She sniffed back the tears as they slid down her cheeks and fell onto her lap.
“We’re going to rebuild the cabin… exactly like it was before. I can’t go there without thinking about the time that we had together… and I don’t want to let you go. I think I’ll be spending a lot of time there when I’m not at university. I forgot to mention that I’m going to university, didn’t I? Well I am… no more eight until late for me.” She smiled and sighed out her breath as she thought about the time they’d spent on the mountain. “I’m sorry that I hit you that time. I wish things had been different… I know that you wished you were someone else when you were with me, but it was you that I fell for. I’d finally found what I was looking for and now it’s gone. Something tells me I’m never going to find it again… but I’m thankful that I found it with you… if only for a few days. Those days will last a lifetime in me. I won’t forget how I feel about you.”
She watched a woman as she walked past towards the small church, waiting until she was in the distance before looking back at his grave.
“I miss you,” she breathed and furrowed her brows as fresh tears rose up in her eyes. “Is that stupid of me? I can’t help missing you. Everyone is being so careful around me… treading on eggshells so they don’t upset me any more than I already am. I wish they’d go back to normal so they didn’t constantly remind me of you… I can still remember everything about you. I can remember the moment we met and the way you caught me when I fell… the way you kept me calm about my sister and made me really feel as though everything was going to be okay. I can remember the way you smell.” She bit her lip as she smiled through her tears. “I can remember the way you looked… the way you’d show me all those feelings in one glance. I’ve never been looked at like that before. I’ve never felt so loved without having to hear the words, not by anyone. This is all I have… these memories. Your people wouldn’t let my have anything of yours… not even a picture to remember you by. They told me it wasn’t possible. You didn’t exist. None of it happened. But it did happen, and you did exist, and I can’t go back to how things were before. I can’t pretend that I never met you like they want me to. I can’t let you go. How can I find love and then let it go?”
She closed her eyes as the tears spilled down her cheeks and let her head fall forwards. It was impossible for her to move on like everyone wanted her to. She didn’t care that it was better to love and lose it. Whoever said that hadn’t felt like she did. Losing Jack was like losing a part of herself, a vital part that she had to have back so she could go on living rather than just existing.
He’d promised that he’d come back.
Part of her was still waiting for him to keep that promise.
She’d always be waiting.
Looking at the rose that she was holding, the white petals blurred and swam in front of her eyes as they filled with tears.
Taking a deep breath, she held it in and tried to get a grip on her emotions.
“I can’t let you go, Jack… and I’ll never find another man who will make me feel the way you did… the way you do. Everything is different now. I’m different. My world is different. You’d laugh if you knew how much impact you made on my life… how everything altered the moment I met you.” She sniffed and smiled down at the rose, stroking it lightly. “Listen to me… rambling on. I have to go soon. We’re flying back tonight… I didn’t want to stay long. It hurts too much. Speaking of hurt…”
She glanced at her arm and smiled.
“It’s all healed now.” She pulled the sleeve of her top up and looked at the scar on her upper arm. “Nurses said you did a good job. I didn’t really care… it was too soon after… you know what. It reminds me of you. Like a permanent mark you’ve left on me… not just in my heart.”
She listened to the little church clock strike the hour and looked at it for a moment. The people were leaving now, all filtering away and holding each other, leaving her alone in the cemetery with the gravestone in front of her.
“I have to…” she said and then trailed off as her throat tightened.
Standing up, she brushed her jeans down and then sighed as more tears tried to push their way out. She furrowed her brows as her eyes came to rest on his headstone and swallowed down her emotions.
“I really miss you… will always love you. I wish I could’ve seen you one last time. You were the best time of my life… I hope I was the same for you.”
Pressing a kiss to the rose, she laid it down in front of the headstone as the tears coursed down her cheeks. She pressed a kiss to her fingers and then brushed them against his name.
“I won’t say goodbye… I’ll never say goodbye.”
Backing away from the grave, she kept her eyes fixed on his name and smiled as she remembered their time together.
“See you around, Jack Darcy.”
Chapter 22
The weak sun barely warmed the plateau as it was reflected off the thin layer of snow that surrounded the cabin. Kate couldn’t help smiling every time she saw it. It was exactly the same as it had been before, lovingly rebuilt from a combination of the photographs they had taken over the ages and everyone’s memories.
Picking up two of the grocery bags, she listened to her sisters as they chatted animatedly about the things that they had discovered when they were down in town. It was mostly talk of boys, something which she had no interest in right now.
She was still happy loving a memory.
Carrying the groceries up to the cabin, she pushed the door open and walked through the empty room to the kitchen. If anything, the cabin was bigger now, built with comfortable sized bedrooms that could all easily fit a double bed and storage space. Not that there was any furniture in it yet.
