‘That’s what Harry said too. He said you had more sense than to take up with a rascal like that.’
‘I don’t know why he hasn’t seen that you are just as much of a rascal, leaving broken-hearted girls behind you in swathes.’
‘Not intentionally,’ he said mildly, ‘and that’s a slight exaggeration.’
‘Anji?’
‘You’ll have to believe me when I say that that affair was on its last legs by the first time I met you, I was just trying to let her down lightly. Then she told all those lies about you and Rob, and had me convinced for a while that you weren’t the girl I took you for—especially when I could see you were on such friendly terms with him.’
‘They’re just friendly terms,’ I said coldly, though now I came to think about it, I hadn’t seen him for ages and ages. ‘And strange as this may seem to you, I don’t care what you believe, Noah Sephton!’
‘Don’t you? But to get back to Ben, don’t you think, if he now knows I’m using the studio and around the place a lot, he might be wondering if he was right first time? Perhaps he was looking in the cottage for signs I was living with you?’
‘That’s ridiculous! And anyway, even if he still had a right to be jealous, which he doesn’t, there wasn’t any evidence for him to find,’ I said.
He seemed to be back to his usual self, because he gave a wicked grin and said obligingly, ‘I don’t mind providing some!’
Being used to his teasing by now, which probably came automatically, I ignored that one. Instead, since I hadn’t been in there for a while, I wandered about looking at the prints that were hanging up, or laid on every surface.
There seemed to be an awful lot of me, not only in the background at the receptions, but caught at various unguarded moments, in that annoying way he had of practically shooting from the hip when I least expected it. There were some of me working in the garden that I had no idea he had taken at all…
‘You seem to have become my muse,’ he said casually, watching me.
‘But I look so serious in all the pictures!’
‘Yes, that’s why you make such a perfect foil for all that hopeful joy,’ he agreed blandly.
Despite my little ups and downs with him, it was lovely that Noah and Harry got on so well. Once Noah showed that he could chop wood and dig a trench with the best of them, Harry thawed rapidly. But I kept warning Harry that Noah was only here temporarily, and not to get too used to having him around, though he didn’t seem quite to have grasped that fact yet.
But I hadn’t realised just how matey they had become until one morning in late April when I’d been out to collect the latest co-op order, keeping a sharp eye out at Mark and Stella’s for the van, in case Ben was there. When I got home I could see the studio door was open, so I knew Noah was about, and I could hear Harry’s voice talking to someone on the other side of the fence.
I was just about to call out when his next words stopped me in my tracks.
‘That first summer she lived here with her granny, after her parents were killed in the car crash, she followed us around the garden like a little dog. She was angry—at fate, with her granny, with me—but she came to like helping out and baking and that. And then, on her first day at the local school she met Libby, who might come from the wrong side of the track, as they say, though no one takes much notice of that these days, but was like a breath of fresh air and full of ideas!’
‘She’s that, all right,’ Noah’s voice agreed, but slightly muffled. I thought he might be in the henhouse.
‘She had Josie doing all kinds of things. She’d decide she needed to learn to ride a horse, say, and persuade Josie to go and help out at the stables on Saturdays in exchange for lessons. And then tennis—she got them invited to the vicarage tennis parties…Yes, it was always something new with Libby.’
‘And when did Josie meet Ben?’
‘Oh, same day as Libby, at school. He’s a year older, but he was a tall lad even then. They were nigh on inseparable after that, until this last year or two, despite his mother and father trying to put a spoke in the wheel.’
‘Did they? What on earth for?’
‘They thought their son was too good for her, what with her granny being a cleaner and all. But Nell Richards trained as a nurse with Josie’s mum, and they were friends before Nell married this doctor and got all these uppity ideas. But that was after he’d made a play for Josie’s mum and been turned down. Nell got him on the rebound, and it filled her full of spite.’
‘But she could hardly blame Josie for that!’
