by Sam Elswit
“Oh… yeah… sure.” I said, pressing the button on the fob.
“What is all this stuff?” Ryan asked, noticing the amps and other musical equipment I had left in my trunk from the last time I had rehearsed with Ben.
“Oh, that’s just… I’m in a band now.”
“What? Really? I thought you suffered from stage fright.”
“I thought so too, but I found a reason to conquer that fear…”
“Oh? What’s her name?”
“Actually… it’s a guy.”
Ryan’s eyes widened for a split second in surprise before he nodded. “All the same, what’s his name?”
I was actually a little shocked by his reaction or lack thereof. I thought he would at least question me, but instead, he seemed totally accepting of my sexuality. I smiled to myself, glad that my family, even my extended family, was so supportive.
“Ben.”
“What is he? The sexy guitarist or the badass drummer?”
“Sexy guitarist. Definitely.”
He chuckled. “I dig it. I dig it. I get to meet him, right?”
“Um…”
“Uh oh, trouble in paradise?” He guessed as he got inside, buckling himself in.
I sighed, ignoring his question for the moment as I started the car and headed for the exit. Ryan didn’t push the matter any further, which allowed me to gather my thoughts.
On one hand, I felt like I was overreacting about the whole thing, but on the other, I couldn’t help but feel scared that I would lose the one man I had finally given myself up to.
Once we were on the highway, I glanced over at Ryan who was playing a game on his phone. Or at least, it looked that way. There was a lot of text on the screen, but occasionally, a map would appear. “What are you doing?”
“Mining.”
“For?”
“Coal.”
“Why?”
“The guild needs some.”
“Guild?”
“An online community in a game where people work together towards a common goal.”
“Such as?”
“Depends on the game. If you’re playing a classic MMO, then a guild is usually used to organize large scale raids and stuff like that. It’s a support system. In other games, like this one, it’s required to pool resources.”
“I see… so do you know any of these people you play with.”
“One or two. There’s a constant guild chat going on. Right now, the topic of conversation is cats and how they like to sit on keyboards.”
“That they do. That they do.” I thought for a moment, trying to remember the last time Ryan came to visit. “That’s right, you haven’t met Patches yet.”
“Patches?”
“My cat.”
“Oh. No, I haven’t. I have a pet named Patches though, in one of my other games. He gives me a 10% health boost whenever I fight beast-type monsters.”
“I see.”
“I also have a dog that makes me stronger, a monkey that makes me faster…”
“Do you own a zoo or something?”
“No, but I do have my own house and it’s pretty sick.”
“You mean in the game, not in real life?”
“Right. In real life, I’m still sticking it out in my dingy apartment. Hard to save up money to buy a nicer place, you know?”
“Hey, I’m still in a dingy apartment myself. But, if you want a nicer place, then maybe you should cut back on the video games?”
He gasped like I had just told him to give up his firstborn child.
“What?”
“I couldn’t. Then what would I do with my free time?”
“I don’t know, go outside or something.”
“Outside? Are you nuts? It’s dangerous outside. Besides, if outside is so good, why did people spend centuries perfecting the inside?”
I shook my head. “It’s not like the sun is going to melt you.”
“You don’t know that. I could be part vampire for all I know.”
“You faint at the sight of blood. Some vampire you’d be.” I teased him, remembering my eleventh birthday where I had fallen off my new bike and gotten a pretty nasty cut on my knee. Ryan had taken one look at blood and collapsed into a heap. I smiled at the memory, glad that I had Ryan to distract me from all my thoughts of Ben. If he wasn’t here, I probably would’ve driven myself insane with jealousy.
Chapter 17
Ben
“I can’t believe you managed to get us a gig at the Speak Easy. Only the hottest bands are put in the lineup.” I said, loading everything up in the back of Phil’s car.
“Oh, I have my ways.” She winked.
“Who did you have to flirt with to get us this opportunity?”
“I didn’t flirt with anyone, I simply asked very politely.”
“Pretty much the same thing as far as I’m concerned.”
Just then, William pulled up, cruising in a baby blue Mustang, his music blaring. When he rolled down his window to talk to Emily, I nearly gagged on the mixture of hairspray and thick cologne that wafted out of his car. “Ready to go, doll face?” He asked, which only made me gag harder.
“I’ll see you boys at the concert!” Emily waved before she jumped into the passenger seat. Even through the heavy tint of the windows, I could see their outlines coming together before he finally sped away, leaving skid marks in his wake.
I shook my head. Emily was such a flirt.
