by Jenny Hale
“Are you all right?” he asked, and she felt a pinch of worry in her chest. Apparently, her sunglasses hadn’t hidden as much as she thought they had. His question—the fact that someone else was aware of her pain when no one had ever been there to share it with her before—caused more tears to surface against her will. She sniffled. It was all so complex.
“I have a lot of memories here. Good ones from my childhood. But I’m not a kid anymore, and life changes doesn’t it?” she said, realizing then that her statements probably made no sense to him. She smiled through her tears. They were subsiding now. Talking out loud to someone was helping. It was nice just having someone there to listen. “Sometimes I still feel like I have to prove myself to people. I know I don’t, but it still feels that way.” She’d never admitted that to anyone, so she didn’t know why she just had to Jake. Perhaps it was the fact that he was a neutral party, or that he seemed kind. Maybe it was his understanding eyes—she didn’t know, but she felt as if she could talk to him.
“What do you have to prove?”
By his question, it was clear that he was paying attention. This man she’d only just met was listening to her, and she really liked that. “That I’m happy.”
“It’s funny that you say that. I know exactly how you feel.”
How could he know? Had he had someone hurt him like Casey had hurt her? Did he go home alone every night and wonder if he’d made the right choices? “You do?”
“Yeah. I don’t need someone to show me how to be happy; I can do it by myself. I’m finally doing that.” He smiled.
Faith stood there for a moment, taking in what had just transpired. Here they were—two complete strangers—sharing thoughts that she knew were not the kinds of things that strangers shared. Why? It made her feel that, perhaps, he was a lot like her, and he felt, for whatever reason, able to share things with her in that moment, just like she had. They hadn’t said much, but she felt as though they could keep going if she pulled up a chair and settled in, as if they could just bounce thoughts off each other all night.
“I didn’t mean to pry,” he said. “I just saw you standing up here alone…”
“I’m so sorry,” she said, with a jolt of worry, suddenly realizing that she was trespassing. “I didn’t think anyone lived here.”
“No one does live here,” he smiled again, and she felt a flutter at the sight of it. It put her back at ease. It was the way he was looking at her. He certainly had a charming quality about him. She’d already said more to him than she’d said to her own family. “I was just doing some woodwork inside. Would you like to see it?”
“Are you sure it isn’t any trouble?” She’d love to go inside, to see how this cottage compared to the old one, but also to pass more time with Jake.
“None at all.” Jake unlocked the door and let her enter first. When she did, the smell of new paint and sawdust overwhelmed her. The room was an enormous open space with a vaulted, cedar ceiling, a paddle fan dangling from its center. The white walls were like blank canvases, the only color coming from the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. A few pieces of blue furniture and a cream-colored area rug gave a pop of color against the bare interior. He came in, and she followed him across the highly lacquered hardwoods to the bar that separated the kitchen from the living room. The kitchen cabinets were custom, slats built to hold wine bottles, others for housing plates. They were stained the color of the driftwood siding that she remembered as a kid, and she cleared her throat to keep the emotion from coming back.
“This is beautiful,” she said, running her hand along the beveled edge of one of the cabinet doors. She opened it to peer into the empty cabinet and a stab of loss sliced her chest as she remembered that it was this spot that used to house all their board and card games. As a child, it had been a little too high for her, and she’d had to hop up on the counter whenever she needed one. Sometimes the cards would fall as she got them down, scattering along the kitchen floor. Why they hadn’t put the games lower, she didn’t know, but now, she wished they were still there, that things could still be as simple as they had been then. Faith closed the door and surveyed the cabinets again. They were nothing like the boxy ones that had been in her childhood cottage, but it didn’t matter. This place still felt like home.
“Thank you. It’s been hard work, but I’m pleased with how it’s all turning out.” He walked around the bar to join her in the kitchen. “I saw you at Dune Burger, right?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said with a smile. She couldn’t help but smile at him. He remembered her. She felt so comfortable around him.
“I thought so.” He broke eye contact as if he were deciding whether or not to say something, but before she could add anything, he looked up. “I wanted to ask if I could eat with you.”
Her smile widened. What an honest admission. She would have been too timid to admit first that she’d wanted him to sit with her. “You did? Then why didn’t you ask?”
“I worried you might be in a hurry or something. I didn’t want to bother you. You being by yourself made me curious. Are you here on vacation?” he asked.
She wondered what he thought about her. She was eating alone and now wandering around empty cottages all by herself. She must look like a whole heap of fun. “Yes,” she answered. “I’m meeting my family, but I’m early. We’re celebrating my grandmother’s ninetieth birthday.”
When she said that, his eyebrows shot up in surprise but then he ironed his expression back out. It was a strange reaction, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it did sound odd. Who brings their ninety year-old grandmother to the beach? What he didn’t know was that Nan had the will of an ox, and it had been her idea. She’d been the one who’d pressed everyone, called relentlessly, saying that they’d better come because this was the only time she was going to organize such an event, and, given her age, they’d all feel terrible if they didn’t come and she “went to find John.” Nan never talked about death. She always described it as finding their grandfather instead. It had always struck Faith as a lovely idea.
