Dave Barry's Money Secrets
Page 17
*43. I have no idea what this means, either.
*44. Donald Trump actually appears to be asserting this about Thoreau.
*45. A terrific entertainer.
*46. No shit.
*47. A legend.
*48. This last one is a joke. But only barely.
*49.
Photo Credit 1
*50. Kennedy, La Guardia, and Newark. Allow three hours to get to any of these airports, unless of course it is rush hour, in which case your best bet is to drive to the airport in Cleveland.
*51. I could never be a flight attendant; I would last maybe two flights before I killed a passenger with my bare hands.
*52. You don’t have a savings account, remember? You meant to open one, but you never got around to it because of all your other urgent financial priorities, such as his ’n’ hers Jet Skis.
*53. This figure will drop to approximately zero later this week when SEC auditors announce that the corporate books reflect reality to about the same extent as Horton Hears a Who.
*54. See “savings account.”
*55. At 27.5 percent interest, compounded hourly, this balance will be an even fifteen grand by noon.
*56. This is a “fixed balance” type of mortgage, meaning no matter how many payments you make, you will still owe the bank $117,392.90 (see chapter titled “How to Get Rich in Real Estate”).
*57. Answer: the front part.
*58. In the form of scantily dressed pink iPods.
*59. These were recorded and later released as the platinum-selling album Odor of Love.
*60. Even as you read these words, somewhere in a hall in Philadelphia there is a guy wearing a tie-dyed T-shirt, still waiting for The Who.
*61. So to speak.
*62. “Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog.”
*63. If Keith Richards is, in fact, dead when you read this, please substitute Cher.
*64. Really.
*65. Cher will still be on her Farewell Tour.
Photography Credits
Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following for permission to reproduce the images herein:
(Elvis coin) www.coins4me.com; (Speedy) Funko LLC www.funko.com; Alan Freed/www.punxsutawneyphil.com; (meeting) www.AAAclipart.com; (Pontiac Aztek) Bruce Wheeler/Seventh Wave PhotoGraphics; (action figure) AP/Wide World Photos; (Elizabeth I) National Portrait Gallery, London; (Nash Metropolitan ad and photo) Copyright DaimlerChrysler Corporation. Used with permission; (Tom Cruise) AP/Wide World Photos; Lindsey Moore; (squirrel on right) David Gingrich (www.davidgingrich.com); (middle squirrel) Michael Weir © 2003; (dog) Michael N. Marcus, AbleComm, Inc.; (ice skaters) AP/Wide World Photos; (Young Frankenstein and Star Wars stills) AP/Wide World Photos; (agent) Corbis; (pudding) Lindsey Moore; (left and right) AP/Wide World Photos; (middle) Corbis; AP/Wide World Photos; (stilts) Arnold Ward; American Gothic by Grant Wood, Friends of the American Art Collection. All rights reserved by the Art Institute of Chicago and VAGA, New York, NY; (sealed toilet paper) D. Robert Wolcheck.
Images (medal), (brain), (clown), (coffee maker), (except Trump), (operation, machine, and dolls), (except UFO and movie stills), (house), (brain), and (except carry-on) © 2006 JupiterImages Corporation.
Images (tire), (UFO), (Troll), (carry-on), and (normal toilet paper) © 2006 stock.xchng.
Photos of Suze Orman, Donald Trump, and Prince Charles courtesy of AP/World Wide Photos.
Photo of world’s largest Cheeto courtesy of Bryce Wilson.
Also by Dave Barry
The Taming of the Screw
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex
Stay Fit and Healthy Until You’re Dead
Claw Your Way to the Top
Dave Barry’s Bad Habits
Dave Barry’s Guide to Marriage and/or Sex
Homes and Other Black Holes
Dave Barry’s Greatest Hits
Dave Barry Slept Here
Dave Barry Turns 40
Dave Barry Talks Back
Dave Barry’s Only Travel Guide You’ll Ever Need
Dave Barry Does Japan
Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up
Dave Barry’s Gift Guide to End All Gift Guides
Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys
Dave Barry in Cyberspace
Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs
Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus
Dave Barry Turns 50
Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down
Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway
Boogers Are My Beat
Novels
Big Trouble
Tricky Business
Peter and the Starcatchers (with Ridley Pearson)
Copyright © 2006 by Dave Barry
All rights reserved.Published in the United States by Crown Publishers, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
www.crownpublishing.com
Crown is a trademark and the Crown colophon is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Barry, Dave.
[[Money secrets]]
Dave Barry’s money secrets : like: why is there a giant eyeball on the dollar?.
1. Finance, Personal—Humor. 2. Money—Humor. I. Title:
Money secrets. II. Title.
PN6231.F47B37 2006
814'.54—dc22 2005019646
eISBN: 978-0-307-34537-0
v3.0