by ADAMS, J.
It was obvious from the way Debra looked at Hayden that there had been something between them. At least it seemed that way. And what about Hayden's reaction to seeing her? He hadn't even thought to introduce us. Caroline finally had to do it. It was almost as if I wasn't there, like I had suddenly turned invisible or something.
I heaved a frustrated sigh. I knew I had no right to be upset with Hayden. No reason at all. He had been a good friend to me and he was free to spend time with whoever he wanted to. There was nothing between us, and though I had feelings for him, I doubted that he felt anything other than friendship for me. That thought, most of all hurt deeply.
I sighed again. He was an incredible man, too beautiful and too perfect for words. And I knew I would never be more to him than I already was. I would just have to be all right with that. Maybe this was to be my lot in life. Maybe all I would ever be to any man worth having was a friend. If that was all I could ever be to Hayden, then I would have to deal with it. This is what I told myself, but it did nothing to quell the ache I carried inside.
I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn't even hear Hayden approach.
“You keep forking that straw in there like that, there ain't gonna be room for the horse.” He smiled and popped a strawberry into his mouth. I figured he must have taken it from the container we bought for Caroline. His shirt was now unbuttoned and hanging open, exposing the hard muscles of his tanned chest and torso.
I looked at the stall and paused in my work, chagrined as I realized I had practically pitched two whole bales of straw into the one stall. I chuckled. “I'll bet Tom will never let me do this again.” I felt myself sober a bit, but I quickly smiled again and turned away, not wanting him to see the pain in my eyes. Nor did I want him to see how just being near him now affected me. I was beginning to think about things I hadn't fully allowed myself to. Things like how it would feel to have his massive arms around me, the smell and feel of his skin, and the sensation and taste of his kiss. I had never had these kinds of thoughts before, not even about Jerome. And I had married him!
Shake it off, girl! I shook my head slightly, attempting dislodge the painful thoughts and began removing some of the straw from the stall.
“No, leave it,” he said playfully, taking the pitchfork from my hands. “At least the horse will be comfy.”
I smiled. “Stop making fun of me,” I said, shoving him.
He suddenly got that mischievous look in his eyes I knew so well. “Shove me again, woman and you'll be wearing that straw.”
“Are you threatening me?” I asked, shoving him again.
“All right now. You're asking for it.”
Just as I was about to shove him a third time, his large hands shot out and grabbed my waist. I laughed and struggled to get away, but it was a futile attempt. He pick me up and slung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and entered the stall.
“Hayden McKade, don't you dare!” I yelled.
“Why not? Don't you wanna try out this straw? It's nice and fresh.”
“No, I don't. Put me down or so help me I'll . . .” I didn't get a chance to say more because the next thing I knew, he knelt and dropped me in the straw.
“I can't believe you!” I said with a laugh.
“Well, you told me to put you down,” he said, smiling down at me. “So I did.”
“You know I'll get you back for this,” I said, gripping the front of his shirt in my hands.
“I know,” he said, his voice surprisingly raspy. He quickly sobered, his expression changing as he looked into my eyes.
As I lay there looking up at him, my heart began to beat wildly, almost hammering through my chest. Something was happening. I could feel it. We continued to wordlessly stare at one another when his gaze moved to my mouth. My breathing became shallow as he placed his hands on either side of me in the straw. He slowly lowered himself against me and teased the corner of my mouth with a light kiss. I released a breathy sigh and my lips parted slightly. When that happened his whole mouth descended upon mine in an instantly heated exchange.
A soft moan escaped me, coming from deep inside as his moist mouth claimed mine, his lips caressing mine, plying them with burning affection. He pulled me tighter against him, so tight that I could feel his heart beating madly. His mouth tasted sweet, like the strawberry he'd eaten. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed a hand into his thick hair. His beard was prickly against my skin as he continued to administer his driven kisses, but I loved it. I loved him. Deep down I think I had loved him from day one.
After another moment, his kiss softened. He made a pleasurable noise as his lips lightly toyed with mine. Then he buried his hand in my hair, gently tugged my head back slightly, and pressed a warm lingering kiss in the hollow of my neck, making me shudder.
“You smell so good,” he whispered. He pulled back slightly. “And you taste just like I thought you would.”
“And how is that?” I whispered back.
“Like warm honey,” he growled against my mouth. He finally rolled on to his back and pulled me against him. I rested my head against his chest. He took my hand and pressed it against his lips, and the feel of his mouth again sent shivers of pleasure through me.
“You don't know how long I've wanted to be with you like this,” he said, breaking the silence. His voice was even raspier and his breath was hot on my skin.
“How long?” I breathed, not able to believe I was with him this way, and that he was saying these things to me.
Instead of answering, he released my hand and lifted my chin, urging me to look at him. After a moment, he said, “There's nothing going on with me and Debra.” When I said nothing, he went on. “She's a fun girl and we used to have a lot of laughs, but that's all there was to it. She's nothing more than a friend. I made that clear to her today, so I doubt she'll be coming back this way for a while.”
I raised up and leaned into him, pressing my hand over his beard, pausing to run a finger across his lips. “Then what am I?” I asked, feeling tingly all over.