Faith had never known her grandfather. He’d died before she was born. Nan had told her stories about him, and she’d seen the black and white photos, but she didn’t feel like she really knew him. She often wondered about the man that Nan had loved so much.
“Speaking of which, I’d better get going,” she said. “Thank you for showing me this. It’s beautiful.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, a tiny wrinkle of confusion showing between his eyes.
She wondered what he could be thinking. “It was nice to meet you.”
“Likewise.” He smiled again, his expression changing. He looked as though he knew something she didn’t know. She’d never met this man before but his honesty made her feel as comfortable as coming home after a long trip. She could just feel it. He commanded her attention, but in the most wonderful way. She was only concerned with the here and now, just like in a dream. It made pulling away from him to meet her family quite difficult. She wanted to get to know this stranger better, but she knew she had to go. Real life was waiting for her.
But here was her chance to be brave, to take the first step and find out about Jake. To do what she should have done earlier, instead of letting him walk by. She should ask him his opinion for places to get a nice dinner or directions to the real estate office where she was meeting her family to get their cottage keys at the very least. She should say something. She could ask him why he’d decided to come to Dune Burger alone. Did he always eat alone? Was he perfectly fine with it like she was?
“Well, I guess I’ll be going. Have a great day,” she said, turning toward the door. She bit her lip to keep from screaming at herself for not saying more. She knew why she’d not been able to remain silent. She was attracted to Jake, and the thought of it scared her to death. She hadn’t been interested in anyone since Patrick, and letting someone in could possibly shatter the little world she’d created for he
rself. A world that she could control, that would never be as painful as what she’d experienced with Casey. While her head told her that one day she would have to give up a little of that control and find a compromise between her work and personal life, she didn’t know if she was ready yet because allowing someone in might allow someone to hurt her again. She closed the door behind her, without looking back, and walked down the stairs to her car.
TWO
Faith should’ve said something. She should have asked him something—anything. Casey would’ve. It was as if the mere idea of soon being in Casey’s presence had sent Faith spiraling back to the person she’d been all those years ago. And she wasn’t that person anymore. She was strong, confident. So why hadn’t she said something to Jake? In the grand scheme of things, striking up a conversation with a stranger whom she’d never see again wasn’t that big of a deal, but the attraction she felt toward him—like the pull of the tide—was something brand new for her. She’d never met anyone before who had made her so curious and interested from the very moment she’d met him.
As Faith pulled onto the bypass, she turned up the volume on her radio and tried to shake the feelings she was having. It was time to refocus. She was about to see her family—her mom, Casey and Scott, and her niece, Isabella, whom she’d only ever been able to see when she was visiting her mother’s house before Casey and Scott had moved to Boston. And she was about to see Nan! Faith missed Nan so much. Her grandmother always knew how to reach her. She understood her like no one else could. Life had gotten in the way for quite a while, and Faith hadn’t seen her as often as she should have, but she was going to make up for that right now. It was Nan’s birthday, and she was going to do whatever she could to make it special for her.
She pulled out the small piece of paper she’d used to jot down the directions to the real estate agency and held it against the steering wheel as she came to a red light. Nan had been insistent that they meet at the agency, get the key to the rental cottage, and arrive at the cottage together. The light turned green and she hit the gas.
In mere minutes, she’d be face to face with everyone. She took in a deep breath. It was time to mentally gear up for this. How would she begin a conversation with Casey? She went through the things she’d done recently: She could talk about Teacher of the Year. She was going to make a speech at the beginning of next year to the entire faculty. They could discuss this. Anything to get the focus off the elephant in the room. She could ask about Isabella. She was now five, and would certainly have changed. She couldn’t wait to see her.
Faith pulled her car to a stop in front of the real estate agency, the familiar cars of her mother and Casey empty and parked beside each other just across the parking lot. She swallowed, licked her lips, and ran her fingers through her long, brown hair one more time to fluff it up. Before she could get up the walk, Casey came out the door, carrying a key in her hand. Faith had replayed this moment over and over in her mind—seeing her sister again, preparing herself for how she’d feel, and here it was. There was no backing down now. It was done. She was about to spend the next two weeks with her sister.
Casey looked up, that perfectly radiant smile spreading across her face. It seemed genuine.
“Hey there!” She waved, the key dangling from her finger. “It’s so good to see you!” She shuffled over on her wedge sandals, the delicate straps crossed neatly at her ankles, and threw her arms around Faith. Their hug was awkward, both of them trying to be as normal as possible, given the circumstances. Isabella was right behind her, looking so much like her mother had at that age. Her niece had gotten Casey’s blond hair, her high cheekbones, and her lanky figure. She was beautiful. Casey pulled back to make eye contact. She still looked amazing, her long, tan legs the perfect body type to pull off her cut-off jeans. Casey stepped aside to allow Faith to greet Isabella. Isabella looked up through her lashes, a timid smile on her face.
