My voice cracks with emotion as I remember how hard it had been to leave him behind. “I told myself this was the best solution, under the circumstances.” I swallow painfully, then keep going. I’m suddenly sorry I even started telling Angel this story, and now I just want to be finished, so I can stop thinking about it. “So, I took what little money I had, and some clothes, and I left.” A tear falls down my cheek, and I brush it away. “I left a letter for Jude, with a stuffed teddy bear I’d bought him, and promised I would write him as often as I could. I told him I was sorry, but that I loved him more than anything, and I wanted him to remember that every single day.” I take a deep breath and stop walking. “And, that was it.”
13
Jewel
“I saw my brother one more time after that. A year later, at Christmas,” I tell Angel. “I came home to surprise him, with presents. My parents screamed at me and kicked me out of the house before I could even give them to him.” I shake my head, suddenly filled with an unbearable sadness. “I guess I should probably have called ahead of time, to make sure they’d be willing to see me. But I thought if I showed up, they wouldn’t be able to turn me down. Turns out, I was wrong.”
I reach up and rub my upper arms, which are suddenly cold and covered in goosebumps. “After that, I kept writing to Jude, at least once a week. I guess I should be thankful that my parents even gave him the letters. For a while, he wrote me back, and sent me pictures that he drew, or sometimes little trinkets he’d picked up. I always made sure he had my address, no matter where I went. But, a few years ago, his letters slowed. Then, they stopped.” I swallow around the lump that’s forming in my throat. “And then, after a while, I guess my letters did, too. I feel so guilty about that now. I tried to stalk him on social media, but I could never really find him. I’d still send presents on his birthdays, and call the house, hoping to speak to him. But my parents knew my number, and no one ever picked up.”
Angel and I have finished our walk around the perimeter of the property. All of the men he has stationed at various entrances and vantage points are in place. It looks like we’re ready for the lockdown to begin tomorrow morning. Right when the Lords leave on whatever their mission is.
When Angel is satisfied that everything’s prepared, he walks me back toward the front door of the clubhouse, and tells me he wants to stop for one last smoke outside.
“So, that was the last you heard from your brother, until Jude showed up here?” he asks me as he pulls out a cigarette. Angel holds the pack out to me, but I shake my head.
“I hadn’t heard from anyone in the family in a couple of years, until my mom called a few weeks ago to tell me she was sending him to me.” I let out a small snort. “She didn’t even ask me how I was, can you believe that? Just said, ‘I need your address. I’m sending your brother.’ No explanation. She couldn’t even be bothered to tell me which bus he’d be on.”
“Damn,” Angel mouths around the cigarette. “That’s cold.”
“Yeah.” I shrug. “I should be used to it by now. But it makes me sad for Jude. Like I said, I hoped because they favored him that they’d be a little more affectionate with him once I was gone. I see now that I was probably stupid to think that could happen.” I turn and look at Angel, my anger mounting. “Do you know, I called them last week, to give them an update? Because they never even bothered to phone to make sure Jude made it to Tanner Springs. For once, Mama picked up, which was a shocker in itself. But what was truly awful was, she sounded happier than I’ve ever heard her. So… cheerful.” The rage threatens to overtake me. I start to shake my head wildly, as though I could drive it away. Clenching my fists, I force myself to continue in a tight, anguished voice. “God, I am so angry with them! How can they hate us so much? How can they not even care, Angel?” I half-wail. “I mean, I was used to them not caring about me, but not caring about Jude either? What is wrong with them?”
I break off, my last word ending in a sob. Clamping my eyes shut as tightly as I can, I breathe in and out and try to stop myself from crying. Angel gives me space, not trying to fill the silence as I work to push down the emotions. After a few seconds, it starts to pass. I open my eyes again, and keep breathing, in and out. I concentrate on the air filling my lungs. On the warmth of the wall against my back. On the quiet of the evening, all around the two of us.
