Rakshina didn’t say anything. She bit her lip and stared at the dashboard with great concentration. I wanted to ask her for her thoughts, but instead I let her sit for a moment before climbing out of the car. She followed, her brow still furrowed.
“Could you tell the others where I went?” I asked, remembering how scary Drekvic had been as he dragged me out of Chester’s room.
“No, you can’t get back to Babylon if you don’t have someone to teleport you.”
I scowled. I really needed to learn how to do that if I was going to have any semblance of independence. I’d only managed to get home because it was in my world, where I could just call a taxi.
“I can teach you,” Rakshina offered, recognizing the look of consternation on my face. “It will take awhile to learn, though, and we shouldn’t do it here.”
“I need to see Hope,” I said, shaking my head. With that in mind, we walked into the house to hide the open portal from prying eyes.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Hope was sitting in his office across from Fate’s classroom. I wanted to find her first, wanted to know what her mysterious mistake was, but she was nowhere to be found. Hope sat on a stuffy chair, his legs crossed at the knee and a book in his hands. He looked up when Rakshina and I walked in, eyebrow raised.
“Ah, Fate told me you might show up sooner than our Saturday appointment,” he said, setting the book down and gesturing for us to sit in the chairs across from him. I noticed he had tea prepared, along with several sandwiches and pastries. My stomach gave a large gurgle, and I realized I hadn’t eaten in over a day.
“Fate is a bit of a chipped nail,” Rakshina commented, plopping down in one of the chairs and slouching sullenly.
I gave her an exasperated look. It wasn’t exactly something you said to someone’s significant other, especially when both of them could snuff out your existence with a single thought. Hope just laughed and folded his hands in his lap.
“You have questions, Ellie?” Hope asked, a pleasant smile on his pale face.
“Yes,” I replied, sitting down at the edge of the second chair to lean forward myself. My mouth was watering at the prospect of food, but I had to focus on one thing at a time. I could eat after we talked. “Fate was talking to me about this before she suddenly vanished. Do you know who my soulmate is?”
“I do,” Hope replied, choosing his words carefully. “But I can’t tell you. Forcing the connection before you’re ready won’t do any good. When it’s right, magic will seek out magic and you’ll recognize each other.”
“I have to stop Lakvas. If I bring him here to the Beyond, you’ll just reject his soul, right?” I demanded, my irritation getting the better of my common sense.
“Lakvas’ soul is too chaotic to reside in the Beyond. I would send him back to where he came from,” Hope confirmed. “Fate and I have given away too much of our power already. We aren’t strong enough to change his soul so he can stay.”
“What if I returned Joy’s cairn?” I asked, clenching my hands into fists.
What? Joy demanded, her sudden fear echoing through my thoughts. I walled her off, ignoring her. It was cold, and I didn’t want to do it, but I had no choice if I was going to keep the world from collapsing.
“Joy didn’t make you a goddess, Ellie,” Hope replied, once again choosing his words carefully. “Joy is the catalyst that started the transition. Fate has been…” he paused, thinking.
I waited, but it didn’t seem like he could figure out the right words. I wanted to throw one of the ceramic teacups at his head, but instead dug my nails tighter into the meat of my palm, allowing the pain to curb my anger.
“Fate has been molding you into what you are since you were a child,” Hope finally said. “She’s been grooming you, awakening your potential the moment she found your soul here in the Beyond. Of course, you wouldn’t remember this; it’s all cleansed from you the moment you decide to be reborn.”
Hope sighed, picking up the teapot and pouring a cup. The scent of the liquid tickled my nostrils, and I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Hungry or no, I was not drinking that. When he was settled back into his chair, I met his eyes, demanding he continue.
“I couldn’t help her with the search. I couldn’t choose her successor, especially since her choice would also decide the fate of our son. I wasn’t going to contradict her unless I thought the soul she chose was imperfect. When she found you…” he let his voice trail off, and the pause tested my patience. I took a deep breath, but the tension in my shoulders was completely unaffected.
