by Eli Hai
When she told Jeff, it seemed as though he wasn’t concerned at all. “It’ll happen, love, it’ll happen,” he soothed her. Yet, as the days passed, her desire to conceive grew stronger. Her love for Jeff was so all-consuming that she yearned to perfect their bond. In her eyes, children were the missing link in their relationship.
When she left the clinic, the first thing she thought of doing was calling him and sharing the news. Only then, did she notice the many messages he left for her while she was undergoing the tests. She called him back and, as if to spite her, she got his voicemail. She tried to call him all day long, but to no avail. It was late, when he finally called her back. She heaved a sigh of relief. She was dying to tell him about the pregnancy, but he was so excited and confused, that she couldn’t get a word in edgewise. She immediately realized something had happened. In the beginning, he told her about his meeting with Pam. Then he told her about his grandmother, Hannah, who’d survived the Holocaust and who was, in her past, a Jew. When he was done, she started telling him about her doctor’s appointment, but he cut her off, proclaiming he was confused and didn’t know what to do. After she despaired of telling him the news, she simply listened patiently and tried to give his confused ramblings all her attention, but she didn’t understand everything. Nevertheless, she asked many questions in an attempt to be part of the experience that had shaken him so. In the end, he asked about the stock market, and she told him that, at the end of the day of trading, there was a change, which tempered the sharp declines. Before they said good-bye, she still considered sharing the news with him, but his exhausted voice and the cool distance he showed her, made her reconsider her timing.
The next day, the stock market declines were stopped. Eve thought how lucky she was, and how things were going just as she wished them to. Now, she could decide, without any distractions, on the date of her retirement. After all, that was what Jeff told her during one of their conversations. “Retire when you have kids.” It was time to retire from her extremely stressful job and just relax. Granted, in the past she’d been addicted to her job—everyone had said that about her—but marriage had softened her. Jeff’s love had moderated her eagerness for more and more professional successes and, now, all she wanted was to nest in her house. Money was no obstacle; she had more than enough. Her investments were secure, the department store was flourishing, so they could rely on their livelihood. And if she got bored, she could always help Jeff manage the store or work from home. She knew quite a few brokers who became freelancers after they became mothers and reaped even more success than they had on Wall Street. She agreed with her boss that she would stop working in October when she’d be six months pregnant.
At noon, Jeff called. This time, he did it from Pam’s room in the hospital. Once again, he was excited and, this time, he told her about his sister’s dramatic improvement and that she might go home soon. The doctors had told him that if her condition continued to improve at this rate, she would no longer have to stay at the hospital. Then he told her about his plan regarding Pam’s future. Even though the plan seemed a bit strange to her, she didn’t say anything on the matter. In the end, he told her that he’d be back in New York this upcoming Friday, and he’d take the red-eye. As he talked, she decided to surprise him when she saw him.
On Friday, she waited for him impatiently at the airport.
“No trading today?” he laughed when he brushed a light kiss over her lips.
“Of course, there is! But you’ll be surprised to hear that trading isn’t my top priority today,” she beamed at him.
“How’s that? Since when is the stock market not your top priority?” He winked at her beaming face.
“The day I saw you cleaning my office window was the day the stock market became secondary in my life,” she said, while rubbing her stomach in circles.
“Are you pregnant?” he guessed at once.
“Uh huh.” She nodded, flushing.
“See! I told you there was no reason for worry!” he scolded tenderly and couldn’t contain his joy. He rushed to embrace her and scatter kisses all over her face. As he kissed her, he kept telling her how much he loved her and how happy he was about the surprising news. She could see by his reaction that he was excited, so excited that he was confused.
In the car, he fell silent and withdrew into himself. It seemed as though all the recent events and discoveries had left their mark, and he had a difficult time taking everything in.
“Since when have you known?” he asked.
“The day you left, I went to the doctor. That’s why I didn’t insist on coming with you,” she explained.