In the dark, Angel’s eyes meet mine. We’re standing side by side in the dark, both of us leaning against the side of the building. Slowly, he reaches over and touches my arm. I shiver.
“You okay?” he rasps.
“Yes,” I whisper. The feel of his skin on mine is electric — so much so that I can’t believe he doesn’t feel it, too. Suddenly, I’m afraid that in an instant, he’ll pull away and stand up to go inside the building. I don’t want that. I want him to stay here with me. I want to keep sharing this private moment, just the two of us. It’s been so long since I felt any sort of intimacy with anyone. So long since I’ve even been touched. I just want Angel to keep on talking to me.
So I tell him the secret I’ve been hiding deep inside, hoping it would go away but afraid to talk to anyone about it.
“Angel,” I say quietly. “The reason I asked about the Krow Klan the other day… is because I’ve seen Jude with them.”
For a heartbeat, he’s silent.
“Fuck,” he growls. His hand leaves my arm, and I mourn the loss of his touch. Straightening, he turns toward me with an angry frown. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I sigh. “When I described seeing them that day at the park… I only noticed them because Jude was in the crowd. He didn’t see me as I drove by. I… I’ve been afraid to talk to him about it. I’m afraid that if I try to tell him to stay away from the Krow Klan, it will just drive him toward them instead.”
Angel’s jaw clenches and unclenches. “Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”
I’m surprised. “It’s… it’s not your issue, Angel. I didn’t want to bother you with it. I know you have a lot of other things going on.”
Angel looks annoyed. “Like fuck, it isn’t my issue, if it affects you,” he says shortly. A thrill goes through me at his words, but I tamp it down. “You want me to talk to him?” he growls.
“Oh, Angel, it isn’t your problem. Really.” I clear my throat nervously. My hand wanders up to twirl the end of my ponytail between my fingers. “Like I said, I know you have a lot going on. You have the club to protect. Whatever’s happening tomorrow… I’m guessing it’s going to be pretty dangerous. The last thing you need to think about is my little —”
“Jewel.” His tone is sharp as a diamond. “Shut up.” He reaches for me again, this time taking the hand playing with my hair in his. “Sometimes you talk too damn much.” With the other hand, he lifts my chin. And then slowly — so slowly — his lips come down on mine. They’re warm and firm and they taste like whiskey and cigarettes and him. My mouth opens to his. The hand that was under my chin reaches around and pulls me to him as he deepens the kiss. My whole body is suddenly on fire, as though he’s poured liquid flame inside me. He drinks me in, devours me until I’m dizzy. I moan softly as he lets go of my hand and catches my thigh. He presses the hardness straining against his jeans against me. It’s so excruciatingly good, so absolutely perfect that I cry out softly into his mouth as I wrap my arms around his neck and press back, angling up to feel more of him. I’m dizzy, I’m desperate. I can’t believe any of this is happening, but it is, and all I can think of as I writhe against him is more, more…
Then suddenly, before I know it — seconds or hours or minutes later — he breaks the kiss, pulling back from me with a low groan.
“I’ll talk to him after we’re back from our run tomorrow,” he mutters. “Count on it.”
With that, he grabs my hand again and leads me back inside, then strides off without another word.
To say I’m rattled by what just happened is an understatement.
I’m not sure whether I’m mor
e shaken by the fact that it happened, or that it ended so quickly. For the rest of the evening, it’s like my skin is humming, crackling and electric. Like I’m a transformer on the verge of exploding. It doesn’t help matters that once Angel’s back inside, he spends the rest of the evening in the chapel, off limits to everyone but the other men. Lords go in and out of that room, coming over to the bar to grab a drink or going outside to replace one of the men on watch. The old ladies are still busy getting their families situated, and the kids are running around laughing and shrieking, oblivious to anything except that they get to spend the next few days with their friends.
I’m the only one with very little to do, except serve drinks and freak out.
It was just the heat of the moment, I know.
Angel wanted to make me feel better. He was just being nice. And he’s a man, after all. A very masculine man.
