by Dixon, Ruby
I glance down and it takes me a moment to focus on the female at my side. Gwen.
I sit down, my thoughts filling with memories of her slippery hands gliding up and down my shaft, and the way she leaned in and kissed my cock-head. I want to do that again. "Ksme," I tell her, tangling my hand in her hair and pulling her close. I do not need the smelly one, not when my beautiful mate (with her enticing hands) is at my side.
But Gwen only gives me a quick, smacking kiss and then shows me the silver “pewn” again. I sigh and pick it up, mollified at the happy, approving look she gives me. I manage to grip it, even though it is difficult with claws, and lift a mouthful of sludge to my lips. Hesitant, I flick the tip of my tongue against it, tasting. It is oddly sweet, like rotted meat. I put the pewn down again and push the bowl toward my mate. "Gwen." I indicate the food. She can have it.
"No?" she asks between bites, and rests her hand on my thigh, giving it a light squeeze.
I am not hungry enough to eat that. I can hunt later. I caress her arm and rub her back as she eats, filling my senses with her nearness instead.
* * *
After a time, the nearness of the humans becomes like the buzzing, irritating drone of desert flies and makes me itchy and impatient. I twitch in my seat and study the nearest humans with a scowl on my face. Even from here, their stink is oppressive. Some do not smell bad—my Gwen smells perfect—but their scent is strong. In the heat and in close quarters without a breeze to stir the air, it becomes overpowering. Combined with the endless yapping of voices, and the storms begin to cloud over in my mind once more. I start to growl low in my chest, my protective side rising. If one so much as approaches her…
Gwen gets to her feet and clunks the two bowls together, then grabs me by the hand. "Tmtugo."
I stand slowly, overwhelmed by the sounds and scents. It is rapidly becoming too much. I send out my thoughts, looking for an anchor to mentally latch onto. Gwen's thoughts are hidden from me. The other drakoni male in the hive is a giant void of nothingness, and when I reach out, there is nothing. Always, always nothing. I growl, frustrated and heartsick.
"Vaan," Gwen says, and her hands are on my arms, touching me. She takes me by the hand and leads me forward a step. I follow her, my movements halting as my senses drown with the plague of smells, of endless noise.
"Wthme," she says, voice soothing, and touches my chin to make sure that I look at her. Her brown eyes are warm and soft and welcoming. "Staawthme."
"Gwen." I follow her movements, my focus entirely on her. One foot in front of the other. My skin itches, jumping with the need to shift to battle form, to intimidate the humans clustered around, making noises as they eat, noises as they breathe, noises as they laugh.
So much noise.
"Vaan," Gwen cajoles again, and there's a husky note in her voice that entices my fractured mind. Her smile curves slightly and hints at secret touches in her nest. Perhaps that is where she leads me now. I like that thought.
I pull her body against mine and hold her close. "Gwen."
She takes me out of the room and the scents, the sounds all fall away. In my mind, there is only my mate with her dancing brown eyes and the curve of her full lips. The brush of her thick, curling hair against her shoulders catches my focus, and I watch her intently, waiting for her to show me that if she will not challenge me, she wants my challenge instead.
But when we enter the maze of warrens that make up the human hive, she does not go to her nest. Instead, she returns to the room with the birds that we are not allowed to eat. She sounds distressed as she notices two of them in the cage despite the fact that the door is open and has been open all night. Gwen glances over at me and talks softly, dozens of words spilling from her lips. I know she speaks to herself when she is agitated, and I have learned she does not do it to annoy me, but simply because she needs to talk to her thoughts. So I ignore it, sitting down nearby while she fusses over them and sprinkles seed inside the cage, babbling to herself. I move to the open window, noticing a pool of sunshine, and sit there to enjoy its warmth and breathe in the fresh air.
A mind touches mine.
I sit upright, stiffening with surprise. It has been a long, long time since I have felt any sort of mental connection with any of my people, and that quick brush felt…like coming home. Longing flares through me. I have been lost without other drakoni minds to connect to, and the ones I have touched have been as crazed as my own.
A desperate sort of homesickness washes over me and I get to my feet as if that can somehow bring the mind that brushed against mine back into reach.