“And why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wanted to! You have no idea how much I wanted to! But that first evening, you wouldn’t stop talking. You were so excited by your discoveries that day, you wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. Then, the following days, the only thing that interested you was your grandmother, Hannah, and Pam. I didn’t want to burden you.”
“Okay,” he said thoughtlessly and remained quiet and thoughtful for long minutes.
“What are you thinking about?” she inquired after a while.
“It’s not normal!”
“What?”
“Everything that’s happened to me these past days. It’s unbelievable. First, I find out my sister is hospitalized in a mental facility and her condition is so bad that she’s lost the ability to speak. She just stopped talking after I left, and the minute she saw me, she opened her mouth to talk again. Then I find out my grandmother was Jewish. You know, when my mother told me my grandma was born Jewish, I almost passed out. But when I realized my grandmother was Ahron’s grandmother’s twin sister, I almost had a heart attack…and I kid you not. Do you realize what’s happening? It’s crazy! A Christian meets a Jew, randomly, and finds out they’re related. How’s that possible? Then, I come home to you and discover I’m going to be a father, and instead of losing my mind from happiness, I feel insanely confused.”
“But these are great things!” Eve enthused.
“A wise man once told me, when good things happen, start worrying, because the bad is close behind,” he dismissed her optimism.
“The man who told you that doesn’t sound too wise to me. Go to him and tell him that there’s good in every bad. We shouldn’t search for the bad, but when it comes, we can make the best out of it. For example, that unpleasant incident you had with that girl in Brooklyn. Eventually, it brought you to me,” she smiled mischievously.
“But sometimes, there are bad things that can’t be repaired. For instance, when someone close to you dies. Then what? What’s good about that?” He looked at her triumphantly.
“Or you find out the guy who beat the crap out of you, is actually a relative,” she continued laughingly.
“Yeah, I’d love to see the look on Yehuda’s face when he gets the news that I’m Hannah’s grandson, which means we’re cousins,” he chuckled.
“You see? Think positive, and things will be positive. Think negative, and bad things will happen. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nothing bad is close behind; on the contrary,” she said and resumed stroking her stomach soothingly. He followed her hands stroking her stomach, which suddenly seemed a bit swollen.
“By the way, starting in October, I’ll no longer be at work.”
“Great,” he answered absentmindedly, without giving much thought to her words.
“Shall we go home or do you want to go to work?” she asked.
“Work! I have to clear my head,” he answered, and Eve instructed the driver to go to the department store.
But even there, Jeff couldn’t focus. The paperwork that had accumulated on his desk continued lying there uselessly. Many times, he considered calling Ahron, but changed his mind, rejecting the idea.
At night, he couldn’t sleep. Like a caged lion, he paced the house, his thoughts frantic. He realized that according to Jewish law, if his grandmother was Jewish, his mother was Jewish, a
s well. Thus, he was Jewish, too. But was his grandmother really considered Jewish? Could a converted Jew still be considered Jewish? The matter required clarification. Maybe Ahron could check with his rabbi. However, his father and grandfather were Christians, so he was also a Christian. In the end, he decided that if he was baptized as a Christian, he might as well stay a Christian until the end of his days. On the other hand, Jesus was also an observant Jew from Nazareth, and all of Christianity was founded on his doctrine. So, what did it matter anyway? In fact, according to the Law of Return, which he learned from Ahron, if he wanted, he could even do Aliyah. Maybe even meet Rivka. He smiled for the first time in days. Who would believe he and Rivka were cousins? And maybe it was believable, and that was the exact reason he was sent to her.
