“Alright, so we’ve established you’re a badass. Would you let my medic look at you? Just to make sure all of the blood is his?” Jake wasn’t pressuring her, his voice was calm, he was almost done with the honeybun, and his other hand was occupied with the soda can.
“I’m not a badass.” The snap and hiss of the can opening was a deep relief, no damage to the can. It was safe. She drank, and drank, and drank.
“Benny!” He shouted over his shoulder, “Go see if there’s another coke in the SUV!” One of the guys saluted and ran outside and Jake looked at her. “You’re alive, after almost eight days with him. And you killed a guy probably twice your size. I’m going to stick with the badass label for now.”
“Eight days?” Thalia was picking at the marshmallow coating on her snowball, eating it in pieces. How did it feel like so much longer? But at the same time not? She could clearly remember getting ready for the run with Katherine. That seemed like less than eight days ago. She could remember the last Broadway play they had seen. The way James had kissed her in the bathroom the night before they’d gone for the run.
Time was torturous.
“Yes. Almost.” He set the soda aside and leaned on his knees, “Okay, Thalia. I’m going to be honest, you look like an extra in a zombie movie. You are covered in blood, and I don’t think you want to give James the heart attack it will give him if he thinks it’s yours. Am I right?”
She looked down and saw the blood on her arms, felt the itchy texture of it drying on her cheek, her neck, her chest. “I could take a shower. There’s a shower in the office.” She looked up at him, “He’s really dead. Isn’t he?”
“Definitely. You did a good thing, Thalia. He deserved to -”
“Stop.” She cut him off. “I just wanted to make sure. If you think I feel guilty for killing him, I assure you I don’t.” She finished her coke, and popped the rest of the snowball in her mouth. Hoping the sugar rush could carry her until she could find real food. When she stood up, he stood up with her, maintaining her bubble of space.
“Jake!” One of the men called out from a door in the back of the warehouse, “We’ve got a body out here.” Thalia’s heart hammered in her chest. Katherine is fine. Had that been a lie?
The man approached them and Jake watched her carefully as her tension increased, he waved the other man aside so he walked a wide path around her to approach him. Jake looked at him, “Tell me.”
“White guy, been dead at least a few days, hard to tell since he’s been lying in snow. Has she said anything about another -” The man stopped talking, his eyes glued to her and then he muttered a curse as he turned away.
“I’m pretty sure it’s the one who attacked Katherine and me, when we were running. He helped Marcus take me.” She looked at Jake who was obviously restraining his reaction to her words, trying to keep his expression neutral, “Marcus never planned on sharing me.”
“Alright. We’ll take care of the bodies, don’t even think about it.” Jake rubbed his hand through his hair. “Go shower, we’ll grab you some extra gear. It’ll be big on you, but it will be something. Dr. Hawkins should be here soon.”
When her shower was done, she wrung out her hair as much as she could, and tried to towel dry it. Jake tapped on the doorframe and she sighed as he stood outside, “You’ve already seen me naked, just give me the clothes.”
“Jesus Christ.” Jake hissed in a breath and when she turned back around she saw his cheeks flushed in rage, and she flinched. He cursed under his breath and set the clothes on top of the pictures of her before he raised his hands up and stepped back from her, “I’m sorry, I just - I hadn’t seen your back. Will you let my medic look at you, please?”
“They’re just welts, they’ll heal. They did last time.” Thalia grabbed a shirt and pulled it on to cover them, followed by pants that she had to hold up to keep on, thick socks, and boots a few sizes too big. It was just to keep something on her skin, and the hat was the best part anyway because it kept the cold away from her damp hair. She grabbed the jacket and held out her duct taped arm, “He can look at my arm if he wants. Just my arm.”
“I saw the bandage before. What happened?” Jake looked at her with pain in his eyes. He was upset over the welts on her skin, the marks on her body, and she knew it had been the right decision to clean up the blood. James was going to be upset enough at the things she couldn’t wash away when he got here.
“I tried to kill myself.” Thalia brushed past him, and left him coughing on his surprise as she moved to sit back by their picnic. The other guys had grabbed snacks but formed a wide semi-circle when she approached, giving her plenty of room.
It had been another twenty minutes of awkward staring, but at least now she was clothed and not naked or huddled in a blanket. Benny was their medic and he had peeled the duct tape and the gauze away and looked at her arm with clinical indifference. Thalia appreciated it. No gasping, no questions other than to ask what she had used to cut herself. Benny had reopened the wound, muttering about idiots using super glue on jagged edges, and then put in stitches. With the topical anesthetic though, it became one of the few places on her body that didn’t hurt. He’d recommended a tetanus shot, a round of antibiotics, and to have the wound rechecked in a week.
Then he’d left her alone.
They were talking about her in hushed whispers, and it was starting to grate her nerves as she waited for James to arrive so she could leave the damn warehouse. If it wasn’t freezing with snow on the ground, she’d be standing outside. “What the fuck are you all whispering about?” They went silent as six sets of eyes turned towards her. “Will one of you speak up?”
