I experienced the beauty around me the way I had never before done. I started to feel as if I was one with the landscape, as if I knew how the trees and animals felt. We were all one organism. It was, you know, peace and love. At that moment I loved every single person on earth. I guess I was being in the moment. There was no yesterday and no tomorrow. There was only now, where everything was perfect.
I saw the most gorgeous squirrel run down a tree and come towards me. He stopped about ten feet away. The little creature’s eyes were so bright and alive I felt as if he was my special mate.
I dug around in my jacket and tried to share my cookie with him. I was disappointed to the point of tears when his beautiful bright eyes stared greedily at the cookie in my hand, but he refused to come closer.
I became sure that the reason he was refusing to come to me was because I had once eaten squirrel meat.
‘Look, I’m really sorry,’ I told him. To my ears my voice sounded high and cartoon like. I paused, giggled, and continued. ‘Now that I know you I’ll never do such a thing again.’
I threw the cookie towards him. He scampered away at first and then came back to snatch the cookie and rush away back up a tree. Sitting on a branch, he began to nibble at the cookie. I laughed so hard I had to hold my belly. His antics seemed to me the funniest thing in the world. To my delight it started to snow again. Big, fat flakes. What grace. What elegance. I opened my mouth and they melted on my tongue. Delicious. Absolutely delicious. I lifted my face to the heavens, and with my hands outstretched, I twirled around just savoring the marvelous sensation. It made me dizzy and I fell to the ground. Feeling deliriously happy, I stared up at the white sky.
One moment I was eating snow and laughing, and the next I was a snow-covered lump in the bleak landscape. I don’t know how long had passed. I was conscious I was becoming cold, but my legs felt funny and I didn’t trust myself to ride home. Anyway, the horse was nowhere to be seen.
I should call someone, but the only person my buzzing brain wanted to call was Ivan. He had such a sexy mouth. I remembered again the way he had looked at me for that one second during dinner last night, and I was determined that I really, really, really should kiss those lips. At least once.
I fumbled around in my coat pocket, found my phone, and peered at the screen. The colors on my screen seemed so bright. Strange but I couldn’t remember his number. Finally, I managed to locate it in my phone. I hit the call button and missed. That seemed funny and I giggled and tried again.
Yes. Result.
But it rang out.
I put my phone back into my pocket and looked up at the sky. Wow! Psychedelic man! I lay back on the soft snow and smiled.
‘You missed out, Ivan,’ I said into the silent air, and nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone suddenly rang.
‘Shit,’ I exclaimed, sitting up and grabbing my phone.
‘Hello,’ I said.
‘You called,’ Ivan said. His voice made me feel really happy.
‘I think you have a really, really, really sexy mouth,’ I told him.
For a few seconds there was pure silence and a quick intake of breath. Then his voice came down the line, as mad as a wet hen. ‘You dragged me out of a meeting to tell me that?’
‘I just wanted you to know. Just in case you didn’t,’ I sang, oblivious to his irritation.
‘Tawny?’ he said quietly.
‘Yes?’
‘Where are you?’ His voice was cautious.
‘I think I might be about five minutes away from Jupiter house.’
This time the silence stretched even longer.
‘Robert told me all about your tree house,’ I explained.
‘Are you all right?’
‘Well, I think someone at the house spiked my drink with ecstasy, and I’m totally off my cake, but otherwise I am just fantastic.’
‘What?’ he barked suddenly in the receiver.
I jerked the phone away. Whoa, his voice had been like a mini explosion just outside my ear. ‘It’s all right,’ I said with a laugh. ‘I have popped a pill once before so I’m not frightened or anything.’
‘Tawny, are you dressed warmly?’ he asked urgently.
‘Oh yes,’ I said confidently.
‘Good. Do you think you could last out there for another hour?’
‘Sure. I was thinking of walking back to the house.’
‘No,’ he said urgently. ‘Listen to me. Don’t go back to the house. Can you see the tree house from where you are?’
‘Yup.’
