by Jennie Adams
Not now, Jayne!
No. Not now. Now, she had Dad to deal with. Eric’s unwelcome presence to contend with. Alex’s wonderful pillow gifts to talk about and the improvement of Cutter’s Tours to talk about. She had her partnership to push forward for.
And do you still want that above all else, Jayne? Is it still the be-all and end-all of what’s going to make your life complete? Do you truly believe that once you get this promotion you’ll feel satisfied? Will it change how your father is the next time he decides to let Eric influence him? The fact that Mum left? Your inability to trust anyone to love you enough?
She was thirty-five years old. Mature enough that she shouldn’t have these kinds of issues.
Jayne didn’t have them. She had a business propoal—a job to do—and it had to be done now.
So keep it together, Jayne. And when this is done you can thank Alex and get things sorted out so that his supplies to the company can work and then you can get on with the task of truly pulling yourself together. One piece at a time if you have to!
Jayne held her father’s gaze. ‘I spent the week away gathering the final pieces of information I needed to present my proposal to you. It’s true that while I was away I accepted an offer for some contract work, but it is completely doable. All I’ll need is three days a fortnight. I can work later on other days, if necessary.’
‘You were away revealing our company secrets to a rival company,’ Eric said in a snide tone. ‘I heard about this from a reliable source. There was a university student on that bus who is a friend of mine. He heard you talking shop with those business people.’
Great. The same student who’d wanted to know all about Jayne’s relationship with Alex? Jayne wouldn’t be surprised. ‘If this friend knew who I was, why didn’t he say so?’ Jayne turned to her father. ‘Why didn’t you mention that you knew I’d been on the tours this week? Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ve told you why I was there. Yes, I discussed the tourist industry with a couple on the tour, but I can assure you I did not reveal any inappropriate information about Cutter’s. I would never do that.’
Perhaps her father read the determination and the hint of offence in Jayne’s expression. He knew she was loyal to the company! At any rate, some of his anger seemed to fade. ‘Perhaps you should explain.’
‘I was made an offer to do some work that will mean minimal changes to my employment here, and will be a coup for me that should make Cutter’s proud, Dad. It’s voicing virtual tours that will be marketed to Japanese businessmen when they come over here for working vacations. These will be marketed direct to companies. It’s not a slice of the pie that Cutter’s would ever get. There’s no crossover. Just…a coup for me and…by association…for Cutter’s.’
‘I see.’ Dad still looked surprised and not particularly happy. ‘Perhaps you should explain everything you’ve been doing.’
He had barely stopped speaking when Eric broke in. ‘This is still something that should have been discussed first.’
‘Maybe you should be quiet and allow Jayne to do that with her father now.’ Alex’s words were flat, yet Jayne still sensed protectiveness and support in them.
And her heart melted because, even though she had tried not to let her emotions free when she’d met Alex outside the building this morning, Jayne was still utterly conscious of him and of the feelings she held inside her heart for him, whether they were painful or not.
She had to remember that these protective and supportive emotions from Alex did not equal love. Care, yes. But not love. Jayne’s heart wrenched as the thought found its mark. She wanted to fall to pieces. She admitted that, but she couldn’t do it. Especially not now.
So Jayne looked her father in the eyes, ignoring Eric, and told him about the work she’d be doing for the Lis and then she put her proposal to her father.
Dad listened.
Eric listened.
Alex listened. Whether her father and Eric appreciated or even approved of his presence at this meeting or not, Jayne didn’t care because she felt his support, even though that was crumbs from the table compared to what her heart longed for from Alex.
But Alex gave what he had for her in relation to her work—unstinting support for her in that. And that was something Dad…didn’t give to Jayne. Hadn’t given.
Today Jayne was asking her father for that support.
She handed the floor to Alex to elaborate on his company’s contribution to her plan.
When he was done, she turned to her father. ‘What do you think?’
