by Ami Urban
"Rex! Rex!"
My son finally looked at me. "Peek-boo, momma!"
"Yes, peek-a-boo, sweetie. But right now we have to go, okay?"
He shook his head. "No."
"Jesus Christ..."
Jack stomped a foot on the ground. His face was twisted into a grimace. I let him go and he hopped over to my son.
"Pins and needles..." he muttered. "Hey, buddy, wanna play an even better game?"
Rex hesitated, but eventually nodded. The man outside continued to claw and bang on the window. Jack instructed me to grab the shotgun he'd put in the cabinet the night before. While I did that, he explained the rules of his game with my son.
"Okay, so this game is called Burn or Bust."
"Yeah!" Rex jumped up and down.
"The rules are all three of us have to get out of here because the floor is turning into hot lava," Alex said.
"Oh no!" Rex stopped jumping and listened.
"Yeah. Also, that guy out there..." She pointed out the window. "If you touch him, you lose automatically!"
"Fun!" Rex clapped his little hands together.
I handed Jack his shotgun. He grabbed it and winced. "Pins and needles..."
Rex ran to me and I picked him up in my arms. For a moment, I envied him. Ignorance was bliss. He wasn't frightened at all.
"Do you think there are any of them in here?"
The four of us backed slowly out of the room.
"No way. I blocked us in tight."
"So where's this other way out?"
The man pounded against the window a final time and the glass gave way. Pieces hit the floor as his hand made its way through. The shattered edges of the broken window cut through his arm, but he didn't seem to mind.
"Ok. Time to go!" Jack grabbed me with his free hand and dragged us out of the room. We didn't have the luxury of taking our time, so we had to fumble down the stairs and through the dark hallway. A crow cawed and flew over our heads to the second floor.
"Fucker"s gonna get eaten." Jack skidded to a stop just outside a metal door with a large padlock on it. "All right, guys...cover your ears!" He aimed and shot the padlock. The deafening sound rang through the hallways of the school. It was quickly followed by the howls of what sounded like hundreds of diseased people.
"Fantastic." Jack kicked at what was left of the padlock until the chain fell to the floor with a loud clatter. He looked at me briefly before pulling the door open a crack. "Fuck."
"that's not good. What?"
"they're all over the car."
"Jesus."
"Wait." He held a hand back and scooted forward, opening the door wider and letting the sunlight in. "Look at this."
I approached him with caution. Rex began to squirm. I held him tighter. When I stopped next to Jack, I followed the nose of the shotgun. My gaze landed on three vehicles sitting vacant in another part of the lot we didn't see the day prior.
"we'll take one of those."
"Who knows where they came from or if they even work. They may have been abandoned because they were out of gas."
He shook his head. "Cars can run on fumes, man... My bet is on the Toyota over there." He pointed to a blue sedan about a hundred yards ahead.
"How do we get to it?" Alex asked.
Jack was silent for a moment. I studied his features. He was thinking hard. "Ok. I'm gonna sneak around the side of the building this way toward our car. I'll get within range and set off the alarm. If there are any more of them around, they'll all swarm to it. When you hear the alarm go off, you high-tail it over to those vehicles and if the Toyota isn't unlocked, find one of them that is. I'll run over and hotwire it."
I didn't like the plan, but I logically knew it was the only way to get out. I nodded and set Rex down. "Okay, Rex. Ready to play for real?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay...when you hear the car alarm go off, we're going to run."
"Yay!"
I looked back at Jack. He was surveying the outside, trying to find an opening. When he'd found one, he looked back at me.
"Here I go." He grinned, but it was weak. He was scared.
I took a deep breath and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him into a kiss. "Be careful."
His eyes were wide with what looked like surprise, but he nodded before slipping outside into the bright sun. I watched him for as long as I could until he disappeared around a corner of the school.
"When we go, momma?" Rex was bouncing slightly on his feet.
"Soon, honey." I pulled Alex close to us. She was shivering.
We waited in the dark for what seemed like days. I was sure thirty minutes had passed when I heard the car alarm and the howls of those things. I grabbed my son and Alex and ran as fast as my legs could carry me over to the group of cars at the other end of the parking lot. I didn't dare looked behind me.
I was nearly out of breath when I reached the Toyota. With my free hand I pulled at the passenger side door. It was locked.
"Fuck!"
"Bad word..." Rex mumbled the sentence.
"I know." I swung around. The next closest car to us was a brown van with no windows in the back. I hesitated. There was no way that thing had gas. An ear-splitting howl startled me out of my thoughts.
When I turned my head, I saw the one that was banging against the window dragging itself toward us. I spun around as fast as I could and launched myself at the brown van. By the grace of whatever god I believed in that split second, the door was unlocked. I threw myself and Rex into the passenger seat. Alex scrambled in after us, shutting the door as hard as she could.
"Game over?" Rex asked.
"I don't know." I was busy looking out the window for the creature following us.
The driver side door flung open and a scream escaped me. Jack hopped in, locking the door behind him. Then he wiggled under the seat and tore off the panel beneath the steering wheel.
"didn't think you'd be that excited to see me."
"I'm just glad you're in one piece."