“Was that the guy from the bowling alley?” Phil asked, bringing out the last of our supplies. His muscles rippled underneath his skin. He was so strong… so sexy…
My thoughts started to get carried away as I stared at him, thinking about all the things we could do together after the show. Already, I pictured him with his fingers around my wrists, pinning me down, making me his willing little plaything as we made love all night long…
“Ben?”
“Huh? Oh! Yeah. William. He’s our VIP. Or rather Emily’s VIP. To be honest, I’m surprised that she’s still interested in him. Usually, she has the attention span of a cat.”
“So, no attention span at all.”
“Exactly.” I closed the trunk before I patted my pockets, taking a mental inventory of all my stuff. My hand lingered on my back pocket. “Where’s my phone?”
“Oh! I snagged it off the counter. Someone kept texting you.”
“Hmm?” That was odd, the only people who ever really texted me were Phil and Emily and they had been with me the entire day.
When I looked down at my phone, my heart froze. Andy’s name was plastered all over my screen. As far as I could tell, he had sent me ten new messages in the span of five minutes.
“Who is it?”
“No one. No one of importance…” I shoved my phone into my pocket, unwilling to give him the time of day, especially not right before our biggest gig up to date. “Come on… we need to hurry. We don’t want to be late.”
“Even if we left now, we would probably get there an hour early for the early access entry.”
“Hey, better early than sorry.”
“You know that Emily won’t show up until the very last minute.”
“And give me a heart attack. I know.” Ben shook his head. “At least, you’ll be there to bring the house down.”
Phil’s cheeks colored at my compliment.
As always, he reached over and opened the door for me, helping me inside. Before he closed the door, he kissed my forehead, lingering there for a moment.
I looked into his eyes, my heart beating a little faster.
“We are going to do great. There’s nothing to worry about.”
I just hoped he was right.
Inside my pocket, my phone buzzed.
***
Eventually, after a lot of waiting, we were allowed to enter the setup area. We were one of the first bands to show up. The only other group looked like a couple guys in their late thirties who wore a clash of dark pants and neon colored tops. W
hen I looked a little closer, I recognized the lead singer.
Quickly, I grabbed Phil’s hand, dragging him over. I pointed to the man who had a bright red streak running through his bangs. “Do you recognize that guy?”
Phil squinted his eyes. “Whoa, is that Markie Mark?”
I nodded. “He must be the main event. You think he’d give me his autograph?”
“Wouldn’t hurt to try.” Phil pushed me in his direction but before I could muster up the courage to speak with the music legend, my phone once again buzzed in my pocket.
I groaned, whipping it out, about to put an end to Andy’s incessant texting. I sat down on a nearby crate, opening my messages. I had the intention of simply deleting all of Andy’s texts but when I actually got to it, I couldn’t resist reading them.
Hey, Ben.
Sorry I have been MIA the past couple of weeks. Been, busy you know.
Well, just wanted to tell you that I have some good news!
Jeremy Pryce really loved one of my songs!
I bet you’re wondering which one it is.
I hated how Andy always sent one liners instead of just gathering up all the information into one paragraph. Sometimes, he would just ask me what I wanted for dinner and he would flood my inbox. Seems like old habits really do die hard.
Remember that song I was working on?
Quaking over the Fire?
… So many roads to choose from… to what end?
Pure genius if you ask me.
And, if you ask Jeremy Pryce.
Well, it looks like you’re busy or something so I’ll leave you be.
Oh, wait! One more thing. Here’s the URL. I’ll be performing it live on Tonight Tonight.
I stared at the URL in disbelief, my fingers shaking as I held my phone.
“Ben, what’s wrong?” Phil’s soft, harmonic voice whispered in my ear. Usually, it was more than enough to calm me down from any crisis, but hearing him only made the situation worse. Quaking over the Fire was the cornerstone for our performance. I had tweaked it to perfection in order to complement Phil’s voice. I had put so much work into it that I hadn’t even considered bringing along backup songs.
“He’s ruined everything…” I said, my eyes starting to burn. Just when I thought things were looking up, Andy had to swoop back into my life and crush my dreams under the heel of his boot.
What did I do to deserve this?
I got up, suddenly feeling claustrophobic even though there was plenty of open space around me. It was like the air itself was closing in on me, making it harder and harder to breathe.
Phil seemed to sense that I was about to run off because he grabbed me by the arm, reeling me into his body. “Ben. Tell me.”
“Andy…” I whispered, unable to explain myself.
