by Marian Tee
“You’re driving me crazy,” Leandro raked back at her. “What do I need to tell you to make you listen to me?”
“Nothing! Nothing will make me believe a word you say anymore! I don’t care about you---”
“Is that why you screamed when you saw the rope bridge giving out?”
Bobby whitened.
“Is it better for you to see me die? Because just say the word, mégaira,” he grated out, “and I can easily go back and this time I won’t do a thing to stop me from---”
“NO.” The word was torn out of her. It was too much, the memory of Leandro falling in the sky too vivid and raw to keep her from reacting to the threat in his words. If Leandro had died, if Leandro had died ---
She started to cry, pummeling his chest with her fists. “No!” The word came out as a sob and a scream. “It won’t be better for me, damn you. I wish it was but it won’t!”
Leandro hauled her into his lap, easily restraining her as she tried to pull away. It was a tight fit inside his sports car, and when Bobby realized that there was no way she could squirm away from him, she cried harder and beat his chest again. “I hate you. I hate you so much.”
“I welcome your hatred, mégaira,” he said grimly. “It is better than having you indifferent.”
She cried harder at his words, wishing there was a way to make her deaf to the sincerity in his voice. He sounded like he meant it, but he couldn’t. It was impossible he did. “I hate you.”
“And I love you.”
“Stop saying that!”
His hands cupped her face, forcing him to look at her. “I’ll never stop saying what’s true---”
Her eyes blazed in hurt accusation, the pain in it so deep it cut him to pieces. Only now was he beginning to see how much he had hurt her that night. Only now was he beginning to understand that such pain was only possible because Bobby had also loved him so much.
“Listen to me,” he said rawly. “Just this once, let me tell you everything.”
She tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let her. “Don’t you ever run out of lies?” Bobby demanded painfully. She was so damn tired of running away from the past, from him and all the stupid lies he had made her believe.
“I’ll never lie to you again,” he grated out. “I swear it on my father’s grave, Bobby. I swear it on the name of Orion Christopoulos. I won’t lie to you again.”
Bobby knew that with those words, she couldn’t doubt him. But her heart veered away from completely believing him. If she made herself believe, then she might as well have invited Leandro to play Russian roulette with her life all over again.
It goddamn hurt for Bobby not to believe in him even after swearing on his father’s name, but Leandro knew her distrust was more than well-deserved. “Bobby, when I first saw you, I thought you were a bitch.”
Her eyes widened, and she choked out, “This is your way of not telling a lie? By insulting me instead?”
“You were a bitch that day, mégaira, and you know it. I just received news of my father’s illness taking a turn for the worse that day. I’m afraid it made me less patient than usual when I found myself confronted by a shrew.”
A warm light entered Leandro’s eyes, and Bobby desperately called on all her defenses to keep herself from being affected by it. Whatever he told her now, it was all about closure – nothing more. It couldn’t be anything else. Please God, please make her strong enough to not let herself fall for him again.
“Then the night of the award ceremony happened and I realized you were the perfect girl to take the role of my girlfriend.” Leandro saw the flash of pain on Bobby’s face, and it slashed his heart. “Yes,” he said harshly, “I picked you to be my girlfriend with no thoughts of how you would feel if you found out I had ulterior motives.”
“When I came back from Greece, I had decided not to pursue you – I learned how badly you were treated when everyone thought I had dumped you, and I thought it would be better if I didn’t mess up your life. But then we kissed again – every damn touch, every damn kiss, every damn moment I spent with you made me realize that I couldn’t let you go. I had to make you mine. When my cousin Priscilla suggested that I pretend…”
“You don’t have to explain that part,” she choked out, wanting to cry again as a rush of humiliation struck her. “You must have been laughing at me, thinking how stupid I was to think you were a different person just because you wore glasses.”
“I never thought that,” Leandro gritted out. “All I thought back then, when you allowed me back into your life, was that I’d fucking ruin my eyesight for real if it meant I’d be able to be with you always. I needed you. I wanted you. And I fell for you---”
He felt her stiffen and he almost wanted to shake her when he saw the distrust in Bobby’s eyes. “I fell in love with you, Bobby. You were the most amazing girl I had ever met – someone strong and soft, someone who loved so generously I was humbled by it. And God, I was so fucking terrified that one day you’d find out how it all started between us. I knew I had to tell you the truth one day, but I was scared of losing you – of you not believing me…”
“Because there’s nothing to believe---”
“There’s everything to believe! It’s all here, Bobby!” He snatched her hand and pressed it to his chest so she could feel for herself how fast and hard it was beating, for her to know that every beat was for her. “I went out of my mind with jealousy when I saw you with your half-brother. I know I was stupid to believe Valerie’s lies, but I had never been in love before and seeing you with another man hurt – it goddamn hurt and all I wanted then was to hurt you.”
“By telling me the truth---”
“By not telling you the truth! I wanted to protect myself, my pride – I didn’t want you or anyone to know that I had fallen so hard for you, a part of me was already thinking of ways I could chain you to my side and prevent you from going to another man even if you didn’t love me.”