A few sparks lit up his face before the engine roared to life. He jumped back into the driver"s seat like it was nothing, put the van into gear, and floored it.
"Wee!"
Rex ran to the rear of the van where there were blankets and discarded clothes. He plopped himself in a pile of them and giggled.
Jack finally let out his breath and looked to me to grin. But the smile faded quickly. "What?"
"You just did that like you've done it thousands of times before."
"I have."
***
The sun was setting as we crossed the Utah border. Another night doing nothing but driving. I wasn't looking forward to it. Jack had been anxious all day about something. I had to figure it out because the incessant drumming of his fingers on the steering wheel was driving me crazy.
"you're anxious."
He glanced sideways at me as though I'd startled him. "No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are. What is it? Would you like to talk about it?" I tried to use my softest, most sincere tone.
"You getting all shrink on me? Because if you are..."
"I'm just concerned." The accusatory tone behind his voice had hit me hard. I didn't want him to be upset with me. Why was he upset with me?
After a few moments of excruciating silence, he said, "Okay, look... I know you've been waiting all day to break it to me and I've been waiting all day for it to come too, but I'll just put it out there to take the stress off of you." His sentence leaked out in one breath.
"I'm listening," I said after another pregnant pause.
"I know you're thinking last night was a mistake and that's totally okay. I've been through it before and it'll hurt my feelings, but I'm a big boy and I'll get over it."
I scrunched up my face for a moment, soaking in what he'd said. He may have said he'd get over it eventually, but there was already mild hurt in his voice.
"Last night wasn't a mistake."
"What?"
"Last
night wasn't a mistake. I want to have sex with you again."
"Shh!" He straightened and looked in the rear view mirror.
"It's ok." I heard Alex's voice. "Momma used to talk about the men she'd bring home. I know what grown-ups do."
"She understands perfectly well. I'm confident there will be more."
Jack's brow furrowed. "What...are you talking about right now?" The question began with his voice at a high note, but made a decrescendo back to tenor at the tail end.
I took a deep breath to still my frustration. It felt almost as if he were playing a game of sympathy. Maybe he was. I didn't know much about him after all.
"I plan on having sex with you again."
"Why?"
"Are you serious?"
"As the holocaust."
"That's not very nice," Alex said.
"Well, the holocaust was indeed serious." I sucked in a breath and pursed my lips, trying to take the emotion out of my next statement. "Last night was amazing. You were amazing and I'd like to continue if that's all right with you."
He looked at me with one eye squinted. "You don't want to do that."
My frustration deepened. "I'd really appreciate it if you stopped making my decisions for me."
"Women of your caliber don't go for a guy like me." There was pain in his voice. he'd been hurt before.
"What do you mean?"
He sighed. "you're smart. Really smart. You finished college. you're gorgeous. I'm just a dumb mechanic."
I rested my elbow on the window frame of the van and placed my chin in my palm. My heart went out to him. This wasn't a game. He truly believed he wasn't good enough.
"The level of my intelligence didn't save us from those things. It didn't save us this morning. That was you. I didn't save us in Las Vegas. That was you. You have skills that are extremely important. If it weren't for you, we'd be dead." I gestured to the back where Rex had been playing pat a cake with Alex. "I don't know the first thing about hotwiring a car."
Even in the waning sun I could see the flicker of a smile. "Well, yeah, but... He shrugged both shoulders. "You're just on a way higher level than me. I'm a 9mm bullet and you've got a first class ticket into a sniper rifle."
"While your analogy is definitely amusing, you have a very skewed definition of caliber."
"Well that was—"
"No, I know. Everyone's definition of 'better' is different. I'm not on a higher level. I'm on a different level. Everyone is." My explanation seemed to relax him just a bit.
"Yeah, but wouldn't you rather be around scholarly professors drinking brandy and talking about philosophy?"
I actually chuckled at that one. "Philosophy is a joke. It's just people asking ridiculous questions. You do know that all philosophers were inherently high on some kind of strong narcotic about half their lives."
Jack let out a belly laugh. It made me smile just the slightest bit.
"I'll tell you something that not even Sylvia knew about me."
"Oh, you have my attention now. Should I pull over for this?"
"No. Keep driving, please."
"You got it, Foxtrot."
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. "Men don't typically entertain me."
"That... Did you just tell me you're gay?"
"I'm sorry? No. What I mean was that I've never met a man that could make me genuinely laugh."
"Pfft. I've heard you laugh once at my jokes and it was fake as hell."
"You amuse me on the inside."
"Oh-kay." He drew the word out with a grin.
"I enjoy your company. I enjoy you. I really, really like you."
Jack scratched at the stubble on one side of his face. "Oh, yeah?"
"Yes."
"Well..." He reached a hand over and touched my face gingerly. "I've really, really liked you since I saw you standing outside trying to start a car that wouldn't have started in a million years." His grin absolutely warmed my heart.
October 19
"I can't tell you how much I appreciate the fact that they at least left a Classical music station going."
I rolled my head to the side to get a good look at Lisa. Chopin"s beautiful music floated lightly out of the car windows. The stars were bright and plentiful. The night was quiet. Out there, no one would have been able to tell the world had ended.