He tightened his arms around me and looked into my eyes. “You're the woman who has had my heart twisting in the wind from the moment I met you.” He smiled, caressing my back with his long fingers. “When we went to Dale's that day and you managed to charm him, a crusty old farmer, that was it for me. If I knew nothing else that day, I knew I wanted you to be mine.”
I smiled widely, not able to believe he'd really felt that way. “But why haven't you said anything before now?”
He pushed a hand back through his chestnut locks and sighed, staring up at the stable roof for a moment. “I don't know. Truthfully, I think I was scared. I was scared of scaring you. I mean, it had only been six months or so since your marriage ended and I figured you'd want to stay as far away from another relationship as possible. Besides,” he added with a smile, “I'm just a sweaty old cowboy.”
I sighed, raising up. He pulled me on top of him and I looked down into his eyes, smiling. “Sweaty is good. It means you're a hard worker. You're not soft. And you're right, I didn't want to get involved with anyone. I wasn't ready. But to be honest, my marriage was over long before the divorce. When I married Jerome, I wasn't in love. It was a purely shallow decision. He was successful, a very desired bachelor and he gave me attention. I eventually grew to care for him very much, but it was never truly like it should have been. Mama had raised me to be an old fashioned girl. She told me I needed to save myself for the person I intended to marry. Sadly, I didn't take her advice. I let my head be turned and my morals be altered.” I paused, looking into his eyes intently. “I have enough respect for myself now that I won't let that happen again.”
He moved his hand from my back and buried it in my hair once more, crushing the curls in his fingers. “I'm glad.” He smiled, causing me to melt inside like butter in a hot skillet. Then his expression turned serious. “If I just wanted someone to warm my bed, I could get that from Debra with no problem. I mean, I'm not completely inno
cent where women are concerned, but I ain't a rambler either.”
Try as I might, I couldn't stop myself from asking, “Have you . . . have you ever been with her in that way? I mean, I know you said there was never anything serious between you two, but . . . sometimes that doesn't matter.”
When he didn't answer, I averted my eyes and started to pull back a little, wishing I had never asked him. That was his business. Just as I was about to tell him that, he touched a finger to my lips and held me against him.
“Look at me, baby,” he finally said, and I bravely raised my eyes to his. “I didn't say there was never anything serious between us. I said there was never anything between us, period. That's not what I wanted.”
I smiled then. “So, what do you want?”
He tightened his arm around my waist possessively. “I want you, darlin'. In the worst way.”
“I'm glad, because I want you too.” I sighed softly and rested my head against his solid chest, feeling heat radiating from his skin.
“I always wanted you for mine, Raine. And I gotta tell you, it pretty near drove me insane to see Chris gawking at you the way he was. I figured I had best nip that in the bud real quick.”
I raised up and grinned. “I wondered why he stopped asking me to help him. I guess you were making your claim even then, huh?”
“Dang straight I was. And when I came in the stable that last time and he had his arms on either side of you supposedly showing you how to bridle a horse, I darn near flew apart.” When I chuckled, he said, “You laugh all you want, sugar, but I was pretty near ready to rope that boy up by his boots.”
I tried to stifle a laugh, but I couldn't. As soon as the mental picture of poor Chris hanging upside down by his boots with Hayden holding the end of the rope entered my mind, I lay back in the straw and roared with laughter. Hayden started laughing as well.
I finally got a hold of myself and wiped my eyes. I turned to him and pressed a hand to his face, caressing his beard. “You never had anything to worry about. Though I wasn't willing to admit it to myself, I was yours even then. There's not another man in this world like you, Hayden McKade.”
“And there ain't another woman like you.”
I smiled, still not able to believe this was happening, that he actually felt more for me than friendship. To be with him this way was amazing, and more wonderful than I ever dreamed. I pressed my face against his chest. “Well, at least I know there's nothing wrong with me now.”
“Now why would you think there was something wrong with you?”
For the first time since the divorce, I opened my mind and seriously pondered that question, and I was amazed to have the answer come so quickly. “I guess after giving and giving in my marriage just so Jerome could keep cheating, I started doubting myself. I started to feel like I wasn't good enough. I thought once the divorce was final I would be over it, but every now and then the feeling comes back.”
He released a sigh and I heard the slight sadness in his next words. “And I guess my not letting you know how I felt about you didn't help matters.” When I said nothing, he gently took my chin in his hand, urging me to look at him. “Let me tell you something, Raine. There ain't a thing wrong with you. It sounds like that mule's hind end you married had the problem. He didn't know what he had when he had you. And if he really loved you, he wouldn't have been chasing behind some other skirt.” He caressed my face. “I promise I will never hurt you, Raine. You're a beautiful and incredible woman, and you're more than enough woman for me.”
I grinned and raised up to kiss him again. He rolled and turned me onto my back. Then his mouth descended upon mine with a heat that I felt all over. I literally saw stars and I felt a tidal wave of emotion washing over my entire being. His kisses were completely rapturous. They left me breathless and completely filled at the same time.
