by Piper Lawson
“Chase…” she warns.
I look back at her. Then I lean forward and press my lips to the same spot.
A moan spills from her lips and the sound unleashes a monster in my chest.
With a mind of its own, my tongue darts out to touch her skin.
My hands span her waist, somehow I’m the one holding her bra up because one of her hands is gripping the counter and the other’s on my head. Not holding me there, not pushing me away.
“Chase…” This time I don’t recognize her voice. It’s a little hoarse and a lot hungry and I pull back to make sure that, fuck, it’s really her.
Here eyes are dark, pupils huge with possibility. Everything’s forgotten except how it feels to be the center of her world for a single second. The heat spiking through my body is familiar and foreign at once. It feels like I just ran two marathons back to back.
Because it’s not just physical. My heart’s in my throat and the next second of my life depends on hers. Her next breath. Her next move.
“Ariel. You weren’t supposed to be like this.” The words are an accusation, though I don’t know if it’s her fault or mine.
Gray eyes flick to my mouth and the world stops.
In the next second my mouth’s on hers and my fingers are stroking her sides like I want to memorize the shape of her. Because I do.
Fuck, I do.
My hands stroke up her smooth legs, thighs under her skirt and lift her onto the counter. I’m going insane touching her like this. It feels wrong but at the time, it’s so damn right. It’s like I’ve wanted her my whole life. And maybe I have, but I didn’t know she existed until this week.
She pulls on my hair. Her mouth is open and her tongue is tentative. I claim it with mine, communicating what I can’t say.
When my fingers run up, up those legs, I graze the edge of her panties. I’m so hard it hurts. She doesn’t stop me, and I trail my fingers in, down, desperate to know.
She jerks when my finger slips under the edge to find her.
Fuck. She’s so wet. Is it possible she’s been thinking about this as much as I have?
Ariel.
She’s too damn sweet for me, but I want to be good for her, good with her.
I’ve never been on drugs but I wonder hazily if this is what it feels like. If she cares about me even a fraction of the way I’m starting to feel about her, then I’ll gladly go under.
As I stroke her, slow, shallow, little sounds of pleasure echo in my mouth from hers. And I can’t help it, my index finger presses inside her. We groan together.
Her fingers dig into my neck.
“Ariel,” I murmur, pulling back to watch her while keep stroking. “I can’t—“
“Chase?” My name is a question on her lips. I want to give her every damn answer she could ever want. “You make me—oh, God.” She tugs me toward her and buries her mouth in my shoulder.
“I want to feel you come apart,” I whisper hoarsely in her ear. The same one I’d noticed the night of the party. I drop a kiss on it, another, then run my teeth over the shell. “Come for me, princess.”
Her hands run up my back and she’s searching for her release. Then she’s there and I feel her clench around my fingers, choking on my name.
Before I know it, her hands are on my belt. She’s trying to unfasten it. She reaches in and the wonder’s gone, determination in its place.
“Ariel. What are you doing?”
She doesn’t answer. I grab her hand, hold it against the counter gently until she brings her confused gaze to mine. “Giving you what you want. At least, I think it’s what you want.”
I frown, trying to make sense of her words. Failing. “What are you talking about?”
“This.” She gestures between us, flushing more. “Skin, right?” I thought that’s what you…” Ariel takes in my body language and shuts down. “But if you don’t want to--”
Her words are a knife in my chest. “Don’t say it.” I cut her off, and I’m hating her, but not as much as I’m hating myself. What she thinks I am. That after this week she still sees me as looking for satisfaction. That I think she’s just a replacement for Ash. “I’m not interested in whatever it is you’re offering.” I scrub a hand through my hair.
She looks hurt, but it’s better this way. I push back from her, pick my tank off the ground and pull it on. I grab my keys and take off out the door.
“Chase, you look like shit, man.”
“Thanks.”
Spence is back from his road trip. We’re sitting on the deck behind our townhouse. He’s drinking beer. I’m drinking water, viciously wishing it was something harder.
“I found a pink sock in my room. Anything you wanna tell me?”
“Yeah. Someone stayed for a few days.”
Ariel’d gone back to her apartment. Ben picked her up a while ago. I didn’t say goodbye, but watched from the window.
“A girl stayed in my room?” Spence raises his eyebrows.
“Don’t worry, she didn’t touch your shit. She’s a…friend.” I shrug.
He snorts. “You don’t have friends who are girls.”
“I know.” I take a sip of water. It’s horribly inadequate.
“Ash called me today,” Spence says.
“And? You going somewhere with that or you just like saying her name hoping one day she’ll appear like a magic genie and fuck you?”
“Damn, you’re pissy. You wanna tell me what fucked you up? Ash said you were in a funk. Thought it had to do with some chick.” He dangles the sock. “Maybe the same chick that wore this?”
“Stop treating this like some Cinderella shit, Spence. There’s nothing going on. Besides, Ash broke it off with me, not the other way around.”
I refuse to say more. So my roommate tries to fill in the blanks. “That’s not how I heard it. I heard you couldn’t even get it up until she asked you about this girl and that’s when she lost it.” He tilts his head. “Sounds fair to me, man. If I was a chick and the guy I was with was thinking of some other girl?”
