by S. K Munt
‘Shut the hell up!’ Kohén bellowed, spinning away from me and moving for the door. ‘I’m coming!’
Ahh! I’m not dressed, but! I’m not ready! Oh...
With a thunking heart and wild eyes, I caught sight of my robe hanging on a hook by the bathroom door and snatched it up quickly, trying to shrug into it. There was another glass of that peach elixir sitting on top of the fireplace mantel beside the water jug too- his from the evening before- and I paused in my dressing to throw it back as I had the last, making an awful noise as the flat, warm, too-sweet peachy flavour drenched my taste buds.
Oh Lord, I wish I could have seen Cherry before I had to go through this! She’d be able to calm my nerves, oh dear… she’s probably never going to want to come near me again after the way that we spoke to her last night! How am I going to do this?
‘Are you decent?’ Kohén hissed and I nodded, putting the glass down with an unceremonious thunk, and Kohén wrenched the door open just as I was trying to catch the belt ends of the robe with my hands. ‘She’s fine, all right? Look.’
‘Where?’ his twin stumbled into the room, and I spun and retreated a few steps, knotting my belt as I swallowed down the flat, too-sweet champagne, and scanned Kohl for damage with my eyes.
‘Right here,’ I whispered, noting the long, angry pink scar running down his bared right bicep, and cringing to see that it extended almost from his collarbone to his elbow. What had it looked like before Karol had healed him, if it was still so red now? And what was he feeling on the inside, for his exterior to be so shadowed by his grief? There were dark shadows under his equally dark eyes, his facial complexion was pasty and beaded with sweat around his hairline, and because he was wearing a tight-fitting white tank with grey, low-slung shorts, I could see how every one of his muscles was clenched with tension and his skin rippled with gooseflesh and stained a pale blue by his surfacing power. ‘Good morning, Kohl.’
Kohl halted, looking shocked, and then turned to Kohén. ‘What is that around your neck? Are you insane? I’d assumed that you’d fooled her, or blackmailed her- but if you’ve bribed her with Pacifica’s treasure, then you’re even more fucked up-’
‘He didn’t,’ I said quickly, seeing the way Kohén’s eyes slitted dangerously, even though he had no right to look indignant because Kohl was right on all three counts. ‘It was gifted to me by Atticus- his offer to secure my future in Pacifica.’ I swallowed and reached for Kohén’s hand. ‘At my lover’s side.’
Kohl’s eyes almost bulged out of his sockets. ‘Your LOVER?’ he took a step between us and Kohén clenched mine almost hard enough to hurt. ‘You honestly expect me to believe that you have gone from being torn between us, to plastered to his future, after seeing you run off with him while wearing MY clothes, seconds after Kohén revealed the fact that he knew about us?’ he shook his head. ‘No, I’m not a fool! And mother swears that-’
‘The fact that you’ve busted in here to accuse your identical twin of rape proves otherwise, for you should know me better than that,’ Kohén pulled me to his side and kissed my head, and I almost fainted with relief that he’d cut Kohl off before he could finish repeating what his mother had said, because whatever it was, it probably hadn’t been meant for Kohén’s ears. I stared hard into Kohl’s eyes, trying to communicate what I knew I could not with a single look.
No, we’re not escaping together now- but you still need to go, and quickly! I’m sorry for it all- so sorry- but SCRAM!
‘… and the fact that you saw her pull me more deeply into her luscious body last night ought to convince you that you are the one who has made some very foolish miscalculations regarding the depth of her affection for me!’
Kohl’s eyes flared and my cheeks flushed, but as humiliated as I was to remember the way Kohl’s panting had steamed his side of the poolroom door as he’d watched Kohén and I fornicate, I could tell by the identical sets of balled-fists that I was the only one who was capable of dissolving the tension in the room, rather than escalating it. So I pressed my other hand to Kohén’s chest and patted it in an affectionate way.