Her father had surprised her when he’d said that she could decorate it any way that she wanted and that he knew how much it meant to her. She knew that he wasn’t just talking about her childhood memories of spending time there with her family. He was talking about Jack, too. She wondered if he’d ever met him. He had been Nick’s friend for almost a year. Surely her father had met him in that time?
Something told her that her father would have liked Jack. She could picture them hunting in the area even though there wasn’t really anything to kill. There would be long, treacherous treks in the mountains; ones where they would be gone all day and she’d be left wondering if they’d ever come back.
She smiled as she walked back through the cabin to the car and helped her sisters unload the rest of the things that they had brought up with them.
She couldn’t wait for the cabin to be finished so she could spend time in it.
It had taken months for it to be built and she’d been supervising on site most days. Her father had left her in charge of the builders, letting her take control of how things were done on the outside of the cabin as well as the inside.
Of course, she hadn’t changed a thing.
From the outside, it just looked a little newer, as though someone had given it a thorough clean. The porch was still there. The windows were in exactly the same style and the same place. On the inside, it would feel as though someone had taken the time to redecorate. The rough wooden walls would remain visible downstairs in the living room, but the bedrooms would get covered in a plaster substance so they could be painted like they were before.
Choosing the paint in town had been nothing short of frustrating, so frustrating that it had become funny after a while. Her two sisters had constantly bickered around the store, arguing over the colours of their rooms because they had both chosen the same one. Apparently, that was a crime.
She’d gone for a light cream colour, something which was as close as possible to the colours of the white world outside her window.
Her bedroom had caused another argument. She’d chosen to have the one directly above the living room, the one with a fireplace. The others were all having under-floor heating installed so she couldn’t see what the problem was. When her sisters had
complained, her mother had threatened to never let them go to the cabin without her and then she’d have the biggest bedroom anyway so they still wouldn’t get to have it. It had worked.
Unloading the paint from the back of her Jeep, she carried it into the cabin and went straight upstairs with it. They were painting Connie’s bedroom today and hopefully Jemima’s bedroom tomorrow, and then they could paint her room.
Taking the lid off the lilac paint, she stirred it idly as she made sure that the floor was completely covered. The last thing she needed was to get paint all over the polished wood floor. She didn’t think her father would forgive her if she did that.
He was coming by to see it when they were done.
Since finding out about Nick and the danger that she had been put in because of him, he’d left her stepmother and was moving to New York. Her mother was also coming up when they had finished decorating. She smiled slightly as she thought about the two of them being together again. Maybe the cabin would work some magic on them like it used to.
Tying her hair back into a rough ponytail, she listened to the stomping of her sisters as they walked up the stairs, and wondered if they were ever going to learn to walk rather than trudge everywhere. She smiled up at them as they walked in and grinned at her.
“What now?” she said in a mock-exasperated tone, letting them know that she was tired of their mischievousness.
“I heard some interesting news down in town,” Connie started.
“It’s not that interesting.” Jemima picked up one of the clean rollers and spun it idly with her fingers.
“Yes, it is…” Connie frowned at her.
“Get to the point.” Kate threatened them both with her brush and then poured some of the paint into the roller tray.
“You know the land where the Donovan’s cabin was?” Jemima said quickly and Kate got the feeling that the news was interesting after all, it was just that Connie had been about to tell it and Jemima had been jealous.
“Yes?” She loaded up her paintbrush and stepped up the ladder so she could paint the top of the wall below the ceiling.
“Someone bought it. They’ve got planning and everything. They’re going to build on it.”
“And?” She looked confused.
“Just thought it was interesting,” Connie said as she loaded up her roller and started painting.
Kate concentrated on painting the wall and sighed. Her sister was right, it was interesting, but she had known about it for a few days now. When they’d been in the store, she’d heard the owner talking to one of the contractors that was working on the build. Apparently, the land had been cleared shortly after the investigation into the explosion had ended and the widow Donovan had decided to sell it for a large amount of money.
Real estate on the mountain had been steadily going up in price since she was a child so it was no surprise that Mrs Donovan would choose to sell the land rather than keep it. At first, her father had wanted to sell their land to the highest bidder, but Kate had pleaded her case and he’d changed his mind once her mother had got involved. She got the feeling that her mother had told him about Jack and what the cabin meant to her.
The sound of her sisters’ voices drifted into the background as she wondered who would be living on the mountain now. There was always interest in the area, especially from the locals who would opt to live permanently on the plateau if they could get a decent road made.
She wished her father would fix the road to their cabin—if it was done properly then she would be able to spend more time on the mountain.
Working her way around the room, she let her thoughts run away with her and go wherever they wanted. When she found herself by the window, she stared out of it at the thin layer of snow covering the back of the clearing. She could still see him chopping wood sometimes, or clearing the snow that had fallen during the blizzard.
“I’m going for some lunch.” Jemima’s voice stole into her thoughts and she looked around with a dazed expression. She hadn’t realised that it was that time already.
