by Trina M. Lee
“What the fuck does this mean for us? That we’re killers, and no matter how much good we do or how many lives we save, we’re still fucked? We’ll always be as dark as we are light. There is no winning that war. It’s fucking futile.” I pounded my fist on the dash, wincing when I heard something crack inside.
They were human. Completely human. Yet they were not free of the twisted mess of light and dark. I’d blamed it all on Arys’s vampire side, but I could no longer do that. It went much deeper than I’d thought.
“I knew they’d be a mess, but I didn’t expect them to be as bad as we are.” Arys leaned his seat back and stretched like a cat in a sunbeam. “Is it wrong that it made me feel better about us?”
I slumped against the door, resting my head on the cool glass. “I can’t decide if I feel better or worse after meeting them. I’m pretty sure I’m not too far from where Ozzie’s at now.”
Arys’s hand was warm on mine. The power surged between us, creating a spark and a heat that filled me. I groaned, overwhelmed by a series of emotions that battered the fragile walls of my mind and heart. The urge to crawl into his lap and lose myself in him threatened to destroy the self-imposed resistance I’d been practicing.
“So what do we do now?” The fire burning its way through me shone in Arys’s midnight eyes.
I stared at our joined hands. I knew what we needed to do, yet I feared it would take us to a place on this journey together that we might not be ready for. Rachel and Ozzie had enlightened us, but there was someone else who could shed some light on the battle we fought every night. Someone who had been fighting it for longer than either Arys or I had existed. It wouldn’t be easy to find him. I wasn’t sure if even Willow could help.
“We need to talk to Salem.”
Chapter Six
“Will you stay with me? Today? After sunrise.” There was nothing needy about the way Arys said it. Calm and cool, he sat in the passenger seat, sliding a sidelong glance my way. The need was there, however, in every vibration that emanated from him.
It echoed inside me. I stared straight ahead, eyes on the road though I could see him watching me out of my peripheral vision.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Arys. I’ve got Jez, and I don’t think—”
“That you’re ready?” he interrupted. “You will never be ready if you keep pushing me away. Are you really willing to end up like Ozzie and Lilah just to spite me? Too crazy to be allowed to roam around free.”
Using Jez as an excuse was lame. I knew better. Hearing Arys voice what I’d just been thinking mere minutes ago left me unsettled.
“What makes you so sure I’d be the one who needs to be locked away?” I countered. Right now one might assume it would be me, but Arys’s own track record was a crash course in going off the rails. His talent was being one of the worst monsters walking the streets of this city, who also managed to be the least obvious. But he was far from innocent. There was a river of blood on Arys’s hands.
“Not a damn thing.” His low chuckle was sexy and smooth. It reached inside me, stroking me in places unseen. “There’s just as good a chance of it being me. Although right now, you’re pulling out ahead.”
A frown knit my brow. “I think that’s debatable.”
“So let’s go back to my house and debate it.” His expression smoldered, and the atmosphere grew hot. As I gazed into him, I was sure I saw blue and gold flames dance in his eyes.
I blinked a few times, and the illusion faded. With great difficulty I dragged my gaze from him, staring out the window at the small crowd of smokers lingering outside The Wicked Kiss. I wanted to go inside and look for Jez, but Arys had stopped me with a hand and a look that was as bad as it was good.
Denying his invitation wasn’t easy. It hurt. We needed each other. The meeting we’d just come from had reinforced everything we’d already known.
“As tempting as that is, I think I have to pass. It’s been a long night, and I just want to go home to my bed.” It wasn’t a lie. Crawling into bed did seem like the best way to end the night.
“Fine.” Arys nodded. “Then let’s go back to your house and debate it.”
Having Arys in my bed was exactly what I wanted, probably what I needed too, and yet the inner fear I couldn’t shake wouldn’t allow me to give myself to him. It had been birthed by the joy he’d taken in killing me, but it was kept alive by the force that sought to drive us mad by dividing us.
“I know we can’t go on like this, Arys, but I just can’t. Not yet.” I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn’t have to see the dejection and dismay cross his face. It didn’t make a difference. I felt it. His pain was my own.
