by Jennie Adams
‘All right.’ Her father sighed. ‘I could do with some good news.’
And of course he would want that because he didn’t cope well when he was on his own, and his fifth marriage had broken up recently. Why couldn’t he allow his daughters to bring personal fulfilment, find more joy in them, instead of allowing them in to a certain degree but no further?
‘You’ll sort things out about my office space?’
There was silence for a moment. ‘I suppose I could find Eric another large office area and give it to him solely.’
This wasn’t quite the response Jayne had looked for, but at least her space would be left alone. ‘I’ll speak with you Monday, Dad. Goodbye for now.’
Jayne had intended to wait a few days before booking the meeting, but it seemed smarter to do it now.
Her father said his abrupt goodbye and hung up. At least that issue was taken care of.
Jayne made her way back to Alex. ‘Let’s tackle this cave tour.’
A cosy tour through lots of confined spaces.
To keep an eye open for pillow gift ideas and nothing else! Jayne reminded herself.
CHAPTER FIVE
‘DINNER was lovely. This resort really does have its charm.’ Jayne looked across the table towards Alex.
He had his charm, too. Charm and a good dose of thoughtfulness to go with the streak of good humour that was just as much a part of him.
He’d been the one to cheekily suggest the snug cave tour, and they’d viewed both caves. The first had indeed been snug.
Enough that Jayne had become a little too claustrophobic in there a couple of times. Alex had caught her trapped expression very quickly. He’d taken her hand and tucked it securely into his and started in on ‘cave’ jokes until she’d been quietly giggling so much she’d forgotten to feel trapped.
Jayne—giggling—as a mature businesswoman!
Somehow she had felt both secure at his side and very conscious of him all at once as his fingers had stroked gently over hers and he told his silly jokes.
By the time they’d emerged from the second cave, Jayne had decided that ‘underground’ was not her most favourite place of all, but Alex had got her through the tours beautifully and by then night had fallen. The resort looked gorgeous with stars twinkling in the sky and its backdrop of mountains. And she now felt wonderfully relaxed and content.
‘I think I’ve let myself fall into holiday mode.’ She blamed those feelings on that, but in truth she was content in Alex’s company. Jayne had let down some of her guard with him today.
Be careful about letting him in, Jayne.
‘It’s okay to relax sometimes.’ Alex’s gaze held hers and seemed to say more. Perhaps that he’d relaxed with her as well, and liked her company. ‘I’ve enjoyed the time with you.’
‘I guess cave formations as a background for those travel clocks might do for this tour.’ Right at this moment, Jayne didn’t care as much about all of that as she should. She simply wanted to sit here, to look into his eyes. There was an intimacy in her feelings that was dangerous, and yet Jayne couldn’t seem to shake loose of this state of mind. ‘Or maybe something more exciting will come to light in the first half of tomorrow, before we hop on that plane to join up with the outback tour group.’
Jayne looked into Alex’s eyes and felt she’d already found that excitement…in him.
‘You’ve relaxed after your phone calls.’ Alex sat back as the waitress brought their coffees and, when she’d left, went on, ‘I’m glad about that.’
He seemed relaxed, too. But a different kind of tension was there in his eyes, in the softness of his mouth as he looked at her and in his body language as he leaned forward once again and propped his elbows on the table as he gave her all of his attention.
‘I hope this trip will be worthwhile for you, Alex.’ He’d said he had other dealings along the way.
‘I’m hoping the research in Alice Springs will be. I’ve been told I have biological history there.’ He drew a breath and seemed surprised that he had confided this. ‘If I do have family in the area, I want to meet them.’
He’d said he’d grown up in an orphanage. ‘If there’s anything I can do to help you with that—’
‘Thanks.’ His mouth turned up at the corners. ‘Cross your fingers is about all.’
She returned his smile. ‘Will you be okay, trying to trace biological family while on our tour?’ Jayne wanted to support that effort. ‘My mother is lost to me but that’s different. She was part of my life for the first fifteen years. You can have as much time as you need.’