‘Do not speak for me, please darling- the innocent always sound the most guilty when defending themselves.’ I turned back to Kohl and saw that his face had puckered up in distaste at the words ‘darling’ and ‘innocent,’ and I could not blame him, for they tasted as sour in my mouth as they had probably sounded. ‘You are right in presuming that I sought out Kohén’s company yesterday, believing that he was you. And yes, he played along and allowed me to believe it while I confessed our wrong-doings to him.’ I smiled sadly. ‘But Kohl... I gave him your ring back while under the impression that he was you, and it doesn’t matter that he wasn’t, for the fact remains the same: I chose Kohén because I know that we belong together.’ I saw disbelief fill Kohl’s eyes so I pressed on, remembering how the excuse I’d fed Cherry the night before had evidently convinced her of my stupidity and my willingness to be enslaved too: ‘And because being free will not change the fact that I will be just as infertile, and as ineligible to marry Kohén now as I was before, I decided that I’d rather live out my life as his companion that is free to love him, than as his friend that is forbidden from touching him.’
Kohl blanched. ‘Just like that? No way! Larkin I know that you’ve always been torn between your feelings for him and your feelings for me, and I’m not surprised to learn that what Karol did yesterday forced you to ponder a change of heart… but you could have made the decision to throw away your life for him an hour, a day or a week later- so why would you make it in the heat of the moment like that, given how much he has hurt you? You’re too smart for that!’
‘There were other factors that forced me to speak quickly,’ I said quietly, thinking of Kelia, ‘but I admitted everything that I have ever felt within this palace’s walls to him yesterday- for you and for him- and by the time I’d explained it all to him, I realised that I’d just finally explained it to myself- that I love him more than anything, or anyone else on this earth.’
Kohl flinched. ‘Even me?’
The words tasted like poison, but part of me suspected that it was the truth to them that repulsed me so, not the fact that I was forced to say them out loud.
‘Even myself,’ I admitted, and saw Kohl’s face crumple, telling me that my confession had been more poisonous- and more destructive- than even I had suspected. I looked to the mirror again, hoping to see Satan once more, and praying that she’d offer some sort of wink of encouragement or smile of empathy as she had the night before, but all I saw in the looking glass was Kohl’s devastated reflection- a reflection that revealed more about my character than anyone else in that room, even Kohén.
2.
The silence was unbearable, but when I saw Kohl’s eyes fill with tears that would get him to even more trouble if they were seen by his parents or other citizens, I discovered a new level to unbearable. This poor boy would never know anything but suffering until he distanced himself from me, and because he seemed incapable of removing himself from a potentially lethal situation, it was clearly up to me to give him the shove he needed, even though it was killing me to act so dismissive of his feelings- and of everything that we had shared.
‘I can’t believe this…’ Kohl was whispering brokenly to himself and the floor. His eyes moved to the choker around my neck, and narrowed. ‘And what’s more- I don’t believe this. I cannot!’
Shaking, I smoothed my hand down Kohén’s chest and felt his pounding heart again. ‘I know that this all must be hurtful and confusing to you and I am sorry for that Kohl… you cannot know how sorry. But I stand by my choice, so please…’
‘Please… what?’ I couldn’t tell if Kohl was choking on tears or rage or both, but the sound of his voice breaking speared me through my heart. ‘Forget that we were in love? Let it go? Assume that this is our new destiny, and that you will be happy like this?’ Kohl’s dark eyes were bottomless. ‘Larkin, after Kelia confronted him yesterday, he was
threatening to drag you to the harem by your hair-’
‘He had every right to be furious with us,’ I agreed quickly, not wanting to hear the ugly threats again, ‘and he has been generous enough to agree to look the other way over our betrayal, which I am thankful for.’ I swallowed. ‘But he will only do that so long as I agree to stay here in Eden with him as his only Companion, and to cut ties with you.’ Kohl’s eyes flashed with indignation as they turned to Kohén, but I pressed on: ‘And I think we both know that that is fair- because as innocent as our affair was, we have hurt him irrevocably, Kohl, and we both need to take steps to make it right.’
Kohl blinked rapidly at me, then looked to his twin, then back to me, his cheeks gaining colour as he did until he was flushed red. ‘He doesn’t LOOK hurt now that he’s had his fun with you! Don’t you question the depth of feelings that can be wrecked by betrayal, but healed by getting his end wet? You sure did on Caldera!’
