by H. Ward
He chuckles.
“So what is a pale Norwegian boy like you doing in London speaking almost perfect English, or rather, more like American English?”
“Ah, I said I was born in Germany…my father worked with a company that had an office in New York City, so I was very young when we moved there. I lived in America until I finished high school, then I finished college in Germany. As a German citizen, I took advantage of their free tuition.”
“What do you do and where do you live now?”
He took a sip of his drink and made a show of setting it down. “I rent out a little apartment in Berlin right now. But I am setting up my own company here in London. I will most likely be moving here soon.”
“What kind of company?”
“Oh, a venture capital company, I’m going to invest in two different young startups, and see where they go.”
“So there’s risk involved?”
“Sure, but I have enough divested that I’ll never be in real danger.”
I think that this is a little vague, but I’m not at all interested in business anyway. At least now I have found out a little about his background. I look down and see I have actually finished my fries. I hear a chuckle. I think I am growing to like that chuckle. He doesn’t smile big and fake with that low laugh, but his eyes crinkle up and I can feel the positive energy coming off of him with the sound of the chuckle. It makes me smile back at him. I can’t stop it. I guess my cold supermodel persona is totally trashed by this big, understated guy.
“See? I knew you needed to fuel up before we went on.” He tossed some money over the check and scooted back in his chair and then held out his hand to help me to my feet. “Where to now?”
“There are two places a big-eyed tourist just has to go: Madame Tussauds’ Wax Museum and Big Ben!” I am surprised at the enthusiasm in my voice.
“Then let us commence the silly sight-seeing!” He also sounded enthusiastic. Off we went. The afternoon flew by at just those two spots. We made lots of fun of the wax figures and they really were eerily life-like. We decided to take another guided tour, this time of Big Ben so as to get the full story. I joked that he was wasting his money on entertaining me since he was forced to buy tickets to the guided tours for his own tour guide. I got a cute shrug and an arm around my shoulders for that.
Finally the sun is setting and the lights are winking and sparkling on over the city. We are sitting on a bench watching the sky turn to a light purple. Jason’s arm is slung lightly over my shoulder. I tuck one leg under me and lean into his solid side. I think again how he is different than the other guys I spend time with. I would never call him handsome, yet he is not ugly. I never would have picked him as a boyfriend, yet I feel safer leaning against him than ever before. I don’t really have a stellar record on normal boyfriends anyway, so something I am doing is not right. I tried to have two ‘normal’ relationships. Both ended with the guy sleeping around on me and I had to kick them out before the press got ahold of any story like that. Neither lasted longer than two months.
Like in the car ride, we are both sitting here watching people stroll by and are silent. Silent but comfortable. A totally new thing for me. By now it is obvious that I am just never still and rarely alone.
“I know it is a bit early, but I think it’s dinner time. We have long ago walked off our lunch, don’t you think?”
“I do.”
“Well, let’s pop over to Cay Tre Soho, I’m sure you like Vietnamese; and it will fit in with you trying to eat like a bird. You can feel good about your heavy meal being lunch and being fully worked off before dinner. You can get some decent healthy food at Cay.”
He is actually paying attention to me. Actually trying to compromise and work on some give and take. Hum…
We walk in. I haven’t been here before, it is not a top notch, super expense place, but swanky enough to have been getting good reviews and I hear that other chefs come here on their days off – a good sign.
The place is stunning, mod-Deco themes of black and white. Accented all around with bold turquoise and a back beat of interesting music. We settled in and Jason tucks into his plate: pho with ox cheeks. I order crab with some cabbage salad thing. It is delicious. We are both hunkered over our plates shoveling it in. Suddenly we both look at each at the same time, with our cheeks puffed out with food. We both laugh and try not to spit out our dinner.
I’m on my second glass of white wine when I notice that Jason is only ½ way through his first beer. I guess I better not go for my normal amount. I slow down. Now I am wondering about how the night will end. We had a nice time, so does he like me enough to have sex with me tonight? I know I am ready. I was ready last night to try out a bigger, manlier man, and I still am.
I get no hint of what is to come. We talk and finish our drinks. Then he says he knows it is early for a high fashion model like me, my crowd must usually be only getting started on their night right about now. I nod, that is true. But he is going to walk me back home, or as close to home as I will let him get: the Marble Arch.
I am really confused. Everything seemed to go perfectly, yet he is showing no interest in me beyond holding hands and putting his arm around me. He is attentive to me, yet not interested? I just don’t know how to react.
We get to the Arch. There he kisses me on the forehead again.
This time his lips linger. I can feel the warmth. I can feel his hand pressing against my back, causing me to be pulled closer to him. My arms are already around him, I am planning to make him go wild with my kiss, but before I can kiss his lips, he backs up and his arm goes from around me to in front as he holds my hands.
“You are the best guide I have ever had. I do think we have a few more places to hit. I hope you are free tomorrow?”
What? Kissed on the forehead and left alone again? No, I’m not liking this. I put my hands on my hips. I give him a full frown. Has he been playing with me? Does he have some sort of STD? Maybe he can’t get it up? What is going on here? Well, whatever it is, I’m not going to play this game. I had a good time and now I am disappointed. I hate being disappointed.
