by Jaye Cox
Under all this artwork, Big Moe has installed a quarter circle mini stage nudged into the corner, large enough to hold those few old instruments. I’m so envious. I have been wanting to play them since I heard Dex playing that song here, late one night. I would love to hear the sounds rippling through the shop before anyone gets here. Whenever I attempted to pick up an instrument to play it, someone always comes in, and I am drawn back to the front or into my room for a piercing. I don’t usually play in front of people; but when I play, it’s to remember my father. He’s taught me everything I know.
Growing up, drawing and playing Dad’s old instruments were the only two things that kept me going when things got really rough. Music was a huge part of my life before both my parents dumped me; it’s also the reason my father left me in my mother’s care. He was talented enough to join a band and tour; with his much younger girlfriend. Leaving me and my mother behind, without a second thought. It wasn’t long before it was all my fault and she left me behind, too. This is why I still hold onto some memories of us, it’s all I have from the last time I was truly happy.
Glancing at the clock, I realise I have arrived really early and have everything set up and no one is due to come in for at least half an hour. So that means I have possibly thirty to forty minutes of free time. I cannot resist the temptation of those musical instruments, so I set the keyboards up and flutter my finger up and down the keys to warm up. The last key ignites, my love of playing and I start singing Demons by Imagine Dragons. My singing voice is far from good, but the way the song echoes through the building is amazing. So lost in the song it’s only gradually I notice the sound of a guitar has joined my playing. I can see Dex standing on my left and at the next verse he joins in singing. I can say, if anyone has as many demons as I do, it’s him. By the end of the song, I can’t tell if it’s me singing the song to him, or him singing it to me. As the song finishes I see he is studying my face, it’s as though he has read of all the pain and suffering I have endured. He can relate to me, he suffered, and shares my pain. Intimate moments like these usually make me run; but I don’t need to run, it’s only Dex, my friend.
Clapping shocks me and I swing around, “Holy shit, that was awesome!” Joe’s excited voice changes pitch half way though. This snaps me out of my deep thoughts because I have suddenly realise Joe’s voice is beginning to break.
“You both sounded great! Hey roomie, maybe you should sing with Dex and his band on the weekends?” Jash says, and again I wonder how do I not know so much about him.
“You’re in a band, Dex?” I squeak, as I was totally unaware I’d had an audience.
“How did you not know; him, Morris, Romeo and Rayne.” Joe brags.
“It’s nothing serious, we play to let off steam, that’s all.” Dex interrupts.
“Enough of the chit chat you lot, don’t you have work to do - I don’t pay you to stand around gossiping. Jash get your ass in my office, we have a shit load to do this morning,” Wow, Big Moe has arrived early today as well. Jash follows Big Moe to his office and Joe goes back to making sure everything is stocked for the day.
“I didn’t know you could play.” Dex says.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” I snap defensively.
“Obviously,” he says, walking away to his station. Here we are, supposedly trying to be friends, and I think it might be a lost cause. God dammit, now I feel bad for snapping at him, and I don’t know why, I never feel bad for any other person.
“I didn’t know you could sing or play guitar either.” I say, walking up behind him and giving him a playful nudge with my shoulder.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he says, poker faced.
“Touché.” I say.
“What are you doing after work?” he asks. “The guys and I are having a jam tonight and I thought you might like to come with me?”
“I don’t perform in front of other people, and certainly not with a band.” I gasp, mystified by him asking me to play or sing with him and his band.
“No, not necessarily to play - just hang out….friends hang out you know. This is me trying unsuccessfully to be your friend.”
“Oh Okay, that actually sounds good, but won’t they mind if I tag along to band practice?”
“No, they won’t mind. I will pick you up at seven,” he tosses over his shoulder, as we head in different directions of the shop.
Why the hell am I nervous? This isn’t a date, because I don’t date. I keep looking at the clock. This is ridiculous Ruby, sit the fuck down and just wait. I mentally chastise myself.
“Hot date tonight?” Jash says.
“No why; what would give you that idea?”
“You just look nice.”
“Shit, now I need to change.” God damn it, now I’m acting like a girl and Jash is just teasing me, I fell right into his trap.
“That’s right, Dex mentioned you guys were ‘just friends’ hanging out,” Jash says doing air quotes when he says just friends.
“We are just friends, like we are just friends.” I say, motioning to the two of us.
“You and Dex are not just friends. You’re both too chicken shit to admit you have feelings for each other, and we are just friends because you couldn’t handle all of this.” Making his own motions.
“You’re an idiot.” I say when there is a knock at the door.
“Lover boy is here.”
“I swear, I will smother you in your sleep.”
Jash laughs as he opens the door and looks at Dex, and then back at me and shakes his head. “I’m outta here; I have a date tonight, unlike you two.” We leave behind Jash. I was smart enough to wear pants this time, I don’t need to flash anyone getting on and off his bike. Getting on the bike behind him, I slide my body closer to his and wrap my arms around his waist. I never asked where they practice but as we pull up to Morris’ gym, I figure they must play here. It makes sense, an industrial area and no neighbours to complain.