It means nothing that he was hard as a rock beneath his jeans when he kissed me.
Eventually, I go find Jude in the game room, where he seems to have taken up temporary residence, and give him a sleeping bag. I find out from Noah that Lila did indeed whoop Jude’s ass in that video game — and that he’s already challenged her to a rematch. Even though I’m a bundle of nerves, I still have to chuckle when I think about Jude being bested by a girl four years his junior. Good for her.
The other women put their kids to bed, and settle in for the night themselves. I’ve got a sleeping bag, too, but I haven’t unrolled it anywhere. I can’t sleep, anyway. Most of the men are still in the chapel. Those who aren’t are either playing pool or trying to get some sleep before their guard shift starts.
I decide to take advantage of the last few hours of relative freedom before the lockdown starts tomorrow. I grab myself a beer from the bar, then go down the hallway and push open the back door of the building. I go over and sit down on one of the picnic tables. It’s peaceful back here, the air chillier now than it was when I was out here earlier. I take a drink from my bottle and lie back to look at the stars in the cloudless night sky. I pick out the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper — the only constellations I know. I wish I had someone to teach me the rest of them. I’d like to be someone who knows about the stars.
I lie there for long enough that the chill of the air starts to give me goosebumps. I should probably go in soon, before I fall asleep out here, but I don’t want to. I stay outside long enough to finish my beer, then lie back again and close my eyes.
About three minutes later, I hear the soft scrape of the back door opening.
“You sleepin’ out here?”
My heart starts to slam in my chest.
“No. I don’t know where I’m sleeping yet,” I tell Angel. “I wasn’t tired.”
“Come on.”
I pull myself up to a sitting position, sure that he can hear every thump of my heart.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“To bed.”
I can’t be hearing him right. In desperation, I try to act cool, detached. “I said I wasn’t tired,” I repeat.
“Me neither.”
The moonlight illuminates Angel’s eyes as they sear into mine. He reaches out a hand.
Of course I take it. I’m helpless not to.
Without another word, I let him lead me back inside, up the stairs, and to his apartment.
14
Angel
Well, fuck. Askin’ Jewel to come do the perimeter check with me was a goddamn mistake.
I thought if I got her alone for a few minutes, I could finally get her to talk to me about everything that’s been bothering her lately. Mission fuckin’ accomplished on that, I guess.
But Jesus Christ, a couple hours later and I’m takin’ her upstairs with me.
At first I try to tell myself it’s because she needs comfort. But that’s bullshit, and I know it. I could have sent some of the old ladies to hang with her.
Then I tell myself it’s because I’m feelin’ a little reckless tonight. Tomorrow we’re going into the battle of our lives. Fighting always makes me horny. I guess adrenaline will do that to you.
But I sure as hell could have gotten Melanie or Bree or Heather — or any combination thereof — to come up to my apartment and give me a show before gettin’ me off.
Fact is, I want Jewel tonight. Jewel, and no one else. And no matter how long I stayed in the chapel, going over plans with my brothers, I couldn’t get her out of my mind. By the end of the night, I knew what I was going to do. The second I opened the back door to the clubhouse and saw her out there under the stars, it was over.
Jewel doesn’t say a word as I pull her up the stairs to my apartment. I almost took her right there on the goddamn picnic table, but I want more. I’ve waited years to do this — too goddamn long — and I’m not about to waste it on a quick fuck. We’re barely inside the door when I’ve picked her up and I’m carrying her to my bed. Her eyes are wide open, staring into mine. Her lips are parted, so plump and fuckable that my dick strains to be let free. When I stop and set her down, neither of us says a damn word before she’s in my arms, my tongue plunged deep into her mouth, dancing with hers. Her arms are thrown around me as she kisses me back with a ferocity that tells me she needs this as much as I do.
