God, she could just melt in them.
“Are you all right?”
That depended entirely on what he had to say.
She braced herself. “I don’t know. Am I?”
He quirked a brow over that velvety gaze. “What do you mean?”
“Are you here to tell me goodbye?”
“No.” He stretched out the word while he frowned. “I’m staying until the end of January, remember?”
Sitting back in her chair, she folded her arms across her chest. “Then what did you want to talk about?”
“Last night.”
Shoot.
She stiffened and her arms slowly unfolded. “What about it?”
He opened his mouth, but she jumped to her feet.
“So help me, Keiffer Wyne. If you’re here to tell me it was a mistake I’ll hit you upside the head with your boots. And then mine.”
His lips twitched on that one. “I wasn’t going to say that.”
“Oh…okay.” She expelled her pent up breath.
He grabbed her hand and tugged her back down, and it wasn’t lost on her that he was still holding it.
She cleared her throat. “What were you going to say?”
“I wanted to say I was sorry for how I left.”
Now it was her turn to raise a brow.
“I was a jackass. I’m sorry, Caitlin. You didn’t deserve it.”
Wow. Not what she’d expected.
She squeezed his hand, while her heart constricted. “I understand.”
“Of course you do.” He gave her a wry smile and tugged from her touch. “And forgive. You do that well, too.”
“And that’s bad?”
“When it comes to me? Yeah.” He scoffed. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness or understanding, and I sure as hell don’t deserve your time of day.”
She leaned forward and clamped her hand around his wrist to make sure he didn’t take off. “You say that like you think I’m perfect. Well I’m not.” She shook her head. “I’m flawed, and you know what? That’s okay. I don’t want to be perfect. And I don’t want to be with anyone perfect.” She inhaled sharply and leveled him with a gaze. “So what do you say to that?”
“Who’s Shannon?”
Her chin lifted and heart dropped to her feet. “What?”
“You said her name during your nightmare.”
She released him and sat back in her chair. “Shannon was Shayla’s name before we changed them.”
His eyes narrowed. “Changed?”
“Yeah.” Twisting her hands on her lap, she glanced at them, remembering how she used to do the same thing inside the closest in order to keep from opening the door and trying to help against her mother’s and sister’s wishes. A lifetime ago, but damn, there were times—like now—it felt like yesterday. She inhaled and exhaled slow and steady. “My dad was an abusive jerk. No matter where my mom ran, he always found us. The last time the cops came and arrested him. We eventually changed our names and moved, again.”
“I’m sorry.” He let out a rough breath. “That had to be tough.”
“Tougher for my mom and Shayla. He never hit me.” She lifted her gaze to find his waiting.
He squeezed her hand that time. “Doesn’t mean you’re not scarred.”
“True.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “You’re something, Caitlin. One of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”
Warmth spread out to every limb as she basked under his admiring gaze.
“That’s another reason you deserved better behavior last night,” he said, drawing back. “Deserve better from me.”
The fact he used the words “from me” instead of “than me” went a long way to lifting the invisible weight off her chest.
Maybe he wasn’t trying to pull back from her after all…
Before she could test the theory, a text alert from the clinic went off on her phone and echoed through the kitchen.
Shoot.
She dug it from her coat pocket and jumped to her feet. “I’ve got to go.” She’d set the alert alarm for emergencies only, and their receptionist at the clinic knew when to use it.
“What’s going on?” Lacey scampered into the kitchen.
Gwen followed.
“Hit and run on a dog,” she replied. “I’ve got to go.” Turning to Keiffer she tapped the table. “You should stay and eat my breakfast. Gwen’s a great cook. It’d be a shame to let it go to waste.”
And it was a shame she had to let this opportunity to talk with him go to waste, especially since his guard was lowered.
Life picked a great time to intrude.
***
Later that evening, Keiffer found himself kicking back with Kade, Kevin, and the McCall brothers in the den at Shadow Rock, shooting pool and watching a sports channel while their women drooled over some Scottish dude on pay-per-view in the other room. Their women, not his. He didn’t have one.
