“I just assumed you’d have enough offers from his friends and crew.”
“I would rather have you do it.” Tears glittered in her eyes as she looked up at him. “It would mean so much.”
His resistance melted. “All right. If you’re sure.”
“I’m certain.” She took his hand and clasped it between her own. “Thank you for giving me someone to depend on,” she whispered. “You have no idea what that means to me right now.”
Pounding heat rushed through his head and neck until his collar felt like a noose that was slowly strangling him. His gaze ricocheted through the parlor in search of an exit, or an excuse that would extricate him from Amelia’s presence. But all he saw was surprise in Catherine’s eyes, and Eva and Philmore Bentley standing a few feet away, wearing appalled expressions that suggested they would like to send Kyle straight to the gallows. He’d obviously offended their sense of decency last night when he tossed Amelia on his horse and galloped out of the schoolyard, and they appeared outraged now by Amelia’s overt display of gratitude.
As if she sensed their stares, Amelia released Kyle’s hand and angled her back to them, making it look as if she were simply turning to head in the other direction. “I need to talk to you alone,” she said quietly, then lifted her skirt a modest half inch and made her way back to her mother’s side.
Kyle didn’t want to be alone with Amelia. Especially now that she was touching him and looking at him with her expression all soft and needy. He didn’t want to be needed. Needy women were dangerous. So were the intense stares of Eva and Philmore Bentley who looked as though they were expecting a marriage announcement from Kyle and Amelia after the funeral.
Kyle nodded to the older couple and gave Catherine a discreet glance of acknowledgment, but it was Jeb Kane who caught and held Kyle’s attention.
The mill foreman crossed the room and met Kyle at the foot of the magnificent cherry staircase that rose in a slow arc to the second floor. Expecting a glare filled with animosity, Kyle was surprised that the foreman’s eyes held only sorrow and sympathy. “Damn sad day,” Jeb said, shaking Kyle’s hand.
“And one filled with regret, Jeb. Believe me, I had no idea Tom had been so ill.”
Jeb nodded as if acknowledging the sincerity in Kyle’s statement. “Tom kept his troubles to himself.”
“As I should have done. If you haven’t already told Victoria and Amelia what happened, I intend to, at a more appropriate time, of course.”
“Why add to their distress?”
“That’s the last thing I want to do, but you were there last night, Jeb. You know I upset Tom with my suspicions. How can I not tell them that I caused his collapse?”
“It only upset Tom that you thought he was trying to hold you back. That man loved you and your accusation hurt him.”
Hearing it put so baldly drove a stake of shame straight through Kyle’s heart. More than anything, Kyle wished he could roll back time. He would swallow the suspicion of Tom’s betrayal and accept Tom’s word without question. He would have accepted Richard’s invitation to supper instead of charging off to Tom’s in outrage. Better to have subjected himself and Catherine to Richard’s inquisitive eyes than to suffer the gratitude in Amelia’s.
There was nothing he could say now that would change what had happened, no apologies to Jeb or Amelia or Tom’s wife that would undo the damage. The only honorable thing to do was fulfill the vow he had made to Tom. He would do whatever it took to support Amelia and Victoria.
Jeb stretched his neck as if seeking a respite from his tight collar. “You’re an ambitious man, Kyle, but a good one just the same. Tom knew it. And I know it. You hurt Tom’s pride, but you didn’t kill him. Tom may have been upset, but it was because he felt he let you down. He wouldn’t have wanted things left this way. Don’t crucify yourself over something you can’t change.”
Regardless of Jeb’s words, Kyle knew he would never forgive himself. He’d sensed something bothering Tom for a long time; whatever it was, it had destroyed a damned good man. And Kyle had unwittingly sent that man to his grave.
“Come on,” Jeb said, turning toward the pastor who was waiting beside the coffin. “It’s time to carry Tom out.”
After minutes of maneuvering through doorways, Kyle, Jeb, and six other men moved the coffin outside into the evening air. Then they made the long trek across a field to a tiny family cemetery surrounded by lilac trees bursting with fragrant purple blossoms. The throbbing pain in Kyle’s shin made him clench his teeth, but it was nothing compared to the ache in his heart as he carried Tom Drake to his grave.