He grabbed my hand and tugged, trying to get me to meet his eyes. I couldn’t, even when he touched my face. “I just want to be with you. No, I need to be with you. If you’re not ready to be intimate, if you don’t want to, I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.”
“It’s not just that. I want you in ways I can’t even wrap my mind around. Don’t for a moment think I don’t.” I opened my eyes to find my anguish etched on his face. We were mirrors of one another, more so now than ever before.
“Then what is it, beautiful wolf? Is it Sinclair? Because I’m not sorry for asking him to leave, but I am sorry that it hurt you.” His thumb was a gentle caress, brushing across my lips. The stolen warmth in his touch was a comfort, inviting me to lean into it.
Unable to resist, I turned toward him, eager for the physical contact I’d denied us both since my death and transition. Arys cupped my cheek, leaning across the center console to capture my lips with his.
The frequency of the energy vibrating all around us soared as white noise filled my ears. The floodgates holding back the myriad emotions I’d hidden away broke open, and I choked on a whimper. His mouth moved on mine, tender but demanding, tearing open a wound I feared would never heal.
I groaned, knowing that I couldn’t disrespect him with a lie. “I’ve been having nightmares, Arys. About you. It’s been getting better, but I’m still afraid to sleep. So as much as I wish we could be what we were before, I don’t know how when, every time I close my eyes, you kill me all over again.”
He sank back into the passenger seat, turning away so he could stare out the window. The sudden disconnect was startling. Suspicious even. So I wasn’t surprised by what came next.
“I know.” Those two words were strained. He wrapped his knuckles on the window and swore. “I’m reliving it too. Every day. If I sleep, I dream it. If I stay awake, I end up drawing it. I don’t think I have to tell you where it goes from there.”
“No, you don’t.” Irrational temptation. Loss of control. Regret. That’s where it went.
Arys’s torment reflected mine. We were walking the same dark path, battling the same inner demons. So why were we so divided?
“How are we supposed to find each other again?” Barely a whisper, the words hurt as I uttered them.
Silence. The seconds passed, and I counted them with growing despair. Arys thrust the door open, startling me. He paused halfway out to turn back to me. His eyes were red with the sudden swell of blood tears.
“We haven’t lost each other, Alexa. I’m right here. The only thing that’s changed is these walls you’ve built between us. Maybe when you’re ready to tear them down, it won’t feel so much like hell anymore.” He got out and shut the door, moving fast toward his car. Arys would end the night driven by the same need to escape that I’d started it with.
With each step he took, I could feel the distance between us grow. Though he was part of me, always inside, we were strongest when together. I considered going after him, but I knew that, what he needed right then, I couldn’t give him. So I let him go.
Biting my bottom lip, I winced when a sharp sting preceded the taste of blood. I was getting used to having fangs in my mouth all the time, but there was a bit of a learning curve.
Arys’s Firebird started with a roar, and my hand was on the do
or. I should stop him. The ringing of my phone startled me as “Monster Mash” screamed out of my shoulder bag. What the hell?
Arys, notorious for changing my ringtone to ridiculous songs meant to irritate me, had managed to do it without me even noticing. That was a stupid reason to cry, but it brought the sting of tears to my eyes anyway.
I fished the phone out of my bag, wary when I saw that it was an unknown number. Suspicion colored my voice. “Hello?”
“Alexa?” My sister’s panicked voice was shrill in my ear.
Pulling the phone from my head, I put it on speaker and placed it on the console between the seats. “The one and only. Are you ok?”
Juliet’s voice filled the car. “Where’s Thomas? He hasn’t answered his phone for days, and nobody at HQ will tell me a damn thing. Did you kill him?”
Her panic was over Briggs? Oh, for fuck’s sake. Insulted, I scowled at the phone. “Of course not. I gave him to Shya. Did you know that Briggs is a dreamwalker?”
There was a pause. A growl. “You gave him to Shya? You gave him to that fucking demon? Why the hell would you do that?”