Seeing that he wouldn’t get a proper answer out of me, he grabbed my phone out of my hand and started to read through our text messages. When he played the video of Andy singing the song I wrote, I lost it.
I yanked my arm away from Phil and booked it toward the exit. I didn’t make it very far before Phil caught up to me, pulling me into his arms. Our momentum, however, was too great and we were unable to stop in time before we went crashing into the ground, landing in a tangled heap.
Our faces were inches apart, our noses touching. “Listen to me. You aren’t going to let this guy destroy your hopes and dreams, are you?”
I bit my lip, unsure of how I would answer. There was just such a weight on my chest, dragging me down that it felt like I’d never be able to get up again. It was like every time I took a step forward, Andy was there with his Vaudeville Hook, ready to yank me off the stage. I couldn’t keep doing this.
Even as I wallowed in my despair, Phil got to his feet. He offered me his hand, a warm smile on his face.
When I made no effort to take his hand, he leaned down, pulling me to my feet. “Come on, Andy is a jerk and you know it. You’ll only be letting him win if you let this get to you. It’s one little setback. We can get right back in the game a thousand times stronger if we just focus on the finish line.”
“But, how? I had the perfect lineup. Everything flowed into each other perfectly… now there’s a gaping hole where the main performance should be.” I started to pace back and forth, running my fingers through my hair, nearly ripping it from the root. “This can’t be happening.”
“Ben. Calm down.” Phil grabbed my cheeks, gently cupping them in his hands.
I was so flustered that I couldn’t even make eye contact with him. I was desperately running through our arsenal of songs, trying to find the best replacement, but of course, none of them would be as good as Quaking over the Fire. That was the masterpiece I had been working on for so long. The one I had tweaked to death – picking each word – each note – to utter perfection. Now, all of it was gone.
“Do you trust me?”
I didn’t answer him.
Suddenly, he kissed me. Not the sweet, loving kiss we usually shared but something fiery – burning hot even – that woke me from my panicked state. My eyes widened before closing, melting into him, letting all my worries fade away.
So what if Andy had taken my best song? We would find a way to get through this little hiccup – together.
When I was completely out of breath, Phil pulled away, his thumb rubbing against my cheek. “Do you trust me?”
I nodded.
“Then, just follow my lead.” He grinned, bringing me back to our storage trunk. There, he shoved some sheet music into my chest. “I’ve been working on this for quite a while now… I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share it just yet, but I think now is as good a time as any.”
“What is it?” I asked, analyzing the notes. It was a mixture of slow and fast beats, with a definite ebb and flow pattern to it. I hummed the tune, tested it out. Something about it was instantly sweet, but at the same time, there was a little bit of flare, spicing the whole thing up. Overall, it was very different than all our other pieces, but somehow, I had the feeling that it would work.
Or, at least, I hope so.
***
Soon, it came time for us to get on stage.
Emily, however, was nowhere to be found. “Where is she?” I asked, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. Our preceding band was already getting off the stage. Emily only had a few minutes left before we lost our spot.
“She’ll be here,” Phil said, but I could tell he was getting a little worried himself.
Emily was cutting it close. Too close.
“Farmers’ Market, you’re up!” The stage manager ushered us to the curtain.
Nervously, I looked around, praying for nothing short of a miracle. Where was she?
Just before I could experience a full-blown panic attack, Emily came running toward us, drum sticks in hand. “Sorry I’m late! Got a little… distracted.”
“I’m going to kill you!” I screamed, feeling like I wanted to strangle her.
“No time now, kill me later.”
“She’s right. Let’s go.” Phil grabbed me by the arm, dragging me onto the stage.
There, everything changed. With the spotlights shining down on me, I instantly calmed down. I had always liked the stage. Somehow, it felt so comfortable.
I smiled, adjusting my guitar strap as I looked out at the crowd of people packed onto the small lawn. Most of them hadn’t come to see us, but hopefully, they would leave remembering our names.
“Give it up for Farmers’ Market!”
Chapter 18
Phil
We started off strong, with Emily coming in hot with the drums. The crowd instantly responded to the rhythm, banging their heads and moving closer.
With each passing minute, I felt like I was flying higher and higher. I couldn’t believe how well this was going. It almost felt too good to be true.
And then, it was the moment of truth. Our main song.
Everything was riding on me.
“This song was written for
someone very dear to my heart. He taught me how to finally open up and let someone into my life.” I held the mic against my lips, trying to keep my breathing steady. Subtly, I glanced over at Ben, catching his eyes, before I pulled away, cueing Emily’s start.