‘It’s a good plan. Extensive but doable and I can’t see how it wouldn’t do the company’s bottom line good, overall.’ He seemed a little shocked.
Maybe he hadn’t realised all that Jayne was capable of, that she could pull this proposal together quickly and on her own. ‘I worked on all of this by myself, Dad, from home in my own time. The last two big jobs I’ve done, you’ve given credit to Eric for some of the work on those when he hadn’t contributed much at all. I did this by myself so you would clearly see that it was all my work, not Eric’s.’
‘Why would you worry about that?’ Her father shook his head. ‘Eric is a good worker. You shouldn’t be jealous of his position in the company, Jayne. You and Eric can share the workload.’
‘In this case, we didn’t,’ Jayne said flatly. ‘With my last major project, you made the commitment to promote me to partner when that project was successfully completed. Instead, you held back on the promotion, saying you wanted to focus on Eric’s career. I’m your daughter, I’ve worked here a lot longer, I have more experience and I’m not willing to be put off from that promotion again. This proposal comes with my request that you formally appoint me to the partnership position. I’ve worked for it. I’ve more than earned it. I think this proposal speaks for itself that, as an employee, I’m worth it.’
‘That’s asking a lot.’ Eric spoke the words half beneath his breath, but Jayne heard them.
At his side, Alex stiffened.
Jayne held her father’s gaze. ‘Dad?’
Her father’s gaze shifted between her and Eric. ‘Maybe at the end of this year—’
‘No.’ His words were empty; he was trying to placate her. Even after all Jayne’s efforts, even after bringing this fabulous proposal to the table, he’d looked at Eric, this newcomer ‘golden child’ whom he…what? Wanted to treat like a son? Treat better than his daughter?
Hope disintegrated.
Jayne glanced at Alex. She wasn’t embarrassed to have him here, to know that he’d heard this. That surprised Jayne but…they’d been lovers, had shared intimacy, had shared Alex’s most emotional moments, too. And Jayne loved him. If anything, it was too easy to let Alex in to the deepest parts of her. ‘Don’t worry, Alex. You’ll still have your part of this proposal.’
‘That’s not what’s on my mind.’ Alex cleared his throat and turned to her father. ‘Sir, with due respect, show me anyone but Jayne who’s brought this kind of plan to you?’
‘It’s all right, Alex.’ To be championed by him…
Jayne wanted to throw herself into his arms and just forget all of this. Well, those arms weren’t hers. They’d been on loan for a night. That was all. And if she couldn’t get her father over the line with her request for a partnership—
‘I don’t need this kind of stress and pressure right now, Jayne.’ Dad’s words came with a shake of his head. ‘Katie only left months ago.’
‘And I’m sorry about that, Dad.’ Jayne was sorry, but Dad’s most recent wife leaving wasn’t her fault. Dawn leaving hadn’t been her fault. Jossie and Evelyn leaving…not her fault. Mum leaving…
Not your fault, Jayne. Never your fault.
Jayne drew a breath and her voice was firm when she spoke. ‘I’m sorry, Dad, but I’m not to blame for any of your relationship breakdowns, and I’ve worked hard for the company and have earned this partnership. I’m not prepared to keep asking for it. I’ve presented you with a brilliant proposal t
hat will take the company forward. In return for that, I want my promotion to partner.’
‘You’re grooming me for that position, Rod.’ Eric’s tone was chummy. ‘Really, it’s not right for a woman. Not in Cutter’s.’
It was the most bigoted statement, but Jayne refused to be sucked down into any kind of justification by this man. ‘You’re a long way behind me in skills and in experience, Eric.’
She turned to her father. ‘By all means review the proposal. I think, in light of the importance of this, it might be best if I take a few more days off while you deliberate.’
Her chin lifted. ‘I’m rather feeling the need to regroup, Dad. You’ve delivered a blow today, whether you realise it or not. I’d like your response by the end of Wednesday. After that, we can see where we are with everything.’
