. I checked the team had eyes on all the marks before I shouted, ‘SAS, put your weapons down.” As expected, they immediately pulled weapons and began shooting towards the sound of my voice. We returned fire, and the ensuing assault took maybe sixty seconds. We were down to the last one or two when they started calling out, scouting who was left. I was in an elevated position, but didn’t have eyes on the final marks, so I climbed down from the top of the container to move into a better position. I came up behind Spears just as I saw the Russian in my peripheral vision. He had his weapon raised, and I didn’t think I had time to shoot before he discharged his weapon, so I grabbed Spears by the back of his vest and hauled him out of the kill zone. As I did, I took two hits to the chest and went down. I’m pretty sure I was knocked out, but only for a matter of seconds. When I came to, I heard the all clear over my earpiece.”
It all seemed so clinical now, but that firefight was anything but pretty. I knew Eli was feeling pretty shit about how things went down, but that was the great thing about debriefs. We went over the operation while it was still fresh, analysed our mistakes, and learned from them. Sure, we might have a word or two between us, but everything after that was forgotten and tomorrow would be a new mission.
“Okay, thanks, Tom. Staff Sergeant Edwards?” Davies said, indicating it was Will’s turn. Two hours later, after Davies and his flunkies had made a shit ton of notes, I was more than ready to have a shower and get back to my girl.
“How did Team B make out?” I asked when we were all done.
“Almost as well as you,” Davies informed me, sounding quite happy for a change. I wasn’t surprised. There would most likely be a medal in this for him. “MI5 identified sixteen members of the gang that were all part of the key players rather than hired muscle. Of the sixteen, only one escaped,” he said.
“Who?” I asked. Despite the fact that it was Team B’s responsibility to take them out, I’d studied all the available intel and knew the Russians marks as well as I knew the terrorists.
“Vasili Agheenco,” he said, and the entire room stopped. Every one of these guys knew what that meant for my girl, and this fucker had pulled her security. After this, Agheenco would know she was involved. We knew too much intel for him to think otherwise.
“And I’m just finding this out now?” I said, my voice a menacing calm. “You gave us the all clear. That wasn’t supposed to happen unless B had eyes on everyone.”
“Watch your tone, Lieutenant Harper. Need I remind you that I run things around here? For your information, B Team thought they had eyes on everyone, but the driver was a lookalike for Vasili. They didn’t realise they didn’t have him until seconds before. I made the call, and we completed two successful operations and a significant threat to our national security has been eliminated. Agheenco is now a high-priority target and likely on the run. MI5 is actively searching for him, and they’ll pick him up as soon as they find him. You all did a good job today and a letter of commendation will be issued to everyone involved. Now enjoy your downtime while you can, gentlemen. Dismissed,” he ordered, but by his glare, I took it that he wasn’t done with me yet. Good. I wasn’t done with him either. He waited until the last of the boys had left the room before addressing me.
“We need to discuss the consequences of what’s taken place over the last twenty-four hours, but before we do, I want to remind you that you’re on thin ice here. I’m giving you some leeway for saving Eli’s life, but not much. You compromised yourself and your team and broke pretty much every rule in the book by involving yourself with Miss Tatem. Now the operation was a success, so you need to think long and hard about salvaging what’s left of your career,” he said, looking pissed. I wasn’t surprised. Insubordination to a senior officer in any area of the army was bad, but to be insubordinate in front of the entire team meant waving goodbye to your career as it flew out the window.
“With the greatest respect, sir, I did my job and I’d do it again. But if you think I’m remotely bothered about the status of my career after hearing that Vasili Agheenco is still alive and probably gunning for my girl, you don’t know me at all.”
“Let’s not be melodramatic, shall we? Miss Tatem is currently staying at your family home. A house that isn’t registered in your name and is, to all intents and purposes, untraceable. The chances of him locating her there, even if he was looking for her, are so remote they’re laughable. The reality is that he’s probably long gone. Underground until the heat dies down and then on a slow boat back to Russia. There’s nowhere he can go in London now. Not with MI5 watching. Besides, I have it on good authority that his face will be leaked to the press. If we don’t get him, the Russian mob will. He was in charge of this deal, and how much do you think he’s lost them?”
“And if you’re wrong? I’m not risking Sarah’s life on the hope that he’s run away with his tail between his legs. Either reinstate her security or let me get out of here so I can take her some place I know she’ll be protected until MI5 cleans up this mess.”
“That sounded dangerously close to you giving me an ultimatum,” he warned.
I didn’t respond, but I was getting sick of his bullshit. If I didn’t think he’d have me arrested at the guardhouse just to prove a point, I’d have said, “Fuck this shit” and just walked.
“Every minute I waste here is another minute she’s alone and unprotected,” I argued.
“I concede that there is a slight risk to her safety, but I believe there is a way to ensure that she will be permanently secure. One that will also allow you to continue on with the SAS,” he offered.
Sarah and I had discussed this, and we both knew my time in combat was done, but I wanted to know what plan he had for keeping her protected.
“Earlier today I visited
your mother and Miss Tatem and informed them that you were shot and killed last night on a training exercise,” he said, as casually as if he’d told me the football scores.
“What the fuck did you just say?” I asked quietly.
Discomfort bled into his smug face, and a brief expression of panic flashed across it. I leant forward menacingly, staring at him with the full intensity of what I was.
A trained killer.
With a single look, I showed myself Unveiling the true face of death behind the mask of civility. And then he knew. If I could kill without remorse for my country, imagine what I’d do for the woman I loved?
“Now, hear me out. MI5 intend to offer Miss Tatem entry into the witness protection. She’ll have complete anonymity for the rest of her life. It may not perhaps be at the level of wealth she’s used to, but I’m assured that she’ll be extremely comfortable. An offer curtesy of Her Majesty’s government in thanks to Miss Tatem for playing her part in all of this. But there was no way she would take the offer as long as you were still in the picture.”
“That’s her choice to make. Not yours.”
“There is no choice. We both know that, as long as you’re alive, she will choose you over herself every time. Let her go, Tom. Let her live her life in safety and security and find someone to grow old with who doesn’t have blood on their hands. You were built for war, son. This idea you have of riding off into the sunset with this girl is a fantasy. This is an opportunity for a clean break, and I urge you to think carefully before you act here. Leading this mission will make your career, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there isn’t a medal in this for at least you, if not the whole team. You have a career with the regiment and a job still left to do. Let this girl go and move on with your life. For her sake if not yours.”
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