“I’m sorry, ma’am.” One of them, Mike, wiped a hand down his face, “None of us want to upset you, we – fuck, we just didn’t think we’d find you alive. All of us are kind of in shock over it.”
“Let me try and explain… this is what we do. We find people who have been taken, and none of us have ever seen someone in your shape still alive, who also took out the guy who fucking grabbed them? I mean it’s been more than a week!” Another of the guys spoke up, and they all nodded.
“I told you, Thalia, you’re a badass.” Jake shrugged, “Dr. Hawkins kept telling us how brave you were, that you were a fighter, but I’m not sure it sank in with any of us until we saw you.”
She dropped her head into her hands, propping her elbows on her knees. They had no idea what they were talking about. They had no idea what she’d done, what she’d said, while Marcus had her. She had submitted more often than not. Her efforts at fighting him had been pitiful. Her killing him had been luck. Not skill, not strength – luck. An accident of action that could have just as easily ended up with him beating her again. Her body looked the way it did because she had lost every fight against him.
Except for the last one.
They were all staring at her but she didn’t have a response for them. If they wanted to view her as some badass, one in a thousand, survival case – they could go ahead and do that. Maybe it would help them some day in the future to believe it was possible. Jake tilted his head and smiled a bit as he pointed up, “Your boyfriend is here.” A moment later Thalia heard the strange heavy beating sound of the helicopter’s blades.
She stood up, her body shaking as the sound grew louder and louder. James.
Guilt racked her again. She was torn between the impossible urge to have him hold her again, to feel safe in his arms again - and the intense fear that he wouldn’t be able to move past it this time. She glanced at Jake, “So, how bad do I really look?”
“You look a lot better than you did when we first got here, and the worst of it is covered. But you have a pretty bad bruise on that cheek, it’s swollen, and your lip is split. And there’s the bruises on your neck.” He cleared his throat and looked away from her.
“Great. James is going to freak out.” Thalia clenched her fists at her side as her nerves took her over. The urge to cry was back again, because she was
so close to seeing him.
“Thalia, James would have freaked out when he saw you even if you’d looked just fine. Trust me on that. He’s been sick with worry over you, and I have to tell you he can be pretty terrifying when he’s like that.” Jake looked at her seriously and the idea of it made her smile a bit. The sound of the helicopter winding down outside made her stomach turn over. She started to walk towards the door, but froze, not knowing what to do, what to expect. When the door finally opened James was framed in sunlight, but she knew the outline of him by heart, and his hair caught the winter sun like a halo.
“Thalia!” He rushed towards her and she felt her lips form his name, because just looking at him was like waking up from the nightmare she’d been trapped in. But James stopped short of touching her, and she could see the restraint it took for him not to grab onto her. Some part of her appreciated it, and some part of her wished he’d just hold her. “Baby...” There was so much emotion in his voice, his green eyes showing it above the dark circles under them. He moved his arm slowly so she could see what he was doing, and he laid his hand against the side of her face not covered with a bruise. She leaned in to his touch, covering his hand with hers, and the tears came. It was a floodgate she shouldn’t have opened, but it was too late. He stepped forward like he was going to hold her, but she slid to her knees before he could.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...” she breathed harshly through the tears, her head dropping, and she was aware on some level that everyone was watching her.
“Thalia,” James’ voice was directly in front of her and he touched her chin lightly to make her look at him, on his knees in front of her. “You do not need to apologize. For anything.” He dropped his hand from her chin, “Can I - can I please touch you?”
She forced herself to nod, and he pulled her against his chest. His warmth seeped into her and she buried her face against his shoulder, holding him tight and ignoring the ache of his grip across her bruised back. “Can you forgive me?” She whispered it and he stilled.
“There’s nothing to forgive -” He started to speak soothingly to her, but she cut him off, whispering urgently.
“I submitted to him. I fought him too, it was useless, but I did. But I also submitted.” Thalia grabbed his coat tightly, trying to confess so he knew everything. Like he’d known everything the last time. She needed it. She needed him to know all of it. “He drugged me, and I gave myself to him. It was - horrible, and when I woke up I tried to kill myself.”
“Thalia!” He leaned back from her and cupped her face in his hands, his expression a twist of agony that she couldn’t determine the source of. Had she hurt him with her words? Was that pity? Of all times she wanted to be able to read him as well as he could read her, now was the most important. “What did you do, baby?”
A bitter smile crossed her lips when she realized it was the same question Marcus had screamed at her when he’d found her. She moved her arm out of the jacket and tugged the sleeve of the shirt up to reveal Benny’s bandages. James made a pained sound and bent over her arm, pressing kisses to the gauze, then he leaned up and grabbed her face and kissed her gently.
