by Jaye Cox
“What do you think?” He asks.
“It’s sweet.” I say.
“Get in and let’s take it for a test drive,” he says, and he doesn’t need to ask twice. Old cars just have this feel to them that I love. They come with a history and new cars are not built like this anymore, it’s a shame. We do a lap around the block, the car is loud and I love it. By the time we get back, the food is ready and everyone is digging in.
“We will have to christen the car later, Dex whispers in my ear, “your naked body spread over the hood.”
“Stop it, you’re turning me on,” I whisper back. I can feel the tingling sensation between my legs at the thought of him having his way with me on top of his car. I get myself a plate of food and go sit down before he can say anything else that makes me more turned on then I already am. Sam comes and sits down beside me, and I have to admit, I don’t feel like I want to poke her eyes out with a rusty fork.
“Thank you.” I say, breaking the awkward silence.
“We might have our differences, but Dex is madly in love with you, and you him, I would have to be blind to miss it. I think it’s why it was so hard for me to see you both together, because I didn’t want to accept someone else would be good enough for him. It’s always been Sam and Morris, with Dex and Amanda, and I’m slowly accepting it’s not like that anymore.”
“I won’t let them forget her.” I say and Sam doesn’t say anything. There are no words needed; she understands I mean every word. I can see her eyes get watery and she excuses herself.
The afternoon flies by with lots of laughter. It’s been nice watching Dex with Harlow; the way she idolises him.
“Are you okay?” Ty asks sitting next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders.
“I’m fine, just thinking I never thought my life could be like this. That I could be happy, even though I still have to face Joe’s dad and David in court, and to be honest, I don’t care. They can both rot in hell for all I care.” I say. After Joe’s dad attacked me, and finding out David had been the one to tell Joe about the job at Big Moe’s, I was so upset and thought to myself, that’s what I deserved for being happy. But now I realise, just because some people are scum, doesn’t mean their actions should define me.
“It’s nice isn’t it?” Ty says, looking around at everyone.
“What is?” I ask.
“Feeling like we are a part of a family, like we matter.” he says.
He is right, feeling like we matter and finding a place where we belong has always been what we have both been searching for. Now we have found it and we can both be content and truly happy, for the first time in our lives. I’m glad I get to share my journey in this life with my brother, our friends and Dex. I don’t know what the future holds, but for the first time in my life I’m excited to find out.
THREE YEARS LATER
Today’s the day. I have finally convinced Ruby to move in with me. I admit I had a little help from Harlow. When she said she wanted to take things slow I didn’t realise she meant at a fucking snail’s pace, but that’s one of the things I love about her, you can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do.
She already stays over most nights anyway, I think she didn’t want to leave Jash and Joe behind. They’re all so close since Joe moved in and she took guardianship of him until he turned eighteen; and even though he is over eighteen now, I think she is having trouble letting go and leaving him with Jash. His father went to jail after he attacked Ruby all those years ago, and David the asshole, hired himself a good lawyer and got away scot free. Except Ruby wasn’t the only girl he’d done things to. He ended up in jail anyway after a young girl came forward. When an investigation was started, more girls from over the years came forward, good riddance. Let’s just say Ty isn’t close to one of his brothers, but he does occasionally visit him in jail, and David’s stay has been less than pleasant.
“Daddy lets go, I’m going to be late.” Harlow squeals on her way out of the house. I grab her bag and follow behind her. As soon as I start the car Harlow puts her favourite CD in and Lollipop Girl’s blasts through the car stereo on the drive to school, they’re all the rage right now and Harlow is obsessed.
We are stopping at Ruby’s first to pick her up and I have a surprise for her, well Ty and I actually. Her piece of shit car finally died. Ty came across a car, one she has always dreamed of. It was in pretty bad shape, but I bought it for her when Ty said he could fix it up. Here it is, a 1973 VW Beetle in shit mustard brownish colour. Yep Ruby, a no bullshit, hardcore chick; always dreamed of owning a shit coloured Bug.