My head drops back. “Spence, if you were a fucking chick we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Regardless, I don’t date. You know I don’t. And you know why.”
“Not even…what’s her name?”
“Ariel,” I mutter.
“Ariel. Wow.” He rolls it around on his tongue. “High maintenance.”
“She’s not like that.” Just hearing her name conjures images of her in my head.
“Alright. So you can’t just fuck Ariel?”
“No.” I say it tightly. “She’s too good for me. Too good for that.”
“Well, is she too good for me?” He grins. “Maybe I can fuck Ariel.”
In half a second I’m leaning forward, my hand on his throat. The rage cuts through the layers of composure I’ve built overtop of it, slicing like a knife.
Spence is smirking. “Clearly this girl doesn’t affect you at all.” He pushes me off, standing, and pats me on the back.
~
Are we running today?
I stare at her text for five minutes. Put my phone away. Then pull it back out.
You’re running today
I attach a snapshot of the routine I’ve scrawled on a piece of paper in front of me.
It’s a cop out. I know it but I hope she doesn’t.
We only have a week left to train but I can’t see her today.
Growing up my only salvation was living in my head. I learned to be in control. To hide what was going on inside, outside. I can still be a prick but I’m an…intentional one.
Not with her. Yesterday in the kitchen was only the last straw. All my coping tools vanish when she’s around.
Instead I actually pay attention in class today. If I did this all the time I’d be doing way better.
Halfway through my second class, she sends me her stats. Just a series of numbers, no words. I text back.
Good
A moment later, she replies.
/> It’s still too slow
She’s not wrong.
I’m usually home by dinner but instead I stay on campus, working in the social science building. I kill time, looking at postings for jobs that have to do with social work. Helping kids like me, hell, like Ariel, deal with the shit that happens to them. If I ever end up graduating and actually need a job, besides bartending for Tor, maybe I’d do something like that.
My phone rings and I glance at the screen before sending it to voicemail.
Ten minutes later I give up and check the message.
“Chase, it’s me,” her voice is tight. “It’s stupid but…I think someone’s following me. I’m at the library. If you’re not busy could you come get me?”
Fuck. Adrenaline kicks in. I throw my books in my bag and two minutes later I’m peeling out of the lot and across campus. Tap my fingers on the steering wheel impatiently and ignore the vague urge to mow down faceless pedestrians who’re walking too slow.
When I pull up in front of the library, I blow past the paid parking and let two wheels ride up on the curb right at the front of the building.
She’s standing there, out of the rain and under the overhang, looking around nervously. Her faces radiates relief when I make my way up to her and immediately the tension between us is gone.
“What happened? Are you OK?”
Her head turns as she scans behind me. “I was leaving my night class, and it was just after dark. I think someone follow me here. I shouldn’t be worried but I know there’ve been some incidents on campus already this year. Girls getting assaulted.”
If anyone’d hurt her…
I wrap my arms around her, needing to feel her against me to soothe the rage that’s building. She seems like she needs the same thing, nodding into my chest.
“C’mon let’s go.”
We run to the truck, getting wet on the way.
I start driving.
“Chase? Can I stay at your place?”
I realize that’s where I was already heading. “Spence is home. You can have my bed. I’ll take the couch.”
“The couch is fine.”
“Do you have any idea why someone would follow you?” I’m still trying to catch up. Even though I know it was probably random, some creeper checking her out, I can’t assume it. I’ve seen too much for that.
She takes a breath. “Maybe. I don’t know.” Ariel’s quiet and I shoot her a look. “The reason this summer was so awful was that I started getting weird messages.”
The hairs on my neck stand up. “What kind of messages?”
“This year was the twentieth anniversary of my mom’s death. People magazine did a special on it. First I got a letter to the house. The next week, a few more. I told my dad and he set people up to catch it. Then he whisked me and Larissa off to Tahoe.”
“Someone sent hate mail to your family.”
She pushes a hand through her hair. “Yeah. Well, no. It was just to me.”
My hand tightens on the steering wheel and I force myself to keep my eyes on the road. “Did you tell the police?”
“We did, but you have no idea how many people get these.”
“This is real, Ariel. Fuck. Are you still getting them?”
She shifts in her seat. “Sort of. A few emails since school started a couple weeks ago.”
“You’re going to show me those emails.” I look over at her but instead of being scared, or relieved, she looks mad.
“No.”
I frown at her. “What the hell do you mean, no?”
“You can’t be like this, Chase.” She pushes her book bag off her lap and it lands on the floor with a thunk. “Can’t ignore me this morning then go all big brother when something’s wrong. Not after yesterday.”
I pull off the road, putting the truck in park before turning to face her. “What’re you talking about?”
“You rejected me.” Her eyes are full of hurt.
“Huh?”
“In the kitchen,” she exclaims. “I practically threw myself at you. And you pushed me away.”
“I rejected what you were offering. A mindless fuck on my kitchen counter.” My throat tightens as I say the words, because I hate saying them and her in the same sentence. “You’re not that girl, Ariel. You never will be.”
