by LJ Evans
But when I looked over at Wynn and saw the smile on her face as she watched the show, I thought maybe it wasn’t a bad thing after all. If she liked this character enough to smile while watching him, then maybe she would smile at me that way while saying my new name.
We stopped the episodes several times to take Edie’s temperature and keep the washcloths cool. She never really got better. By the end of a couple episodes, Edie’s temperature had actually gotten worse. It crawled up to one hundred and two.
I was a little panicked when even Wynn frowned.
“I’m sure it’s just a cold that will work itself out, but maybe we should take her to the doctor just in case.”
“The doctor,” I said without emotion because…what doctor?
“You haven’t gotten a doctor for her here yet, right?” Wynn said, acknowledging what she already knew. I just nodded.
“Okay. We can go to the ER, or I can call my old doctor and see what they suggest.”
“ER would be faster?”
“Depends on the day and what they have going on there.”
I swept Edie up into my arms, and she didn’t even protest. She just put her hot little cheek on my shoulder, thumb in her mouth, with her arm strangling her teddy bear.
I grabbed my keys and my wallet and headed out the door. Wynn followed with her own bag. I didn’t even suggest she should stay or that I could do this on my own. I was pretty sure there was no way I was going to be able to do this on my own.
Thankfully, the ER was pretty much dead. The advantage of a small town on a Saturday when everyone is out at the lake or on the football field.
The registration clerk handed me a clipboard full of papers. I took it, and Wynn took Edie from me so I could fill it out.
As I went through the questions, I realized I didn’t know shit. I didn’t know anything about her shots or if she’d been this sick before. She wasn’t on my insurance. I was pretty sure Lita couldn’t afford insurance. Maybe Edie was on MediCal, but we weren’t in California. I didn’t even know Edie’s social security number. It probably was on the paperwork from CPS, but I hadn’t brought it with me to the hospital. It was back at the fucking apartment, still in my bag that I’d had with me in L.A. My hands started to shake. Would they even see Edie without any of that?
“Lonnie?” Wynn nudged at me, and I looked up at her concerned face. “You okay?”
“I…I can’t fill any of this shit out,” I told her.
“It’s pretty basic, let me see.”
“I don’t know the answers to any of it,” I told her.
She looked up at me, my words registering with her.
“Do you at least know her social security number?”
I shook my head.
“Okay.” She handed Edie back to me and took the clipboard to the counter where she had a conversation with the registration lady before coming back.
“Sherie knows me. Knows my family. I’m pretty sure she’s convinced we didn’t kidnap Edie.” She was trying to alleviate my concerns. She was trying to tease me back out of my mood, but at the moment, I wasn’t in a place to be laughing. “Look. They’ll see her, but you’ll have to pay for everything before we leave.”
“Like, cash?”
She nodded. “Or a credit card.”
Relief filled me. “Okay.”
“It’s gonna be expensive without insurance.”
“No problem. If they’ll see her, that’s all that matters.”
They called us back shortly after. The doctor joked and smiled, trying to get a tired, glassy-eyed Edie to laugh. And I knew she really didn’t feel good, because it was all stuff that normally would have made her at least smile.
“Did she have her chickenpox shots?”
I didn’t know, and I said it.
“What shots did she have?”
I repeated that I didn’t know, and he got a frown on his face, judging me. I’d failed. Like I’d failed Lita. I was failing Edie, too.
“This is Lonnie’s niece. He just has temporary custody,” Wynn explained, trying to make it better, but it just made the frown on the doctor’s face increase.
“I don’t see any spots or rashes, so it isn’t chickenpox. It’s likely just a cold. You can alternate the Children’s Tylenol with the Children’s Motrin every three or four hours until the fever breaks. Make sure she stays hydrated. If the fever doesn’t break tonight, I want you to come back.”
Wynn was nodding.
“And I’d make an appointment with a regular pediatrician. They can do some blood work to see what shots she’s already been given. You can go from there.”