“I can't get enough of you, baby,” he whispered against my mouth. “Which is why,” he added, suddenly sitting up and pulling me up with him, “we had better get out of here before we get into some serious trouble.” He grinned and began picking straw from my hair. I was sure it would be an all day job. “After all,” he continued, “a man can only be so strong, and when it comes to you, I can see now that my defenses are shot all to hell. I have no resistance whatsoever.”
I smiled warmly, taking the front of his shirt in my hands. “I feel the same about you.”
He sat staring at me for a moment and pressed a gentle hand to my cheek, brushing a thumb across my lips. I silently met his adamant gaze with my own and wondered what he was thinking. He quickly pulled me to him for one more hot, enrapturing kiss that I wanted to go on and on. Growling softly, he abruptly parted his lips from mine and stood.
“We have got to get out of here,” he said with a grin. I grinned back and leaned forward, not able to resist kissing him once more. He helped me up, and we left the stable and headed up to the house.
As we entered the kitchen, Caroline looked up and grinned in surprise. I knew we both must have looked a sight. I was about to explain when she said, “My, my. It looks like you two had a nice roll in the hay.”
My mouth immediately dropped open and she laughed out loud. Hayden chuckled and came to my defense.
“You're a bad girl,” he said to his smiling sister-in-law as he wrapped his arms around me and pressed me back against him. “Now you know Raine here ain't that kind of girl.”
“Glad to hear it,” she said, winking at me, her eyes twinkling with pleasure.
“Well,” Hayden said as he released me, “I guess I had better get out there and get some work done.” He looked down at me. “You wanna walk me back down?”
“Sure,” I said, smiling up into his handsome face.
“She'll be back later.” He took my hand in his.
We both chuckled when we heard Caroline's laughed filled voice call after us, “You two just make sure and stay away from the horse stable!”
Oh, the joy of new love!
Nine
During the next couple of weeks, Hayden and I stayed pretty busy around the ranch during the day. With summer officially here and new calves and colts to keep up with, there was always something to do. Even still, one of us usually managed to get away from our work for a few minutes to see the other. Occasionally, we even managed to sneak away for a few moments to be alone. Now that we were officially together, we couldn't seem to stay away from each other. And we were frequently kidded by Tom and the other hands. They jokingly accused us of slacking on the job.
Once when I was out walking, Hayden emerged from the barn and quickly pulled me in and shut the door. He pinned me against the wall, and for five minutes we practically devoured each other. There was so much heat generated between us, I'm surprised the barn didn't go up in flames. When we finally came back out, Ted was standing by the door waiting with a big grin on his face. He said he didn't want to interrupt, so he waited. Normally, I would have been completely embarrassed, but as I looked up into Hayden's eyes and saw the emotion burning in them as he gazed at me, I wasn't embarrassed a bit.
I lived for breakfast, lunch, and dinner time, but not because of hunger. I usually sat staring at Hayden more than I ate, which he finally commented on one day by saying, “I told you darlin', if you're not careful, you're gonna disappear.” I laughed and forced myself to finish my meal. But I did tell him it was definitely his fault that I didn't feel like eating. He quickly kissed me and told me he was sorry.
Never in my life had I ever felt so emotionally connected to someone. I couldn't even be near Hayden without touching him, without having him touch me. He was on my mind almost every minute of the day. I missed him when he worked and he told me he ached to be with me as well. So, I went from one moment to the next, anticipating the time when I would finally get to be with him again.
And so went our days. But our evenings were spent in each other's arms. I loved evenings.
On one particular day, Hayden had been out all day on another part o
f the property repairing some fence lines. When he made his rounds to check the animals that morning, he found that a couple of cows had gotten out. After bringing them in, stitching up a few cuts, and administering antibiotic shots, he went back out. So I didn't get to see him at breakfast. He hadn't even come back for lunch, and I missed him terribly.
When he finally came through the door for dinner, I was so happy to see him, I immediately ran to him and jumped into his arms. He lifted me up off the floor, holding me against him. He was dirty and sweaty, but I didn't care. I was with him again and nothing else mattered.
He pulled back a little and pressed a salty kiss to my lips. “Missed me, huh?” he said, a tired grin on his face.
“Missed you is an understatement,” Caroline said as she set another plate on the table.
“Well, I was having some Raine withdrawals myself,” he said, kissing me again.
Caroline grinned. “Oh, I think we are way passed withdrawals here.”
“Poor thing didn't know what to do with herself,” David added with a wide smile.
“All right, you two. I haven't been that bad,” I shot back with feigned annoyance.
“Whatever you say, darlin',” David said, trying to keep a straight face.
Hayden chuckled. “Well, if you two don't mind,” he drawled, grinning down at me, “I think I'll take my dinner back to the house. I'm starving.” He glanced at the table and added, “Oh, and I'll take some food, too.”
David hooted out loud and I softly punched Hayden. He just laughed and kissed me.
“Did you get the fence fixed?” Dave asked Hayden as I moved to the table and dished up a couple of plates of food for us.
“For the most part. It'll hold for the time being.”
Caroline took a wooden tray from the bottom cupboard and I placed the plastic covered plates on it, along with a couple of pieces of pie.