‘I need to speak to some of the tribal elders there.’ Alex took a sip of his coffee and his attention seemed to focus inwardly before he went on. ‘Even if they can’t help me discover who my father was, they may at least be able to help me understand the part of my make-up that is Aboriginal. I grew up and into manhood without knowing about that. I do feel the need to know where I’ve come from.’
‘I went through a lot of loss when Mum left.’ Jayne hadn’t meant to admit the words, but they made their way out. ‘She walked out on the whole family, not just Dad. She left and I never heard from her again. None of us did. I couldn’t understand how she could do that—leave her children like that.’
His hand closed over hers where it rested on the table. Strong fingers wrapped around her slender ones as his gaze held hers. ‘The choices people make are sometimes impossible to explain.’
He was right, and it was a conclusion Jayne had eventually come to. There’d just been a lot of soul-searching as a teen, feeling her loss and wondering if it was her fault somehow, until she’d turned all of her focus to her work because at least that got her away from the rest of it. Helped her to stay a step removed from her mother leaving and her father starting on his trail of young brides. And Nickie, getting hurt, too, when she became pregnant and the father of her baby didn’t want to stick around.
‘How does someone your age have the amount of wisdom that you do, Alex? To know when the only choice is to accept something, whether deep down you can accept it or even understand it?’ Jayne was a decade older than Alex and yet he seemed to match her perhaps in that maturity that came with life experience that he’d first mentioned when she’d brought up his age.
It was hard to remember he was so young.
You need to remember it, Jayne, otherwise you’re no better than your father. Maybe thinking about that will help you stay right away from thoughts about wearing spotted clothes!
‘I don’t know that I’d say I have any special degree of wisdom.’ Alex’s hand still held hers, but shadows came into his eyes as he went on. ‘Ambition, having goals, being determined to have certain things, those I know. They’re what have made me work harder at understanding the world. So I can utilise it to help me meet my goals. I’m not sure they’ll be a lot of help in my search for my history.’
‘You mentioned you grew up with brothers.’
‘Yes.’ He nodded. ‘We’re not biologically related. We were all in the orphanage together. I think we’re tighter than a lot of related siblings. Maybe because we chose the relationship.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m surprised I unloaded all that on you. I haven’t spoken to my brothers about my research yet.’ A smile softened the corners of his mouth. ‘I guess you’re easy to talk to, Jayne.’
Jayne felt flattered. At the same time, she felt an affinity for Alex, a trust in him that she didn’t normally give easily. It was why she’d opened up about her own family situation, too.
As she watched, he visibly pushed his thoughts aside. ‘And you, Jayne? Is it just the one sister, and your father?’
‘And my niece, Cora, yes. Nickie was seven years old when Mum left.’
‘And you pretty much raised her from then?’ How had he guessed? Maybe because of all Jayne hadn’t said about that? Her father hadn’t remarried for five years and, even then, his new wife was never going to be mother material for Nickie.
Jayne hadn’
t been, either, but she’d been Nickie’s sister. ‘I wish I could have shielded her more. She had some unhappy times.’ Nickie had moved away for over a year, fallen pregnant in that time and had kept making excuses for not wanting to let Jayne visit her. She’d come home with a little baby and needing support from her family. Dad had treated the whole thing as though it was not his problem and left Jayne to worry about picking up the pieces.
At least Jayne had been able to give Nickie her support. ‘She seems content with Cora and her job in the beauty shop now.’
‘I think you have more wisdom than you credit yourself with, Jayne.’ His fingers tightened against hers and he met her gaze very directly.
Jayne looked into Alex’s eyes. He didn’t know what she would see. He couldn’t believe how easy it had been to open up to her, how much he had enjoyed getting to know her better. Being with Jayne somehow helped to ease the restlessness inside him that had been a problem all his life. He didn’t understand how or why, but it did.
