“Despite the fact that you managed to turn my life upside down in the process of your ‘education’?”
David shook his head. “Change is always chaotic,” he said. “That first night showed me you had a rare potential, the ability to live life to the fullest, to revel in its glory. I had to take the risk of overturning your life, for that was the only way I would ever have the chance of hearing you say you loved me. And I won’t settle for less. Not with you. Life lived with you, without love, would be hell on earth. You need to love passionately, wholeheartedly. Anything less would drive you mad.”
Anastasia’s heart thumped with an erratic beat that hurt, sending shooting pain into her body. With lips that seemed numb and lifeless, she said, “All or nothing? They’re high stakes.”
David shrugged. “It was worth it.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
His expression was candid and she knew he had bared his soul. Unconditionally. “I’ve run out of time,” he said simply. “The one person who can stop me getting on that plane in three hours is you…and you won’t stop me. I’m giving you all the final facts, so when you look back at this, later, you will understand why I did some of the things I did. And I wanted to reassure you that what happened, what will happen, here today, will stay with me until I die. No one will ever know, except me. A private memory.” He tried to smile but it emerged crookedly.
Anastasia could feel the tremble begin again in her body but this time it felt unhealthy, like an illness or disease. She tried to still her limbs, ignore the hard ache in her chest. “‘What will happen,’?” she repeated, latching onto trivia.
“Ah…” He reached out to cup her cheek with his large hand, the strong thumb caressing the corner of her mouth. “I haven’t had my fill of you, yet,” he said.
“I thought you wouldn’t stand for a consolation prize?”
“That was before I knew I had lost. And besides…” He attempted a lopsided grin. “We won’t be standing.”
Tears filled her eyes. “And then you will let me go?”
He closed his eyes for a moment and his chest lifted as he breathed in, a deep, steadying breath. He let it out on a gusty sigh. “And then I will let you go.”
* * * * *
Afterwards, it appeared David slept, although Anastasia suspected he might merely be allowing her to slip away without complications. She dried her face of tears and climbed up the stairs to his bedroom, to search for clothing to wear. She found a tee-shirt, which came down nearly to her knees and a pair of cotton drill shorts, that did brush her knees and needed tightening at the waist by many inches. She cast about for a belt and settled for a tie. And, after hesitating for long minutes she finally took David’s leather jacket. She could always mail the jacket back to him and there was no other jacket or overcoat that she could sensibly wear in broad daylight. With the jacket and the shorts she was at least covered, although her bare feet were going to turn heads.
She slipped the jacket on and was instantly enveloped in the heady scent of him, provoking powerful images that froze her to the spot for a moment and made her eyes prick with more unshed tears.
At that moment a car sounded its horn outside the front of the house. The taxi she had ordered had arrived.
She hurried downstairs to the front door and paused outside the living room. She wanted one last look at him before she left.
The taxi driver sounded his horn again. It was an impatient blast.
She slipped out of the house, shutting the heavy door behind her.
Chapter Eighteen
Hugh intercepted Anastasia as she was crossing the entrance hall at Numeralla, hoping to make it upstairs undetected. When he called out her name, she turned and put a finger to her lips.
His gaze raked over her. “Where have you been?” he asked, his voice lower.
“You know where I’ve been. David told you last night he was taking me back to his place.”
Hugh pursed his lips. “Anastasia, we need to talk.”
She sighed. “Can we talk later, Hugh? I’m tired, I’m as cold as Arctic salmon, my feet feel like they’ve atrophied and I want a shower and to sleep for a week. I want to be by myself for a while. I especially want to get out of these clothes before anyone else sees me.”
“Exactly my point. Just what are you wearing? They’re David’s clothes, aren’t they? Why are you wearing his clothes, Anna?” Hugh’s voice was rising, becoming strident.
“Shhh!” she hissed.
“Your father is asleep.” But he lowered his voice, anyway. “Benitta gave him a sleeping pill last night when we got home, which was very late. And for all I know she took one herself. No one in this household is awake except me.”
“Why aren’t you asleep too, then?” she asked him, wishing mightily he had been asleep when she had arrived. She dearly wanted time to herself. Time to mourn, to shore up her defences, before having to face the world again and pretend nothing terribly unusual had happened lately.
“I’ve been worrying about you. And I’ve been thinking.” Hugh stepped a little closer to her. “We need to talk. Now,” he insisted.
Anastasia sighed again. “Well, let’s at least go into the kitchen and make some coffee to talk over.”
Hugh led her through to the kitchen and she wondered if he was aware of just how much at home he was at Numeralla. In many ways he was the perfect son for her father. Trustworthy, obedient, respectful.
Stop it! she told herself fiercely. It isn’t as if you are about to execute him.
Once in the kitchen, they set about making a pot of fresh coffee and Hugh delved into the pantry and produced a fruit cake which Mrs. Greenaway had made for the weekend and sliced it up. Anastasia put coffee cups, sugar and cream on the table, moving silently on her bare feet and feeling some life returning to her toes as they soaked up the warmth in the kitchen.
