by S. K Munt
He’d take the boards off the windows so we could enjoy a fireworks spectacle? It sounded so pitiful that I laughed because I would have cried otherwise. I turned to him, grinning. ‘Well, so long as you promise to punch a few more air-holes into the boards for me by summer so I can smell the ocean breezes, I’ll make my peace with missing out on watching fireworks from my cell tomorrow night, all right?’ I unscrewed the wine bottle and made to walk past him, bumping his hip teasingly with mine as I did. ‘Have fun, but don’t drink too much because the last thing I want to hear on Sunday is that you got pickled and started a fight with the birthday boy-’
‘It’s not funny!’ Kohén grabbed my arm and yanked me back, forcing me to stare into his eyes. ‘Larkin, don’t you get it? You’re the only Companion that I have left now! So if I don’t take you, I am obligated to escort someone else, remember?’ He released me and snatched the bottle of wine from my hand. ‘I was afraid that you’d get jealous to learn that fact, but I’m just the guy you need around to punch air-holes into the boards for you from time to time right? So why would you care what I do?’
I felt my hot flush return. ‘Escort?’ I repeated. ‘You have to go to this thing with another girl? Since when?’
Kohén raised his brow. ‘Were you asleep in class when they taught you that? Yes Larkin, I’m seventeen now so I have to take another girl. It would be considered a slight if I didn’t now that I’m old enough to start courting, and as father oh so calmly pointed out before- I am one more slight off an international incident!’ He took a sip from the bottle. ‘He told me I was bringing you now that you’ve gotten your voice back, and when I told him that no way was I going, let alone bringing you, he threatened to demote me beneath Kohl unless I asked someone else!’ He shook his head looking heavenward. ‘Apparently there are dozens of girls waiting for me to ask them!’
I pressed my hand to my chest, feeling my heart spin in sickening circles as I imagined Kohén on someone else’s arm- laughing with her, dancing with her, filing her wine glass as he was currently filling mine, pulling out her chair… he’d have to tell her she looked lovely, and he’d have to kiss her hand and present her with a corsage. The entire city would watch them twirl around the dance floor, and where would I be? Here- staring drunkenly at my boarded-up windows. Jealousy made the alcohol surge to my head and I was glad that I was not still holding onto the wine glass, because I surely would have snapped the stem in my anger.
‘Who?’ I asked quickly, and Kohén’s face turned scarlet. My heart sank. ‘Amelia-Rose, right?’
Kohén handed me my wine glass. ‘Yes,’ he said quietly. ‘She told my father that she’d keep quiet about the rule I broke this morning, if only I proved my character first by escorting a lady to the ball, as a gentleman ought to. Father agreed for me on the spot and then told me after, and I’ve been instructed to act excited and delighted about it until the last song is played tomorrow night, or he’ll promote Kohl over me- because at least Kohl has proved that he’s ambitious enough to put his country before a…’ Kohén pressed his lips together and looked away while he word ‘whore’ rattled around in my brain. ‘Kohl asked Amelia-Rose first, apparently, and though father doesn’t like her, he says he was relieved to see at least one of his twins stepping up to win over those that would invest in Pacifica’s future- and Shepherd Choir is one of those people...’
I felt like I was going to be ill- right there on the rug in front of him. ‘Wait… Kohl asked her first?’
Kohén glared at me. ‘Oh so she’s capable of getting jealous, just not over-’
I splashed my wine right into his face.
15.
‘I’m not jealous of her going with Kohl, you bastard! I feel sick at the idea of you dancing with her, and couldn’t have cared less if she’d gone with Kohl!’
Kohén was spitting and wiping at his eyes, but when I said that, he had the audacity to shoot me a relieved look. ‘Oh Lark I-’
‘But I’m angry that you would step in front of him again like that while stomping on my heart again! That poor kid! How is he supposed to move on with his life if you insist on taking every single thing that he wants before he can grab it for himself?’
Kohén looked ridiculously good wet but I tried very hard not to let that have an effect on me. ‘He doesn’t want her!’ he snapped. ‘He’s using her, Larkin, and she’s using the both of us depending on how she wants to look at the time- like a martyr, or a noble! I can’t help the fact that Kohl has nothing to lose by disobeying father, whereas as I have everything to lose, can I?’