My hands are up under the thin fabric of her T-shirt, and I push it up and over her head, the calluses of my hands rough against her skin. She moans into my mouth — the same moan as earlier tonight, the one that almost made me come in my goddamn pants. My hands are at her back now, practically ripping the straps of her bra apart because I’m too fucking impatient to find the clasp. Jewel seems as frustrated as I am; she quickly wriggles out of the straps, pulling the bra off and tossing it away. Her skirt and shoes are next, gone in a heartbeat, until the only thing she’s wearing is a lacy thong that makes me groan out loud as I slide my hand over that ass of hers. This time, I do rip the fucking thing off, and then there she is.
Naked. Waiting for me.
Holy fuck, my cock is hard.
“Stand back,” I order her. The lights are off, but there’s moonlight coming in the window and I want to take a look at her. She does as I say without a word. Jewel’s breathing is fast, shallow. Her breasts are fucking perfect, just like I always knew they would be. The nipples are small and hard right now. Hard for me. Waiting for me to tease them, torture them. Her open mouth is slightly slack, her eyelids hooded. She’s nervous, but she wants this. I can see it in the hungry way she stares at me. My eyes caress down her body, to her hips. Her thighs. Her beautiful pussy. I can almost see it gleaming from here. I can tell she’s wet for me. Soaking. Hell, I can smell her desire. Jesus Christ, I need to taste her.
I yank off my cut and my shirt. My jeans pool at my feet. When my cock springs free, Jewel gasps a little.
“Get on the bed, baby,” I growl. “Spread your legs.”
Again, she obeys without question. I fucking love that. I wait, staring openly at her, as she lies on her back. She looks up at me, a little shy at first, but the desire makes her bold. Her back arches, and her legs spread. Groaning, I take hold of my cock and stroke it, slowly.
“Fuck. That’s good, baby. That’s so good.”
She’s exactly what I need right now.
“Angel,” she whispers. It’s a plea. I’ve been hearing her say my name for years, but never — fuck, never — like that.
My cock is ready to explode.
I kneel down below her on the bed, my hand leaving my aching shaft. Grabbing her knees, I open her even wider, revealing her glistening pussy. Even in the dark, I can see she’s swollen and ready for me. I bend down and lap at her, once, long and slow with the flat of my tongue. Jewel cries out softly, her hips bucking toward me. I know she’s not going to last long unless I’m careful. I take another long lap, savoring the taste of her. Memorizing her. She’s sweet, and tangy, and delicious. Her clit is hard and pulsing. I swirl the tip of my tongue around it, noticing how her breath catches as I get close to the spot she want
s me to hit. She’s so easy to read, so responsive. Her legs fall open on their own, her hips straining toward me. She wants to come. I want her to come. But not yet.
She bucks her hips again, and I reach for them and hold them down. Slowly, lazily, I lick and devour. I bring her to the edge, once, twice, but keep backing off. Her muted cries get sharper, more intense. I feel her muscles tighten and relax, tighten and relax. She’s trying to bring herself over the edge. She’s panting now, desperate, and fuck, so am I.
Which is why my mouth leaves her pussy, and I raise myself up and off the bed.
“Angel!” she cries in a strangled voice.
I go over to the night table and grab the foil package I almost forgot in the heat of the moment. “Relax, babe,” I tell her in a tight voice. “I got you. I’m gonna give you what you need.”
I move back between her legs and slide the condom on. “Ready, babe?” I don’t wait for an answer as I position myself and push the head of my cock inside her. Jewel throws her head back and arches up as I slide in, slowly as I can, up to the hilt. Jesus fucking Christ, she feels good. She croons my name as I pull out and thrust back in, a little faster and deeper this time. She’s so wet that my cock is slick with her juices in an instant. I angle myself so I’m sliding against her clit. The friction as I start to pump makes her moan and beg me for release, and the strain in her voice tells me I’m hitting her just right. Before long, I feel my balls start to tighten. I speed up, knowing that she’s close, and thank God, because I can’t last much longer. I reach down, circling her clit with my thumb, and then she clamps down on my cock as she comes hard. A second later, I let go, firing into her with so much force I wonder if I’ve broken the condom.
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