‘Can you make it there?’
‘Why wouldn’t I be able to?’
‘Good. Can you go there, close the little trapdoor and wait for me?’
‘Yeah, I can do that.’
‘Great. You will be out of the elements. Call me when you reach it, OK?’
‘OK,’ I said breezily.
‘Be careful,’ he said.
‘I will.’
‘Go on. Get moving.’
I stood up unsteadily. ‘Whoa.’
‘What?’ he growled.
‘Nothing. Just gravity problems.’ And that seemed funny to me and I began to laugh uproariously.
‘Fucking hell, Tawny. Get a hold of yourself.’
‘OK, OK. No need to shout. I’m on my way,’ I said, wanting to feel grumpy, but totally unable to. He was sweet that Ivan. Real sweet. I could eat him. I smiled to myself. He didn’t know that I had a thing for him. I stopped short. Did I? Nah. He was not for me. He should be with a woman, what was her name again. Oh yeah, Chloe. I bet she read Robbs Report every month. I know Rosalind reads it. Robert said he never wanted me to read such a magazine.
‘It’s for snobs who want to find out the most snobbish way of spending their money,’ he used to say.
I trudged through the snow, falling a few times, until I reached the tree house. My ears were numb and the bitter cold had seeped into my gloves, numbing my fingers until they were so thick and stiff I could not bend them properly.
How I climbed the tree was a miracle in itself. But somehow, despite my shaky legs, I managed to get to it. Using my already frigid hands, I scooped the snow drift away from the rough wooden door and used my body to wedge it open. I crawled in and closed the door. I curled up in the opposite corner and, although there was a draft that oozed in from under the door, it was much warmer inside Jupiter. I must have dozed off again because the next thing I knew someone was calling my name.
‘Here,’ I called. ‘I’m here.’
And then Ivan was there. He was scowling, but I looked at his lips and I wanted to kiss him. I reached out and, hooking my hand around his neck, pulled him down until his mouth was inches from mine.
‘My, my, what a lovely boy you are, but one kiss, and I could turn you into a man,’ I whispered.
I saw his eyes darken.
‘One kiss … and oh, oh, you’ll never want to leave.’
Then I kissed him. His lips were full of magic, a warm curse, that is until he grabbed my forearms and pushed me away, but oh, boy, oh boy, that was the best and most incredible kiss of my entire life.
I stared up at him in wonder. ‘You’re such a great kisser. Are you from New Orleans?’ I asked in a hushed awed voice, as if I was imparting some great cosmic secret to him.
‘God, you’re fucked,’ he said.
‘Profoundly fucked,’ I corrected him, my voice slurring.
Then I passed out.
Lord Greystoke
I looked down at her blue-tinged lips on the dusty, rough wood floor of my old tree-house and felt like upper-cut punching the coward who had done that to her. I took it personally. As if every inch of her body belonged to me and some god-dammed bastard had harmed what was mine.
I felt such fury that it drove me to tears. It actually filled my eyes and leaked down my face. I swiped them away with my palms. Fucking hell! Where did that come from? Never thought I had it in me to care that much for a woman. Let alone the gold digger!
<
br /> Easy, Ivan. You’ve never met anybody like her.
I knew I needed to get her somewhere warm fast so I concentrated on that. But I swore that if it was the last fucking thing I did, I would find the worthless piece of shit/shits who did that to her and get even.
Fuck it to hell. Robert gave her to me.
CHAPTER 10
Tawny Maxwell
When I came to I was alone in a huge bed, in a room I had never seen before. The heavy curtains had been pulled shut and it was very dim, but I could make out that it was large with high ceilings and sparsely furnished. I sat up and listened intently. Nothing. It was dead quiet. No music. No sound of human activity.
I shouldn’t really have been frightened, but because I had no idea where I was and I felt so disorientated, I became suddenly petrified. How did I get here? Who brought me here? What was their intention? Was I someone’s prisoner? The fear totally changed the trip of the drug I had been given. It was like going from thirty miles an hour to one hundred and fifty. The wonderful high from when I was outdoors in the snow felt like a dream.