‘I honestly don’t know!’ I returned, snatching the wine bottle from his hand and re-filling my own glass. ‘But I know that despite the fact that we’ve all made mistakes here, Kohl and I seem to be the only ones paying for it, and why? Because you were born first!’ I wanted to spit out the truth at him, just to see him suffer the loss of something that truly mattered for once, but I couldn’t do that to Constance or Kohl so I grit my teeth against the truth and said: ‘You keep swearing to me that you won’t forsake what we have by joining with anyone else, but how am I to believe that you’ll bend the rules for our love from now until the day we die, if you haven’t the power to get out of one fucking party date, three fucking DAYS into our supposed romance?’
‘Lark-’
‘No! No don’t give me an excuse! You should be plotting how to fake a stomach flu to get out of going on a date with her if you haven’t got the balls to take a whipping for it instead-’
‘I have a lot more on the line if I don’t take her than a whipping!’ Kohén burst out.
‘How fucking lovely that must be- to have so much to lose!’ I bit back as my tears overflowed as I stepped closer to him. ‘Do you know what I have left to lose, Kohén? You. Only you. My existence is built around you now…so do you have any idea how it feels, to know that the person you love more than you love yourself can’t even make it three days after taking your virginity and your life before he must dance with another?’ I shook my head, and my tears rolled free. ‘No, you can’t, and you wouldn’t want to. The Barachiel men don’t know how to deal with the guilt of breaking a woman’s heart, do they? So they turn their back on it- and wonder why they have no wings left to shield their wrong-doings from the rest of the world anymore!’
Kohén went white. ‘Larkin- I, I didn’t think-’
‘Yeah you did,’ I sniffled and turned away from him. ‘You knew I’d hate it, which was why you dreaded telling me. But I can’t help but wonder… did you spend more time on your way down here worrying about how it would make me feel? Or more time worrying about how it was going to affect you?’ I walked to my bed and sat down on it, keeping my back to him. ‘Go to the party, Kohén and earn that crown- because from now on, I’m going to start asking for a piece of jewellery every time I take you into my arms, like a whore is supposed to because I’m starting to see how large a nest egg I’m going to need- and how quickly! And given your insatiable sexual appetite- you’re going to go broke before you find a joined spouse that will give you babies in compensation for her time!’
‘Larkin-’
‘Get out!’ I screamed at him, turning around and swiping my meal tray onto the floor, scattering strawberries everywhere. ‘Get out! Get out! Get out! Start working on how to get kisses for free, because I won’t be playing your pretend games anymore that you’ve proven once again how utterly fucking worthless your promises are!’
Kohén was grey now, grey and backing towards the door with tears streaming down his face. ‘Sweetheart, please, calm down I’ll-’
‘GET OUT!’ I picked up the ice bucket and flung it after him and Kohén cried out and ducked as it missed his head by half an inch. Ice exploded everywhere. ‘Kohl has probably just been served lunch, so if you act quickly, there’s a chance you could swipe it from him before he gets a bite!’
I heard Kohén gasp but I was sick of being ignored- sick of the way he was staring at me like I was the hurtful one. I got t
o my feet and raced towards the door, stuffing him out of it and slamming it between us hard enough to make the wall shake. I felt him turn the lock but I grasped it, holding it still and knowing that I was probably sealing my own fate within that dungeon room but I did not care, Kohén had broken so many promises to me, and I knew that if I did not get him out of my sight, I was likely to do a lot more than throw a plate at his head- I was very capable of killing him!
I’m sorry Kohl! I thought to myself, weeping like I would never stop. I’m so sorry! God, if I die tomorrow night, let me get the chance to tell him that first, all right? I’m trying to help him, but everything I do is just causing him more pain, one way or the other!
Kohén begged and pleaded loud enough for me to hear it for about five minutes, but I held firm to the door and wept silently against it until I felt the resistance dissipate. Only then did I slump to the floor and sob, grateful for the ice that was there for me to press my feverish brow against, because I was certain that if not kept contained, the sheer heat of my fury was going to cause me to burst into flames and take the entire castle down around me.