His hand tightened over hers, and he pressed it harder against his chest, wishing there was a way his heartbeat could spell out the words inside him and show Bobby how all he had to survive was his love. “I have a hard time making myself believe that I can be loved, Bobby,” he whispered hoarsely. “All my life, I knew I was adopted and although my parents did their best to make me feel loved, other people made me doubt it. They made me feel that I was simply someone they picked from the streets because they needed an heir. It was only…it was only when I lost you that I realized I could be loved…I just wished…” He struggled to make Bobby understand just how much losing her had changed him completely. “I just fucking wished it didn’t take losing you to make me realize how much you loved me…and how much I loved you.”
He looked into her eyes. “And I still do. I never stopped, Bobby. I don’t care if you and…if you and Gabris had been together. I love you, and I would do anything to have you back.”
He waited for her to say something. An eternity passed, and still he waited but she didn’t speak, only staring at him with eyes filled with pain it was almost like it was indelible.
Chapter 9
Except for asking Bobby to make herself comfortable while he prepared a late lunch for them, Leandro hadn’t spoken a word since they arrived at his place. He no longer lived at the dorm, having finished his degree back in Greece. But all the furniture from his old place had been moved here, making the place feel new and unbearably familiar at the same time.
Bittersweet memories assailed Bobby. She saw the 3D television mounted on the wall and thought of the time she had lost a bet with Leandro, giving him the right to record their lovemaking and then making Bobby watch it with him afterwards.
Gah!
Why did she have to remember that of all things?
Leandro looked up when Bobby suddenly appeared at the doorway of his kitchen. He frowned at the uneasy look on her face. “What is it?”
“I…” She fidgeted, not knowing how to ask her question.
He
waved for her to come in and she took one of the stools opposite him. She watched silently as he unwrapped the foil cover from the container, which bore the name of a famous Italian restaurant. “Pasta?”
“Yes.” He opened the container, and the delicious scent of baked spaghetti filled the air. “Also, you’re beating around the bush.”
Bobby made a face. A part of her couldn’t believe they were bantering in the kitchen as if they were a married couple. But then, there was also this small shameful part of her that liked it. Too much so.
“Smartass,” she muttered under her breath.
Leandro raised a brow. “And you weren’t such a coward in the past. Did missing and loving me too much make you so?”
She glared at him. “Ego much?”
“Still beating----”
“I just want to know what you did with our video.” The words tumbled out of her mouth so fast she wondered if he understood her.
When Leandro’s lips slowly curved into a smirk, Bobby knew that the jerk unfortunately did understand her. “Why,” he asked, “are you thinking about that? Did you look at the TV and remember it?”
Her jaw dropped. How did he know that?
He thought about making a joke and decided against it. He gazed at Bobby, and his heart clenched hard at how right she looked sitting across him. If he had his way, he wanted it to be like this between them forever. “I remember, too, mégaira,” he said seriously. “Everywhere I look, there’d be something that would remind me…”
“I don’t want to hear any more.”
The words stabbed him, but he willed the pain away, knowing he deserved it.
The way Leandro whitened at her words made Bobby bite her lip hard and she looked away, knowing she needed to compose herself and strengthen her defenses. Leandro’s penthouse apartment had an open layout, with the breakfast counter allowing her to see all the way to the living room and the balcony.
The frame next to the balcony doors caught her eye, and she realized with a jerk that it was a letter. Her letter. She always used personalized stationery when penning letters, and the gold initials engraved at the top of the paper was distinct.
“You received it.”
Leandro finished plating their food before following Bobby’s gaze. Ah. She had seen it. “I did.”
“You never answered,” she said in a thin voice.
“It was my punishment not to.”
The words were so surprising that it made her head snap towards him.
“When a member of our family passes, it is tradition for us to make a personal sacrifice for a year. For my mother, she simply fasted. The loss of my father – her husband – was already the greatest sacrifice. For my younger sister, she withdrew from school even though it meant losing her spot in a prestigious academy.”
Bobby asked faintly, “I was your personal sacrifice?”
“I died every day not being able to see you or beg your forgiveness,” he said simply. He looked back at the framed letter. “Amongst all of us, I had the most to atone for. I did not give my father an easy time raising me. I was always bitter and defensive – I couldn’t make myself lower my guard and allow him to love me. I was too afraid that one day he would tire of pretending.”
“They really loved you,” she told him softly. “Aunt Sam told me about your life…I knew from her words alone, they loved you.”
“It was hard for me to believe it.” He looked at her evenly. “You of all people should know that there are things you care too much about to easily believe in.”
Touché, Bobby thought, looking away because she couldn’t bear seeing the intense emotion in Leandro’s own eyes. There was a promise in those bright blue eyes, something she did care too much about to easily believe in herself.