Wynn thanked him. He left, and I gathered Edie up in my arms with a stop at the front desk where I handed over my credit card for the thousand dollar visit. For a doctor to tell us she had a cold. I was in shock. In more than one way. And I was angry. At myself and Lita.
I hadn’t known shit about taking care of Edie. I didn’t know shit about her medical care. If she’d even ever seen a doctor. Why hadn’t I asked that question?
We were all quiet on the way back to my apartment. Edie had fallen asleep in her car seat, and I carried her up, putting her back on the couch where her pillow and blanket were so that I could keep an eye on her.
Then, I grabbed my phone and went to my bedroom while Wynn stood, watching me, as if she wasn’t sure who to help first: the beautiful little girl passed out on the couch, or the grown lumberjack who was shaking like a leaf.
I dialed the number to Lita’s rehab clinic.
“I need to speak to Lita Brennan. This is her brother, Lonnie,” I told the receptionist who answered the phone.
“I’ll have to check if it’s okay for her to receive calls,” she said back. The standard. They had open hours between eight and four on Saturdays. It was five o’clock in Tennessee, so it was still plenty early in L.A. But Lita hadn’t taken any of my calls before now.
The lady came back, “Lita isn’t allowed calls today.”
It wasn’t the truth. I knew it. I’d been through this enough. It meant that Lita wouldn’t talk to me. Anger filled me. How the hell was I supposed to help Edie? How could Lita not talk to me when I had her daughter? Didn’t she want to know how Edie was? Didn’t she fucking care at all?
“Can you tell her that I need her daughter’s shot records? That I need to know if she has medical insurance. I need to know if she’s ever seen a fucking doctor in her life.”
I couldn’t help it; the anger just came pouring out of me. It wasn’t directed just at Lita, though. It was at myself as well. The lady on the other end was probably glad she hadn’t given the phone to Lita. Not with my anger flowing off of me. Not when someone was in recovery.
“I can deliver a message.”
“Her daughter’s fucking sick. I…I don’t know anything. I can’t help her without knowing anything. Lita—”
The phone was pulled from my hands. I looked down at Wynn, and she just met my eyes as she spoke softly into the phone. “I’m sorry, Lonnie’s just had a really tough day. We’re really concerned about Edie, Lita’s daughter, and we just need some medical information in order to make sure we proceed with the right care. If you could let Lita know we need some basic information, and then have either you or Lita call us back, we’d really appreciate it.”
Silence while the other person talked.
“Thank you. That would be great. Do you have Mr. Brennan’s phone number on file?”
More silence.
“Yes, that’s the correct number. Thank you.”
She hung up. Her eyes had never left mine. They’d held me captive with a pair of cool blue ones that were soothing me like the ocean could when I was a teenager. When Lita and I had taken our anger at our parents out on the waves, finding solace in our surfboards and each other.
“Breathe,” she finally said to me. I hadn’t realized that I was holding my breath until she said it. But I was. It was all held up in a chest full of knots.
I let out the held breath and drew in another one, trying to fill my lungs. Trying to let that new air fill my body and take the place of the anger I felt through every part of me.
“We’ll figure it out. I promise.”
She couldn’t promise. Not really. But the fact that she wanted to make a promise to me to help me figure this shit out was more than I could take. I felt the tears swell, but I didn’t let them fall. Being a wuss over body fluids was bad enough. No way in hell I’d let her see me crumble over this.
“Thank you,” I finally whispered out.
She took my hand and led me back out to the couch, so we could watch my niece and make sure that she somehow ended up in a better place than my sister had. And I knew then, with her soft fingers wrapped around mine, that I needed something I’d never needed before in my life. I needed someone to make sure I didn’t go off the rails.
Bruises
Families & Cowboys
“It's good to know you've got a friend
That you remember now and then
Everybody loses.”