*
There was a thin band of light in the shape of a rectangle that glowed around my bedroom window that I used to monitor time with, and when I came to on my wet bedroom floor that afternoon, I was shocked to see that it had turned a deep pink- indicating that the sun was setting already because once again, I’d slept hours of my life away without having consciously decided to do it.
Did I truly garden once? I wondered, sitting up and groaning as my muscles ached from having done nothing at all. The door handle was rattling again, but I made no move to get out of the way- I didn’t have the strength to. Did I read, and write, and paint and sing and kick around a soccer ball? When? In this life? Surely not!
‘Larkin?’ the door opened slowly, and Kohén’s voice sounded strange to me- disembodied because he hadn’t just walked in like he normally had. ‘Larkin... are you…?’
‘Armed?’ I asked crossly as I felt the door bump into my rump. God I felt weak. ‘No, I’m all out of fruit to hurl, so if you’re here to drag me off to the dungeon, you don’t have to anticipate me putting up much of a fight…’
‘Funny,’ Kohén said, and then I felt his eyes on me. ‘Oh… Jesus, have you been down there this whole time?’
I twisted around awkwardly to glower at him. ‘Of course not. I went to a horse racing carnival, then did some laps in the pool, and then-’
‘Stop it!’ Kohén knelt behind me and I felt his breath puff against the crook of my neck. ‘Just stop it! I can’t bear to see you like this!’
‘Then I shall endeavour to make better use of my time between fuckings from now on. Where is my guidelines book? I’m sure I’m supposed to be doing something when I’m not busy washing your seed off me…’
‘Larkin!’ Kohén sounded astonished. ‘Don’t do that! Don’t act like I only come to you for sex! We haven’t made love in days!’
‘Whoops, I’ve been a bad little whore,’ I turned in his arms and slung my arms around his neck. ‘Have you come to rectify that? I can’t promise that I’ll remain conscious throughout the act, but from what I recall, that didn’t stop you the first-’
‘Please!’ Kohén grasped my wrists, and shook me gently. ‘No more, okay? I’m sorry that I hurt you, my love, so sorry! But I came to tell you that I did as you asked, okay? I’m not taking Amelia-Rose to the ball anymore- Kohl is.’
I’d had several more derogatory things to say at him lined up in my head like a firing line, but at Kohén’s words, someone waved a white flag and I lowered the canons. ‘What?’ I asked, astonished. ‘How?’
Kohén looked utterly wrecked- pale and red-eyed and tense, but he smiled gently and shrugged. ‘I stood up to father, like I ought to have done in the beginning, and I got my way.’ He bit his lip. ‘It was difficult and required some planning, which is why I’ve been gone for so long, but I thought long and hard about all you said and realised that the reasons why I ought to have said no were nothing to be ashamed of- so I said them all: not only to him, but in front of Amelia-Rose and her father.’
I blinked quickly. ‘What did you say?’ And if you’re not here to whip me, then how far off is your father?
Kohén guided me over to the bed, sitting me down and clasping my hands, lifting my wrist to kiss it. ‘I asked Shepherd Choir for spiritual guidance for matters that concerned the relationship between myself and my twin and naturally, he was all ears. I confessed that I often felt guilty for receiving perks that Kohl cannot share in, and asked him how I ought to handle it.’
‘And what did he say?’
Kohén smiled. ‘He said that no one could fault me for having to accept certain entitlements, but that I should strive to keep the ground between us level and fair whenever I could- that if I had the luxury to pass on some of my good fortune or to involve him in my many ventures, than I should do just that and eagerly.’ Kohén paused, kissing my other wrist. ‘So I asked him about matters of the heart. I said what should I do if Kohl and I were both attracted to the same girl? I explained that a week ago, he wouldn’t have even been able to consider falling for someone, but now that he was free and almost as eligible as I, was it fair for me to fight as hard for her as he would? Or ought I be compassionate, and step aside?’ He smirked. ‘Shepherd Choir
stared at me and then finally admitted that it would be good for my soul to be generous and step aside, but that it would also depend on who the girl was most interested in too. So…’ Kohén wet his lips before smiling at me. ‘I turned to Amelia-Rose and said that although I would be a lucky man indeed to escort her to the ball as father had suggested, the amount of time that she’d passed with Kohl that week before father asked me to take her made me feel like I was taking something from him that I had not earned and that finally- I was not more entitled to.’