‘And if that answer isn’t what you want to hear?’ Dad glared at her, though Jayne thought that might have partly been because she’d forced him into a corner he hadn’t expected.
‘If not, then I’ll be looking for work elsewhere that will fulfil my career goals and supplement the work I’ll be doing for the Lis.’
Jayne got to her feet, indicating the meeting was at an end. Dad and Eric rose too and, in a corner of her mind, Jayne noted the irony of their compliance.
‘We can always still take Mr MacKay’s business, whether your ultimatum is acknowledged or not.’ Eric spoke the words as a parting shot.
Jayne opened her mouth to respond, to say that was exactly what she wanted, but Alex got to his feet, joined her near the door and his hand moved to the small of her back as he answered. ‘Jayne’s proposal is offered with the condition that my company will take this work on only if she receives her long overdue partnership. Sorry if we didn’t make that quite clear.’
‘Alex…’ The one low word passed through her lips, appreciation and warning all at once.
But he simply opened the boardroom door and stood back. ‘We’re leaving now, Jayne. We’re finished here. The proposal is delivered. Your brilliant plans are unveiled. Your father can take a better look and see for himself just how much money these improvements will bring to the company. And then, even though you’d already earned it before now, he can reward your years of service and hard work with that partnership. I look forward to you hearing from him to that effect before the end of Wednesday.’
Jayne wanted to stop and tell him she wasn’t prepared to let him lose this work because of the demands she’d made on her father. That hadn’t been part of her plan.
‘It’s all right, Jayne. We’ll talk about it once we’re out of here.’
The walk from the building to the underground car park passed in a blur. Once they were in Alex’s four-wheel drive Jayne drew a deep breath and acknowledged, now that the meeting was over, her legs felt a little shaky and she felt just the slightest bit light-headed. ‘Even though I’d told myself if my father denied me the partnership this time, I’d leave and forge a new career elsewhere, in the end I truly didn’t expect that. I’ve worked my heart out for the family company. Eric’s…just an outsider.’
‘He seems to have your father’s ear.’
‘Dad mentioned Katie. That was his most recent wife.’ Jayne stopped herself in time from calling Katie a child bride. ‘When Katie left and Eric started working at Cutter’s it was as though Dad transferred all his energy from his broken marriage to taking Eric under his wing.’
‘When your father should have been taking more notice of what he had in you in the first place.’ A thread of anger came through in Alex’s words.
Anger for Jayne, even though this meeting had left his own plans in possible danger. His understanding brought Jayne to the brink of the emotion she’d been trying to hold back since she’d first walked into that meeting. And that emotion expanded to include all of her love for Alex, and then Jayne truly did feel overwhelmed.
When they stopped outside her building all she could think was to try to keep it together until she got inside. Now…wasn’t a time to lean on Alex too much, to expect things of him, to want him to look after her needs, meet her needs. No person had done that in her life. Why would that change now with a man who, whether she…loved him or not, didn’t feel the same way about her?
Don’t humiliate yourself by reaching for too much with him, Jayne.
She’d done her share of that in life—had reached to her mother, her father, only to be rebuffed by Mum and rebuffed in the workplace by Dad, even while he allowed her to climb ranks in the company. Only some ranks. Dad held back on the partnership in the same way he held back on allowing Jayne completely close in their father/daughter relationship.
Jayne tightened her emotions and hoped she could keep them together. Alex was a wonderfully supportive person to know in business. It was up to Jayne to only look to him in relation to work, and right now she couldn’t think too much about that, either. She reached for the door handle and turned to look at Alex. ‘Thank you for attending the meeting with me. When I hear from my father, when I get the final verdict from him—’
‘Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.’ His glance held so many emotions at once before he blinked and there was his usual steady gaze with all his other expressions tucked away in the backs of his eyes.
Jayne must have imagined the depth of some of those expressions straight out of her love for him and how much she wished that love could be returned.