‘You’d think not, but there was no logic to the woman. And if the Richardses thought Josie was beneath them, you can imagine what they thought of her best friend, Libby…and Ben never seemed too keen on Libby either, that I could see, though she’s a grand lass and it’s not her fault what sort of upbringing she’s had.’
‘No, it certainly isn’t,’ Noah agreed. ‘You know, I still can’t imagine why Ben’s parents wouldn’t have welcomed Josie as a daughter-in-law with open arms.’
‘Nor me, but they never managed to part Ben and Josie.’
‘But you said they weren’t quite so inseparable the last year or two?’
‘No…it was after Ben won that big art prize—Turner, was it?—the rot started to set in, I reckon. He suddenly got to like the bright lights and the things money can buy. But then, he’d always been a bit like that.’
‘It’s strange they never married. Josie seems, from what Libby keeps telling me, to be a very marrying kind of girl.’
What the hell was a ‘marrying kind of girl’? And was it good or bad, I wondered.
‘They were as good as married,’ Harry continued, generously spilling my store of secrets, ‘but “as good as” wasn’t really enough for Josie’s granny, though she came to accept it in the end. Josie would have had him like a shot, I reckon, if he’d asked her, but it was him who seemed to be against the very idea and if she questioned that, she was questioning how much he loved her.’
‘Hmm…’ Noah said thoughtfully.
‘Then it turned out he’d been stringing her along all this time. His parents had threatened to cut his allowance off if he married her. That was the only reason for his stubbornness.’
I heard Harry heave a deep, heart-felt sigh. ‘She loved and trusted him all these years and look where it got her. She’s that soft-hearted too, for all she tries to pretend she isn’t—and I won’t stand by and see her hurt again,’ he said, a note of warning in his voice.
Oh God! I hoped Harry, too, wasn’t starting to think Noah had any serious intentions towards me…or even any intentions at all!
‘Rob Rafferty—’ began Noah.
‘Forget him, lad! She told me herself that though she likes him, he’d never be more than a friend, and she’s nothing if not truthful.’
‘Blunt, even,’ Noah agreed. ‘Yes, that’s what I thought, really.’ The henhouse door slammed. ‘That’s that done, anyway.’
‘Thanks, Noah. It’ll save Josie a job and she hates cleaning out the hens. She’ll be back soon, I shouldn’t wonder.’
I dodged back indoors quickly and a couple of minutes later made a noisier exit, calling: ‘Harry? Kettle’s on!’ and then acting all surprised when Noah appeared too.
What I’d overheard had given me a lot to think about, though. I’d no idea that Harry knew so much about me! But then, Granny had probably discussed me with him, and he could see for himself how things were.
At least he’d put Noah well and truly straight about Rob, though I knew that shouldn’t really matter to me. It was just a pity he didn’t think to grill him about his love life, that was all!
In late April Mary called to tell me that Olivia had been rushed into hospital and had her baby, though I don’t know why she thought I would want to know.
‘It was due two weeks after mine, but it arrived before she could have the elective Caesarean she’d booked,’ she said, almost indignant that Olivia had pipped he
r to the post. ‘She rang me from the hospital—some swish private one. No National Health for her!’
‘I would have thought Ben would be in charge of telling everyone about the baby.’
‘Yes, but that’s just the thing—Ben’s been spending more and more time away from her. Once they were married she got so possessive, it was as if she’d bought him. She wanted him to stay around all the time, to know what he was doing and where he was. He couldn’t take it. He said some very cruel things to her as well, about looking ugly and unattractive when she was hugely pregnant.’
‘That was pretty blunt,’ I agreed. ‘But he’s very self-centred and goes his own way. So he wasn’t there when she suddenly went into labour?’
‘No, so she thought he might be with us, only he wasn’t. He’s renting a room—or I suppose that should be a cabin—on a houseboat, and Russell went and checked that out first. He told us not to tell Olivia about it, so we haven’t, because he’s one of our oldest friends. But then, so are you. I think our loyalties have been a bit muddled…’
‘Never mind,’ I said. ‘So was he there?’