‘No!’ I hissed, stunned.
‘Yep! She went red, of course, and tried to insist that it was fine and that Kohl understood... but I said that even if I hadn’t wanted to sacrifice this particular honour, speculation about me and my commitment to my dear friend and lover-’ he reached in and kissed my lip quickly ‘-you, was rife, and that I wouldn’t feel comfortable subjecting her to the gossips at the ball, for it would surely ruin her evening.’ He wriggled his eyebrows at me. ‘I thought father was going to have a stroke, but I finished by saying that you truly had had an awful week, and that because you’ve just lost your own dear friend Kelia, I just wouldn’t feel like I was being kind and good by taking advantage of my harem and the most eligible, pious girl in the world at the same time. And just to seal the deal- I confessed to Shepherd Choir that father and I had not known that Kohl had already asked her and that she’d agreed to go with him- and that it wouldn’t do for her to be perceived as trading up in Barachiel princes when really, we were both just trying to placate father by agreeing to his arrangement.’ He lifted my hands to his lips again, both this time, and his eyes were sparkling with triumph, probably because he could see how awed I was by his little anecdote. ‘After I said that, there was nothing she could say, was there? Not without looking exactly like a social climber! Shepherd Choir turned to her and asked if that was true- if she’d agreed to go with Kohl first, and she hummed and hawed about how they’d had loose arrangements- and that was it for Shep! He thanked me for doing the right thing, then told father that I was the very personification of a nobleman, and at such a tender age! How proud he must be of me!’
‘No!’ I repeated, thrilled.
‘Yes.’ Kohén nodded proudly. ‘He immediately ordered Amelia-Rose off to accept Kohl’s invitation to the ball, and asked her to apologise for any confusion and then admit that she truly had had her heart set on going with him...and she had no choice but to do just that! And do you know what’s funny? I expected my father to wring my neck the moment he got me alone, but do you know what he did? Patted me on the back and said that that was the boy he’d raised!’
>
My mouth popped open. ‘He swallowed all of that?’
Kohén scoffed. ‘Don’t be daft- he didn’t buy a single word. But he’s proud of the way that I manipulated the situation to my advantage, and of how I managed to get myself off Amelia-Rose’s hook without giving her the grounds to act offended. I didn’t reject her- I deflected her, and I was apparently very convincing in my moral distress.’ He squeezed my hands between his, leaned his forehead against mine and whispered: ‘And he said that I couldn’t very well take anyone to the ball now that Shepherd Choir had whole-heartedly agreed that it would be hurtful to poor Larkin… who had acted so bravely earlier that day!’
I couldn’t believe it. ‘So you don’t have to go?’
He winced. ‘No, I still have to go… but I’m going as the master of ceremonies now.’
I frowned. ‘Isn’t your uncle Ewan doing that?’
‘He was, but he was one of the ones that got injured this morning… didn’t you hear? Him and our Serein. Someone crushed her fingers when she tried to use her power to make them slip on the marble floors when they first breeched the castle.’
I shook my head, horrified at the thought of the pretty Blue-haired Serein that I seldom got to see and sweet Ewan being injured. ‘No! Oh my God, are they okay?’
Kohén sucked a breath in through his teeth. ‘Yes and no. Elasta- the Serein- has been healed by my brother, but Ewan got hit in the head pretty hard with a club that one of those Banished bastards hit him with when he rushed out into the fray instead of going into the ballroom like he was supposed to… Karol healed up the laceration, but he’s still suffering concussion. In fact, he’s lucky that he wasn’t killed.’ Kohén patted my hands. ‘He’ll recover, don’t worry, but someone suggested that he step down tomorrow night, and so when mother learned that I was without a date again- this late in the game that most of the eligible girls have already been spoken for- she said that I ought to do it, father agreed and now I get to go alone because the master of ceremonies is expected to do just that.’ He made a face. ‘I mean, it’s not exactly an ideal arrangement, because I’m going to have to tell little Karol anecdotes all night, which is a nauseating idea, and I’m probably going to be too busy to be able to come and check on you even once… but on the upside, I have a valid excuse for shadowing him all night, so if he gets it in his head to head into the north wing, I’ll be right on his heels. And, the moment his birthday wish is granted- guess what I’ll be doing?’