—Train & Ashley Monroe
Wynn spent the night at Lonnie’s again. This time, none of them slept in a bed. Instead, they slept on the couch and in the gamer chair. She and Lonnie took turns taking Edie’s temperature, making sure she had the medicine in her, and ensuring she was drinking enough fluids. Edie slept a lot which was strange for the little girl that was normally a bustle of energy.
Wynn knew that Lonnie was struggling with a lot of different emotions. They had played over his face all day. They had worked their way across just like the stubble had. His face, that had started smooth after his shower and shave, had gradually worked itself back up to rough sandpaper. Sandpaper that she longed to run her hand over, even if it was just to reassure him that he was doing great. That he was doing the best he could with the hand that he’d been dealt.
She kept playing her Charmed series. He teased her about watching girly shows. And then they had an argument about what exactly constituted a “girly” show or movie. Lonnie decided that Dirty Dancing and Grease were girly movies, which she reluctantly agreed with. And he said that A Knight’s Tale and Pitch Perfect were also girly, but she wouldn’t agree to those at all.
“Top Gun,” Wynn called out.
“Girly.”
“Come on. Elite pilots in the military. How is that girly?” she asked disbelievingly.
“Because it makes girls get all dopey eyed when we happen to sing a song in the same vicinity as them. You know that whole “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” scene. It’s almost as bad as the end of Dirty Dancing,” he replied with a grin.
Wynn laughed. It was so good to laugh with him. Like a part of her that she’d forgotten was being released back out into the world. She used to laugh a lot with Cam when they were growing up together.
“Do you have to pick them up when you’re dancing, too?” Wynn giggled.
“Nah, but I do have them asking me to call them Baby.” He waggled his eyebrows.
Wynn lost it, struggling for breath while she laughed so hard that she was afraid she’d wake Edie up. But she couldn’t help it. The thought of Lonnie looking down in some girl’s eyes, calling her Baby while he waggled his eyebrows. It was too much.
But then her air left for another reason. Because if Lonnie was serious and whispering “baby” for another reason entirely, it might not be funny at all. It might be sexy as all get out.
Lonnie’s phone rang. It was only seven a.m., but to them, it felt late because they’d been up all night. He jumped to get it. As he ran his hands over his face, the waves of hope turned to dejection when he saw who it was. “It’s just Derek.”
He took off toward the bedroom again.
Wynn stood and took Edie’s temperature. It was back down to ninety-nine. Still not great, but at least going in the right direction.
When Lonnie came back out, he was smiling. It was good to see that, instead of the gloominess that had been there a few minutes ago. That was one thing about Lonnie that amazed her: his ability to set aside all the things that were making him unhappy to enjoy something in the moment.
“I can’t believe Derek was up,” Wynn said.
“He’s always been an early bird.”
“I don’t know how he and Mia have made it this long. She absolutely hates mornings.”
Lonnie chuckled. “I know. Man, when she was on tour with us, she was prickly as hell until about nine o’clock. After that, she was normal Mia.”
Wynn smiled because it was a true picture of Mia. “Edie’s temperature is down to ninety-nine.”
“Thank God,” Lonnie said, relief registering on his face.
Lonnie looked down at Edie and then back up to Wynn, like he wanted to say something but was reluctant. “What?” she prompted.
“I hate to even ask.” Lonnie rubbed a hand through his hair. “Never mind.”
“Leo, just say it.”
He grinned at her nickname. She’d meant him to. She wasn’t serious about calling him Leo. It was fun to say it and see him smile. Leo Wyatt was probably her all-time favorite male character. He fell in love and risked everything for it. He protected the people he cared about. And while she didn’t expect Lonnie to be a hero, she could very much see him as a guardian angel. He’d already been to her. To Edie. To his sister. So the name fit him, even if he didn’t like it. Even if she’d only ever say it teasingly.
“Derek was hoping that I’d help him with a few more things on the last song we’re trying to add to the album. But I told him Edie was sick.”
“Go. I can watch her.”