“What girl, Chase? One who’s found a guy she can’t stop thinking about? One who sees past your cracks and gets what’s underneath – that you’ve been hurt but you still care for people, care about people?” She shakes her head. “I know you sleep with girls like Ash. I know you’re more experienced than me. But I’m past the point of caring. Because all I want is to be around you.”
Her words are validating and heartbreaking at once. I groan, rubbing a hand over my face. “Do you get what you’re saying? You shouldn’t want me. I’m broken, Ariel. My biggest ambition is staying in school long enough to stay out of jail.”
“That’s not who you are.” The forcefulness of her voice echoes through me.
“You know why I was out of school last year? Because I hit my father. I beat him, Ariel. I hit him in the jaw. Then the nose. Then when he was on the ground, I kicked him. He was knocked out. I was one good blow away from a murder charge.”
Her face goes white. She undoes her seatbelt and gets out.
There it is. She’s afraid of me. I knew it would happen eventually.
I lean back in my seat, closing my eyes. It’s only as much as I deserve.
When I hear my door open, I turn toward it to see Ariel standing there, looking determined.
“What the hell are you doing?” I ask her, getting out. It’s raining harder and the water streaks through her hair. Down her face. She ignores it.
“I don’t care. I know what he did to you. I’ve seen it. You’re no angel but you’re not the devil either, Chase.” She angles her head up to me, hands on her hips.
“You’re right. I play by my rules. But at least I thought I knew what those rules were. Until you came and turned them upside down.” I’m running my eyes over her face. Her eyes darken.
“Tell me you don’t want me.”
“What?” My head’s spinning and I don’t think I heard her right. The rain’s soaking her, and I can already see her bra through the white blouse. Her fingers go to her blouse, undoing the top button, then another. She keeps going until it’s unbuttoned, hanging open to reveal her pink lace bra.
I turn my head to the side, force my eyes to the grass on the shoulder of the road that’s illuminated by the beam of my headlights.
“Look at me, Chase,” she says against the rain. “Tell me you don’t want me.”
With a groan I turn back to her. “Fucking hell. I do. More than anything I do. But it’s not this.” I gesture to her skin, shining with water droplets in the low light. “If you had any idea what it does to me, being around you. How you try for me, up there.” I tap her forehead. “How brave you are, in there.” I press my hand over her heart. “The way you melt under my mouth …” My finger skims the bottom of her breast. “…right there.”
Her eyes widen.
“You make me want to die just so I can come back as someone who’s good enough for you,” I grunt. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”
Then I apologize again.
This time it’s with my lips, not my words. It’s for what I’m about to do, not what I’ve done.
I reach an arm around her waist to pull her against me. Her mouth’s slippery from the rain, her breath hot on mine. Her hands grip the collar of my shirt, pulling me hungrily against her.
She’s wild, pouring herself into me, against me. Pressing her breasts into my chest.
My mouth drops to her slick jaw, running up it to her ear. Biting her lobe, sucking.
“Chase,” she moans. “Don’t make me beg.”
I’m only human. I can’t keep pushing her away when she’s all I want. I pull back long enough to nod, desperately. “Not here.”
It takes every ounce of will
power to put her back in the truck. Get in my side.
We get back on the road. My mind’s starting to come back to me. “You really want to do this?”
“Don’t you dare start trying to make sense of what’s happening between us. Get out of your head. I want you so much it hurts, Chase. I spent half last night awake thinking of you.” Her voice is shaky.
I turn my head to shoot her a heated look.
Drive. Faster.
“The night you kissed me at the party, I hated you. Hated how I responded to you. Now I think my body was right. That it knew something the rest of me didn’t.”
We pull into my driveway and she gets out. I round to her side of the truck as she’s shutting the door and press her into the closed door.
Then my lips close over hers. My hands fist in her loose hair and a little moan slips out of her mouth. I’m already so fucking hard and I want to be inside this girl so desperately I’d crawl if she asked me to.
Her hands reach up to me, tentative at first. Then one slides under the back of my shirt and I feel those smooth, silky hands on my skin and I’m lost.
“Chase,” she manages. “If you stop this time, I’m going to kill you.”
I pull back. “Come on.” I take her hand in mind and jog up the steps. Fumble for my keys, finally find them.
It’s been too long and I need another taste. I press her up against the side of the house, my thumb stroking just above her jeans, and she moans.
I push the door in, shut it behind us. Her arms are around my neck and I lift her legs around me, carrying her blindly. Her mouth’s on mine, frantic, and she’s making these whimpers that’re all I can hear.
We get to the stairs and I set her down. The look in her eyes undoes me. “Is your roommate home?” she asks, and it’s like we’re on the same wavelength. The bedroom’s too damn far away.
I shake my head, pressing her down on the stairs, tugging her jeans and her panties down over her hips at once, exposing her. Now we’re here I can hardly think, even though I’ve spent all week – fuck, it feels like all my life – thinking about her.
I can see how wet she is, not just from the rain, and all I want to do is eat her until the only word she knows is my name. “I can’t think without dreaming about you. I used to have nightmares but there’s no room for them. Just you.”