I cringed because Kohl was right, but Kohén’s suddenly thunking heart felt like a countdown to an explosion. ‘He loves me,’ I said softly, and my voice sounded pitiful, even to me, ‘and I love him. That’s more than I thought to hope for when I was younger and alone all the time so-’
‘You’re not that girl anymore, and you didn’t need a pity screw and lukewarm affection from his Royal-Entitled here, to give your life purpose and meaning!’ Kohl stepped forward, and Kohén buzzed all over in warning. ‘Your freedom was granted to you yesterday, Larkin! You could have chosen him down the line and found a way to make it happen, but now?’
‘She promised to stay at my side willingly yesterday before any of this came to light!’ Kohén snapped and I flinched, remembering that tender moment on the common after I’d been released. Yes I had promised Kohén that I wouldn’t leave Arcadia any time soon without him, and I had meant it… jus not under these circumstances.
‘No, she didn’t! She wouldn’t have...’ But I saw Kohl’s gut buckle as his face did. He turned to me with a million questions in his eyes and a lifetime’s worth of pain etched into the lines around his downturned mouth, and though I wanted to assure him that I had not gotten over him so easily to spare his feelings, that would have been stupid. He needed to be hurt- he needed to think me fickle and unworthy of him and then, he needed to get back on the ship to Pacifica and sail to his freedom and never look back!
‘He’s telling the truth, Kohl.’ I inhaled and exhaled, digging deep inside me and coming up with something honest to offer him. ‘I gave up my freedom when I realised that it is not worth losing Kohén over.’ I shrugged as though it were no big deal. ‘He has proven that he will help me make my dreams come true, and agreeing to be his will keep me out of Karol’s reach indefinitely.’
Kohl’s brows drew together. ‘How? Why? How could your heart just change so swiftly?”
I leaned against my prince and smiled, feigning a sort of bliss as the other prince’s eyebrows rose. ‘Because I took your advice Kohl, and confessed the deal that I made with Karol to Kohén, and you were right: he forgave me, and has sworn to protect me from your eldest brother at all costs, and without giving me that dreadful golden brand that I so fear.’ I looked up at Kohén and gave him a fraudulent, adoring smile, before looking back at Kohl. ‘And because I cannot have children or hope to marry Kohén anyway, I will take this path, and remain at his side however I can.’ Under my hand, Kohén’s heart gave a deep, contented and relieved throb that was notably slower than the others. ‘And I beg that yes, you let it go, and try to find a way to make your peace with it so that we can all put this behind us and start again.’
‘Yes…’ Kohén ran his hand down my shoulders, and the hairs on my forearm crackled with his static energy as a rumble of thunder- stirred by Kohl’s emotions- rattled the windows. ‘I would very much like that, and though I know you don’t care for me Kohl, you can respect her wishes at least, can’t you? If you love her so much? Or wish to escape this little clusterfuck unpunished?’
‘Her… wishes…?’ Kohl ran his hands through his hair in an agitated manner, looking from me to Kohén and back as though waiting for the other shoe to drop. ‘Is this your wish, Larkin? Is this what you’d be asking me to do if he wasn’t in the room?’
It wasn’t, but I’d still be asking him to leave. ‘I guess we’ll never know, because we have not earned the right to exchange even one more confidence in privacy,’ I said honestly. I tried to communicate as much apology as I could with my eyes, but I was afraid to look at him for too long, lest he saw my fear and understood that yes, Kohén had an invisible gun, but it was trained on Kohl’s precious head, not my unworthy one as he suspected. ‘You just need to take me at my word, and my apology for leading you on with it- and then let things be!’
‘How?’ Kohl demanded. ‘I don’t believe a word, and your eye colour keeps shifting, telling me that you don’t believe it either! He’s not only closed his hand around my firefly- he’s balled his fist, hasn’t he? And if you have faded so much overnight then you will be a walking shell by the end of the week-’
‘Your firefly?!’ Kohén thundered, eyes sparking. ‘How dare you?’ I could not hold on to Kohén or contain my yelp of fear as he ripped himself from my side and got in Kohl’s face, creating the illusion of someone who was very displeased with his own suddenly fearful reflection. ‘How heroically you rise to save her from a man who actually loves her!’ he snapped. ‘But tell me, where was this cavalier attitude when Karol was the one hoping to treat her like a whore?’