“No, sorry. I’m busy.” I turn and stomp off.
I get to my place and I am fuming mad. I get more and more pissed with each step. Especially since he didn’t run after me. I toss my sandals off and grab some white wine. Oddly, I don’t think about my little boosters. Wine is enough for now. I actually gulp it down. I crawl in bed and realize it is a normal time to go to bed.
I plan to fume and hate on Jason for a few hours. I turn on my TV for some background noise and set the timer to go off in three hours, that way it can lull me to sleep. I usually have the TV and a blue pill to help me get to sleep. But tonight I am out like the proverbial light. I didn’t even make it to the bathroom for my blue pill. I guess I did a lot of walking and was mentally present the whole day. I was exhausted.
CHAPTER 6: CAN’T STAY AWAY
So I got the best night’s sleep I have had in a long time. I get up and check on the time. My Zen clock says it is obscenely early for me. Seems a consequence of going to bed early is getting up earlier. Well, early for me. It isn’t even nine yet. I’m a little grumpy about Jason not doing exactly what I wanted him to last night, but for some reason I am still in a fairly decent mood.
I decide I am going to have fruit and an egg this morning. No toast though, I can’t go crazy. I flip on the TV for some background noise and to catch local news. I actually am having a decent time slicing up my food and eating out on the terrace.
But then, after two hours, my day turns normal. I become restless and fussy. I’ve got at least two more weeks before my next job. The house is so silent. Something in me says this is my fault—my fault that I can’t stand being alone. But I am gorgeous and therefore nothing can really be my fault. I try to just be in my apartment for another half an hour. But then I give up. I am almost stark raving mad in the stillness.
I flip open my laptop. If Jason is not goi
ng to give me some sexual release, then I’ll find another old, rich and lonely guy who will be glad to share some meaningless sex with me. It does pass the time and I suppose that is all I can look forward to. It is better than sitting here alone.
I push the image of Jason’s dark and slightly wavy hair out of my mind. Wouldn’t you know, there is a message in my inbox. That is odd as I block any casual emails on this site, I don’t want to have an old gross guy as a stalker, don’t want them to think we are friends. It clearly states that I will not return messages that have not be solicited by me.
Damn. It’s from Jason. I almost delete it without reading it. I’m really disappointed in him. He should be adoring me and falling over his rather big feet to give me everything I say I want.
I stomp off to my kitchen for a glass of Perrier. I violently squeeze some lemon into it. I stomp back and before I can control my finger, I have clicked to open the message.
Thanks for a lovely day! I really enjoyed your company. I didn’t get a chance to ask about the rest of this week. I’ll be in London for two more weeks and would love to have you as my guide and companion for the rest of my stay. I can’t think of anything more fun than spending a day with you. Just give me a ring when you are free and I’ll pick you up. Remember to eat more than toast if you want to keep up with me!
- Jason
Well…that is exactly what I want. But I am not happy because I still feel he is not fawning over me and giving me exactly what I want, when I want it.
I am trying really hard to be in a bad mood. It is just not working and with a big sigh, I sit down to pound out a reply. I have to keep it short and sweet; I can’t act like I am giving in to anyone. I just say I’m bored, pick me up at noon.
He is right on the dot. We head out to lunch and he talks me into eating a real lunch again. We head to Buckingham Palace. He jokes that we really do have to hit the tourist traps before we get to the seedier and real London. Rubbing elbows with royalty is right up my alley, so I enjoy the day. Of course, I don’t see any royals.
I do get lots of admiring looks from blokes all day long. That is a nice ego boost. I also get Jason’s hand and arm around me most of the day, which is a boost too.
The day ends after dinner again. He asks me if I like movies, he is in the mood and would like to have a classic dinner and a movie tomorrow. Tomorrow!? It is like we have a limit on things we can do in one day. I want to run full out at life. I seek exhaustion. Tomorrow. Humph.
I make sure I let him know I can do a movie tonight only. He puts me off by saying he has some paperwork to do before turning in, there is no way he can put it off as it has to be filed by tomorrow morning. He is very cryptic about what it is for. Implying it has something to do with the purchasing finances of a company he is investing in.
He pulls up to the Arch, blocking traffic in his red car again. He gets out and opens my door. I stomp off just like I did yesterday. There is no way I am going out with this guy again. He is stuck in low—meaning slow—gear. I need some real excitement. Not just a nice day and a freaking kiss on the forehead.
The next two weeks go by like I’m stuck in a loop. Fun days in London, even on the two rainy days. Big lunch, fancy dinner, maybe a movie or a play and then good night. I stomp off in frustration and then say I’m bored so I’ll join him again the next day. I am sure I caught him smiling at me when I stormed off one night.
I did manage to get a kiss on the cheek the last night. There were three days we didn’t meet. Jason said he had meetings and wouldn’t have time. I pouted, and got nowhere. I stomped and was not acknowledged. Then the next day we both act like I hadn’t stormed off.