“Dad, I have been thinking.” Harlow says, turning the music down.
“What have you been thinking, Humming Bird?”
“You should marry Ruby,” she says.
“I think we should take one step at a time, we just convinced her to move in, but maybe one day when she’s ready.”
“You’re not getting any younger you know, and I need to be a flower girl. Macey got to be a flower girl at her mum’s wedding and I just have to be one, please Daddy.”
How do you explain to the child Ruby doesn’t believe in marriage. More so, she doesn’t believe two people need to sign a piece of paper to prove they love each other. I tell her I will think about it, just so she stops with all the wedding talk. I would love to marry Ruby one day, but if I’m being honest with myself I’m scared shitless of ever being married again, and it’s kind of a relief knowing Ruby doesn’t want to ever legally get married. Let’s hope Harlow doesn’t start asking for a sister or brother, because that’s something else Ruby feels strongly about, not having children - right now I’m happy with the one I have, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want at least one more. We have spoken about it and Ruby wants to be settled and would like to become a foster caregiver for children who need a loving family, and I do like the idea of helping kids who need to be loved. I know so well life can deal you a shit hand, and you just need some time to catch up with life again. I’m lucky I had my sister to help with Harlow, because God only knows what would of happened if I was on my own.
“JOEEEEE!” Harlow shrieks from the back seat, she is so infatuated with him. Ty, Jash and Joe are all standing out front as we pull up. Harlow is out of the car as soon as it comes to a stop and runs straight to Joe.
“What the hell is that?” Jash laughs pointing at the car. We didn’t tell him because he has a big mouth and Ruby can tell when he is up to something. “Does it come in men’s?” He thinks he is hilarious, still laughing, he even has tears in his eyes.
“Shut up loser, it’s not for me, it’s for Ruby.” I say.
“Does she know this is what she will be driving?” Jash asks.
“Go to work or something would you, you don’t get paid to stay home.” I throw back; he knows I’m joking, but I won’t be soon. Big Moe and I talked about what will happen to the shop when he retires in the next year or so. He is going to sell it to me for a reasonable price. We send Harlow inside to get Ruby. Ty, Joe and I stand back and wait to see her reaction; Jash still doesn’t see the big deal.
“Holy Shi…” Ruby says covering her mouth and looking down at Harlow.
“You can say shit you know, I’m almost seven, I’m not a little kid anymore.” Harlow says, very matter of factly. Ruby gives Harlow a kiss on the head and runs down to the car and looks it over. I hand her the keys.
“You bought this for me?” She asks, clearly in disbelief.
“I bought it and Ty fixed it up, with a little help from Joe.”
“Group hug with my favourite men,” she says, holding out her arms. And like idiots, we all go in for the hug.
“Hey, what about me?” Jash says.
“What about you, what did you do?” Harlow says. “Uncle Ty says we couldn’t tell you because you can’t keep secrets, like me.”
Jash is speechless and if you know Jash, that never happens,
“You just got owned by a girl.” Joe says to Jash.
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br /> “How about we take it for a test drive?” Ruby says
“Let’s go, I’m going to be late for school, and you have to come see my show and tell today.” She reminds us.
Ruby says goodbye to everyone, her and Harlow walk off hand in hand. It still chokes me up seeing the bond they share.
Harlow insists she told us about having to watch her do show and tell this morning, but I don’t recall her saying anything, neither does Ruby. We sit in the back of the class on tiny chairs, my knees feel like they’re level with my face. We watch as Harlow calls Ruby to the front of the class, and without hesitation, Ruby joins her.
“Hi, my name is Harlow Grace Dexler, and my show and tell is about me and my family. I’m almost seven and can’t wait for my birthday, my friend Oliver is going to help me convince daddy to let me go to a Lollipop Girl concert.”