“Stop stalling,” Rakshina snapped, unable to control her own temper.
“I have to be careful how I word things,” Hope explained. “I cannot lead you to your partner. The words I speak cannot point in that person’s direction.”
I nodded, but his explanation did nothing to calm my nerves.
“Your soul was unattached. You had no soulmate, which is unusual for someone who has lived a previous life, but not entirely unheard of. Your soulmate might not have been born yet.” He shrugged and took a sip of his tea. “So Fate started working with you, changing your very nature to be just what she wanted. You were happy to help, you liked having something to do. I should have thought something was strange then, that you were so ready to leave the Beyond when you’d only been here for a hundred years or so, but it never occurred to us. We connected you to your partner then, intertwining your futures. When it was time for you to be born as you are now, Fate escorted you to your mother herself. She shaped Jana’s future as well, manipulating the circumstances just right to get what she wanted.”
I stood up sharply at that, the old rage escaping my control. I still wanted to kill Fate for what she’d done to Jana. I’d accepted there was nothing I could do to make her pay for it, but it still cut deeply. I walked around the chair and started pacing, unable to sit still.
“I’m still listening,” I snapped, waving my hand in the air.
“When you were born with the gift to see the collectors, she knew you were perfect. Already you had more magic than any other witch, and your power would only mature. She gave you trauma in your childhood to make sure you had the drive she needed. And then…well, you know the rest. Your life has been curated to get you to this point. Joy was only the catalyst to wake your inner powers. You’ve never needed her strength, and whether you have her or not, you will always be a goddess.”
“Fate said she made a mistake,” I said, my voice harsher than I meant it to be.
“We were wrong about you having no previous ties. You already had a soul mate, but the soul was no longer in circulation. You were cut off from it.”
I froze and turned, feeling all the heat drain from my skin.
“Chester,” I whispered.
“Yes,” Hope replied, looking sad. “Of all the collectors Fate could have paired you with, she chose the one meant to be with you lifetimes ago.”
I remembered the vision she had accidentally shown me, and I had to steady myself on the back of the chair.
“So Drekvic is supposed to be my partner,” I whispered, my knees trembling as I looked up at him.
“I did say too much,” Hope said, rubbing his forehead. “Fate told me not to talk to you, but I didn’t want you to do anything stupid and get yourself hurt because of Lakvas.”
I shook my head. “I had a vision of my soulmates. I thought it didn’t work because both Chester and Drekvic showed up. Now I know that it did work…but it doesn’t help.”
I don’t want you to be with Drekvic, Joy grumbled as she tried to comfort me. She knew I didn’t like it any better than she did, but Fate had already gotten in her way.
“How will that work?” Rakshina asked, leaning forward. “How can she reset the balance if she has two soulmates?”
“She can’t,” Hope said and I looked up, my stomach flipping over itself.
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“Your link with Drekvic was forged strongly, but it
is artificial. Your link with Chester is stronger and was formed organically when your souls met for the first time. Drekvic will never be able to balance you, but Chester is not strong enough to save you from yourself when the light drowns you.”
“So we’re doomed.” Rakshina stated flatly. I could feel her dark power swirling as she grew more and more agitated. I wondered when she would attack Hope, but I couldn’t find the energy to care.
“Unless Ellie finds another way to restore the balance within her, the world’s current order will slowly fall apart,” Hope confirmed, taking a sedate sip of his tea.
The weight of that responsibility crushed me, making my knees buckle again. I slumped to the floor and pulled my knees to my chest, hugging myself tightly to stop the shaking. It didn’t help, but it kept me from falling apart completely. I knew the fate of the realities rested on my shoulders. I had a goal when all I’d needed to do was find my soulmate. How could I find the balance within myself if I could only see one side?
