She found Randi in her office in the Women’s Athletic Department at the university. Just in from a meeting with the soccer coach, she was dressed in a pair of athletic shorts and a cutoff T-shirt. She looked gorgeous, with her tanned skin and long legs that seemed to go on forever.
“Hey, sis!” She jumped up from her chair full of energy as always. “How’re you feeling? Have a seat,” she said, guiding Becca to a chair.
“I’m feeling fine,” Becca told her, resisting the urge to stand back up. “I’m not an invalid!” she said with a laugh.
“You wouldn’t get that impression talking to Will last night.”
“I know,” Becca said. “I was only awake long enough to have some dinner, but it was enough time for him to drive me crazy.”
Randi sat down in her chair, propping a white-sneakered foot on her desk. “It’s kind of sweet, how much he cares.”
Becca had thought so, too, until it had dawned on her that his concern was for the baby. And because it was his responsibility as her husband, as the father of her child, to take care of her. It had nothing to do with love.
Will wasn’t sure he felt that for Becca. He’d said so. The knowledge was always there, in the back of her mind—her heart—haunting her.
Not that she expected Randi to understand that. The thirty-year-old had never had a truly serious relationship in her life.
“I need some help,” she told Randi now, pulling out a notebook from her satchel.
Looking at the notebook—a Becca trademark— Randi grinned. “I figured with the semester ending and summer vacation looming, you’d be hitting me up,” she joked. “Which committee do you have me pegged for?”
Becca smiled. She loved her family, her life in Shelter Valley. Everyone was always so willing to help out.
“I’m setting up a series of programs for Save the Youth,” she said, thumbing through the pages of ideas and possible directors until she got to Randi’s page.
“You got the funding?” Randi asked, excited.
“Mayor Smith came up with enough to get us started,” she said. “And I’m expecting to hear about hard funding by the end of the week. Once that’s in place we won’t have to go through this every year.”
“You are amazing, woman!” Randi grinned.
Becca didn’t know about that. She just knew she had to keep going. “I’d like to set up some sort of athletic program,” she continued.
“What kind of program? Intramural? Competitive? Or just classes? And what sports?”
“I was planning to leave that up to you.”
Randi sat back with a thump. “Oh.”
“I’d like you to direct the program, if you would.”
“Direct it? We’re talking a huge time commitment here.”
“You’ll have a budget.” Becca named the figure. She really wanted Randi to do this, not just because she was perfect for the program and Becca knew she could rely on her completely, but because she thought Randi would enjoy the job.
Being single, Randi always helped Becca during the summer months, volunteering on some project or other. Finally Becca could give her something that she’d really like doing.
“Can I lasso some of my students who are staying in town for the summer to help out?”
“Of course. It’s your program.”
“Okay,” Randi said, and then in all seriousness, “on one condition.”
Becca froze in the process of putting her notebook away. “What?” she asked. Randi had never put qualifications on her help before.
“That you let all of us around you do the work on this thing, at least for the summer.” Randi paused, as though looking for Becca’s reaction.
Becca remained silent. How could she tell her well-meaning sister-in-law that she’d just made her feel like a horse put out to pasture?
“Promise me you’ll slow down a little, Becca.”
“I’m planning to get more rest,” she said, compromising. “I’m scheduling a nap each day.”
“Scheduling one?” Randi snorted. “Why do you do this to yourself, Becca? Why can’t you just take some time off?”
“Because I have to know that I can do it all.” She had no idea where the words came from. Was shocked to hear them. Even more stunned to realize they were the truth.
“Why is that so important?” Randi asked softly.
“Don’t you already know, Bec, that you run this entire town? And that everybody knows it?”
“It’s who I am,” Becca said, searching inside herself for answers she’d only just discovered she needed. “My whole life has been spent doing, being a person other people can rely on. I’m scared to death I won’t be that person anymore.”
Her foot back on the floor, Randi sat forward, elbows on her knees. “We’re talking about more than the town, aren’t we?”
She supposed they were. “I’m afraid of losing myself.”
“Why? Because of the baby?”
“Maybe.” But she didn’t think so. Not in that sense. “Maybe because my husband’s no longer in love with me.”
“Will’s coming around already, Becca.”
Perhaps. Perhaps not. Becca couldn’t bear to tell Randi—or anyone—about the conversation she and Will had had the night of the play.
“I’m scared to love this baby too much in case I lose it,” she whispered, tears gathering in her eyes.
“And if everything goes okay, I’m scared I won’t have the energy to keep up with my baby.”
Still leaning forward, Randi reached over and grabbed Becca’s hands, holding them silently. There were no words of assurance she could possibly offer; Becca knew that. No way Randi could promise her that everything would turn out all right.
But it still helped, having Randi close, feeling the wealth of her caring.
“I love you,” Randi said.
“I love you, too.” Becca smiled at her sister-in-law through her tears.
Somehow that was going to have to be enough. The love of her family. Of her friends. The support of Shelter Valley. One way or another, they’d all have to help her see this through.