“I am so bloody sorry. I should have never trusted that the police would handle him, I should have had him killed. I should have killed him myself for what he did to you, but I’ll fix that now.” He pressed a kiss to her lips before she could respond, and he turned until he could see Jake. “Where is he?”
The men had moved towards the exit to give them their privacy, and they all looked at each other when James asked the question. Jake stepped forward, “He’s dead, Dr. Hawkins.”
James’ shoulders tensed, his voice cold, “What did I ask -”
“I killed him, James.” Thalia reached for his arm and he spun on her, his expression shifting from surprise to pain and then concern. “It was luck. He’d told me he’d killed Katherine, he wanted to break me, and I tried to hurt him. But I’m so weak, and he had me on the floor again, and he was screaming and I couldn’t breathe – and then the knife was in my hand. And I - I stabbed him.”
“God, Thalia...” James leaned forward and pulled her into his lap, his arms wrapping around her as a groan slipped out of him. “I hate this, I hate all of this. I wish I had been there to protect you, I should have fucking been there, but you are not weak, Thalia. You have never been weak. You have to know that. It was your strength, your fight, that drew me to you in the first place, you remember that?” His words came out hushed against her hair, and her heart ached with them.
“I love you.”
“I love you so much, baby. I can’t - My world fell apart without you. I wasn’t a good person without you in it. If I had lost you, I don’t think I ever would have recovered.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Nothing that has happened changes how I feel about you, do you understand?”
It was impossible. No one could love someone that much, to not be colored or changed by a confession like she’d given him. “How can you? Last time... last time I wasn’t yours, and you saw everything, but I wasn’t yours yet. And - and I can’t even explain everything this time. It’s such a fucking blur, and I need to -” He stopped her speech with a brush of his thumb across her lips.
“I may not have had the video this time, Thalia, but Marcus sent me audio clips to make sure I knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted me to know.” James’ voice was tortured and she whined as she imagined the things he must have heard, must have heard her say. “And I am telling you, I love you. I love you the same. Actually, if it were possible for me to love you more, the idea of being left in a world without you in it made me love you more.”
“Are you sure?” She whispered, and he shifted her in his lap so he could look at her. His sea green eyes blazing with a fierce energy.
“I am. And this time, whatever you need, whatever I can do for you - I will do it. The right way this time. Promise me that you will talk to me, that you will tell me what you’re feeling so I don’t let you suffer out of my own ignorance.” He traced the bruise on her cheek, sympathetic pain flashing across his face, “Promise me honesty, please.”
Tears slid down her cheeks, brushing his hand as she nodded. “Always. I will always be honest with you, it was why I told you everything. We have no secrets, right?”
“None.” James kissed her, and she felt something inside her shift back into place, something that Marcus’ violence had threatened, but not broken completely. Her arms went around his neck and he kissed her harder, a murmur rising up in her throat as he eased the kiss back. “I’m going to take you out of here. Katherine has a private doctor we used for her, will you let him look at you?”
“If you’re there.” She mumbled, and he held her against him gently, his mouth in her hair.
“You’re not going to be more than a yard away from me for a while, baby. I can promise you that.” His words made her smile. “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me about all of it, but Kalen knows, and so I’m sure Ailsa will want to speak with you. Not today, but will you talk to her?”
She nodded. “I’ll talk to you, James. I will. But, yes, I’ll talk to Ailsa too.” She winced as her back twinged, “If Katherine has been with you - does she, I mean... did you tell her?”
“Not everything. She doesn’t need to know everything. I told her you’d had a stalker, and that’s how I knew who took you. She’s been torturing herself over what happened, hasn’t even been able to speak to me. Not that I was very good company.” He sighed and his voice was heavy when he whispered against her hair, “I am so very sorry, baby.”
“I have you. I’m back with you, that’s all that matters. No apologies needed, right?” She looked up at him and there was the ghost of a smile on his lips, but the pain in his eyes wasn’t fading. She knew he’d look at her like that until she’d healed, maybe even after. But it was because he loved her.
“Right. You’re right. Are you ready to leave, baby?”
“Yes, please. I really w
ant to leave this place.” She felt the desperate tide of panic rising in her, but she pushed it back. He helped her stand, and Jake approached them, shaking James’ hand and making assurances that the bodies would disappear. No questions asked.
“Take care of yourself, alright, badass?” He looked at her, not even offering his hand, and the name made her mouth twitch into a smile again.
“Badass?” James asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Your girl is a badass.” Jake reiterated, and James chuckled.
“Yes, she is.” He kissed her hair again, and a hint of his normal mischievous grin played on his lips, “Baby, tell me, have you ever ridden in a helicopter?”
She laughed, and it was the first time that she felt any sense of normalcy since Marcus had taken her again. It was her weird kind of normal. The normal of her boyfriend’s over the top comments and gestures. The impossible perfection of his love for her, and the new realization that all of her nervous fears of meeting his family were ridiculous. Nothing could break them.
Salvaged by Love (Thalia Book 3) (The Thalia Series) Page 24