He’d abseiled today, and he’d enjoyed it. Usually he went after activities like that to give him an outlet for his restless feelings. Today he would have been just as happy to enjoy Jayne’s company anywhere, doing anything. Images of certain things they could do together surfaced, and Alex pushed them back. That was his other problem—an attraction to Jayne that strengthened with each passing moment. And that had deepened even more as he’d got to know her this evening.
Jayne drew her hand from his and tucked it beneath the table. He felt the loss of her touch, and he felt the warmth that remained in his palm and fingers where they’d held her.
The waiter came to their table then and asked if they’d like anything else and Jayne declined and got to her feet.
Alex stood with her, and they made their way out of the restaurant. He walked with her up the flight of stairs and to the door of her room. The corridor was quiet, deserted. As they paused outside her door, Jayne cast a helpless glance his way.
That glance held all of her confusion and the closeness they’d gained from talking over dinner, and consciousness and awareness and interest.
‘I don’t know what I want.’ She whispered it.
He nodded because he understood, and he knew what he should want and that he could end up out of his depth with her too easily. He was already halfway there. But they both wanted this.
His fingers lightly brushed against the back of her hand and she leaned towards him, leaned into that small touch as though she craved more.
‘Jayne.’ He tipped up her chin with his hand.
Alex let his eyelids drift down as he leaned closer until their lips gently brushed and he got the first taste of her, the first heady sensation of kissing her, of feeling her lips soften and yield beneath his.
Kissing Jayne was unlike any kiss Alex had shared before. And when she opened her mouth and yielded even more deeply to what they were sharing, Alex’s arms closed around her and he held her and, somewhere inside him, he registered the preciousness of Jayne and of this moment, even if he didn’t fully understand his feelings.
Jayne kissed Alex and her hands rose to his strong forearms and found their way to his shoulders and around his neck and she pressed close to him and couldn’t get enough—of firm lips sipping at hers, pressing to hers, plying her mouth and filling her with the taste of him.
His body was firm everywhere, muscled and fit, lean and youthful. The last thought should have made Jayne hesitate but it didn’t. She focused on this moment and set all other thoughts aside and kissed him. Hungrily kissed him. Ravenously kissed him. Kissed him as though she never ever wanted to stop.
Her senses stirred. Desire stirred. And, deep inside, other parts of her unfurled, wanted to trust him, to believe in the possibility of a relationship and closeness with him.
Not like the associations she had with the casual dates in her life. More than that. Commitment.
Jayne’s fingers stilled against the sides of his neck. A little well of panic rose. Alex—gorgeous, young, attractive Alex—
What made her think she could pull off commitment with him? Emotional commitment, because that was what she held back from her male friends. What made her think, if she could take on something like that, that he would want it, anyway?
‘I can’t. This mustn’t…’ Jayne broke away from his kiss, from strong arms that had made her feel safe. Alex was a good man. He had a good work ethic and Jayne hoped theirs would be a great ongoing working relationship. But they couldn’t have anything else. A sense of panic washed through her. She couldn’t have anything else. Not with Alex.
Because he’s younger. It wouldn’t be appropriate.
Yes. That was the reason. Jayne accepted it with almost a sense of relief. Jayne didn’t want to be caught looking foolish.
It’s not because in thirty-five years you’ve never trusted enough in a relationship to allow strong feelings to develop and now you’re scared Alex might bring these feelings out in you because you’ve reacted more to him in a single day than you have to the string of Georges and Drews who’ve shifted through your life for years?
Jayne’s only relationship success story was Nickie and, during the time that her sister had moved away, Jayne had not been a success there, either.
‘It’s late.’ Actually, it wasn’t that late but the words were all Jayne could come up with. ‘I should turn in.’
‘Jayne.’ Alex’s hands dropped away from her and came to rest loosely at his sides. He looked as though he might have been going to say something, Jayne didn’t know what.