I felt my heart start beating so hard and fast that I could hear it. My breath came out in short sharp gasps. Then my hands began to tremble uncontrollably. I looked at them in horror. Indescribably frightened and horrified at what was happening to my body, I curled up into a tight, shivering ball, and peered out into the gloom. I was absolutely and inexplicably convinced that monsters were going to come out of the darkness.
Suddenly my petrified gaze was pulled to one corner of the room. I thought I had seen movement. With my heart racing like a mad thing, I fixed my eyes in that bit of gloom, and to my horror I found that there was a crack in the wall … and oh God! The crack was growing, becoming bigger and bigger. Inside the crack were moving shadows. A cold wind blew through it.
I suddenly understood its significance.
The crack was a door to another dimension and something was trying to come through, but I knew without any doubt whatever it was, it was not a good thing.
I wanted to stand up and run out of the room, but I had no control over my body. It was locked solid in its fetal position. Frozen with unnameable terror and dread I stared at the widening gap. Suddenly I heard a scuttling noise, an eerie scratching.
Oh sweet Jesus! It was coming!
I wanted to scream for help, but my mouth was numb and useless. All I could do was stare helplessly at the gap in the wall.
Something was coming.
Another scratching sound. This time closer. Louder. It sounded like nails or claws.
I began to pray fervently. I had never been so afraid.
Then it popped out.
The squirrel.
My eyes bulged with surprise. The squirrel I had given the cookie to? No, this one was different. This one had fierce eyes. I knew instantly without being told that it was related to the squirrel I had eaten all those years ago. It was hopping mad at me. It began to grow. Until it morphed into Rosalind!
She advanced into the room and looked around with crazy, bulging eyes. Spotting me cowering in the bed, she gave a murderous howl of rage and began swaying like some kind of demon from a horror movie towards me. My teeth chattered and my whole body was shaking with abject fear.
I wanted to beg her not to hurt me, but I could not. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it would burst. I had never felt such fear. She was coming closer and closer. Silent tears started to pour down my face. This was it. I was going to die. Killed by my stepdaughter. Somehow I managed to force open my mouth and let out a scream.
The door to the room flew open and a man came in. Instantly the squirrel disappeared into the crack and the crack began to close. I turned gratefully towards the man who had come in, but he had a mean face and he was nearly as tall as the ceiling. He was saying something, but his voice was so distorted it sounded like a demonic wail.
I was very frightened of him, because there was no doubt in my mind his plan was to hurt me. It was clear that he had brought me here to hurt me.
I opened my mouth and screamed for Ivan.
He suddenly strode towards me and cradled me in his arms. The gesture surprised me. He was the bad guy. What was he doing? I felt cold. So cold that my teeth were chattering. His body was warm and though he was the enemy I snuggled up to his splendid warmth.
He said something and I knew it was urgent, but I could not make the words out. The edges of his face were blurred. I tried to form words, but even to my ears they sounded like the sound of wind wailing in the distance.
‘Mommy,’ I yelled.
He said something else, but I still I couldn’t understand him.
‘I want my Mommy,’ I begged.
The stranger rocked me in his arms and crooned something, but the words ran into each other so I couldn’t understand a word he said.
‘Where is Ivan?’ I cried, clutching his shirt. ‘I’m not allowed to trust anyone else. You must find him for me.’
The man stilled as if I had said something shocking.
He pulled me even closer and continued rocking me while he stroked my hair as if I was a sick child. I let him. I knew that if I let him stay and rock me Rosalind could not get to me.
I don’t know how long he rocked me, that big, boulder-like stranger. Then another man came into the room and he was holding a black bag. I was certain he was the serial killer from the movie Child 44, and I cringed away from him and clung desperately to the stranger.
‘Don’t let go of me,’ I sobbed. ‘Please. He wants to kill me.’