After that conversation, the only thing I could do was go to the one place I felt safe. Rakshina took me to Chester’s home, and I let myself in. The healer had allowed him to leave the clinic, but had demanded that he get bed rest for the next couple days while his magic recovered.
I found him asleep and sat down on the bed to watch him quietly. It wasn’t like something could stop me anymore—we were soulmates once, maybe even still. He looked peaceful in his sleep, his mouth slightly ajar and his too-long hair brushing the bottom of his chin. I studied his face, wondering whether or not I’d tell him I was his wife reincarnated.
You’re not going to do that, Joy said, her subdued.
Why not? I asked, smiling at the slight shift in Chester’s shoulders as he curled around his pillow.
Because you want him to love you as you, she said. If he chooses you after he knows, then maybe he doesn’t love you at all, but rather her memory.
I sighed, slipping off my shoes and pulling my knee up onto the bed so I could lean on it.
You’re right, I told her, and it felt as though she nodded. If I wasn’t going to tell him, then nothing had changed. He loved his dead wife, and if he knew I shared her soul, how could I expect him to move on? The blanket covering Chester had slipped off his shoulder when he moved, and he had goosebumps on his skin. I stood up to rearrange the cover, but my movement dragged him out of sleep.
“Sorry,” I whispered, pulling the blanket up around him.
He met my eyes, blinking sleepily.
“You’re okay,” he said, hoarsely.
“Of course I am,” I replied, giving him a smile.
He reached out to grab my arm and pull me towards him. I didn’t have it in me to resist, and allowed him to drag me to his chest. He was so warm, and I felt the terror from earlier in the day slowly ebb away.
“Rakshina went after you?” he asked, running his hand firmly in slow circles on my back.
“Yeah,” I said, hiding my face in his chest.
“Drekvic is at the library. He’s pretty mad at you.”
“You’re not mad?” I asked, wondering how long I could avoid Drekvic before I to confront him.
“Of course I’m not. I would know if you weren’t safe.” His words were starting to trail off, and I wondered if he was asleep again. His aura was still really thin, and I didn’t like how vulnerable he seemed.
“Ellie?”
“I’m here,” I replied, reaching up to touch the corner of his jaw.
“Don’t leave,” he mumbled, his voice lost and distant.
I pulled my legs up onto the bed and tucked them in next to him.
“Never,” I replied, closing my eyes to let the day slide away.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I woke with a start, already rolling off the edge of the bed to find my feet before I was fully awake. Something was pushing against my magic, heavy and horrific, with the sound of a thousand screams. Chester bolted upright, his expression pained as he started to climb out of bed. The moon was barely a sliver outside the window, casting only the slightest light. I pulled on my magic without thought, and a sapphire light bloomed around my fingers to light the room.
“Natural disaster or terrorist attack,” Chester explained, making my brow furrow. The pressure was becoming unbearable, and I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Chester was at his closet, reaching for clothes. His back was distracting enough, and I tried not to let my eyes wander to his butt and bare legs. I studied his aura instead and frowned, walking forward to stand beside him.
“Your magic is too thin to go anywhere,” I scolded, that terrible pressure still building and pressing against me.
“I have no choice,” Chester replied, shrugging helplessly. “It’s going to be all hands on deck for the next couple months, probably. If it’s a terrorist attack, there will be retaliation. More will die, so more souls will need collecting. If it’s a natural disaster, the initial wave will be the worst, with more fatalities as the survivors pass from disease or exposure.”
“Oh, that’s what you meant,” I said. The pressure must be the thousands of souls suddenly adrift and in need of collection. We had to work fast—I didn’t want to think about how many souls might become ghosts in all the chaos.
“Everyone will be needed,” he said again. “You’ll have your work cut out for you, too. It’s not going to be fun. Ask Drekvic to stay with you while you’re collecting ghosts. I don’t want you by yourself.” He turned to frown at me as he pulled out a pair of pants, as though he suddenly realized something.
“Why were you in bed with me? Did something happen? Are you okay?”