"Vaan?"
Gwen's voice is quiet. I want to reassure her that I am fine, but when I try to touch my mind to hers, there is no answer. Of course not. I always forget she has not yet taken my fires. Automatically, I reach out to that other mind that brushed against my own, seeking another of my kind.
Brother, are you there? Sister?
Something touches my mind back. The moment it does, I know I've made a mistake. I recognize this touch, and the evil it contains.
Salorian evil.
33
GWEN
Petey stayed in the damn cage. I pet his small brown head, frustrated at his contented cooing. Doesn't he know I can't afford to keep him here? I'd be better off attaching a note to his leg and sending him off like he's been trained to do…except he was never particularly good at that, either. "What am I going to do with you?" I tell the bird, exasperated. "My dragon thinks you're a snack, and at some point, you might be. He sure didn't like this morning's oatmeal and he's gonna want to eat at some point, you know."
I'm smiling even as I say it. Vaan did great this morning at breakfast. Even though he didn't eat and he stared at the people around him like they were walking, talking piles of garbage, he kept his cool. He didn't go mental on anyone and seemed to be mostly in his right mind as long as he kept a hand on me. Eventually it got to be too much for him, but I'm pleased and proud of how he handled things. Amy made it sound like dragons only responded to sex, but Vaan seems less crazy than most. Sure, he tends to get lost in his own thoughts and I have to remind him who I am, but overall, he's—
A sharp intake of breath distracts me from my thoughts. I look up from Petey over to Vaan. He's gotten to his feet in my makeshift dovecote, his eyes locked on the ceiling.
"You okay?" I ask quietly, because his stiff body language seems odd to me. Even when he's in the throes of madness, there's a strange kind of grace to him. Right now, there's none of that. He's as upright as a poker, his gaze fixed on the ceiling.
"Vaan?" I hastily release Petey into the cage once more and then rush to the dragon-man's side. Something's wrong. I know it is.
His head turns slowly—eerily—and he gazes out the window. For some reason, his eyes aren't their usual black or gold or even a swirl in between. They're an awful, awful sickly gray that I've never seen before.
The sight of those ash-gray eyes sends a chill through me.
"Vaan?" I grab his hand and place it on my cheek. "Hey. Look at me. It's Gwen, remember?"
I might as well not be there. Vaan stares blankly ahead, gazing out the window. He doesn't see me. He doesn't see anything. I'm not even sure he sees the window. His body doesn't move.
And then, a split second later, he's climbing out the window, the makeshift towel-toga I wrapped around his hips this morning entirely forgotten. Fabric tears, the pin holding it to his taut hips bent, and the entire thing catches on the metal shutters, falling to the ground. Naked, he moves out into the courtyard like a zombie.
Terror shoots through me. This isn't him…
If he shifts into dragon form and disappears, I don't know if I'll ever see him again.
34
GWEN
I climb out the window after Vaan, my terrified heart thudding in my chest. Up ahead of me, my big golden dragon-man takes careful step after careful step, moving ahead as if he's one of those wind-up toys and someone's cranked him. The
re's no response to me calling his name, and as he moves through the courtyard of the fort, he tramples plants and steps over paths, heading in a steady direction.
Heading out of the fort.
I fling my arms around his neck and latch on, wrapping my legs around his hips. He can't leave. If he shifts, I have to stay with him. Fear shakes down to the core of me, and as I look over, I see someone run out one of the school doors, gazing at the two of us in surprise. It's Luz, her baby in her arms.
"Help me!" I scream, clutching at his shoulders tighter. "Help me stop him! He can't fly away!"
She turns around and goes inside, and I want to yell in frustration, but she's got a baby to think of. I shift my grip on Vaan's neck, holding on as best I can.
"Please don't go, Vaan. Stay with me," I whisper, pressing my forehead against the back of his skull.
"Gwen?"
I turn my head just in time to see Andrea racing out of the school, her shotgun in hand. Luz hovers near the door and then disappears inside. Thank you, Luz, I mentally rejoice. Not a coward, just cautious. Liam's on Andrea's heels, but he pulls her back before she can get close.