She was amazed to see the progress that the two girls had made while she was thinking. They had managed to paint three of the walls. She hadn’t realised that she had been that deep in thought and she couldn’t help wondering just how long she had been staring out of the window.
“You okay?” Connie gave her a concerned look as she reloaded her paintbrush.
“Yeah… just a little out of it.” Kate smiled at her, hoping that it would alleviate the concern that she could see in her eyes. “I’ll be fine.”
Moving back over to the window, she carefully painted around the wooden frame, letting her thoughts return to their previous course of daydreaming about the time she had spent with Jack.
A knock at the door downstairs made her look at her sister, and a frown etched on her face as she tried to figure out who it could be.
“It’s probably Jemmy. She locked herself out the other day.” Connie rolled her eyes as she spoke and then went to get down from the ladder.
“Stay… I’ll get it.” Kate put her paintbrush down on the tray and wiped her hands on her dirty white shirt as she walked out of the room.
Heading along the corridor, she made sure that she didn’t touch anything on the way down the stairs so she avoided getting paint on the woodwork. She covered her dirty hands with a clean patch of her shirt and grabbed he door handle. She opened the front door and looked around.
She frowned when she saw that no one was there.
She was about to close the door when she looked down at the porch and saw a single white rose lying on the mat.
Her heart skipped a beat and pounded painfully against her chest as she stared at the flower. Bending down, she picked it up and ran her fingers over it. Was this some cruel kind of joke? She half expected Nick to jump out at her and laugh. It was the sort of thing that he’d do.
Bringing the rose up to her nose, she inhaled its sweet fragrance and stepped out onto the porch, looking for the person responsible for leaving it.
She looked around her as she reached the steps and then sighed when she didn’t spot anyone.
Looking down at the rose, she furrowed her brows as she remembered going to England all those months ago to see his grave. It had hurt so much to see his name on the gravestone, and she still hadn’t been able to let him go. Hearing her sister calling her, she went to go back into the house but found a cold pair of hands covering her eyes and stopping her from moving.
Kate froze.
Her heart beat hard against her ribs as her breathing quickened and her head spun.
She felt sick as she waited for the person to reveal themselves, her stomach swirling with nerves and fear that it would be her stepbrother and not the person that she wished it was. It couldn’t be him. He was dead. She’d seen the grave.
A shiver ran up her spine as she felt the person move closer to her, their warm breath making the hairs on her neck dance as they brought their lips to her ear. She gasped as she heard a whisper in her ear.
“You were the best time of my life, too.”
Heart skipping another beat, Kate bit her lip and trembled inside as she tried to convince herself that this was all some dream, and that any moment now she was going to wake up alone in her bed and none of this would be real.
“You’re supposed to be dead.” She forced the words out, listening to her voice quaver as she spoke.
“I am… for now.” His voice was stronger now, no longer a whisper but back to how she remembered it. “It’s not the first time I’ve been dead… and it won’t be the last.”
Jack let go of her eyes and smiled broadly as she quickly turned to look at him, her eyes shimmering with tears.
“But it’s the only way to get a break.” He finished, trying to joke as she stood frozen to the spot and stared at him as though he was a ghost, and none of this was really happening. He wanted to show her that it was, wanted to gather her up into his arms and hold her so tight that she’
d know it was real, but he couldn’t move.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her.
She was as beautiful as ever.
“You were dead… I saw the grave…” She gave him a confused look and then her eyes widened as she looked down at the rose that she was holding.
Jack smiled when he saw that she’d figured it all out.
“You were there?” Kate looked incredulous. “You heard everything I said? Every word?”
“I was there.” He nodded in confirmation and took the rose from her. He smiled down at it. “I remember it all like it was yesterday.”
“Why didn’t…” she started but trailed off when he gave her a regretful look.
“I couldn’t come sooner. It was so hard to keep away but I had my orders and it was the right thing to do. Everyone has to believe that I’m dead. I wanted to be with you… but I couldn’t risk getting you hurt again.” His fingers brushed against her cheek as he stepped towards her, and he relished the feeling of her soft skin against his.
Kate smiled as she felt his fingers trembling, and knew that this had been as hard for him as it was for her. She’d been loving a memory, something that she couldn’t see, but he’d been watching her, seeing her and not being able to go to her. She decided that he’d had the rougher end of the deal. She couldn’t imagine how hard it had been for him to keep away. She never would have been able to manage it if their roles had been reversed.
She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch as he gently cupped her cheek.
Jack couldn’t believe that he was finally here. It had been so long since the night that he’d completed the mission and killed Nick. It had been a narrow escape, but he had promised that he would come back to her and he had. As Nick had pulled the trigger, he’d ducked, avoiding the bullet and buying himself time to fight back. He’d kicked Nick as hard as he could in the stomach and then grabbed the gun as he stumbled backwards. He hadn’t had time to shoot him. He’d had to decide between finishing him off and making it to the helicopter.
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