I shook my head, disappointed that he didn’t remember reaching out to me. “Nothing happened. I talked to Hope and came to check on you. You asked me to stay and I fell asleep.” I didn’t want to tell him that he’d grabbed me or that I’d touched his face. If he didn’t remember, it was probably for the best.
“I—I don’t remember,” he muttered, stepping to the side to put on his pants. I looked away and went to wash my face in the restroom.
The light was bright, and I squinted when I caught my reflection in the mirror. My gray eyes were different, and I froze, thinking it was a trick of my still-sleepy mind. I leaned closer and saw a violet ring around my pupil that had never been there before. My skin was smooth, with none of the red pressure marks that were normally there after just waking up. My skin was as white as bone. I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned my head, bracing myself for any more unexpected changes.
My hair, while still short, had silver streaks in it. It wasn’t the gray I expected from old age, but radiant, silver that shimmered in the light. It reminded me of Joy’s magic, hiding in the dark auburn strands. Was it Fate’s power showing itself more obviously, or was it brought on by the urgency I sensed from so many souls trying to reach the Beyond at once?
I was unsteady, like a stranger in my own skin.
You look more like me, Joy whispered, and I shook my head, looking down at my hands.
All my scars—every tiny imperfection on my skin—were gone. I looked over at Chester from the doorway, all his scars still visible and I knew the change couldn’t have been triggered by the sudden outcry of souls. Joy was right—I did look more like her, silvery hair and all. Hope had said Joy wasn’t part of me becoming a goddess, that she was just the catalyst for change, so why wouldn’t I stay myself?
“Ellie?” Chester asked, appearing in the doorway behind me. I turned to him, and I must been hiding my fear poorly, because he rushed to my side.
“What is happening to me?” I demanded, pointing at my eyes and then my hair.
He seemed at a loss for words, but he reached up to lift my chin, turning my face to get a better look at my hair.
“You look pale,” he commented, brows knit. “I don’t know why your hair would change. Are you stressed?”
His attempt at brevity failed and I punched his shoulder.
“We’ll
figure it out,” he promised, giving me a small smile. “Let’s focus on getting things settled, otherwise you’re going to have a headache for days.”
I nodded, sighing as I turned back to the mirror. I didn’t like the stranger with my features staring back at me, and quickly looked away. The t-shirt and jeans I had on already would have to be good enough. I shuffled past Chester to find my shoes.
“I’m taking you to the library,” Chester said, buttoning his vest. He wore black slacks and a dark green button up shirt. His black vest matched the ensemble, and I stared at him for a moment in surprise. “Rakshina picked this out for me,” he mumbled. “She said it looks better.”
I tried to hide my smile, relieved that he was finally starting to get along with Rakshina. His look was certainly more refined, and it suited his muscular frame rather well.
“Why the library?” I asked.
“Drekvic is there,” he replied, and I nodded, remembering his words from earlier. “I don’t want you to be alone while you’re collecting ghosts. The siekewa will be around, trying to gather whatever they can. I’ll feel better if you have someone to watch your back.”
“What about you?” I asked, studying his aura. His magic was recovering, but it would still be a couple days before he’d be back at full strength.
“I’ll be fine. If I need to I’ll pull on my cairn more heavily than normal. I’ve done this kind of thing before,” he replied, trying to smile reassuringly.
I didn’t like it, but I wasn’t about to boss him around. Instead I walked over to his dresser and picked up his side of the shell earring, holding it out to him.
“It’s not going to match my outfit. Rakshina will be mad,” he mumbled, but took it with a smile and clipped it to his ear. “Let’s go, okay? My head is starting to hurt.”
I nodded, stepping closer to him as he wrapped an arm around my waist and teleported us to the landing pad in front of the library. He didn’t leave until I was inside, and I looked back at the spot he vanished from, feeling a strange emptiness at his departure.
Wayward Hope Page 12