They sat down at the table at the same time and she poured the coffee. She kept silent, aware of how powerful a prompt silence was from her experience with David.
Hugh cleared his throat. “Are you fully recovered from last night?”
“Yes.”
He stirred his coffee steadily. “That’s good.” After another pause, he said, “I wanted to talk to you about us, Anastasia. I feel somewhat responsible about last night and I wanted to apologize. I realize you’ve been under some strain lately and I probably haven’t been as understanding as I could have been. Last night showed me that. And I want to make up for it. So I thought…maybe we should make some positive plans about the wedding, set a concrete date…”
Anastasia felt her stomach contract coldly, as she listened to Hugh expand on his subject. Dates, honeymoon locations, guest numbers, locations, catering, limousines. This isn’t really what he wanted to talk about so urgently. She tried to break into his monologue.
“Hugh? Hugh!”
He stopped.
She pushed her coffee cup aside and leaned forward. “I have something important to discuss with you myself and it’s probably better we get mine out of the way first.”
Hugh nodded. He began stirring his coffee again.
Anastasia braced herself. “Hugh, I-I don’t love you.”
“Is that all?” Perversely he seemed relieved. He laid the teaspoon down.
She stared, feeling bewildered. “You don’t understand. I’m trying to tell you that I can’t marry you.”
This time, his reaction was what she expected and more. His jaw descended and his face paled. She sat very still, wishing there had been an easier way to break the news, all the while knowing there wasn’t. He had to cope with it himself.
After a long moment he said hoarsely, “It’s David, isn’t it?” She saw his gaze fall on the leather jacket. “Last night. You and he…”
She chose her words carefully. “I’m wearing his clothes, Hugh. You saw how much I was wearing when he hauled me out of the river last night and you took my dress with you. What was I supposed to wear home? Wha
t I was wearing on the jetty?”
Despite her care to avoid a lie, or perhaps because of it, Hugh didn’t accept her words at face value. “Are you telling me you didn’t?” he said flatly.
She played dumb. “Didn’t what?”
Hugh looked away impatiently. “Sleep together.”
“Where is all this paranoia coming from?” she asked. “Why have you suddenly become so suspicious…so jealous of David and me? You’ve spent weeks telling me to get to know him, to try to like him for your sake. What’s going on, Hugh?”
He picked his teaspoon up and began to stir his coffee again, concentrating on the task. “Yesterday, at the office, after that discussion…argument…whatever it was we had in the conference room…after the meeting, I spent a little time trying to work out what was bothering you. And when I kept coming up with blanks, I went to your office, intending to try to talk to you—really talk. To find out.”
She stared at him, dismayed. “Oh dear heaven,” she said on a breath.
Hugh grimaced. “Well, I found out.”
“You saw us.”
“A little. Enough. Then I shut the door and went back to my office to think.”
Her dismay quickly turned to horror. “And you didn’t say anything?” She quickly recalled the events as they occurred after that. “You just calmly phoned my secretary?” She rubbed her temple. “That’s why you followed me like a shadow last night. That’s why you dropped the news about David leaving.” Another thought occurred to her. “That’s why he came to the office in the first place. He was going to tell me then but…” She stopped, aware that she had spoken aloud.
Hugh was nodding. “He told me after you had left.”
“And you said nothing, to either of us. Why?”
Hugh shrugged ruefully. “I knew I was safe. David was returning to China and I was confident that you wouldn’t leave me for him. I knew with utter certainty that even if you loved him, no matter how much you loved him, you would marry me. So I was jealous. Oh, I was furious and the hurt was incredible. But I knew I was safe, that you wouldn’t leave. I was sure of that.” His mouth pulled down.
“Why were you so sure?”
“Because of your mother, of course,” Hugh said as if his answer explained everything.
Which it did, for Anastasia. “How much do you know about my mother?” she asked.
“Enough to know that you would do anything to avoid being like her, even if it meant marrying someone you didn’t love, if that would keep you from repeating your parents’ mistakes.”
It took her a long moment to recover from her astonishment. “How long have you known this?” she asked, appalled. “And why would you settle for such an arrangement?”
“Because I love you, of course. And I’ve always known you didn’t love me. It didn’t matter. I was happy to accept you under any conditions and I’ve always suspected that if you did marry for love alone, I would be one of the last candidates—so I felt lucky at that. It was like being kicked in the stomach when I saw that dress on you last night. I knew straight away whose dress it was and what it meant.”
“Oh, Hugh…” It shocked her to think that he had been aware of her feelings all along. “I thought you didn’t know. I would never have told you. I would have tried to make you happy. I had promised myself at least that much.”
“I know.” He tried to smile. “I’m not blind, Anna.”
“No. I’ve underestimated you badly. In all ways.”
“And I underestimated David. It’s rocked me to know you’ve been swayed enough to break the engagement. He’s a clever bastard. And much better than I thought. I wish you well with him.”
She shook her head. “I’m not breaking the engagement to go to David,” she said.
He looked shocked. “You’re not marrying him?”
“No.” He never mentioned marriage.
“Then you’re going to live with him?”