"Help me," I call again. "Something's wrong with him."
"Salorians," Liam says, and steps in front of Andrea to protect her, tucking her behind him. "Look at his eyes. He's beyond helping, Gwen."
"No!" Panicked, I drop to the ground because Vaan's not stopping. He's heading for the gate, where a confused Gemma's guarding it. I move in front of my dragon-man and press my hands to his chest. "Stop! Vaan! I'm right here. Remember me? Gwen?"
"He can't hear you," Liam calls out. "That's not him anymore. Back away, Gwen."
I won't. I refuse. This is my Vaan. I know he has to be in there. "Please, please talk to me," I beg him, walking backward in front of him because he keeps moving ahead. "Vaan!"
He pauses. His awful gray eyes blink once, slowly. "Fort Dallas," he whispers in a voice so low that I don't believe my ears for a moment. Goosebumps prickle over my skin.
And then he starts walking again.
"No!" I won't give up on him. I won't. There has to be a way to bring him back to me. Haven't I always settled him before? Brought his thoughts back when he was drifting? "It's me, Gwen," I tell him, over and over again. "Gwen. Gwen. Your Gwen, remember?"
"Gwen, please," Andrea calls. "Come back! Just let him go!"
I can't. The panic overwhelms me, and I do the only thing I can possibly think of—I fling myself against the front of his chest, wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss him.
He immediately goes still.
Encouraged, I put everything I am into the kiss. I nibble at his lower lip, flick at his mouth with my tongue, and when his lips part, I take that as a sign I should continue, and then I'm making love to his mouth with all the passion and intensity I can pour into the kiss. Over and over, I kiss him, slicking my tongue into his mouth and hoping for a response of some kind. "Please," I whisper between kisses. "Vaan, please."
His mouth moves, ever so slightly. Then, it's like his entire body unfreezes. His hands go to my head, cupping me against him as he leans in and thrusts deep into my mouth with his tongue, taking the kiss to the next level.
With a happy little moan, I cling to him, participating in the kiss while letting him lead. I tease at his tongue, my hands caressing his chest, and we kiss for so long and so hard that I see stars at the edges of my vision.
Eventually I break the kiss, because I have to or go unconscious. I look up at him, gasping, and see that his eyes have flooded back to a beautiful, intense gold. "Gwen," he murmurs, touching my cheeks.
I choke back a sob, hugging him close. "Vaan. It's you."
"Move away from him, Gwen," Liam calls out, still protecting Andrea.
"It's okay." I touch Vaan's cheek and study his eyes once more just to be sure that I'm seeing him correctly. "He's himself again."
Vaan rumbles low in his chest, wiping away the tears that spill down my cheeks. He strokes my hair, a concerned look on his face. I just smile and press a kiss to his palm. I don't even care that he's naked and we're making out in the courtyard in front of everyone. I nearly lost him just now. I don't know what it was, but I know in my gut that if he flew away I'd never see him again.
"You're sure?" Liam asks, and this time his voice is much closer. I glance over and he and Andrea have approached, my friend still holding her shotgun at the ready. They both look worried, but when Liam sees Vaan's eyes, he relaxes. "That was a close call."
"What happened?" I ask, because I still don't understand it. "It's like he wasn't there."
"Salorians," Liam says grimly.
"I don't know what that is."
"Our old masters. A drakoni that has been captured by their mind-web in the past is vulnerable to being taken over once more. One of them must have called to him and tried to get him to leave here." Liam shakes his head, troubled. "I had hoped they were all dead in the chaos. I should have known at least one would survive."
"What does he want?" I slide my arms around Vaan's waist, holding him tight against me. I don't want to let him go, ever.
"What does any power-mad sort want? He wants control. Maybe he needs more slaves and is calling who he can to him. It's just another reason why I've cut off that part of my life entirely." Liam crosses his arms over his chest and kicks a rock with one boot, but it's evident he's not nearly as relaxed as he's pretending. "For as long as there have been drakoni clans in the desert back home, there have been Salorians who thought it was their right to come and take them as slaves." He studies me for a moment. "It's encouraging to see you were able to bring him back, though. That's new."