She…hurt too much. She needed to pull herself together. ‘I’ll be in contact about the work for Cutter’s. I hope you enjoy your trip to the outback with your brothers.’
‘What will you do during that time, Jayne? I can put the trip off until after you hear from your father.’ He hesitated. ‘Or will you see one of those friends that you spend time with?’
‘That’s all finished.’ The words came out before she could stop them, straight out of her knowledge that she couldn’t go on in those empty involvements any more. How could she after being in Alex’s arms?
But Alex had to make that trip and he had to get back into his work as well. ‘It’s important that you make the journey.’ She tried for a light tone. ‘You’ll have another chance to get the adrenalin rush that someone your age can enjoy so much, too. Another driving trip where you can pit yourself against Mother Nature.’
She was trying to point out the differences, to remind him of those. ‘I’ll…I guess I’ll look into job possibilities.’ She was fairly certain she was going to need them. ‘I can cope financially, Alex. I wouldn’t want you to worry about that. Even on the income from the work with the Lis I’d be fine. I have savings plus an inheritance tucked away from my late grandmother who passed away before I was born.’
Jayne had received every provision, really. She’d never lacked for food or shelter or worried where the next meal might come from. But she’d felt lack and loss in her life, just as Alex had. She couldn’t take any more loss—or dragging out of hope, and more hope only to have it dashed in the end.
Some people might say it was just work so what was the big deal? But it wasn’t only about work. It was about her relationship with her father, a right to respect, and core needs inside Jayne to give and receive love and affection—to feel that her love was worthwhile and valued. ‘I just need to focus on where I’m going from here. I can’t handle anything else at the moment. I need to be by myself.’
She needed to stand on her own feet. Wasn’t that the only way?
‘I understand, Jayne. It’s all right.’ For a second she thought he looked devastated, but that didn’t make any sense. He blinked a moment later and Jayne wasn’t sure what she’d seen at all.
‘What makes you happy. That’s…all that counts,’ Alex murmured.
He left then.
Jayne told herself she would not fall apart now. Because, if she started on that path, she wasn’t sure if she could ever get off it, or just how low it would take her. And, with her father’s attitude towards her final request to be made a partner, Jayne needed to be in
a positive place, somehow, to find enough other work if she needed it.
Jayne went inside.
‘You’re not on your game today,’ Brent said as he and Alex walked off the paintball field.
It was Wednesday afternoon. Alex should have been at work—they all should have—but they’d made their overnight trip outback for his brothers to meet Morgan. Alex had met other relatives out there and started to learn about that side of his heritage. It had gone well, but it had also been emotionally draining and, the whole time, a part of him had wanted to be back here in Sydney with…Jayne.
When they’d got back to the city, Linc had suggested they take the rest of the day off. It was a bit late to do much on the work front anyway and they all needed time to absorb the impact of the trip. Alex seemed to have an overload of restlessness and he’d quickly agreed when Linc had suggested a trip to the paintball field.
Alex now had more paint splatters on himself than Brent and Linc combined. Linc had walked a little ahead and fallen into conversation with a guy about gardening. ‘I thought the activity would help get rid of the restless feeling.’
‘I thought meeting a blood relative might have done that.’ Brent laid his hand on his shoulder. ‘In fact, I was fairly convinced it had when you told us about it the other day but you’re still unsettled, aren’t you?’
‘Yeah.’ Unsettled was a good word for it. This was his eldest brother, and Alex needed to spit this out to someone so it would stop going around in his mind and driving him insane. ‘Jayne, the woman I did that bus tour with. The deal for me to provide pillow gifts for her family’s bus tour company is probably going to fall through. I don’t really care about that for myself.’
Money was money. Alex didn’t take it lightly. It had helped bring security for him and Brent and Linc, but it wasn’t everything and he had plenty already—a blooming company, good growth and economic strength. ‘I’m…I don’t think I’m going to be able to walk away and…leave Jayne behind.’