The sound of slot machines in the background was like a punch in the heart. Las Vegas. It was a city I both loved and loathed. Hearing it, knowing she was there, so close to Kale, it made me bitter.
“He lied to me, Juliet. He told me you’d been arrested for covering my kills. Briggs convinced me to turn myself in to the FPA in exchange for your freedom. Then he stole a sample of my blood and threw me out in the sun to fry. Is that the heroic do-gooder you’re in love with? A man who would send you away so he could murder your sister? Fuck Briggs.” I spat the curse with more force than intended, but I was tired of being labeled the bad guy.
For a minute all I could hear was the sound of slot machines. Then a long, ragged breath. “He promised me he wouldn’t hurt you. He promised.”
So she had known something was up before being shipped out of town. Betrayal sat heavy in my chest. “Well, he lied. I can’t believe you let him do that to me, Juliet. How could you?”
“But I didn’t,” she said in a rush. “I swear. I was covering your kills, Lexi. Thomas didn’t want the higher ups to find out, so he arranged for me to leave town until everything settled down there. He said he’d bring you in and keep you safe until you calmed down. You were so out of control, and Arys wasn’t doing shit to stop you. He was almost as bad. I thought it was a good idea.”
I stared out the windshield at the nightclub. Justin was standing near the door, flirting with a leggy blonde. She put a hand on his massive chest and batted lashes at him. Someone might as well have some fun tonight.
“Well, it wasn’t. Briggs tried to kill me. He left me no choice. I took him to Shya, and I spent the day making him sorry he fucked me over.” Even as I told her about Briggs’s betrayal, I was itching to ask her if she’d seen Kale.
“Did you say Thomas is a dreamwalker?” Her breath came fast, and the sound of slot machines grew farther away.
“You just heard that now?” Something moved in the shadows at the end of the parking lot. I tensed, hoping it wasn’t trouble. I hadn’t gotten any info out of my sister yet. “Are you running?”
Sirens blared through the phone. During my time in Las Vegas, the sirens were almost non-stop. There was always an emergency in that city.
“Just walking fast. I’m tailing someone down The Strip.” She paused to speak to someone on the street, most likely one of the people soliciting tourists, trying to shove various cards and pamphlets into their hands. “I knew Thomas was hiding something, but I didn’t know what. Tell me the truth; what’s Shya going to do to him?”
A wicked chuckle spilled out before I could rein it in. “Your guess is as good as mine. Whatever he does, it’ll involve using Briggs to trespass inside other people’s heads.”
My attention was fixed on the moving shadows. Just when I was convinced I needed to go investigate, two figures wrapped together in a steamy embrace all but fell into the light. It was Jez and the waitress she’d been eyeing.
Relaxing back into the seat, I watched the two of them make out against the side of the building. Unwelcome memories surfaced of Kale and I up against that same building in the rain. It was perhaps the most passionate encounter we’d ever had. I would never forget it.
“Maybe I should come home.” Juliet’s musing jerked my attention from my memories back to her. “I’ll be reprimanded and possibly demoted or otherwise disciplined, but it sounds like Thomas needs me.”
“No,” I all but shouted at the phone. “No, you shouldn’t come back. Not right now. Wait until things settle down.”
When I’d first learned that Juliet was sent to Vegas, I had wanted her brought home. That was after Jenner confessed his desire to bed her. Then I spoke to Gabriel who told me about a vision he had of Arys biting my sister, and after some careful contemplation, I had decided that Jenner was the lesser of those two evils. Keeping Juliet away from Arys was vital. He couldn’t be trusted right now.
“How will things settle down? You said a demon has him. He needs me.” She was stressed. It came through loud and clear.
Well, so was I.
I sighed, putting dramatic emphasis on it so she’d hear it over the Vegas street noise. “Trust me, there’s not a damn thing you can do for him right now. If you want to help him, stay away. Stay safe. I don’t want to say too much, but I’m hoping Shya won’t be a problem for much longer. Give me a week, ok?”