Walking inside, there is still a few people doing something in the corner; it looks like they are just rolling around on the ground, but what would I know. I had never realised how big it is inside here and that there’s a second level.
“What’s upstairs?” I ask Dex.
“Gym equipment, and Morris’s office. Through those doors is another room, we have our instruments in there.” I follow Dex through to the back room where Morris, Rayne and Romeo are all talking.
“About time you got here,” Romeo complains.
“Shut your face freak, we are here now,” Dex says.
“We? Shit Ruby, I didn’t see you there,” Romeo says.
“I’m surprised you can see anything over that huge ego of yours.” Rayne says to Romeo.
“Let’s shut up and play already.” Morris says, walking out from the back.
I take a seat over in the corner, where they have a small lounge set up. I notice Bells and the pitbull are not here, and feel a little awkward sitting here by myself.
“You all good there?” Dex asks.
“Yeah, but where’s Bells or Sam?”
“Bells will be at home, she gets too tired to come out, and Sam is working tonight.”
“Better get over there before Romeo has a coronary.”
I watch him as he walks away and joins the rest of the guys. They are really the weirdest band I have seen; Dex is covered in Tatts and looks like a drummer, Rayne really does look like a rock star, but Morris, he is all muscle. And Romeo, he sticks out like a sore thumb, he is really pretty and clean looking, just like he walked straight from a modeling shoot. They do really sound awesome though. Rayne tells me they are practicing some of his originals today, after about forty minutes they take a break, which consists of them talking about music.
“Hey Ruby,” Romeo calls out. “Dex tells us you play and can sing, come have a jam with us.”
“Yeah, nah, I’m good.”
“Come on.” Rayne says.
“I think
she’s just chicken.” Dex says.
“I’m not chicken, I just don’t sing in front of people.”
“One song, otherwise I might tell Jash he can play that crap he calls music at work every day, for a week.” Dex says. “I would even go as far as letting him bring in his Karaoke machine, and let’s just say he can’t sing for shit.”
“You wouldn’t, Big Moe would kill him.”
“See, Big Moe loves country music, and loves to belt out a tune.”
“Fine, one song.” I agree.
Morris sets up some keyboards and Rayne asks if I know Broken by Seether and Amy Lee. He is in luck, because I happen to love Amy Lee, but I don’t think I can sing anywhere near as good as she does. Nerves have started to make my stomach flip, but I’m determined not to hear Jash’s shit singing at work, so I work through it. As soon as my fingers hit the keys the nervousness and self-consciousness just melt away, and I’m starting to remember how good it feels to play. Really, there isn’t any good reason why I stopped playing, just life got in the way. When it’s my turn to sing, I put everything I have into the song, if there is one thing I definitely know about; it’s being broken. As Rayne sings the last line of the song, a phone starts ringing. Dex gets up, so it’s obviously his phone, he answers the call and walks out of the room.
“When Dex said you could sing, I didn’t think you would be that good, you should replace Rayne. It’s hard being the only hot one in the band.” Romeo says, and Rayne throws a handful of loose change at him.
“Can you sing us something else?” Romeo asks.
“Sure,” I say hesitantly. Normally if I sing, it’s never in front of anyone. But it has felt good to sing with people, kind of feels like a weight off my shoulders somehow. Deciding to stick to Amy Lee and sing another Evanescence song. My Immortal is the first one that pops into my head, so I go with that. I lose myself in the song, the pain from my past helps me connect with the lyrics, suddenly I’m pulled from that pain when there is a loud bang, and it startles me. When I look up its just Dex, he must have pushed the door open hard enough to make it slam against the wall. Shit, whoever he was on the phone with must have pissed him off.
“Let’s go,” he says to me, before grabbing his helmet.
“Seriously?” I question.
“Do I look like I’m joking? If you want a lift then let’s go,” he says, walking from the room.
“Thanks for the jam guys.” I say, as I offer a little wave in apology.
“Anytime.” Rayne says.
As I’m about to leave Romeo catches up to me, “If you need a lift, I can drive you?”
“I better see what’s up with him first. We are friends now and this caring shit is all new to me.” Romeo laughs and says to find him if I change my mind. I quickly go outside before Dex just leaves me here. I’m pissed he would do that to me and in front of his friends. He is sitting on his bike waiting for me when I get outside.
“What the fuck was that about?” I say, storming over towards him.
“Just drop it and let’s go.”
“No, you just made me feel like an idiot in front of your friends. Actually, let’s just go before I say something I will regret.”
“I didn’t,” is all he says before I cut him off.
“Let’s just go Dex, you don’t owe me a guiled explanation, we’re friends and nothing more, so whatever your problem is; well it’s just that, your problem. But from now on, just keep me out of it.” I say putting my helmet on and getting on the bike behind him. Trying to keep as much distance between us as possible. He doesn’t waste any time in taking me home and I’m grateful, because I could use a beer right now. Once he pulls up out the front of my house, I get off and remove the helmet.