The gentle giant’s voice echoed in my head. I couldn’t understand him, but it was OK because he did not let go of me. The other man tried to touch me but, like a madwoman, I went into spasms of fear and eventually he said something to the stranger and left. When I was alone with the stranger I began to sob loudly. I don’t know why I felt such grief that I wanted to end my life. If he had given me a knife I would have stabbed myself.
‘Who are you?’ I asked him.
He told me but I could not understand him. His voice was faint like how fading flowers must sound if they could talk.
Every time he tried to extricate himself, I clung harder to him until eventually darkness came to take me.
‘I don’t know who you are, but please, please, I beg of you, don’t let go of me,’ I whispered as the darkness was taking me away.
Lord Greystoke
When she passed out from sheer exhaustion I put her to bed, and as the doctor had ordered I sat next to her all night. I never closed my eyes once. She was not walking out of any of my windows. I stared at her the way a man stares at a thing that he craves even though it frightens the shit out of him.
Once she moaned in her sleep and thrashed her arms about, but I held her close, kissed her cheek and whispered, ‘Shhhh,’ until she became quiet and still.
Then I sat and planned how I would keep my distance from her, because the truth was she was not mine. And never would be. She belonged to no one. All this unfortunate incident had proved was that I was fucking putty in her hands, and if she even suspected it she’d milk it for all it was worth.
I promised Robert I’d help her, but once she was firmly on her own two feet, I would have to let go pretty quick. She was dangerous the way heroin was dangerous to the ordinary human. I knew a man who stepped over his dying girlfriend to get his fix.
It was not too late: she was not already in my blood calling to me. A cunning gold digger entwining herself into my soul.
CHAPTER 11
Tawny Maxwell
When I opened my eyes again, I seemed to be gazing at a different ceiling. This one was recessed with cream moldings and was much bigger. My head was fuzzy, my mouth tasted dry and bitter, and I felt as weak as a kitten. I swiveled my eyes slowly around the room. It was large and masculine with glossy blue walls, gleaming walnut furniture, a large surreal oil painting of a white castle floating in a blue sky, red suede bedside tables, and a large, dove-grey armchair by the bed i
n which was slumped … a sleeping Ivan!
I had to blink a few times to make sure he was real and not another hallucination like the squirrel. When did he get here and how long had he been sitting there?
Bemused, I turned my head and watched him curiously. Actually, I drank in the sight of him. He did not look so dark and dangerous in sleep. His head was tilted slightly to the left, his hair had fallen over his forehead, his unfairly thick lashes were resting on his gorgeous cheeks, and there was a dark shadow on his hard jaw which, strangely, made him look vulnerable and wickedly sexy at the same time.
The other man, the giant, probably called him, and he must have come. Where was I? Was I in his home? I suddenly realized that under the duvet, I was totally naked under a huge T-shirt. What the devil?
‘Oh,’ I exclaimed with surprise as his eyes snapped open, the grey finding me instantly.
I froze at the suddenness with which they focused on me, laser-like and disconcertingly sharp. We stared at each other. The air between us crackled as if there was a big storm coming. The sensual lips thinned into a straight stern line. He broke eye contact, sat forward, then glanced at his watch.
‘How’re you feeling?’ he asked.
‘You undressed me,’ I accused.
His eyes flickered, but his face was shuttered. ‘Yeah, but don’t worry I’ve kind of seen it all before.’
‘’You didn’t have to. I could have slept in my clothes,’ I said resentfully.
His lips twisted wryly. ‘You pissed yourself.’
My eyes popped open and my entire body flushed with crushing embarrassment. ‘Oh God,’ I gasped. I wished the ground would open up and swallow me. I couldn’t be more completely mortified.
‘I had to move you from the spare bedroom into my bed. A new mattress will be delivered later today and you can move back in there for tonight,’ he explained.
I drew a shaky breath. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I whispered.
‘Don’t be,’ he said carelessly and stood up. His clothes were crumpled as if he had spent all night in the chair.
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