Kohl blanched. ‘That was her decision to make-’
‘One you were going to let her follow through on, because you knew it would make her unequivocally ineligible to marry me, right? Leaving her as fair game for YOU, third-born brother of mine?’ Kohén asked softly, and my stomach lurched.
Wait… what?!
‘Oh, go to Hell!’ Kohl snapped, but he did not meet my eyes and suspicion crawled over my skin like a million spiders. ‘Some of us don’t have to manipulate our way into a woman’s future!’
‘No, some of us stand aside and watch her fuck it up so badly that she’ll require rescuing after- by someone who has nothing to lose by scooping her up!’ Kohén shot back. ‘And that’s YOU!’
Kohl’s eyes gleamed and I realised that even if Kohén’s accusation was mostly unfounded, it probably wasn’t completely inaccurate. Kohl had gallantly offered to live with me regardless of what status I held when he did, and yes that was sweet- but not once had he offered to intervene on my behalf when it came to Karol. Was that because he’d been afraid to, or because part of him hadn’t wanted to, because me being released as a non-virgin would have disqualified me for Kohén’s hand indefinitely?
What does any of it matter now? You can’t stand here and let these two duke it out because it won’t change the end result of Kohl getting himself killed or banished… will it?
Fear and adrenaline sluiced through me when I heard thunder rumble again, bringing my brain back to life after an eighteen hour hiatus. Thinking quickly, I gave Kohl one final look before I chose my next course of action, realising that he looked completely out of place in my room with his sexily bare feet and agitated posture, in comparison to Kohén and Karol had always looked at ease within the harem. He’d been denied his birthright and that wasn’t fair, but he deserved better than to be groomed the way his brothers had- he needed sunlight and salty air and hard work, and would grow to be twice as glorious as his ‘elder’ brothers if granted those things and denied me.
But if he pushed Kohén too far or attacked him, and that bible was thrown onto a pile of evidence, not even the duchess would be able to dig him out of that hole. I cared for him, very deeply, and I didn’t want to accept the fact that I’d never have another chance to make things work with him and I really didn’t want to break his heart beyond repair- but I would, because Kohl Barachiel deserved a woman as sweet and selfless as him- not a used whore with a conflicted heart.
‘Some of us are smart enough to
know that the prospect of being married is off the cards for me, always has been and therefore, is a waste of breath!’ I turned around suddenly, breaking the silence of their stare-down, took Kohl’s ring off the top of my lowest bookcase and stepped up to him, folding it into his hand. ‘I’m sorry to have caused you pain and thank you for your concern- but I am Kohén’s Companion now, and your intervention is not deserved, required or wanted, Kohl.’ His hands were clammy in mine and I stepped back, pleading with my eyes. ‘Please; do not make any more accusations against Kohén’s character for the sake of mine, because neither of us have the right to plead innocence or cry injustice.’ I looked him hard in the eye and said: ‘Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness!’ *
Kohl stared at me as Kohén pulled me back into his arms, and I saw realisation dawn on him when he realised WHAT I was quoting. His darkening eyes immediately surveyed my room, looking for the bible, but I knew that Kohén had already hidden it away, and the way he blanched when he met my eyes again communicated that he understood: we were both fucked, so best off being fucked quietly and with a degree of kindness.
‘Really?’ he whispered.
‘Remember what you said, about the cage?’ I kissed Kohén’s cheek. ‘He is barring the door yes- but he is still in here with me and for that I am grateful enough… but there’s not room enough in here for three, Kohl, so you must let yourself out and relinquish the idea of taking me with you, for I have made my choice. I choose for you to walk free of this- not I.’
A tense silence followed this statement, and I could hear my pulse in my ears as I returned Kohl’s stare, willing him to believe me, but it was not Kohl who broke the stalemate, but the sound of the door cracking open once more.
‘Oh my god!’ the shrill voice was akin to a firecracker going off in the heavy silence, and we whirled as one and found ourselves gaping at Kelia with matching expressions of surprise.