‘No, but then Russell thought he might be with those friends of yours up in Neatslake—what are they called? Old hippie couple?’
‘Stella and Mark. I know he does stay with them sometimes.’
‘Yes, and that’s where he was. He’s renting a room and studio space in one of the outbuildings from them, so he can divide his time between Neatslake and London, like he used to.’
‘I was sure I’d seen him about more lately, but I thought I was imagining it. And there was that day when I thought someone…But never mind that,’ I added.
‘Olivia keeps asking me if he’s seeing you. Things seem to have turned on their head, don’t they?’
‘Yes, I suppose they have. It’s a sort of role reversal that his wife is now worrying about me. But she needn’t; I wouldn’t take him back now if he came gift-wrapped in five-pound notes. Especially if he came gift-wrapped in five-pound notes. So he does know about the baby now?’ I added, ‘And you didn’t say whether it’s a boy or a girl—or whether it’s all right.’
It wasn’t the poor little infant’s fault that it had been born, after all, and it had been two or three weeks early.
‘It’s a boy and it was quite big. Olivia really let herself go and ate for quads. She’s going to regret it when she tries to get her figure back. Ben’s parents rushed to the hospital and they’re hopping mad with Ben, though I don’t suppose that’s much consolation to Olivia.’
‘I expect he’s in the middle of painting something,’ I suggested. ‘He’ll intend to go down, but just won’t get round to it until he’s good and ready.’
‘He might be, but he’s not painting much lately and it’s not very good when he does—his last exhibition sold hardly any —so I shouldn’t think it’s that. I don’t know how you ever put up with him!’
‘Neither do I, looking back, but when you love someone and you’ve been together for years, you don’t really think about it, do you? You’ve just sort of grown used to each other’s little ways. His work might have gone off latterly, but he’s a genius artist really, so I didn’t mind looking after him—and we did share a love of good, home-grown food and a simple lifestyle, until he started to veer off the rails.’
‘You looked after all of us when we were students at the RCA,’ Mary said. ‘I don’t think I appreciated that enough at the time.’ She sighed. ‘If I don’t start contractions naturally by Monday I’ve got to go in and be induced. I’m the one who should have given birth by now!’
‘Can’t you jump up and down, or eat curry or something?’
‘That kind of thing doesn’t really work,’ she said gloomily. ‘It has been nice talking to you again, Josie. You are very forgiving, considering I was such a disloyal cow—and then I even accused you of having something going with Russell!’
‘Don’t worry, at least you know the truth now and we can be friends again. I only have time for my mad, passionate affairs with Noah Sephton and Rob Rafferty. I simply can’t fit in any more celebrity lovers, even though they are lining up at the door.’
‘Oh, don’t!’ Mary begged me with a hysterical giggle—and then suddenly yelped. ‘Oh!’
‘What?’ I asked anxiously.
‘My back’s been aching all day and…Josie, I think my waters have broken! Oh, thank you, thank you!’ she exclaimed and rang off, though not before I heard her yell, ‘Russell! Get your ass down here!’ at the top of her lungs.
I put the phone down gently. I’d been all right while I was talking to Mary, but now the reality of Olivia having Ben’s baby really hit me—the unfairness of it all—and I suddenly sank down onto the sofa and sobbed my heart out.
I didn’t know that Noah had come in through the French doors until he sat down next to me and put a comforting arm around my shoulders.
I turned to him and had my cry-out in his arms, then eventually sat up and gave him a watery smile. ‘Sorry It’s just that Olivia has had her baby and…I don’t know why I’m so upset, because I’m over it all, really. It’s just—feeling the baby should have been mine and knowing I’ll never have that experience.’
‘That’s perfectly understandable, Josie,’ he said gravely, handing me a large, soft white handkerchief.
‘Thanks for being so kind, Noah. I know,’ I added brightly, mopping my damp face. ‘Let’s have a glass of something!’
