by Jenny Hale
“I think so.” Faith looked toward the beach to see if she could see Casey or Jake. “Do you mind if I excuse myself for just a few more minutes. I want to talk to Casey.”
Nan smiled. “Your mom and I have tons to talk about.”
“Thank you.”
“Chances,” Nan said, her grin spreading across her face. “Glad to see you finally taking chances.”
She felt her pulse quicken, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of Nan’s observation, or the fact that she was going to confront Casey, or both. But she turned and started toward the beach. With every step she took, years of pent-up frustration were simmering, heating up. She was still mad at Casey, she just wanted to stand up for herself, tell her sister to back off, and let her know how she felt.
She walked up the wooden steps leading over the dune and spotted them on the beach. Casey was pointing to a tree further down, and Jake was talking. Casey laughed, throwing her head back, her hand landing on Jake’s arm. Faith stopped, deliberating. Jake didn’t know the whole history she had with her sister, and he may not understand if she just burst in and pulled Casey away to talk. It may seem rude. Before she could contemplate it further, Jake had caught her eye, and he waved. They started walking her way.
Casey had her sandals dangling from her fingers, her hair blowing behind her shoulders, and her dress flapping around her legs. She was so beautiful. Faith tucked her hair behind her ears to keep it from blowing around in circles on her head. Then, she smoothed out her own dress and straightened herself up.
“When we were fishing, Jake had promised to show me an area of beach where he liked to fish. I was asking him where it was,” Casey said, as she neared her. She looked out at the ocean. “This southern climate is quite a change from Boston. I could sell it all and move here,” she said, clearly kidding, but the comment grated on Faith’s nerves.
“It’s an amazing day. I’ll leave you two to enjoy the view,” Jake said. “I’m going to get the sand out of my shoes and then head back in to the party.” He gave them a wink.
Faith acknowledged his statement with a smile, but inside she was still a mess. Once he was out of earshot, she said, “Casey, what do you think you’re doing?” She couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“What?”
“What exactly are you doing with Jake?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve watched you! You’re overly flirty, practically yanking the wine out of my hands today to give it to him. Shouldn’t you be focused on your husband?”
The skin between Casey’s eyes wrinkled, her face crumpling in confusion and resentment.
“You always do this!” Faith said a little too loudly, glad that the distance and the surf drowned out her words for those at the party. “You come waltzing in, doing whatever you please, without once thinking about those around you. You only think about yourself! No wonder Scott left!” She was fuming, saying things she didn’t expect to say, but the lid had come off, and it was all coming out. Had she had more time to think about it all, she may have said things in a different manner, but it was too late now, and she’d said it.
“Excuse me?” Casey said indignantly.
“You tell me how much you miss Scott and you’re so upset about the divorce, yet you sure don’t seem to be missing him when you’re off with Jake!”
“Pardon me for trying to enjoy myself at a nice party with a gracious host,” she spit the words at her. Faith knew she wanted to say more but she was holding her tongue. “You’re being dramatic.”
“I’m being dramatic? Are you serious?”
“Well, it’s either that or you’re still hung up on Scott, so you’re taking it out on me.”
Anger boiled inside her. She knew that was what it would look like to Casey, but it wasn’t that at all. It was Casey! She was the one ruining everything. “I am not hung up on Scott,” she said through clenched teeth.
Realization suddenly sheeted over Casey’s face. “You have a crush on Jake?” She laughed, making Faith feel ridiculous. As sisters, they had a way of doing this to each other: They could be harsh and downright mean when they were upset, but once it all settled, they’d forgive one another. Forgiveness was far on the horizon today. Casey’s laughter caused a blow of fury to Faith’s gut, and at that moment she didn’t want to ever forgive her sister.
Faith knew what Casey was thinking. She was thinking that they’d only been there for six days and Faith had some kind of schoolgirl crush, and she was throwing a fit over it. But this was more than some schoolgirl crush. She had real feelings for Jake. She was getting out years of frustration over how Casey could always get everything she wanted and Faith had to sit by and watch, even when it hurt her. She’d scarred Faith, betraying her trust. Yes, Faith did think Jake was a great guy, and she did want to spend time with him, but it was Casey’s behavior that had caused this outburst. Tears were surfacing, and she blinked to keep them at bay. Her throat was tight with emotion, her chest hurting from the pressure of it.
“I just wish you’d pay attention to other people sometimes,” she said quietly. The pain had eaten through the anger. Why hadn’t Casey taken the time to notice how she would hurt Faith all those years ago when she’d met Scott? Surely, as Faith’s sister, she’d known she should’ve stopped.
Faith sat down on the bottom step, pushing her feet into the sand. A sandpiper ran along the shoreline, leaving footprints behind it. Casey didn’t sit.
“Heaven forbid you notice those around you. But then again, that would put a damper on your perfect little world, wouldn’t it?” Faith said, still quiet to keep the sobs from bubbling up. This was by far, the wrong place to be having this conversation, but there was no changing it now. The last thing she wanted to do was go back up to the party with watery eyes and a red nose. “You never let yourself feel anything unless it’s happiness. You push the uncomfortable feelings away, and in doing so, you never have to deal with the fact that you broke my heart, Casey. You need to stop hurting people. Think about their feelings. Put a little effort in them. Work for it, if you miss Scott. Show him he’s worth your effort. Loving someone takes work, Casey. I’ve learned that by loving you.”