Kyle managed the walk and the struggle of lowering the casket to its final resting place, but as they concluded the ceremony and returned to the house, he stayed to the back of the crowd to hide his increasing limp. After endless minutes of standing in the parlor, Kyle was light-headed and nauseated by the hot pain burning up his leg. He braced his hand on the back of a chair, but discovered too late that he'd caught his fingers in the back of a woman’s hair.
He glanced down as Amelia stood up. She grabbed at the back of her hair that was now straggling free of its pins, then turned and stared at Kyle.
For the first time all day, he saw her face bloom with color. His own face heated. “Sorry, Amelia. I meant to rest my leg a moment and didn’t realize the chair was occupied.”
“What's wrong with your leg?” she asked, gathering two thick strands that had fallen free then tucking them into the mass of hair she was holding behind her head.
“He hit it with a maul this afternoon,” Duke offered.
Boyd turned from his discussion with Radford and Evelyn. “Was that the same one you hit last week?”
Kyle scowled at his younger brothers, praying the conversation their mother was having with Agatha Brown and Victoria Drake on the other side of the parlor would keep her occupied. If she knew he’d hurt himself, she’d pester him to death until she made certain it wasn’t a serious injury.
“Maybe Doc Finlay should look at it.”
“It’s nothing, Amelia. Really,” Kyle said when she cast a doubtful glance at his leg.
She plucked the pins from her hair then gathered it quickly and twisted it up again. She was efficient and made quick work of it, but not before Kyle admired the multitude of colors that shifted through that long mass of chestnut hair. Then he remembered how gorgeous it had looked last night slicked back from her face and dripping with rain.
“Excuse me,” Amelia said, then turned and wove her way through the crowd. Kyle watched the sway of her skirt and cursed himself for doing so.
Boyd whacked Kyle on the shoulder. “That is one beautiful and eligible lady who is definitely interested in you. Do yourself a favor and don’t be an ass this time.”
Kyle caught the uneasy look that passed between Radford and Evelyn, but he knew Boyd wasn’t trying to be cruel. He was offering sensible advice, but Kyle didn’t want it. Women were poison and he had no desire to have his heart ripped out again. The only safe woman was Catherine. She didn’t want a commitment or a man who would demand her heart. She wanted a friend and occasional intimacy, and that suited Kyle’s life perfectly.
To his embarrassment, Amelia came back with Doc Finlay, who stopped in front of Kyle. “Let’s have a look at that leg,” he said, indicating the chair Amelia had just vacated.
Knowing he would cause more of a scene by balking, Kyle sat and pulled his pants leg to his knee. Doc Finlay squatted and inspected Kyle's purple-streaked, swollen leg while Amelia looked on with a concerned expression that grew more queasy by the minute.
Focusing his gaze on the doctor’s balding head, Kyle sat in stony silence as the doctor probed the area along his shinbone that was turning the color of eggplant. Pain raced clear to his thigh, but Kyle clamped his teeth together, refusing to let anyone know how much it hurt.
“The gash will heal without stitches. Other than a lot of swelling, I can’t see any damage that won’t mend in a few week
s.” The doctor pulled the pants leg over Kyle’s injury then stood. “You might have a fragment of bone floating around your shin for the rest of your life that could cause some discomfort from time to time, but you’ll survive.”
Amelia's face paled and her eyelids fluttered. The next thing Kyle knew she was falling forward into his arms.
The instant he realized he was holding her again with her bottom in his lap, he panicked. He looked for an empty chair or couch to deposit her on, but the house was packed with people. His heart pounded, whether from his quick reactions or simply panic at having Amelia in his arms again, Kyle wasn't certain, but he was desperate to get rid of her. If everyone would just move back so he could get up, he would put Amelia in his chair. But they all crowded in to see what was happening, the Bentleys standing front and center, his own mother’s expression filled with concern as she guided Victoria Drake directly toward them.
Catherine turned away.
“Sit still so I can see what I’m doing,” the doctor demanded.