“You’ve already done too much. You’ve been here almost all weekend.”
She suddenly realized it was true. She’d spent two nights at Lonnie’s. It was the longest time she’d spent with a guy since Grant.
“Really, I’m good. I can stay.”
“I feel like I owe you something really big.”
“I like chocolate cake a lot.”
Lonnie laughed. “Bigger than cake.”
“Hmm. Maybe a burger and a milkshake?”
“Bigger than food.” His smile widened.
“Well, a diamond tennis bracelet can be worn with almost anything,” she teased him back.
“Wow. You go all in. We skip from a ten dollar meal to thousands of dollars in jewelry.”
He was playing, but it made her flush because if someone didn’t know her, they would think that she was asking Lonnie for jewelry. She ignored the embarrassment and kept the attitude going instead. “You should have just agreed to the chocolate cake, Leo.”
He laughed and went back down the hall. She put her face in her hands. “I’m such an idiot.”
* * *
It was nearing five o’clock when Wynn realized that she hadn’t done her essay for her class the next day. It was tough to get back into school mode when she’d been out for several years. Her books were over at her parents’ house, and she could easily go get them, but she didn’t have Edie’s car seat. It was in Lonnie’s truck. If Lonnie was going to be back soon, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Truth was, she could probably even finish it in the morning, if she had to, since her job with Doctor Morris was over now. But she was kind of antsy once she’d remembered it.
Edie’s fever had broken for good. She had a runny nose and complained about her throat, but she was up and playing for short periods of time and had even asked for food, which was all good news.
Wynn decided to call over to Mia and Derek’s to see how much longer the guys would be in the studio.
Mia answered. “Hey, Mia. Is Leo still there?”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she rolled her eyes and bonked herself on the head. Why in the world had she said that to Mia? There was silence on the other end.
“Mia?”
“Am I supposed to know who Leo is?”
Wynn hated herself. She knew where this was going. She knew that there was no way that Mia was go
ing to let her live this down. She sighed. “Lonnie. Is Lonnie there?”
Mia chuckled. “You’re calling him Leo?”
“You’re missing the point. Is he there or isn’t he?”
“Um. I don’t think I’m missing the point at all. I think the fact that you’ve given him the same name as your favorite character from Charmed is kind of the big deal here.”
“Ugh. It isn’t like that.”
“Sure. You realize you sound just like me, right? All Derek and I aren’t like that when it was exactly that.”
“No. This is different. He’s a friend that I’m helping.”
“So you didn’t just spend two nights at his house?”
Wynn was going to kill Lonnie for telling them that. At least she knew better than to shout out to their friends that she’d been there all weekend.
“God. We had our clothes on.”
Mia burst out laughing. “You realize you just admitted you slept with him.”
The thoughts she’d had in Lonnie’s bed washed over her again, and she pushed them aside even as she blushed. Thank God Mia couldn’t see it.
“You’re hopeless. Seriously. Is he there? I need to get my textbooks if he’s not going to come home soon.”
Mia giggled once more. “So he’s coming home?”
“Oh. My. God.”
She could tell that Mia was trying hard to stop her laughter, and it just made her sigh. Finally, Mia said, “I’ll go get him.”
“You’re impossible. Couldn’t you have just done that five minutes ago?”
“Not when you’re calling him Leo.”
That was the moment when Wynn knew she had to go home. She had to go back to her parents’ house because Mia was right. She’d taken to calling Lonnie Leo. And she was feeling things for him and the little girl on the couch that were impossible not to feel when she was around them both. They’d felt like a family. Taking care of Edie had felt like something real parents would do, staying up all night, taking turns to look after the little girl. It had felt right.
But it was wrong.
There was no way that she could get involved with Lonnie. Not after a divorce. Not after all she’d lost. Not when he would need all his focus on Edie and Lita for a long time. There wasn’t going to be time for anything else in his life. Not a relationship. Not that she wanted a relationship. God. This was why she needed to go home.