“Thanks for the ride, see you at work.”
He doesn’t say anything or maybe I don’t wait around long enough for him to reply. When I walk inside I’m surprised to see Jash and Ty are playing Xbox, and Joe is all cosy on the couch with a girl about his age. None of them even hear me come in over the TV blaring through the surround sound system. I make my way to the kitchen to get a beer and on my way back to the lounge, room I bump into Dex. “What are you doing here?” I snap.
“I do owe you an explanation.”
“Well I don’t want to hear it,” I yell over the sound of guns and tyres screeching, that damn Xbox.
“Tough luck, I’m trying to be your friend, but it’s fucking hard. You’re like one of those annoying songs; once you hear them and they’re stuck in your head all day. That’s what happens when I’m with you and I see your body move, all I do is think about all the things I could do to you.”
“It’s never going to happen, we are friends and that’s all.”
“Keep telling yourself that Ruby, we both know it’s a load of crap. We are both adults and we both know we don’t want relationships, so it’s not like we both don’t want the same thing.”
“I don’t want it,” I say as he looks me in the eye; The Xbox sounds are still blaring and we are yelling at each other over top of it.
“So you are telling me when I touch you, your pussy doesn’t throb with need? You know when I think of how wet I could make you, I get so fucking hard. Tell me right now you’re not as turned on as me,” he grabs my hand and slides it down his cock. The sound goes down on the TV just as he yells, “Imagine my hard dick buried deep inside you.”
He isn’t worried about the fact my brother and two kids are sitting in the lounge room, he just smiles at me and walks out into the lounge room. “See ya.” Dex says to everyone, as he continues out the front door and I’m left standing there with Jash laughing at me. Joe and his friend trying not to laugh, and Ty is glaring daggers at me, but I’m not sure if it’s a look because he is pissed at me, or if he is scarred for his life because he just heard someone say they want to put their hard dick inside his sister. I don’t want to move and break eye contact with him, because the next look on his face might be disappointment.
Dammit, I can’t let him have the last word like that. Even though I know I’m going to have to deal with Ty when I get back. I don’t give him a chance to say anything before I chase after Dex. “Hey!” I shout, as he is getting on his bike. He looks up and has this look I just want to smack off his face. “What the fuck was all that?”
“All what?” He says, trying to act clueless.
“First you get a phone call, then you come back in all pissed off; and at first I thought it was the phone call, but then it seemed like I had done something wrong. Then, once we get back here, agh you’re so frustrating.”
“I came here to explain, but you’re so stubborn and won’t listen; It turns me on, so I always seem to get side tracked.”
“Well explain now!” I demand.
“The phone call wasn’t the problem, it was that song…” he hesitates for a second, “it….it makes me… I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now. I’ll will see you later.” He says, putting on his helmet and riding away.
Fuck, now I have to go and deal with Ty, this is not going to be fun. Walking back inside, I can see the look I get from Jash. “Don’t you say a word.” I say in warning.
“Ty, we need to talk, in my room.” He doesn’t say anything, he just leaves the room.
“Hi, I’m Ruby.” I say to the girl with Joe.
“This is Lizzy.” Joe says.
“I need to go deal with Ty. I will be back soon, and if I’m not then Ty did it.” I joke, and Joe just laughs and pulls Lizzy into his side, it’s kinda sweet, young love before you find out how fucked up it really is. I take a deep breath knowing I can’t avoid him any longer, he would only come and find me anyway. I warily walk into my room.
“I thought you said you were only friends?” He bursts out.
“We are.” I maintain.
“It didn’t sound like something friends would talk about, would you joke about Jash sticking his dick into you.”
“Ew, no and it’s not that easy, when he…”
“When he what Ruby? There is always an excuse.”
“Screw you Ty, you’re not my parent.”
“It seems like I always have to be,” he snaps.
“Really, because you don’t know the half of it,” I snap back.
“Do what you want; you always do, without thinking about anyone else.”
Blinded by fury, I see red. Ty has always acted like my parent and most times it’s for a good reason, he has always been the sensible one. But now, this with Dex, it’s unlike him. “How dare you! I like him and there’s something between us and he knows I don’t do relationships. All I wanted was someone to want me, even for a minute, is that so wrong? But for your information, I didn’t act on it because a quick fuck wasn’t worth ruining what you made for yourself here… What I’m trying to make for myself here. But Ty, I don’t think I can stay away from him much longer and I can’t explain why, and for that, I’m sorry.”
“Dammit, I knew this would happen,” he says storming from the room, and I follow behind him.
“Why don’t you tell me what your real problem is?” He just ignores me and keeps walking so I speed walk up behind him, grabbing his arm so he will turn around and look at me. “Ty, tell me what the real problem is?”
“Fine, you really want to know? For the first time since my mother committed suicide, I feel like I have a real family. And before you get the wrong idea; I mean with you here and with them, and I don’t want to lose you. You have a great job and friends, we have what we always wanted. But I know you, as soon as something happens with Dex and someone gets hurt, you will run; like you always run.”