Casey didn’t respond. She was looking out at the horizon, her lips pursed in an angry scowl, her breathing steady. Faith knew that this was hard for her too.
“You are so high and mighty,” Casey finally said. “You spout off about relationships like you know something about them, when you’ve had one, maybe two, and they amounted to nothing. Don’t you dare try and judge my relationship with Scott. You don’t know.” Then, without another word, she walked off, leaving Faith alone on the step.
FOURTEEN
If she went back to the party, Faith might cry, so she sat on that step, watching the waves. Casey had hurt her. And, truth be told, she’d probably hurt Casey too. Faith was still angry, but she felt also felt awful. This was the wrong place to bring up her issues with Casey—she hadn’t meant to; they’d just bubbled up. She’d taken her built up feelings too far today, but there was never a good time. One doesn’t just set out and say, “Today is a good day to confront my sister.” It didn’t work that way. She’d gotten out some of what she’d wanted to say today, but their argument was far from over. Casey still hadn’t said she was sorry or even admitted to doing anything wrong, so this little outburst had done nothing but get Faith worked up.
She’d sat there on the step until the outward signs of sadness had been erased, but now she just felt empty. Casey was right. What did she know about relationships? What did she know about the life that Casey had with Scott? She’d not even been a part of it. She’d stayed away nearly Isabella’s whole life. She had no idea about what the Robins family was like.
“Hey,” she heard through the wind behind her.
Faith twisted around to find Jake at the top of the steps that led to the beach. Seeing Jake only made her feel worse because she wanted his comfort, but she knew she probably wouldn’t g
et it. He stepped down, one by one, until he was next to her. Then, he lowered himself down beside her. They were unusually close, given the narrow staircase, so he turned a little to give her more room.
“You okay?” he asked. “You’ve been down here for a long time.”
She nodded, even though she was lying. She wasn’t okay at all.
He looked at her as if he saw through it, but he didn’t say anything. He leaned back, resting his arm on the step above, and the proximity made it seem like he had his arm around her. She took in a deep breath. She wanted to have his arms around her for real, to rest her head on his shoulder. But she straightened her back to try and look like she had it all together. She was used to getting herself together without the help of anyone else, and she didn’t want him to pity her?
“Wanna talk about it?” he asked, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. He was trying to seem casual, she could tell, but he knew something. Had Casey told him what had happened? Her chest felt cold at the idea. Casey wouldn’t dare…
“I’m fine. I was just enjoying the view,” she said. “You should be up there,” she tipped her head back to point at the party, “instead of being down here with me.”
“You’re a part of my party too,” he said, finally turning to look at her. “I couldn’t even see you down here! I had no idea where you’d gone until I ran into Casey. I figured you’d come back up and gotten lost in the crowd.”
Now she really wondered what Casey might have said. Had Casey put herself in Jake’s path on purpose? Faith turned to face him. “Well, thank you,” she smiled. “Thank you for checking on me. Sometimes, I like to be away from the crowd, you know?”
He smiled a crooked grin and shifted, their faces too close. “Me too,” he said.
“I don’t believe that for one minute,” she said. “As much as you like to talk to people.”
“It’s true! I do enjoy meeting new people, getting to know people, but I like my quiet time too. It’s hard work doing all that talking. I can’t go on like that forever.” He chuckled. His face was the same as it was the other night, his eyes looked as though he were drinking her up, taking in every movement she made, every thought she had. She wanted time to stop when he did it because there was nothing she’d ever experienced that was as good as that.
“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “Thank you for taking time to come see me down here. You didn’t have to.”
His face was serious, but the corners of his mouth were turned up into a grin, that fondness pouring through his features. He was so good-looking yet he never acted as if he knew it. Their eyes were locked on one another’s, as if they were both thinking the same thing. They were completely alone. No one could see them down here. He was being so gentle and nice. He’d come to check on her, bothered to sit with her when there were so many other people who were surely lining up for his time.
It would be so easy to lean forward and kiss him. She’d never been put in a situation like this before, but right now, she felt as if she would know exactly what to do. This was her moment. The moment to take charge and let him know what she wanted. She wanted him—just like this with no pretentiousness or extravagance. He was giving her all the signals she needed; she just had to act on them.
She placed her hand on his chest, over his heart, and he looked down at it.
“Faith…” His words trailed off.
“When I’m teaching and I send one of my five-year-olds on an errand down the hallway, I always ask if they walked back or if they ran. Sometimes they say they’ve walked, but I know better. Do you know how I can tell that they aren’t telling the truth?”
He shook his head.
“I put my hand on their heart. If I can feel it beating wildly, then I know.”
He looked down again at her hand, defeat sliding across his face. His heart was beating like crazy, and she knew she’d caught him. For some reason, he’d been trying to play down his feelings for her. She didn’t know why, but the idea that he was feeling the same way that she was, made her own heart soar.