With his heart hammering, Kyle sat with Amelia Drake passed out in his lap, her head lolling upon his shoulder while the doctor dug in his bag for smelling salts. The seconds seemed like hours as the heat of her limp body burned into his. Her slim derrière rested on the most inappropriate part of Kyle’s anatomy, but he couldn't readjust her without knowing smirks from his brothers and those who had gathered around him.
So Kyle sat there not trusting himself to breathe. Touching Amelia was like rubbing a sore muscle; a perverse, intimately entwined feeling of pain and pleasure that his aching body craved.
For more of Kyle Grayson's story read THE LONGING by Wendy Lindstrom
Electronic Books by Wendy Lindstrom
Historical Romances:
Shades of Honor
The Longing
Lips That Touch Mine
Kissing in the Dark
Author's Note:
SHADES OF HONOR
While researching the Civil War, I was deeply touched by a memoir written by Capt. George K. Collins entitled Memoirs of the 149th Regt N. Y. Vol. Inft. 3d Brig., 2dDiv., 12th and 20th A. C. War of 1861. This was a beautiful, poignant story of young boys who fought all the major battles of the war and became me under horrific circumstances.
Though this particular regiment was formed in Syracuse, New York, many courageous volunteers came from the Fredonia area where this story is set. Situation on the brim of Lake Erie in rustic country sown with grape vineyards, Fredonia is the home of the first gas well. In the nineteenth century Fredonia was also a leader at establishing The Women's Christian Temperance Union, as well as the first Grange (a national fraternal association originally made up of farmers). During the years surrounding the Civil War, the Pemberton Inn in Fredonia was reputed to have been a station for the Underground Railroad (an overland system that helped escaped slaves to freedom).
I've taken some liberty with landmarks in Fredonia to suit this story; however, I have attempted to honor the history of this quaint village built around a beautiful Common that is decorated with twin fountains and ancient maple trees that still turn glorious shades of red and gold each fall.
W. L.
Reviews for SHADES OF HONOR
"Lindstrom's powerful characterization aptly portrays the inner conflicts that all of us have experienced at one time or another. The characters are real and suffer human emotions and longings. The novel is paced at a comfortable level and the plot line is realistic; that's what makes this novel so powerful, the idea that these are things that real people experience every day." —Escape To Romance
"Remember how LaVyrle Spencer's books swept you away to another place and time while you fell madly, passionately in love with her fabulous characters? Shades of Honor took me to that height of reading pleasure...Ms. Lindstrom has created fresh, vibrant characters, impossible situations, and genuine, heartfelt emotions and masterfully woven them into a passionate romance that will have you smiling as you shed a few tears." —The Romance Readers Connection
"A perfect ten...will amaze readers by the depth of emotion...richly developed...will touch readers emotionally...It's easy to understand how this was selected winner of the Romance Writers of America's Golden Heart Award. Shades of Honor is one story that should not be missed!" —Romance Reviews Today
"Lindstrom has achieved success in making her story fresh and delightful. Her ability to capture the warmth and essence of her characters is a rare gift...a heartwarming and passionate tale." —Road to Romance
"Shades of Honor is a Golden Heart Award-winning novel, and in this case, it was an award well-deserved...Kudos to the author for careful plotting and deft characterization...fabulous." —All About Romance
"Much more than just a romance...all the emotions in Shades of Honor are on the edge, sharp and intense and strong...beautifully written and well worth anyone's time." —Old Book Barn Gazette
"A touching, highly emotional first novel...I look forward to reading about the rest of the Grayson men." —Interludes Newsletter
"Both characters are believable, intelligent, reasonable and highly sympathetic. The author also handles the conflicts within the Grayson family deftly...the resolution is remarkable for being true to everything the author has already established." —Scribes World Reviews
"[E]xcellent character development...The author has successfully evoked the spirit of the place and the people of the time." —MyShelf.com
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-two
Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-five
Chapter Twenty-six
Chapter Twenty-seven
Chapter Twenty-eight
Chapter One, Preview of The Longing
Author’s Note
Reviews for SHADES OF HONOR
Shades of Honor Page 29