In that moment she felt as old as she was, conscious of every year that had passed, and there was Alex, in the prime of his twenties, attractive and young and with more of life ahead of him and every choice open to him.
‘I have my dating arrangements,’ she blurted. ‘Two men who I see who meet those social needs, and some other occasional dates. My career—I’m not looking to settle down.’
It was the truth, in its way, but none of it was all of Jayne’s truth about this issue. She wasn’t sure she’d ever allowed herself to really examine ‘her’ truths about relationships, commitment and so on.
Well, that was because half of all that was pure fairy tale. Nice to imagine, but highly unlikely to ever happen. Dad, and her mother, and Nickie, were all proof of that, as was Jayne’s inability to find anyone she wanted to do more than go out with here and there.
Jayne hastened to add, ‘Not that I’m suggesting you were looking for a relationship.’
‘It’s okay, Jayne. This—’ he gestured with one hand before that hand returned to his side and his expression was unreadable, guarded, as he continued ‘—it probably shouldn’t have happened. I’m not looking for anything serious either, and I have other issues on my mind during this trip as well.’
‘It might be best if we just treated this as though it hadn’t happened.’
Alex agreed, and they said goodnight. Jayne retired to her room, worked on her proposal for a few hours and went to bed.
If her thoughts strayed to Alex, to a kiss she had wanted, which had brought feelings out in her that she didn’t want to acknowledge, she told herself that stopping that kiss, making sure it wouldn’t be repeated, had been in the best interests of both of them. It had been the sensible thing to do.
And Alex didn’t want commitment, either. He’d just said so. Which meant she had, indeed, done the right thing just now. Sensible, staid, not at all interested in following a path of women showing interest in younger men, Jayne put herself to bed. She didn’t feel even slightly depressed. Or leopard-printish about life.
CHAPTER SIX
ALEX woke after a restless night’s sleep. It was no surprise that his first thought was of Jayne. He forced his body out of bed and showered.
Once he’d dressed, he picked up his phone and called his brother, Linc. As the phone rang, thoughts of Jayne finally pushed further through his mind.
She had thrown herself into their kiss, and then qu
ickly retreated. She’d seemed a little overwhelmed by what they had shared. Had she rejected their kiss, warned him off for that reason?
He hadn’t liked hearing about those other men she was seeing but, in the light of a new day, her attitude seemed to confirm what he’d thought when she’d taken that phone call from one of them. She wasn’t attached.
The problem was that Alex had never sought a deep attachment with a woman. Yet he’d felt as though he needed that kiss last night with Jayne, from some place deep inside him. He did feel possessive about Jayne, even though logic told him that was a ridiculous way to feel. Those were the things that Alex couldn’t figure out.
‘Hello, little brother. How are you doing on your bus tour?’
‘Hey, Linc. It’s going okay. How are you? Have you sunk my business yet?’ Alex tried hard for a cheerful, good-humoured tone of teasing. He’d been trying hard for that with Linc and Brent for five weeks now.
Oh, they both knew something was up. Brent had pinned him down three weeks ago, told him if there was trouble to spit it out so they could help him deal with it. Alex had said he was fine, but this was something he was going to have to discuss eventually.
‘I’ve been trying, but it’s resisting my efforts to bring it undone.’ Linc dropped the jocular tone and gave a quick rundown. ‘You know your people are fine when you’re not there. I’m just around in case there are any actual dramas, in which case I’d contact you anyway.’
‘Yup. Works well, doesn’t it?’ Alex nodded, even though he knew Linc couldn’t see him doing it.
‘It does. Hold on a sec, Alex.’
‘Sure.’ Alex heard a woman’s voice, a short exchange of words. And, when Linc came back on the line, a certain edge in his brother’s tone that hadn’t been there a moment earlier.
‘Your staff don’t need me around,’ Linc said. ‘They know what they’re doing, though I’m always more than willing to make myself available to them.’