You could, his mind interjected and rejected at the same time.
Caitlin was perfect, whether she wanted to be or not. To Keiffer, she was perfect. One of the good ones. A selfless woman who gave and gave, and then gave some more.
He was a taker. Damaged.
What the hell was he doing messing with her?
“I don’t want to be with anyone perfect.”
Even now, just thinking about her statement sent a strange warmth through his body. She’d completely schooled him in warmth and strength and compassion—and left him craving more. Dammit. He was leaving shortly, and she’d just enrolled in veterinary school, shackling herself for the next four years. He was trouble, and she was the sweetheart of Harland County. No matter where he went, people spoke highly of her without prompting. Hell, even at the gas station the other day there was an older man singing her praises to the clerk behind the counter for stopping by unscheduled, and for free, to check on his goats.
Who does that?
Caitlin, apparently.
He scrubbed a hand over his beard…and met skin. Shit. He forgot he’d shaved it off first thing that morning.
“Hey, Keif.” Kevin glanced over at him while leaning on his cue stick as Kade took a shot and the McCalls watched. “There’s something I’ve got to know, man. It’s been bothering me all evening.”
“What?”
“Did you shave for Caitlin, or because of her?”
Shit.
Kade stiffened. “Kev.”
“What?” The easy-going guy shrugged. “It’s important. If a man shaves off his beard because his woman asks, that shows he’s got his priorities straight. And his head. If he shaves because of a woman, he needs advice.”
Cole lined up his shot. “Because of a woman?”
“Yeah, you know, because it reminds him of her.”
“The woman? Really?” Connor’s brows rose then furrowed. “If she has a beard wouldn’t it be better if he forgets?”
Kevin snorted. “The woman doesn’t have the beard, you idiot. He shaves it because it reminds him of her. You know…her enjoyment of the beard?”
Or her scent. Christ, Keiffer had scrubbed and scrubbed but he couldn’t get away from Caitlin’s exquisite scent. It made him nuts. In the end, the beard had to go.
“Oh, her enjoyment.” Connor swiped the cue stick from Kevin and leaned over the pool table to shoot. “Why didn’t you say so?”
“I did, but I wasn’t asking you, McMoose.” The blue-eyed instigator turned his attention back on him. “I was speaking to Keiffer. But I don’t think I need to ask again. It’s the latter. I can see it. You’re in denial.”
What the hell?
“Kevin.” Kade stepped to his cousin and stared. “Drop it.”
“Ah, Keiffer knows I don’t mean any harm. I’m trying to help him. After all, no one was in denial more than I was with Shayla. Okay, except maybe McClueless over there.”
Keiffer sat back and watched the exchange with amusement.
“You’re one to talk, Dalton
.” Connor snickered. “Thinking you could walk away from your woman after falling into bed with her. How long did that last?”
Kevin grinned. “Less than two weeks.”
“I’ve got you all beat,” Cole said quietly.
He watched the other guys all open their mouth as if to protest, then nod instead.
“Would that be the first or second time with Jordan?” Kevin asked with a grin.
Cole smiled. “Exactly.”
Keiffer had only ever seen them fiercely adoring and devoted. “Twice?”
A smiled tugged Cole’s lips. “Yeah. The first time was high school.”
“But the second time, bro?” Connor shook his head, all teasing gone from his expression. “You were a bastard.”
Keiffer jerked his head back. No way could he picture the good-natured McCall anything but that—good-natured.
Cole’s smile widened at his surprise. “It’s true. Unfortunately, I foolishly thought it was safer to keep her at arm’s length. That I wouldn’t get hurt. Wrong. I only made us both hurt more. So, if you’ve done something as drastic as shaving your beard because of Caitlin, then you need to realize it won’t work. She’s still going to eat at your brain.”
Shit.
“Unless the two of you are a thing.” Kevin raised a brow at him, and Keiffer could feel three other sets of eyes on him.