But how could he tell Ahron? And how would Ahron react when he learned that his beloved aunt converted to Christianity for reasons of convenience, or worse, heresy? He was an ultra-orthodox Jew, among those willing to sacrifice their lives in order to sanctify their religion. He would be unbearably disappointed by Aunt Hannah. Shouldn’t he just keep it a secret in order to avoid hurting his friend? Wasn’t it better that Ahron, whom as a gesture of respect and appreciation named his daughter after his aunt, never find out about her conversion? As he pondered the matter, he thought there might be another possibility, a slim one. Perhaps, Ahron would accept the news understandingly. Why not? Maybe the news about his long-lost aunt would please him. Shouldn’t he be happy to discover that she didn’t die in the gas chambers like he originally thought? Perhaps, when Ahron found out that he, his good friend, was actually his second cousin, it would make him happy? Yet, what if Ahron refused to believe him?
He decided it wouldn’t be hard to convince Ahron of the truth of his words, if and when he ever brought the story to his knowledge. He did, after all, have proof. Actual proof. Many pictures in which Hannah was documented standing by her family, with whom Ahron was closely familiar. If necessary, he’d take Ahron to Eloy to meet his mother.
And Rivka? What about their strange relationship now? He remembered the beautiful girl who visited his house and kissed him passionately. He remembered the lust filling his body, and how close he was to doing the forbidden deed. He concluded that the goddess of luck had been on their sides that night. How would Rivka have felt had she’d known she’d been prepared to give her virginity to her cousin?
After methodically considering all the options, he decided that for the time being, he wouldn’t share his discoveries with Ahron and Rivka. The time would come, and then he’d reveal to them the wonderful story.
When he reached his decision, he felt slightly relieved and climbed into bed next to Eve, who slumbered peacefully. He hoped sleep would no longer elude him, but to his surprise, discovered that it wasn’t meant to be. His thoughts continued plaguing and bothering him. He imagined a youthful Hannah, and tried to find similarities between her and Rivka, but had difficulty comparing skinny Rivka to the girl from the faded picture. When he tried to compare himself to Ahron, a shudder wracked his body. When he mentally removed Ahron’s clothes and long sideburns, he realized they were significantly similar. The same blue eyes, the same small, upturned nose, the same strong chin, and even the same small ears. Under the different clothes, the family ties were glaringly obvious.
Then he started thinking about the third side—the sister living on a kibbutz in Israel. He decided Aunt Rachel would serve as the bridge between the grandchildren. She, more than anyone, would understand the meaning of the painful decision her sister Hannah made. After all, she’d also changed her way of life after her family’s tragic demise in the Holocaust and had abandoned religion. She also went through Hannah’s agonizing ordeal. Therefore, she was the only one who could judge her. And if Ahron considered Rachel his aunt, even though she abandoned their way of life, why should he treat Hannah differently? The more he thought about it, the more he was convinced that eventually, Ahron would accept the fact he had a Christian relative, just like he resigned himself to the fact his grandmother’s sister and his own sister abandoned religion.
Now, all that was left to do was locate Rachel. To do that, he needed information he didn’t have. He’d have to find out her last name or at least the name of her kibbutz. Her last name had been mentioned in his presence, but he’d forgotten it. All night long, he unsuccessfully tried to remember her name.
With dawn, he finally fell asleep, but before that, he decided that the next days would be dedicated to finding Aunt Rachel. He knew where to start. He’d go to the Jewish Agency.
The next day, he walked to the building that was located not far from the department store. He carried a large envelope with priceless pictures. He knew the pictures wouldn’t help him locate Aunt Rachel; nevertheless, he decided to bring them. Maybe to verify his story in case someone decided not to believe him. After all, he was having a hard time believing the odd story himself.
After going from room to room, and after several conversations with several officials, he found out it was impossible to locate the aunt by first name only. It seemed his naïve attempt had reached a dead-end. Apparently, he’d have no choice but to ask Ahron.
When he walked back to the store, he kept thinking of Rachel’s forgotten last name. Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks, his face lighting up as though he’d found a treasure. He whirled around and ran back to the agency building.
“Two years ago, a girl named Rivka Steinberg came here,” he said to one of the officials. “I know she wished to immigrate to Israel. She’s living now with my aunt, the aunt I’m searching for. Perhaps, she left details regarding my aunt’s name or the kibbutz she lives in.”