CHAPTER TEN
IRONICALLY, TODD WAS SITTING in Will’s office Tuesday morning when the phone call came. Todd, dwarfing the leather chair, had come to request scholarship alternatives for Stacy Truitt. The young woman wanted to continue her graduate studies at Montford, but couldn’t afford to.
And because Todd was sitting there so casually in his khakis and polo shirt, one ankle resting on the opposite knee, because he was asking so boldly, Will had felt relieved. There couldn’t possibly be anything going on between them if Todd was willing to champion the girl so openly.
The ringing phone startled both of them. Will’s business calls were screened by his very efficient secretary. Becca called on his private line.
He knew, as soon as he picked up, why Freda had put the call through. She knew he was waiting to hear from the private investigator.
“What have you got?” He spoke into the receiver, uncomfortably aware of his friend sitting across from him. He hoped this would be the evidence that would clear Todd’s name. Hoped they’d soon be laughing about the vagaries of students, grudges and unwarranted complaints.
“…all the proof you need,” the man was saying.
“Dates, times, records of meetings at the girl’s apartment, a dinner in Phoenix, a night at a resort in Tucson…”
Will felt his heart pound as the investigator continued to give him a very professional rundown of a ruined life. Of several ruined lives.
He avoided looking at Todd, couldn’t bring himself to see the man he’d known all his life while listening to repeated episodes of Todd’s adultery.
“I know you didn’t ask for them, but I’ve got pictures in case you need them,” the man said.
Pictures. Just thinking of what they’d portray made Will sick. And confused. What in hell was the world coming to?
As though compelled by his sense of horror, he look
ed at Todd then. And could barely control the anger that rose inside him as he saw Todd sitting there, appearing so nonchalant, so guiltless while he came begging on his young lover’s behalf.
What about Martha, dammit? How could Todd do this to her? How could he go home to her, climb into bed with her, knowing what he’d done? What he was still doing?
How could Todd face him, the man who’d trusted him, the man who’d stood up for him at his and Martha’s wedding?
How could he possibly think he’d get away with this? Especially in Shelter Valley. The town where everyone watched out for their own, where family still mattered, where right and wrong were still based on eternal truths.
Todd was leafing through a golf magazine that had been sitting on a corner of Will’s desk. He stopped at the ad for a new aluminum putter that Will was intending to buy.
“You’ve done a very thorough job and I thank you.” Will took special care to be pleasant as he spoke into the phone. After all, it wasn’t the man’s fault he was bearing such disappointing news. “Be sure you add the film and developing costs to your bill.”
Todd glanced at him as Will hung up. “Important call?” he asked. His curiosity wasn’t surprising, since Will had barely spoken a word during the entire conversation.
“You might say that,” he said now, scrambling for a way to do this, a way that wasn’t completely distasteful.
And then determined there wasn’t one.
“I now have indisputable proof that you’re having an affair with Stacy Truitt,” he said baldly.
Todd dropped the magazine. It lay on the floor, unretrieved and folded open. He stared at Will, his lips tight, thoughts chasing themselves across his face. He expressed none of them.
Oddly enough, his silence bothered Will most of all. Where was the boy he’d learned to play baseball with? The man he’d held when his mother had died during their sophomore year of college? The man who’d cried when his first daughter was born? The man who’d been Will’s rock when his own sons and daughters weren’t.
“Why?” Will finally asked.
Todd continued to stare at him, a nerve in his cheek the only detectable movement in his entire body.
“It’s over, my friend,” Will said. “It’s all going to come out.”
Todd nodded. His eyes were overflowing with emotion, and yet there was nothing about the man that was sagging or defeated. Or even regretful.
“What about Martha?” Will asked, angry again.
“How could you do this to her?”
Todd still said nothing.
“Don’t you care at all?”
Will’s voice was hard, his hand clenched into a fist on his desk. For the first time in his life, he wanted to hit a man. To smash Todd’s face until he felt some compunction, until he knew what it was to hurt. Until he was at least sorry.
“Of course I care.” There was no doubting the truth of Todd’s words when his silence finally ended.
“Then why did you do it?”
“She makes me feel something I’ve never felt before.” As sappy as Todd’s words sounded, his delivery wasn’t. He wasn’t defending himself, wasn’t really even explaining himself. He was just stating facts.
Will rubbed his fist with his other hand. “Lust’ll do that to you.”
“It’s not about lust,” Todd said. “She’s like…an angel, sent to earth specially to speak to me.”
Todd was losing him. There was absolutely nothing heavenly about adultery.
“She sees value in me that no one’s ever seen before. Makes me see value in myself that I didn’t even know was there.”
“Martha values you, man. She’s given her entire life to loving you, caring for your children, making a home that you’d be comfortable in, tending to your needs.”
“I know,” Todd said, bowing his head. “That’s what makes this so hard. But I love Stacy so much I can’t fathom a life without her.”
“You used to love Martha, too.”