‘As long as it isn’t peapod,’ he agreed cautiously, but accepted a glass of Violet’s special rhubarb, before settling back onto the sofa next to me, with his long legs elegantly crossed.
I found he had turned his head and was surveying me in a puzzled sort of way.
‘You know, what baffles me is why you’re so devastated at not being able to have children yourself, yet I’ve several times heard you trying to persuade Libby not to rush into pregnancy, as though you’re trying to put her off. It seems so unlike you to be selfish about it, so it’s not that…so why?’
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I protested. ‘Of course I would love Libby to have a baby—it’s just that she’s so busy right now that it doesn’t seem sensible until the business takes off.’
‘Perhaps that’s so,’ he agreed, ‘but I still think you’re evading the issue. What is it really, Josie?’ he asked softly, and I found the tears rushing to my eyes again. I longed to tell him the truth, but how could I? Sharing the secret would only burden him with the knowledge too.
‘Don’t start crying again,’ he said, putting his arms around me.
‘I’m not!’ I said, trying to blink back the tears.
‘Then it’s raining in here,’ he said, and kissed me lightly on the lips—and I kissed him right back, though far from lightly.
The feel of his warm mouth on mine and his strong arms tightening around me was terribly familiar and comforting, somehow…
It was just starting to look as though our friendship might be about to suffer a sea change, when he pushed me away and sprang to his feet.
‘This is so not a good idea, is it?’ he said, looking a bit pale. ‘I must remember to refuse your wine in future, or I’ll be taking advantage of you again—and Libby told me you weren’t that sort of girl.’
Everyone seems to have been telling him what kind of girl I was! But I wasn’t a girl—I was a woman—one who just wanted to lose herself in his kiss again for another dose of that magic medicine…
Yes, it was Return of the Slut.
Shoving her firmly back into her Pandora’s box, I said lightly, ‘Oh, I know you were just being nice to me because I was upset, Noah, nothing more. And Violet’s rhubarb wine is pretty innocuous!’
He looked relieved, but it wasn’t flattering that he’d backed off at the first sign that I felt more for him than friendship, even if it was just temporary lust. It’s just like I told Libby—he’s not interested in me that way, despite the flirting, and he’d run a mile if he thought I was really falling for
him.
Chapter Thirty-one
May Day
I am so enjoying fresh salads again, but I will know May is really here when I can find enough pignuts to make them really tasty. They aren’t really nuts, but a small root tuber that grows wild. They taste a bit like pine kernels and are a little-known seasonal delicacy.
There has been lots of digging to be done, though the Photographer has been a great help. The hens are let out occasionally to feast on any exposed insects and, as always, Aggie stands affectionately close to whoever is wielding the spade, making me fear she will get just that bit too close one day!
‘Cakes and Ale’
Russell called me early next morning, the first time I had spoken to him since he turned up, unannounced and unwanted, at my cottage before Christmas.
He sounded embarrassed, as well he might, but also angry—though if anyone should be bearing a grudge about the actions of that night, it was me. And I wasn’t; I just wanted to forget about it, especially now Mary and I were speaking to each other again.
‘Mary insisted I rang you, to say she’s had a little boy. Nine pounds, and they’re both doing well,’ he said stiffly.
‘That’s wonderful! Give her my congratulations, won’t you? What are you going to call him?’
‘Pablo.’
‘Ah, yes, I’d forgotten you were such a huge Picasso fan.’ Pablo isn’t a name that goes particularly well with Brown…but still, there are lots of odd name combinations about these days, so that probably won’t matter.
‘They’re going to let her bring the baby home tomorrow, so you might be able to speak to her yourself then. Her mother’s coming to stay,’ he added. He sounded profoundly gloomy, considering he’d just become a father.
‘I’ll let her settle in with the baby first,’ I said. ‘Tell her I’ll ring in a couple of days.’
‘I’ll have to go,’ he said, as if I was physically hanging on to him with both hands. ‘I’ve got a whole list of people to ring.’
‘Thanks for letting me know, Russell,’ I said, but I was talking to empty air.
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