“Go to the second floor. At the end of the hall, is the manager of the Aliyah department, his name is Morris,” instructed the bored official.
“Of course! Of course, I remember the girl. But before I disclose any information about her, you have to prove you’re a relative,” Morris insisted.
“Take these pictures, call Rachel, Rivka’s aunt, and ask her if she knows anything about them. If she does, it’ll prove the family ties between us.” Jeff spread the yellowing pictures on the table.
“Makes sense,” Morris replied, and Jeff sighed in relief. The old pictures were proving to be really useful.
“It’s very late now in Israel. Come back tomorrow and by then, I hope I’ll have an answer for you. Anyway, call before you come, so you won’t make an unnecessary journey,” Morris concluded.
“My aunt is convinced her sister died in the Holocaust. You have to relay the information carefully,” Jeff explained. He feared his old aunt’s strength would fail her when she discovered the truth.
“Don’t worry. For the time being, we won’t tell her a thing. We’ll describe the pictures and ask her if they sound familiar. If her answer is affirmative, we’ll stop at that. Later, we’ll send someone on our behalf to the kibbutz, and he’ll show her the pictures and tell her about her sister.”
Jeff relaxed, thanked Morris, and rushed back to work.
Chapter 20
The black horse galloped lightly and circled the ranch over and over, its strong legs pounding the ground, raising clouds of dust. After several circles, it started slowing down, until it stood by a wooden fence. Then it shuffled its legs, threw back its glorious mane, and swished its long-haired tail. The horse’s big black eyes were wide open, its ears pricked, alert to every sound.
Pam sat in the saddle, as straight and handsome as the noble Arabian. Her hands held the reins firmly, her legs urging the horse to follow her lead. As a child, she’d ridden horses. Her father, before becoming addicted to alcohol, taught her and Jeff how to ride. Every evening, he drove them to the nearby ranch, where they enjoyed riding the horses. They became excellent riders, as a cowboy’s kids should. After that, she didn’t ride for a long time, but it was a skill she hadn’t forgotten. Therefore, when she applied for a job at the ranch, she got the job easily. She’d been working on the ranch f
or three months as a riding instructor and coach for the young riders. She was talking again, although she still stuttered. Her stammer didn’t impede her work. On the contrary, it helped her better understand some of her students’ disabilities. Some of them were youths at risk, some were handicapped, and some—those with whom she’d bonded most of all—came from an abusive home. Her joy knew no bounds when she saw them connect with the strong, muscular animal, deriving confidence from riding that they would otherwise never receive.
During her first month in Israel, she stayed with Aunt Rachel, as planned. But after a month, Pam felt she wanted to move forward with her life. Despite the love she felt for her aunt, she decided to embark on a life of independence. She was thirty years old. When would she start living if not now? Ever since, she’d lived on the ranch, leading the horses with a firm hand, to the satisfaction of her employers. The new place had been so good for her that her vivacity had returned. The disease that had plagued her just a short while ago hadn’t left its mark on her and, in fact, no one apart from her aunt knew of it.
Aunt Rachel sat and looked at her wonderingly. How did the girl lead the horses so firmly? From her blue eyes, which had faded through the years, one could see only her pupils, which danced with joy. Her beautiful, wrinkled face beamed. Even her thin, trembling hands were temporarily steady. It seemed as though her soul had finally found peace. As far as she was concerned, she was prepared to return to her Maker.
She looked at her niece again and thought how she didn’t resemble her sister. Pam was short and chubby, while Hannah had been tall and thin. Nevertheless, she was glad that she’d received the wonderful opportunity to meet the granddaughter of her beloved, lost sister. Who could’ve guessed that fragile, submissive Hannah, the weakest one in the family, would escape that hell? Who could’ve guessed that Hannah, who’d been so honest, would live a life of lies, far from her family? Who could’ve guessed that the girl of such strong faith, who never stopped murmuring, “With God’s help, with God’s help,” would convert and marry a goy?