Todd shook his head. “I still do, but I was never in love with her,” Todd admitted, shocking him.
“Sure you were,” Will said automatically. “You’re just caught up in some midlife crisis and not thinking straight.” Will sought desperately for an example, some point in their lives when Todd had shown how enamored he was of his wife. He thought back to their wedding day.
And couldn’t honestly remember a look on Todd’s face, a gesture, a word, that indicated his devotion. The best way to describe Todd, he decided as his memory turned traitor on him, was content.
“Open your eyes, man,” Todd said. “I was never in love with Martha like you were with Becca.”
Suddenly Will’s eyes were open. Wide. Like you were with Becca. But was he?
And how could he insist that his friend feel something that he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt? Had they both been victims of Shelter Valley? Settling for a life the town provided because it was expected of them?
“Becca would be coming over, and you’d light up like a baseball diamond at night,” Todd said almost bitterly. “There was a life that only existed when the two of you were in a room together. It was like you were connected on some wavelength no one else could hear, and it was sickening to witness, believe me,” Todd said.
“You and Martha never had that?” Will asked, his mind reeling at the picture Todd had drawn. Could it be true? Had he and Becca really been that way?
Were they still connected—even if only by a thread?
Or was the picture just a skewed painting created from the memory of a middle-aged man who was trying to justify an affair with a girl young enough to be his daughter?
“Martha and I were friends,” Todd said. “We are friends. There’s just never been any real passion between us. On either side.”
Will found that hard to believe, too. Todd and Martha had had their share of nights in the dorm room, nights when Will had been asked to find someplace else to sleep. Nights he’d gone to Becca’s apartment and hardly slept at all.
“Where do you think this is going, Todd?” Will asked. “Stacy may be here another year or two, but then she’s gone. Have you thought of the future at all? Taken into account everything you’ve risked?”
The man was going to lose his job. Didn’t that matter to him?
“I was hoping we’d have time for her to finish her studies here,” Todd said. It was clear that he’d given the matter quite a bit of thought. “A Montford education means a lot to her. It meant a lot to me. I know what it could do for her.” He paused, lifted his hands and let them fall. “But we’re both prepared for it to all come crashing to an end sooner than we’d planned.”
“You’re going to end it, then? Stop seeing her and hope that Martha will be able to forgive you?”
Will couldn’t believe how badly he wanted that to be the case. How much he’d like to find a way for Todd to get his job back at some point. And hoped that Todd’s family would not be irreparably hurt by his mistake.
“End it?” Todd frowned. “Of course not!” He leaned forward. “Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said, Will? Stacy is my life.”
“Then what—”
“We knew we might have to leave here before she was finished with school,” Todd explained. “We’re both prepared for that eventuality. I just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.”
Speechless, Will just sat there. It was his turn to stare. Obviously he wouldn’t even have to worry about firing Todd. The man was planning to walk away from a prestigious position at a prestigious college—one he’d worked his whole life to obtain—without looking back. Incredible.
“Where will you go?” he finally asked. “What will you do?”
“Get a divorce, marry Stacy,” Todd said. “I won’t have any problem getting some kind of teaching job. And if that doesn’t work, I can always get my license, do counseling.”
“Where?” Will asked again. Not because it mattered, but because he needed something tangible in order to grasp what was
happening.
“Somewhere back East,” Todd said. Obviously that, too, had already been discussed. “If Stacy can’t finish up at Montford, I want her at an Ivy League school.”
Anything for Stacy.
Was this love? The willingness to lay down one’s entire life for another?
“What about the kids?”
Todd stared at his hands. When he raised his eyes, they were glistening. “I’m going to miss them like hell,” he admitted softly.
Just not enough, apparently, to make him stay.
“By next year we’ll be settled and I’ll send for them for the summer.”
The man had gone stark raving mad. Or maybe he had. No one was who he’d thought, not anymore. Todd having an affair, leaving his job, his wife, his family. Becca, willing to consider aborting the child they’d waited two decades to have, not sure she wanted to be a mother anymore. His own doubts about his part in Becca’s decision, the fears that had been plaguing him since her migraine. Doubts about decisions he himself had fallen into rather than chosen. The town he’d always loved maybe sheltering him too much all these years, robbing him of the necessary tests of his mettle, of life, rather than providing space for him to grow.
Nothing was making sense anymore.
“WHAT ARE YOU doing?”
Becca started, swinging around to face Will in the doorway of her home office Tuesday evening.
“Thinking,” she said.
“Standing in the middle of the room?”
“I was thinking about rearranging it.”
“Not by yourself, I hope. That desk’s heavy.”
“No.” Becca shook her head. “I wasn’t going to do it myself.”
“I thought you liked your desk by the window,” he continued, coming fully into the room. He was still wearing the dress slacks, shirt and tie he’d worn to work, though, in deference to the Arizona May heat, he’d removed his jacket the second he’d left his office at the university. He looked so good to Becca, tall, solid, reassuring.
And sexy as hell.
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