“You remember your Aunt Faith,” Casey said, still smiling. “It’s been a while.” She looked over at Faith, and that language that only sisters can have flooded her. Casey was telling her how it had been too long, how much she’d missed her, and Faith felt so guilty that she had to work to keep her lips pressed into a cordial expression. She wanted to grab her sister and tell her how sorry she was that she hadn’t visited, even though Casey had invited her to Boston several times. She just didn’t feel like she could. So much had gone on between them. Casey’s actions could be hurtful and selfish, but she was still Faith’s sister, and they had a lifetime of other memories that all hit her like wrecking ball. She realized that she had missed her sister greatly.
Faith was glad to see her mom helping Nan down the steps because she was so overwhelmed by seeing her sister that all those things she’d thought of on the way there had left her now. Her mind was swimming with emotion. She didn’t know if she was coming or going. Seeing Casey again and especially Isabella had her confused. She thought she knew what to expect, but now she had new emotions. She missed her sister, and she felt guilty for not spending more time with her and her family. Nan held on to the railing, holding a handkerchief, the single gold band on her left hand shining in the sunlight. Even after all these years, she still wore that wedding ring.
“Hi, Nan!” Faith nearly shouted, unable to contain herself.
Nan got a firm hold on the railing again, planted her feet on the step, and looked up. “There she is!” she said in her thick, smooth, southern accent. “I’d have waited for you in the car—it probably would have been easier on my knees—but it’s so damn hot! How’s a lady supposed to act ladylike in this heat?” Nan winked at her and dabbed at her forehead with her handkerchief.
Faith laughed despite herself. Still a firecracker, she thought. Nan had on a skirt and flats, her legs hidden with thick stockings. No wonder she was hot. Poor thing. She got to the bottom of the steps and Faith rushed up to see her. She embraced her, Nan’s flowery scent taking her back to her childhood.
“Hi, Mom,” she said, releasing Nan and giving her mom a hug in greeting. Even now, her mother had a youthful appearance, her face milky smooth, as if she’d never spent a minute in the sun, her hair still light brown like Faith’s. She wondered how she was doing, taking care of Nan. Faith knew she’d been struggling a little because Nan refused to give up anything—she still did her own bills, bought her groceries, and cleaned her living area, but it was such a struggle for her now. It was all her mom could do to get Nan to let her take her to the store or help her up and down the stairs.
“So, where is this place, Nan?” Faith asked, unable to stop smiling. Something about being with her grandmother made her so happy. Maybe it was her frank, no-nonsense nature, or the way she didn’t seem to care about what people thought. Whatever it was, she loved Nan.
“First surprise,” Nan looked around the group, making eye contact with them all. It was just like her to add drama. “The cottage where we’re spending two weeks is actually on the old lot!”
That certainly was a surprise. A great one! She’d seen first hand how gorgeous it was, how much like their old cottage. Excitement bubbled up as she realized that she’d get to spend more time there. She wanted to feel the happiness of her childhood, the closeness with her mother and her sister, and the ease of those times before life had gotten so hard. Nan always just knew how to make Faith happy. Without even trying, she’d given Faith something priceless. She was going to get to spend day after day looking out at the very view she’d had as a child. The view she could still shut her eyes and see as clear as day.
“There’s a cottage on that lot?” Martha asked, clearly shocked.
“A brand new one,” Nan said, something lurking behind her eyes. Excitement? Was Nan just as happy to have the cottage again as she was? Faith had never thought about Nan’s feelings regarding the cottage. Faith had just assumed it wasn’t an important part of her life anymore, but, judging by the look on Nan’s face, it clearly was. “I arranged for us to be its first guests, th
e first ones to ever walk the hallways. I can’t wait to see that view.”
“Isabella,” Martha said with the same thrill on her face that she had when they were children and she’d planned something wonderful for them. “You will love this cottage. You know,” her eyes darted over to Faith, “your aunt spent many days building sandcastles there. I’ll bet you can build a bigger one than she did!”
Martha had her arm around Isabella just like she’d done with Faith. She would put her arm around Faith and lean in as if she were telling a secret that no one else could know. Sometimes, she’d say nothing in particular—just comment about the weather or what they were having for dinner that night—but it was her unique way of showing affection, and it was nice to see her doing it with Isabella.
At the same time, the obvious ease and love between her mother and her niece, the way the young girl relaxed into her grandmother’s frame and took in her every word with such awe made Faith feel the sting of guilt that she hadn’t been around Isabella enough as she was growing up. She didn’t have this connection with her niece. For all intents and purposes, she was a stranger to Isabella. Faith had let her issues with Casey get in the way of that bond for too long. She hoped she’d get the chance now to work on that.
“I’ll follow you,” Martha said, looking up from Isabella and waving at Faith. “You know how to get there, right?”
She nodded. As they got into their cars, Faith hadn’t asked, but she’d wondered… Where was Scott? Why wasn’t he with Casey? Had he just decided to stay home? Had Casey convinced him that it was a girls’ trip, and she’d rather see her family alone?