I am pleasantly tired each night and have been sleeping well. My temper tantrums only last until I fall asleep and then I ping him for a pick up time once I get up and moving around in the morning. I actually picked up my mobile and called him one morning, just to talk as I got ready. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I hung up.
That was uber non-normal for me. I just don’t do that kind of regular-person thing. Other than Aldo, I can’t even think of someone I would even call. I kind of like picking up the phone to chat while I am doing routine things. I think I will do that more often. It really picked my spirits up.
Jason says he is heading back to Berlin. This is our last night for a while, he sounds down. I think he really likes me. I have a flash feeling of emptiness just hearing him say the words out loud. It seems that both of us are now feeling down about his leaving London.
We are just standing at the side of the park entrance where we met, just looking sad. Both of us must have looked pathetic. The time ticks almost out loud for a few seconds.
Jason breaks the downward spiral of both our moods by plowing forward talking about the plans for tonight. We are set for a play at some historic theater and then a late dinner. He says he is going to keep me out late, because he can sleep tomorrow while he travels.
He winks and tells me I can get my beauty sleep after he is gone. We have plenty of time before the show starts, so we decide to walk there, enjoying the sunset.
I remember I actually have a shoot coming up. That will be good, it will keep my mind occupied as I get back to my usual routine.
That night I snuggle into him more than usual as we watch some play I can’t even remember. I just know I like to dress up to go out, I look stunning each night. I have broken out a slinky green dress, green always works and tonight Jason is holding me closer than normal too. No one can resist a red-head in green. On special nights, I always end up wearing green. Tonight I want to make sure Jason is fully aware of how fabulous I look.
During dinner Jason says he has a special treat in store for me tonight. My body flushes warm. I am suddenly tingling as I am imagining his big body pressing down on me. He is finally ready to have sex and I had pushed it out of my mind, so now it comes crashing back and I fight back a blush. I don’t say anything.
Wait. Did I say slow gear? Still no sex with Jason. I can’t believe that the special treat is a night ride on the London Eye. Sure, it is stunning, but I am starting to think either there is something wrong with Jason—like he can’t get it up—or there is something wrong with me. Especially since I have been told my whole life about all my little faults, I tend to think something is so wrong with me that this great guy doesn’t want to get into a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with me.
I am sure he likes me. There is just no way to talk and laugh and spend almost two weeks with someone and fake so much time and talk. But there must be something that is warning him off getting serious with me. Something that tells him taking it to the next level and having sex with me will be trouble for him.
I want to ask him, but I know about so many of my own faults that I don’t want to hear something new. Not tonight. Not from Jason. I sigh and walk with Jason along the sidewalks, under trees strung with lights. Walking toward the biggest Farris Wheel ever, a ride that is supposed to be pure joy, but I feel heavy now. I am losing my joy.
I almost feel like a throw-away little girl. I push the feelings of being an unloved little child from my mind. I force myself to look at the other people standing in line with us. I am one of the tallest females. I am the only one with auburn hair, bordering on flaming red, but not quite that red. Face it; I am flat out the prettiest girl here.
That thought makes me feel a little better.
When we reach the front of the line, Jason takes my arm and leads me into a private capsule. In this capsule the bench is covered in a thick green blanket, one of softest I have ever felt. On the bench is a bouquet of green roses. I whirl around to stare at him.
My big hunk is running a hand through his dark hair. His almost too big nose is a little rosy; I see it is because he is trying to hold back a flush. He motions me inside. I lift the flowers; their smell is strong and very pleasant in the capsule. He sits down beside me.
“I just knew you were going to wear green tonight.” He gives me a sh
y smile. “So I wanted your flowers to match your dress.”
I do the girly thing, and sniff my flowers.
“You like them?”
I am all choked up. I can barely say, “Oh yes.”
“Good. I know I could have bought you an emerald pendant, or something fancy like that. But I figure you get gifts like that all the time don’t you?”
I nod. I really do. I get so many things given to me that some of them I just open to see what it is and leave it in the lobby of the building. I think George doles them out as he sees fit. I don’t care what he does; I just like the high of knowing some guy has paid a butt-load to send me a gift. It is a symbol that I am worthy and I am successful.
Green roses? Now this is a new one, and that means that Jason had to put time and thought into getting them.
“How did you get dark green roses? You can’t just go out and buy them, can you?”
“Nope. I spoke with a florist a few days ago. They had to order in special white roses, young ones. Then they soaked them in dye. I insisted that they get ones that smelled really good. They certainly did a great job, didn’t they?”
Again, I just nod.
“Well, I wanted you to know that I had been thinking of you longer than it took to walk into a store and buy some jewelry. I wanted you to remember this as a special night. I want you to know that I really like you.”
I nod.
“Did I actually surprise you?” Jason hugs me tight. He is pleased with himself. I am too. I snuggle in as our capsule is slowly rising up in the air. I pop my shoes off and tuck my legs up on the bench.
“Say, the soft blanket and the roses…how did you get them in the very capsule we happened to get into? This place is busy all day long.”
“I pulled some strings. I had this capsule cleaned out and set up for us about an hour ago. I rented it for the whole evening. Then you missed me wave a few people ahead of us to make sure we came up to this one.”