I shake my head no, as all the girls in the class are clapping over the Lollipop Girls even being mentioned. The teacher gets control over the class and Harlow starts her speech again, talking about Winnie and Robbie being her best aunties, even had a mention to Joe being her bestest friend, then she talks for a bit about some of our other friends and family. She definitely takes after my sister and could talk under water.
“I lost my mum when I was born and my daddy has raised me, he calls me his Little Humming Bird - he is the best dad in the world. Now this is Ruby, she is the bestest too. And she makes my daddy and me happy. Ruby has made us a family, with a dad and a mum, and I wanted everyone to meet my new mum. My family.”
I look up through teary eyes at Ruby and see tears in her eyes also. She picks Harlow up and squeezes her tight and whispers in her ear, Harlow has a big toothless smile. After we leave, I can tell Ruby has something on her mind.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“What if I’m not a good mum and don’t live up to how amazing Amanda would have been?”
“Yes, Amanda would have been an amazing mother, but you will be too. You have been so great with Harlow the last three years, and I couldn’t ask for anyone better to help me raise my baby.”
Ruby pulls the car into the driveway and leans over and kisses me on the check. “I’m honoured she wants me as her mum, but I refuse to wear mum jeans and drive a minivan.”
“You’re such a M.I.L.F” I say.
“Well if you play your cards right, that might be arranged.”
We packed all Ruby’s bags and boxes in the back of Joe’s Ute, and I’m pretty sure half of her stuff is shoes and make up. How can one girl own so many shoes? We decided we would both get rid of our beds and buy a new one. We did talk about how she felt about moving into the house I had bought for Amanda and I, and I’m lucky she is an amazing woman. She is not threatened or jealous about the life Amanda and I shared together, she embraces it and has made it clear Amanda is a part of her life now, too. She may not have met her, but she wants to help me remember her. All she asked for was a new bed, so a new bed is what I bought us, and it’s a huge bed. One that apparently has a million screws to hold it together. Joe and I get to work on the bed while Ruby goes to pick up Harlow from school.
We are hosting Pizza night here this week, it’s been a tradition of Ruby and Jash’s since they moved in together. Sam and Morris will be here, with Rayne and Tiny Dancer. Romeo, Ty, Jash, Joe and even Oliver, who still after three years rubs me the wrong way, I just don’t like him. I wouldn’t ever say that in front of Ruby, she thinks he has no interest in her, but I know that fucker still secretly wants her. But for the sake of her, we are “friends”. I’m still surprised and slightly shocked Ruby and Sam have become good friends. I always knew they would get along if they got to know each other, but I always thought since they’re both stubborn as hell, they wouldn’t get past the way things were when they first met.
“Hey, where do you want the beer?” Jash yells out from the front door.
“In the fridge out back, but I ain’t driving your drunk ass home tonight.” I call out.
“Plenty of floor here,” he says and I can hear him laughing. Some things never change, and Jash is one of those things. I turn to Joe.
“Please don’t let him run off on you now, you’re living with him by yourself.”
“Ha, I think Ruby has rubbed off on me more, so I think I’m safe.” He says, just as Harlow comes barrelling through the house. I can hear her laughter and Jash calling out he will get her. Joe and I head outside and find everyone is already out back. Walking up behind Ruby, I put my arms around her waist and tell her I love her. I have told her everyday how much she means to me and I love her. One thing I know for sure is you never know when the last time you will ever get to say those words to someone will be. Even when we have a disagreement, I always tell her I love her before leaving, so if it’s the last thing I ever say to her, then she will always remember that.
Harlow pulls Ruby away and they go to jump on the trampoline together. I watch as they jump and fall down in laughter, Harlow reaches over and pulls Ruby in and hugs her. It warms my heart Harlow has a mum. I know Amanda is her mother and even she knows, but she never got to meet her, so for a young girl it’s been difficult to understand. All she wanted was a mum of her own, just like all the other girls...