The moments where he’d laughed at something she’d said the other night, and the way his head turned when he was listening to her, the list of things they had in common—it all went through her mind as she leaned forward. Her heart was beating so fast, she worried it was visible from the outside. Faith put her other hand on the step to steady herself, as she moved closer. She was telling him silently that it was okay, that she welcomed anything that may transpire between them. Then, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his. The exhilaration of it caused her to lean against him to keep her body steady. His lips were soft and strong at the same time, just like they had been at Bodie Island. Never had she initiated a kiss with anyone. She finally felt in control of her feelings, and it felt wonderful. She knew this was the feeling she wanted to have for the rest of her life with someone. With him?
Then, it all stopped.
Gently, his hands on her shoulders, he pushed her away. For the first time since she’d met him, he looked vulnerable. It was only a second and then it was gone. He stood up. She felt a little frantic, like she wanted to stop him and find out why he’d pushed her away when it was clear that he felt something for her. Whatever the issue was, they could figure it out together.
“I’m sorry,” he said. He cleared his throat and took in a slightly jagged breath. “I’m…” He stared blankly out at the ocean as if collecting himself. “I’m sorry.”
She sat silently.
“What I’ve learned in life is that I’m at my happiest when I can be friends with someone—I know how to do that. But when it comes to relationships—day in and day out—I’m terrible at them. I’ve been down that road before,” he said again. “Showing you around is a lot of fun, but when it comes down to real life—who I am and who you are—things will get harder. It’s easy to forget when I’m with you, but I can’t stop being me and doing what I do.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I’m not going to try and prove myself to anyone. I am who I am, and I’m not going to answer for it. I’ve had to answer for it my whole marriage, and I’m not doing it again. You don’t want me to build up the Outer Banks, but I’m a builder, and I can’t be happy unless I’m doing that. I have a totally different vision about what I see for the future. Yes, I want to sit on my porch and read, but only if I know that I’ve just found land to build a golf course. I can’t change who I am or what I do. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too,” she said, not getting up. Her legs might not have held her if she’d stood up. “I misinterpreted the moment, and I misinterpreted who you are.” Had she ever. Clearly, Jake was not going to be persuaded to change his mind about building.
Even putting the issue of Jake’s profession aside, he had the upper hand in this argument. He’d known, first-hand, what being in a committed relationship was like. Faith hadn’t ever been married. She didn’t have a clue about being with someone that long. Casey’s words were like daggers inside her head. Her sister was right. What did Faith know about relationships? She’d finally put herself out there, taken a chance like Nan had told her to do, and she’d failed. In the world she’d created back home, she was safe from situations like these. She couldn’t get hurt there.
She looked out at the ocean. She didn’t know what to say. He was right. Maybe they were better as friends. She was used to living alone, and she, too, had learned to enjoy it. He was reading her again, she could tell, and she tried to push all the thoughts from her mind unsuccessfully.
“I’m glad I met you,” she said. “Sometimes in life, there are people who, for whatever reason, make us feel great. You’re one of those people for me, but I understand that we are very different. I’d like to stay friends.”
“I feel the same way. Friends,” he smiled. Then, reaching out to help her up, he said, “Shall we go back to the party?”
Faith grabbed his hand and stood up, letting go to brush the sand off her bottom, and trying t
o get feeling back in her legs. Her anxiety over the moment had made them wobbly. As she walked up the steps, she thought about how much of a scene she’d made. Her sister had said she was dramatic, and she may have been right. She was at a party, yet she was fighting with her sister and trying to kiss the host.
She was tired. She wanted to go home. She wanted to get in her car and leave. It was all too much. Jake didn’t say anything else. He was quiet the whole walk back to the house. As they entered the crowd, the chatter was amplified in Faith’s ears, slamming around in her head, giving her a headache.
She walked beside Jake to the tent where Nan was sitting beside her mom, an iced tea in her hands, the wine long gone. Her mom was smiling, unknowing, but Nan focused on her, an unreadable expression on her face. Concern? Confusion? Had Casey come back up spouting her irritation with Faith to all of them? Clearly, she hadn’t by the look on her mother’s face. Nan was so intuitive, so sharp, that she could always tell. Faith tried to smile, to put on a happy face and play the part.
“I’ll see ya later,” Jake said as he headed toward a group in the other direction, leaving her with her mom and Nan.
Faith caught sight of Chuck in the crowd and he waved. She thought about how Jake’s father felt about his business developments, and she realized that Jake probably didn’t want yet another person in his life shooting down his dreams. Even if they were ridiculous. She understood, but it didn’t make it any easier. The sadness over their unresolvable differences and the eventual loss of her most favorite place were weighing heavily on her. Her head pounded, and the sun and wine were only making it worse.
“Where have you been?” her mom asked with a grin. “We’ve been having a great time up here. Your nan’s been telling me stories about you girls that I’d never heard. Did you know that you two got into her baking flour when you were just a baby and you had it all over her kitchen? She didn’t ever tell me that.” Her mom laughed, looking over at Nan, but Nan was still eyeing Faith, her gaze appraising.