“I knew it was a risk not to call you, not to write to you, but I had to do it. It was my punishment, not just because of what I had done to my father but because…” He inhaled sharply. “Because of what I had done to you. If not for that year of mourning, for surviving each day even though I ached – I literally ached to be by your side, I don’t think I’d ever feel I have the right to enter your life again.” An empty laugh escaped him. “But then, maybe I still don’t have the right.”
“Don’t talk like that.” She couldn’t help saying it, didn’t want to hear the pain and defeat in his tone. The Leandro Christopoulos she knew was not the kind who took such losses easily. He was strong and powerful, the kind who battled dragons without fear. It hurt to know, to really know that she was the reason he was hurting.
“Talk like what, Bobby? Talk like I’m afraid I’m about to lose the greatest thing in my life?” He dropped the knife he was holding, and Bobby flinched at the clanging sound it created as it hit the counter. The next thing she knew, he had gone around the counter and spun the stool around so she faced him.
“Have I lost you for good, Bobby?” he whispered harshly. “Tell me before I go out of my mind. Tell me I have a fucking chance.”
“Stop it,” she said, covering her ears as his words lashed at her. “I don’t want to hear---”
Leandro pulled her hands away, continuing in the same hard tone that spoke of agony and love. “Tell me I have a reason to look forward to tomorrow. Tell me, mégaira---”
“I said STOP IT---”
“If I stop, then I might as well have admitted I’m going to stop living,” he shouted. “Is that what you want? Is that what you really want, Bobby? Do you want me gone from your life? Do you want me dead---”
“No!” She sobbed the word out. Just the thought of losing him permanently was enough to rip her world apart and expose the truth about her feelings. She loved him. She still loved him. She would always love him and she would die if he died---
“Then take me back!”
“I can’t,” she cried out. “If I do, then I am the one who’d die. Because that’s what you did when you didn’t tell me the truth and I h-had to learn about your deception from another person. I d-died when you told me you d-didn’t love me---”
He said urgently, “I was lying---”
“How can you expect me to believe you? You can’t believe your parents can see something in you to love and when y-you told me that you n-never loved me, you made me think there was nothing in me to love either.”
He started to speak, but she shook her head at him. “You told me that every day when we were apart, you died. Well, I died, too. But the difference was I couldn’t let anyone see it. I was so sick with depression and I couldn’t let anyone know about it. I had to hide it from my parents when I started getting treatments in a clinic. I couldn’t ask anyone for help because I was too ashamed.” Tears choked her voice as she made the agonizing admission. “I was so ashamed about being the smug idiot who thought I could make someone like you love me---”
“But I do,” he grated out, his heart squeezing tightly in his chest at the fears Bobby exposed about herself. He closed his eyes for a moment, his mind crowded with images of Bobby being literally sick with the pain of his abandonment. If he had known, he thought with agony. God, if he had only known!
“I’m so damn sorry, Bobby. I thought that I was only punishing myself when I stayed away from you all this time. I thought you would need the time away from me to heal.” He took her face in his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.
“That’s the last time I’d ever be stupid enough to unknowingly hurt you, Bobby,” he said fiercely. “I swear to you, from this day on, I’ll hurt myself first, I’ll expose myself first before I ever risk hurting you. Because now I know…”
There was something in those words that made Bobby catch her breath, something that made her so terrified of what he knew – of what he found out – that made her struggle against his hold.
But he was too strong, and his voice, once he started to speak, encompassed her whole world until there was no escape.
“Now I know, Bobby. Whatever you said or did, now I know the truth.”
�
�No,” she whispered. “No, you don’t---”
The pain he had unintentionally subjected Bobby to last year should have made her despise him with all her heart. But she hadn’t. She couldn’t.
“You love me, Bobby. For better or for worse, you love me the way I love you, and there’s no stopping it.”
Chapter 10
Bobby made a dash for it.
She didn’t care about where she was going or how she would leave his place when she didn’t even have a car or money to pay a cab. All she knew was that she had to leave and escape Leandro before – before –
She had to leave before he completely owned her again.
Bobby kicked him, hard enough to take him by surprise, and Leandro released her with a muttered Greek expletive. It almost felt like déjà vu but she didn’t waste a moment, scrambling past him so she could run towards his front door.
“Not so fast, mégaira.” Leandro caught her just before she could cross the living room and spun her around with a jerk of his arm.
“Let go of me,” Bobby shrieked, and then she shrieked again when she realized that he was quickly unbuttoning her blouse. “What are you doing?” She forgot all about trying to escape as she tried swatting away his deftly moving fingers.
Leandro didn’t bother answering, his concentration fully focused on the all-important task of getting Bobby naked as soon as possible. They were done talking and raking over old coals. The truth was out now, and it was time to do something they had always had no problem seeing eye to eye on.
In the next moment, Leandro had managed to capture her wrists and raise it over her head. He swiftly pulled her blouse up and over her arms. Bobby shrieked again as he threw her blouse to the floor. “Have you gone out of your mind?”