Caitlin was ingrained here. In this place. This life. She was grounded. He was counting the days until he could leave. Get back to working from one ranch to another. No one to answer to. No one to worry about or let down.
He finally shook his head. “No. We’re not.”
Kade leaned over the pool table and he sank the ball. Then he straightened to stare at him from across the table. “Does she know that?”
Considering she made the move after he put the ball in her court last night, he nodded. “She knows.”
He wasn’t so sure about himself anymore.
Chapter Ten
The middle of December came and went. Caitlin was thankful she didn’t have a lot of Christmas shopping to do, because she didn’t have the time. Between the rescue and the clinic, she was busy. Her extra time was spent at Shadow Rock, helping Shayla, Brandi, and Jen get the place ready for the holidays because Brandi was forbidden by everyone to lift more than a finger.
But Caitlin didn’t mind. She got to spend some quality time with her nieces, and sister, and everyone else at the ranch. Even Keiffer.
The past week had seen a change in him. His features weren’t always pinched, and she’d even seen him smile, not a fake one, but the kind with his whole being. The kind that transformed his features and stole every bit of breath from her lungs. She’d give her last breath to be a recipient of one of those smiles.
So far, he’d only reserved them for the kids, especially Cody. She got the impression he really missed his nephew. He hung out a lot in the regular barn when Cody did chores after school, showing the eager boy something about training the Quarter Horses. She wasn’t sure what, but they seemed to be happy.
The fact that he spoke up a little more often in crowds hadn’t gone unnoticed, either. Granted, he rarely started the conversations, but he hadn’t needed prompting to talk lately. That was a huge improvement from when he’d first arrived three weeks ago. Brandi’s eyes misted often, and Kade wore a few pleased expressions the past week, too.
“Caitlin, I forgot to ask how Benny is doing.” Brandi held the ladder she was teetering on to help Shayla hang lighted garland around the beamed ceiling.
She twisted the fir garland around the beam and glanced down. “Good. He’s not out of the woods, but he’s doing better.”
So much better, she had to change her stop schedule to every other day. Good for Benny, bad for Caitlin. She saw Keiffer less now. Although, he was starting to help out at the rescue now. She had no idea if Kade sent him or if he did it on his own. Either way, it was much appreciated. They always needed extra hands.
He had great hands.
She gave herself a mental shake and started down the ladder. Now wasn’t the time to think about that, or the fact she hadn’t had the pleasure of those hands on her body since he left her apartment in the middle of the night last week.
Not true.
They did share a few dances at the Tex Pub a few nights ago. He’d shocked the stuffing out of her when he’d walked in with Jesse and Tanner. That had been a crazy, off-kilter night.
“I’m glad to hear that,” Brandi said.
It took Caitlin a moment to get her mind on the same page. Benny. Right. “He’s on his way back to a regular diet, and putting on weight. And your brother said Benny isn’t as jittery. So, it’s all good progress.”
“And what about my brother? How’s he doing?”
Good thing Caitlin only had one rung to go, because she missed it and slipped the final step to the floor. Recovering with an eye roll to her snickering sister, she turned to face Brandi. “Okay, I guess. I see him as much as you all do.”
Shayla snickered some more. “I highly doubt that, Caitlin.”
“I’m going to have to agree with your sister on that.” Brandi smiled. “It’s okay. I’m not asking for details. I just wanted to know if he…well…if he was at least taking an interest in…you, know…sex.”
By the time the woman finished the sentence, the two of them were as red as Shayla’s hair. Caitlin cleared her throat, sucked in some much needed air, and immediately appreciated the fresh scent of pine and cinnamon from the decorations laid out on the table. “Ah, yeah. He…we…um…”
“Hooked up?” Shayla supplied.
Caitlin pointed at her. “Yeah, that.”
“How often?”
“What?” She jerked her head back and narrowed her gaze on her sister.
Shayla laughed and held up her hands. “Look, I’m not asking for the details, but the more frequent would show he’s in a better mindset.”