“No. David’s flying out to China this morning.” Anastasia looked at her watch. “In fact, he’s probably already boarding the plane.”
“But…” Hugh frowned. “Why are you breaking our engagement then?”
She sighed. “Because David has quite rightly shown me that marrying you would be wrong. I would make you unhappy despite the best of intentions, because I wouldn’t be marrying for love.”
He looked hopeful. “Marry me anyway. I’ll take my chances.”
She shook her head. “No. Especially not after what you have told me, Hugh. You are much too good a man to be saddled with someone like me, no matter how much you love me. I’ll make you miserable.”
He returned to stirring his coffee, his eyes fixed on the movements of his wrist. “What will you do?”
“I don’t know,” she said truthfully. “I’ll find another job for a start. My own business perhaps. I’ve got scores of projects I’d like to tackle and maybe I could steal some of our clients away from you.”
“There’s no need to go to that extreme,” he said gruffly. “We’ve had a perfectly good working relationship up until now. Why spoil it?”
“Because it’s my father’s business too. I need to cut the last ties.”
Hugh looked away for a moment and cleared his throat. “So, not only does he manage to steal my fiancé away from me but he’s also managed to prevent me seeing you even on an ordinary business basis. He’s managed to pluck you right out of my life.”
“Those were my decisions.” She was alarmed by the deep bitterness in his voice. “Blame me if you must blame someone. David convinced me to break the engagement only because he’s your friend and didn’t want to see you hurt. It was the only thing he insisted upon all along, regardless of what happened between me and him.”
Hugh kept his face averted. “Maybe. But the end result is still the same, isn’t it? And in my gut I want to kill him.” He pushed his coffee cup away. “I’d better go.” He left the room, moving quickly.
Anastasia followed him out onto the front porch, wondering if she should let him leave. He was clearly upset and his driving ability might well be impaired. She intended to call him back, to make him wait. She would pour coffee down his throat, if necessary. But she halted on the porch, dumbfounded.
For striding across the gravel drive was David.
She had no time to put her brain back in gear. Hugh altered his direction and headed straight for David. Her mind screamed that he would follow his instinct, which he had confessed to her not less than a minute before. Hugh was upset, driven beyond normal good sense. No matter how crazy he would see his desire to kill David in the light of good judgment, at this moment he would act upon it, while the craving was fresh.
David was larger than Hugh but he had no idea of the berserker lurking beneath the skin of his friend and would be totally unprepared.
She opened her mouth to call out a warning but too late. Hugh had already reached him.
Without preliminaries or any forewarning, Hugh crashed his fist into David’s jaw, in a short, vicious jab that sent David staggering.
She ran across the drive, her feet barely registering the sharp gravel stones, or the coldness of the ground. “Hugh, stop it!” she cried.
David recovered quickly, moving around Hugh to grab his wrist and encase him in a disabling arm lock that effectively immobilized him. Anastasia felt Hugh grunt in reaction to the painful grip David had on his arm.
“Damn it, Hugh,” David swore. He used his free hand to wipe at the corner of his mouth. It came away bloody.
“You can wrap up your motives in the purest of morals for all I care, my friend,” Hugh muttered. “But nothing gets past the fact that you betrayed my trust.”
David looked at her and she could feel his puzzlement.
“I just told Hugh I wouldn’t marry him,” she explained.
David’s face gave away his surprise. Then he nodded, as bits and pieces fell into place. Anastasia could see him add this fact to the other reasons she had given for making love w
ith him. He spoke into Hugh’s ear. “And did she also tell you that despite every pressure I put on her, she never once betrayed her loyalty to you?”
“Until last night,” Hugh said. “When you finally convinced her to leave me.”
“He didn’t know, Hugh,” Anastasia said tiredly. “I didn’t tell him.”
Hugh seemed to sag within the prison of David’s arm. He tapped David’s arm with his free hand. “It’s okay,” he said. “You’re safe now.”
David let him loose. Hugh stepped back and eyed him warily.
David wiped his mouth again. “Son of a bitch.”
“Serves you right,” Hugh returned.
“I might be guilty of some disloyalty, Hugh. But so are you.” David pulled out a handkerchief to dab at his mouth. “It’s amazing the feats of logic the mind can achieve under pressure, if the stakes are high enough. I’ve spent the last two hours running over every last scrap of information Anastasia has ever let slip about her life and I finally figured out something that made me skip the flight to Beijing and come straight here.”
He looked at her. “You’ve never talked about the arguments between your parents with your father, have you? Not even once. You have no idea how your mother died, or why she left you, because you’ve never asked him, or anyone else who might be in a position to know.”
She suddenly shivered, the cold under her feet abruptly chilling her blood. “Of course I haven’t. Can you see my father ever calmly talking about my mother? He’d sooner spit on her grave.”
“What makes you so sure that’s what he wants to do?”
“She left him.”
“Why?”
She furrowed her brow. “Does it matter?”
“Of course it damn well matters,” he snapped. “To you, it matters so much you’re prepared to spend a lifetime in solitary loneliness rather than risk something similar happening to you.”
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