"Is it because they mated?" Andrea asks, and her cheeks are bright red.
"I don't smell his scent in her, but the bond must still be strong." He looks concerned. "It might not be strong enough, though. Who knows what will happen next time?"
"There can't be a next time," I tell them, panicked. "Can there?"
"Who can say?"
"Amy never said Rast had issues," Andi adds, puzzled. She puts her shotgun on her shoulder and her hand on her hip. "I don't get it."
"Rast has Amy to anchor him," Liam says. "She can bring him back from the brink if he gets attacked."
"Isn't that why you went with him, Gwen? To bond with Vaan? That's why you said you'd leave—so you can save all of us in the fort." Andrea gives me a piercing look.
Her words shame me, and I hold tighter to Vaan. I thought hitching his wagon to mine would be a complete and utter death sentence for him, and it turns out that it's what I should have done all along. Yet again, I've made stupid choices. "I had my reasons," I say in a small voice. "It's not that easy."
"It is exactly that easy," Andrea exclaims. Her eyes are wide and she gives me an incredulous little shake of her head. "I thought that was the goal the whole time."
"Well, of course it is. But it's complicated."
"Only if you make it complicated. It's clear to me that you love him and he loves you." She seems exasperated. "I don't get why you wouldn't want to be his at every single level."
Liam looks over at her for a long, long moment and I can practically sense the longing in him. It sounds like Andi's speaking from experience, but I don't think she's exactly bonded with Liam if he's got his brain shut down. It doesn't make sense to me. Right now, they're not my concern, though. "There are a lot of factors," I tell Andrea, but it sounds as lame in the air as it does in my head. There are a lot of factors, but most of them are my fears.
How can I tie Vaan's life to mine? How can anyone trust me after what happened to my own sister?
Vaan can do better than me. There are prettier, stronger women. But as he holds me close and buries his face in my hair, my heart hurts. I don't want him to find someone prettier, or stronger. He wants me. I want him. What am I waiting for?
"So, I'm no prude, but maybe we should go inside? Your man's dingle is dangling, and the kids are staring." Andi tugs on her braid,
a nervous gesture. She looks acutely uncomfortable and pretends to check her shotgun. "Maybe we take this party inside?"
Liam seems amused by her reaction. "Humans. So flustered at the sight of a naked body. Why would a shapeshifter wear clothing? It's not reasonable." But he slides something into a holster in his belt, and I realize it's a gun. Was that for me or for Vaan? Either way, it sends a chill down my spine. Guns don't work on dragons…but maybe the rules are different for a dragon in human form.
Andrea's right, though. I look around and everyone in the fort is peering out windows or standing in a doorway, staring at us. They don't know what to make of Vaan and this isn't helping. "You're right," I say softly. "Let's go inside."
The moment we enter through the school doors, my sister Daniela comes running, her eyes shining with tears. She doesn't even look at Vaan, just races to my side and flings her arms around my neck. "Mara said you were leaving with him again." A sob catches in her throat. "Don't go, Gwen. Please!"
I'm shocked. For days, Daniela's been spitting anger and hatred at me. I know she blames me for her kidnapping and the hideous scars on her face. I know bad things happened to her while she was with the nomads. I know she's wounded and hurting and I've been with Vaan. The guilt I feel nearly overwhelms me and fresh tears flow down my face. "I'm not going anywhere, Dee. I promise."
Vaan growls and moves to my side, his hands going to my waist. I can feel the possessiveness rolling off of him in sheets, and I worry that he's going to go gray-eyed again and disappear on me. I don't want that, and I reach out for him with my hand, only for Daniela to cry harder and hold on tighter.
I don't know what to do. It's like I'm being torn between both the people I love. My sister needs me—but Vaan's so vulnerable right now. I don't know how to choose, and for a brief moment, I feel like screaming.
"Hey, Dee," says a familiar voice. "Your sister's not leaving. I was wrong. But her boyfriend's kind of messed up at the moment and he needs her. Why don't we all go sit down somewhere quiet and talk things out, okay?" Mara puts a comforting arm around Daniela's shoulders. "Sound good?"