Brandi nodded. “Yeah, it’d mean he was letting his guard down. Thawing out.”
Well, shoot. “Then I hate to disappoint you, but we haven’t done anything in over a week.”
“Shoot.”
Amen.
“Sorry, Sis.”
Not as sorry as she was.
Especially the other night after they danced. She could tell he was into it. The evidence blatantly pressed against her. But he walked her to the bottom of her stairs, and said goodnight. Not even a kiss.
Disappointment and unsatisfied arousal still nipped at her. But, she got the impression he needed to do that for some reason. To prove something to himself, so she hadn’t pressed or asked him to go upstairs.
Brandi placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “If it’s any consolation, his gaze is always on you when you’re not looking.”
She raised a brow. “It is?”
“Yes.” His sister smiled.
“It’s true,” Shayla agreed. “I’ve seen it, too.”
“It’s my guess he’s coming to terms with something, or fighting it, but he’s showing signs of improvement every day. I’m sure once he gets his head where he needs it to be, he won’t let you alone.”
“Yeah.” Her sister set a hand on her other shoulder. “I wouldn’t worry too much about the lapse in “hook ups”. He’ll start coming around.”
She divided her gaze between the two smiling women. “How can you be sure?”
Shayla released her and grinned. “He shaved.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Other than she had really enjoyed the feel of his beard on—
“It’s his attempt not to think about you,” Brandi answered, color rushing into her cheeks as she removed her hand from Caitlin’s shoulder.
“His beard made him think of me?”
“Ah, yeah.” Shayla’s head bobbed emphatically. “I’m sure your scent—”
“Okay! All right. I get it.” She cut her sister off and colored brighter than Brandi if the heat infusing her face was anything to go
by. She knew it! Knew he’d shaved because of her. She just hadn’t realized why, until her sister and Brandi opened her eyes. But… “Now that it’s gone, doesn’t that mean the reminder is gone?”
Shayla chuckled.
Then Brandi joined in, both women shaking their heads.
“That’s where he made his mistake. Thinking that by removing the physical reminder it’ll purge it from his mind.”
“It won’t,” Brandi stated. “There will be a trigger. They don’t just work for bad memories.”
She smiled, feeling better. “So, you both think he’ll want to see me?”
“Yes, and not just for sex. There are other aspects of you he really likes and admires. He’s going to crave them, too.”
God, she hoped they were right.
“So just keep coming around here, or showing up at the rescue barn or shelter.” Brandi suggested.
Shayla winked. “Yeah, the more he sees you, without you being forced on him, the better.”
Brandi walked over and gave her hug. “Thank you for being there for him. I know if any of us tried to get close, he’d turn around and take off.”
She nodded, because she was pretty sure he’d felt that way with her, too. At least, in the beginning he had, but now? He seemed a little more at ease around her.
Shifting her hands to Cailtin’s arms, the sniffling woman drew back to peer into her face. “So, all of the sex and stuff aside, how do you think he’s doing?”
Oh, boy. Her heart rocked. “There are times when he’s good. He’s calm, almost seems happy, you know? Like without a burden weighing down his shoulders. It’s like glimpses of the old Keiffer.” She smiled and Brandi nodded, her eyes misting over again. “But, they aren’t often enough. Most of the time he’s quiet. Pensive. Then there are times he’s closed off and he retreats.”
His sister closed her eyes and nodded again. “I hate seeing him like that. The pensive side is okay. We can work with that, but the closed off side stinks.”
“I agree.”
“Then we’ll just have to figure out how to maintain pensive Keiffer, and do whatever we can to bring out glimpses of old Keiffer.”
“Caitlin, you’re the key to that side of him,” Brandi said. “Just keep being you. It’ll bring some fun into his life. That’s what he needs. He’s shied away from it for over a year and a half now. It’s time he had some fun. You think you can do that?”
Her Troubled Cowboy (Harland County Series Book 9) Page 10