"Yeah." I took a deep breath, the hood of the van clunking incompatibly with my weight. There was no way I could've kept my mind off what she'd said on the drive. She liked me. She wanted me. That feeling was overwhelming. Oddly enough, for the first time in a long time I was happy. I felt normal.
"Staring up at the sky like this makes you really feel insignificant. The observable universe in itself is massive."
Every time she talked that way I felt a lump in my throat. "You know what else is massive?"
"I'm sorry?" She turned toward me. Apparently the hood of the car didn't appreciate her weight either.
I shifted myself slightly to face her more head on. "My..." I watched her for any signs that she'd gotten the joke. There were none. "My dick. Okay, let's move on. I like to cuddle. Do you?"
A quizzical eyebrow rose in response to my question. A smile even played on her lips. She was coming out of her shell because of me.
"I don't believe I've ever had the opportunity."
I sat up. "Say what?"
Lisa scooted closer and looked up at me. Finally seeing something akin to humor in her eyes was refreshing. I liked it.
"Do you know how easy it is for a woman to contract a UTI after sex?"
My thoughts ran away from me. I turned my head to the side and smiled. "Are you serious right now?"
"I'm alwa—"
"Always serious. I know." We looked at each other for a moment. "So you're one of those hit it, quit it and shower it off kind of girls?" I grinned at her.
"If you're inferring that I prefer to stay healthy with an active sex life, then yes."
Very softly, I brushed some hair out of her eyes. My fingertips lingered on her cheek for a second or two. She was so warm and inviting underneath that stony exterior.
"Jeez, Foxtrot, you are super hot when you talk all doctorey."
Her mouth dropped open slightly. Every fiber in my body pulled me toward kissing her. "Doctorey?"
I looked up, pretending to think. "Mm...on second thought..." I slipped a hand under her back and brought her as close to me as I could. Then I kissed her like I meant it — like my life depended on it. "You're just super hot."
Her right hand was holding onto my left arm. "No one has ever said something like that to me."
"Oh, yeah?" I took the hand from my arm and kissed her palm. "Why not?"
"I'm not entirely sure."
"Maybe they were afraid to."
She shrugged. "Maybe."
"Fireflies!"
The two of us sat up on the hood of the car to see Alex and Rex chasing after glowing pinpoints of light. They were both giggling happily.
"Do you think she misses her mother?"
"Half of her does."
I glanced at Lisa, but she was watching the children.
"Sylvia wasn't ready to be a mother twelve years ago. Of course, children are more intelligent than people give them credit for. Alex knew her mother didn't want her."
I turned my attention toward the little girl once more. The smile on her face did seem a bit pained, but she was a strong one.
"That sucks."
"Indeed. Alex spent a lot of time with me and her grandmother. that's why she knows how to take care of Rex. She's like a sister to him even though you can't tell on the outside."
"You caught one!" Alex jumped up and down while watching Rex marvel at the light in his hand.
He looked up at her. "Yay! I did it!" He began mirroring her movements. But in so doing, closed his palm and squashed the bug. After contemplating his hand for a few seconds, his face began to twist into what I'd grown to know as the Tantrum Face.
"Hey!
Rex! there's more, look!" Alex leapt in the air and snatched a bug. Closing her palms lightly, she brought it over to him and showed him the glow between her fingers. "I think there's a jar in the back of the van. Can we keep him?"
The two of them looked over at us. I felt some emotion rise from the pit of my stomach into my chest. "Yeah..."
"Yay! What should we name him?"
"Ba-ba-di!" Rex began to prance up and down while he followed Alex calling, "Ba-ba-di! Ba-ba-di!"
"Ba-ba-di?" I tossed a look at Lisa.
"You know the movie. Bibidi, babadi, boo."
***
I cut the engine outside a hotel at the end of a road. It looked pretty empty. I was surprised everything had been abandoned so quickly yet the infected were scarce in certain areas.
"Welcome to the Desert Rose Hotel in the middle of bumfuck, nowhere."
"Are we staying the night?" Alex asked from the back.
"Yep. it's better to be rested and alert than tired and driving."
"It's charming," Lisa said, unbuckling her seatbelt.
"Boo!" Rex crinkled his nose.
"What? You don't like it?" I turned in my seat. He shook his head. "Would you rather sleep in the van?"
Rex looked to his left, then his right, then up and down. When he looked back at me, his eyes were wide. "Nuh-uh."
"That's what I thought. let's go, Romeo and Juliet!"
I hopped out and ran around to help Lisa out of her side. She was still a little weak from the wound in her side. At first, she swatted my hand away, but I forced myself in and grabbed her under the arms. She let out a little yelp as I gently threw her over my shoulder and began walking toward the hotel entrance.
"Okay, this has gone on long enough. Please put me down, Jack."
The kids were giggling behind us.
"No way, Foxtrot."
"Auntie Lisa, you look like a damsel in distress." Alex's smile was huge.
I pounded on my chest with a free fist. "Me Tarzan. You Jane."
I heard what I thought was a laugh from Lisa as we went through the double doors of the hotel. When I put her down, she swiped at me playfully even though her expression was serious.