She groaned. “Fine. I guess I owe you the benefit of the doubt after…everything.”
That was my cue to dig for the info I really wanted. “As long as you’re owing me, can you tell me what you’re doing there? Have you seen Kale?”
“All I can tell you is that I’m here to look into some FPA business. Internal stuff.” Juliet’s breath came faster, indicating her pace had quickened. “Um, yeah. I’ve seen Kale. Briefly. He wasn’t what I’d call welcoming. Told me to stay away from The Wicked Kiss.”
“That’s probably a good idea. That place is a freak show.” I chewed my lower lip until I tasted blood. Running my tongue over the slice, I stared absently out the window. “Was he ok? I mean, did he seem like he was fine?”
“Something big went down between you two, huh? He was mean, Lexi. Aggressive. But he seemed to have his shit together. I mean, he didn’t try to hurt me or anything.” The sound of the phone being shuffled about from hand to hand was followed by, “Shit, Lexi, I have to go. My target just went into The Quad, and I have to keep up without being seen. I’ll talk to you later.”
She hung up before I could reply. “Crap,” I muttered.
It was just as well. I’d have kept grilling her for details that I didn’t need. Knowing that Kale was there, surviving, that would have to be enough. He was safer there, safe from me. From us. But is he free?
I gave Jez a few more minutes of make-out fun while drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, trying to focus on anything but what Juliet had just said about Kale. Mean. Aggressive. But in control to some degree. Ugh.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore and I just needed the night to end, I got out of the car and approached Jez. It took more than a few taps on the shoulder to get her attention. I stood there with arms crossed and brows raised.
Surprised, Jez giggled drunkenly.
“Ready to head home?” I asked, sparing a smile for the waitress, Wendi, who cringed. I imagine it had to be embarrassing to be caught by the boss making out with her best friend on the job.
“We were just getting started.” Jez pouted, an expression she’d clearly practiced. It probably worked on most women too.
Not me though.
Wendi swiped a hand across her face, checking for smeared lipstick. “I should get back. My break is over. Call me.” She gave Jez a saucy wink and a flirtatious smile before heading back inside.
“Damn, Lex. You’re a real buzzkill these days. You banged your brains out already tonight. What’s with the clitorfe
rence? Totally not cool.” Jez stumbled on a crack in the asphalt and clutched my arm to keep from falling. In the time I’d been gone with Arys, she’d managed to drink herself stupid. Her cat-like grace was nonexistent.
“How much have you had to drink? No, never mind. It doesn’t matter. Where’s Willow?” With a wave in Justin’s direction, I led Jez to the car. The night had a few hours in it yet, but between the twin flame visit and the liquored up leopard, I was done with it.
“My babysitter? He had to go. Said something about needing to get the hell out of this place before all the vampire juju made him do something he’d regret.” Jez all but fell into the passenger seat of the Charger. It took her several attempts to get the seatbelt clicked into place. “But he made me promise to stay here and wait for you, and that’s what I did.” She hiccupped, giggled, and sighed.
Now I was worried about Willow. The Wicked Kiss was a cesspool of dark energy. Sex, blood, booze? That was just scraping the surface. I hadn’t considered how being submerged in that might affect Willow now.
As we made our way out of the city, I gazed at the moon overhead. It was the first of the three full-moon nights. Tomorrow it would be at its fullest. My wolf prowled about within me, impatient.
“So much has changed. Does it ever freak you out?” I asked, trying to keep her from falling asleep on me.
Jez rolled her head along the back of the seat, her green gaze unfocused. “See what I mean? Buzzkill. Don’t get all serious and broody on me now. You’re gonna bring me down.”
The scent of alcohol filled the car. How much did she have to drink? The two of us were doing a pretty shitty job of keeping each other on the straight and narrow.
Jez kept the drive home from being boring by chattering on incessantly about Wendi. From what a knockout she was to her mind blowing kissing technique, it was all Wendi, all the way home. I doubted that it would be more than a fling. Jez was still getting over the loss of Zoey, and I knew she wasn’t ready to risk the life of someone she cared for again.