When I met Amanda, I knew I had found my heart and soul; and when she was taken from me I never imagined I would be able to love anyone the way I loved her. But I now know how very wrong I was. I look at Ruby holding my daughter and see the love they share and I know I am one lucky son of a bitch that I found my heart and soul again. I have met someone who doesn’t want to replace the love I had for Amanda, but someone to walk along beside me and share it. Someone who now completes me; someone I love more than life itself, and someone who loves Harlow as much as I do. Essentially, someone I want to grow old with.
We were both broken with lots of sharp edges three short years ago, and together we have started putting those pieces back together. Even though they won’t ever fit perfectly together, and the pieces won’t ever be completely fixed; it’s okay, because our pain and heartbreak is easier to survive together than apart.
TEN YEARS LATER
Rolling over pulling the blanket over my head, I feel the repercussions from last night hit me like a ton of bricks. Drinking the night before your wedding isn’t the smartest idea, but Sam said us girls could handle it. The men had Dex’s buck’s night last weekend. I never wanted to get married; I believed a piece of paper doesn’t mean anything, but a relationship is about give and take. I love Dex so much; if this means so much to him, then it also means that much to me. I did make a condition when he asked me to marry him five years ago; that we be together for ten years first, and here we are. “MUM!” Harlow screams through the house, like a banshee. Remembering the first time she called me mum still melts my heart and makes times like these worth it. “Mum, Auntie Sam just puked in the bathroom and when I told her to clean it she said I have to, and I’m not. If she wants to go out acting like she is still young and get drunk, then that’s not my fault!” She says storming in my room, her Grandma must have dropped her off. Dex and his mum have started to repair their relationship since his father died from cancer two years ago, she even moved back here to be part of her kids’ and grandkids’ lives. It’s been nice having her around, she is such a lovely lady.
“Lower your voice and drop the tone please, Sam will clean it just go do whatever it is teens do this early.” I say, and she storms back out of the room. Our son Linc is five and full of energy, so I hope Dex is ready to attempt to get him ready. We also have two foster boys; Reid, who is seventeen and has been with us for nearly six years, he was the first child we took in. We also have Chase, who is ten and has been with us for around eight months. We have had a few short term children over the years also. Dex and I love taking them in, no matter how long they stay.
“Bitch! You need to get your ass out of bed. You’re getting married today.” Sam says, jumping into my bed.
“Mole, you ne
ed to have a shower. You smell like shit and now it’s all through my bed.” I say, pulling the blanket back over my head, I know she is right and Taylor and her husband and kids will be here shortly. It’s been so long since I have seen her.
“Sometimes I remember why I hated you when we first met,” she says.
“Sure, sure now move it.” I say, pushing her out of bed. She gives me the finger and slams the door, knowing damn well my head is pounding.
Harlow has coffee ready by the time I crawl out of bed. Sam still has not showered and looks like death warmed over. Bells walks in and looks like she got ten hours solid sleep and wasn’t out until early hours of the morning.
“It’s not fair, we will need a miracle to look good, and she bloody walks in looking like a runway model.” Sam groans.
“Sam, I went to bed once I got home, you came back here and kept drinking, didn’t you?” Bells says
“I blame Jash.” Sam says.
Holy crap, I’m getting married today! It might only be a small ceremony with our friends, but it’s really happening. So many things changed the day I met Dex, I let myself love and we have a family and now we’re getting married. I hear my phone ringing from the bedroom, it’s the ring tone Harlow set on my new phone for Dex.
“Are you calling to say you have changed your mind and we’re running away together?” I say as I answer the phone.
“Not a chance, I called to say I love you.” He says, but I can hear the shakiness in his voice, I can instantly tell something is wrong.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, instantly worried.
“I’m scared, I know I want to marry you today, but what if something happens, I can’t lose you. You’re my rock babe, you keep me strong.”
“Nothing will happen. Today is going to go perfect, I can feel it in my bones.” I say, even though I’m scared shitless myself, just not for the same reasons as him.
“I know you’re right, I’m just working myself up. I can’t wait you marry you today.”