my life as a mixtape (my life as an album Book 4)

by LJ Evans

  Wynn was quiet. I was pretty sure that my words had hit her as hard as the thought of little Edie never really celebrating a birthday had hit me.

  “We were hoping you’d spend the day with us,” I told Wynn and held my breath, waiting for her to say something about it being her birthday too and her family wanting to see her, but she didn’t.

  “Okay.”

  “Really?” I asked with some surprise.

  “Of course, I’d love to spend Edie’s birthday with her.”

  As soon as she said it, I knew I had a lot to do between then and Thursday.

  When Edie and Wynn’s birthday arrived, Wynn still hadn’t said that it was her birthday, too. She still didn’t know that Mia and I were planning her party as much as Edie’s. It made me smile thinking about surprising her. She deserved to have people celebrating her.

  On their real birthday, our day started with making a chocolate cake. Well, because I didn’t trust myself to make a cake, it was cupcakes. I’d woken Edie up with tickles, and hugs, and sung her “Happy Birthday.” Then, we went into the kitchen where we spent the morning making a complete mess as we made the cupcakes from scratch. The small kitchen was covered in flour, and frosting, and food coloring.

  Edie and I were both wearing sparkling tiaras with another one set aside for when Wynn showed up. Edie had a fairy wand and had a set of fairy wings on over her cape. I’d almost gotten her to switch the cape for the wings, but at the last minute, her lip had started to tremble, and I’d just slid them on over the top. Her birthday wasn’t the day to press the cape-free goal.

  By the time the cupcakes were frosted, we were as much of a mess as the kitchen, but Edie was giggling—had been almost all morning—and I loved every second of it. It lightened my heart, and when that happened, it also sunk my stomach because I just would never understand how that smile and giggle of Edie’s couldn’t have done the same for Lita. Brought her out of the darkness into the light. But I guess I’d never understand because I hadn’t had Lita’s disease. I wasn’t battling mental health issues all my life.

  “I open presents?” Edie asked, referring to the little pile that was sitting on the table. The table we still only used when Wynn was with us.

  “Not yet. We have to wait for Wynn. And remember, some of those are hers.”

  Edie didn’t look like she quite understood that, but it was okay. Then, as if she knew we were talking about her, the door opened and Wynn walked in. She stopped when she got a good look at us, her smile as big as it had been the day she’d seen Edie in her clean cape.

  She pulled up her phone and snapped a picture. “Blackmail. I’ve got blackmail now.”

  I smiled and touched my hand to the tiara. “That would imply that I’m embarrassed to be seen in a tiara.”

  “Tiara and pink frosting,” she chuckled. “So if I sent this to Owen, Mitch, and Eli, you’d be okay with that?”

  I smirked. “Sure. Whatever.” But I eased toward her. She backed away a little, smile still on her face, finger hovering over the send button.

  I caught her before she could push down on the screen, and I tickled her until she dropped the phone, which I caught before it clattered to the ground. She pushed against me, breathless from laughing. “Stop.”

  And I did, reluctantly removing my arms from around her. She felt good there. Like always. Like it was where she belonged. Before she could escape completely, I grabbed her hand with my own and brought it up to my heart. “Happy birthday, Wynn.”

  She looked up at me with surprise in her eyes. “How?” Then, she rolled her eyes and pulled away. “Mia.”

  I grinned.

  “I can’t believe you weren’t going to tell me,” I told her and moved back into the kitchen where Edie sat on the counter, watching us.

  Wynn shrugged. “It’s just another day.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Come on. When was the last time you did something special on your birthday?”

  “Well, the guys and I went caving this year.”

  “Wait, when is your birthday?”

  “May.”

  “May what?”

  “May fourth.”

  “As in ‘may the fourth be with you’ day?” she teased me, and I grinned back.

  “Yes. I think Mitch would have liked the idea of bringing light sabers with us into the caves, but he didn’t suggest it. He knows we never would have let him live it down.”

  “Caving isn’t anything different than you normally do though, so I’m not sure it counts as something special.”

  “We went to a bar afterward, and there were a lot of ladies there.” I lifted my eyebrows at her and was rewarded with a flush covering her cheeks, and she looked away.

  “You’re awful.”

  “It wasn’t awful. Not one second of it.”

  “I don’t want to hear about it.”

  Wynn reached for her phone that I still held, but I placed it on top of the fridge. She rolled her eyes and turned to Edie. “Happy birthday, Edie!” She hugged my niece and kissed her on the cheek, and I wanted so badly to do those two things to her as well.

  “Happy Birt-day!” Edie said, hugging and kissing Wynn back, leaving a pink frosting mark on Wynn’s cheek.

  I reached over and rubbed off the frosting with my thumb, the feel of her skin sending waves of longing through me as her soft skin always did. She looked up at me, smile fading as her eyes found mine. My eyes wandered to her lips, and I swore hers did the same thing, watching mine.

  But I didn’t want to kiss her while she was holding Edie. Not for the first time. The first time, I wanted there to be nothing holding us back from taking that kiss wherever we wanted. Whether it was just a kiss that led to more kissing, or a kiss that led to more.

  I took the tiara that had been waiting for her and slid it onto her head, the wires catching in her hair, and I had to untangle it. She watched me the whole time, silently, eyes journeying from my hand, to my lips, to my eyes, and back again.

  I wanted to smile because I knew I was slowly making my way toward my goals. Slowly. But both my girls were still skittish, just in different ways.

  “Presents now?” Edie asked, squirming against Wynn’s arms. Wynn let her down, and Edie ran to the table.

  “Okay, okay,” I said. “I told her we had to wait for you.”

  Wynn went back toward the door, grabbed several presents that she’d left there, and brought them over to the table. Edie stood on the chair and leaned forward toward the biggest present.

  “You’re gonna fall, Chicken Lips,” I said, grabbing her around the waist, setting her down on her bottom in the chair.

  “By the way, are your parents upset about not being with you today?” I asked.

  “Mama made me my favorite scones for breakfast. They said they’d take me to dinner tomorrow. When I lived in Nashville, there were a lot of times we weren’t together. Like I said, it’s really just another day.”

  I was determined that she’d never feel that way again if I could help it. Another goal for another year with my girls.

  I pulled one of Edie’s presents close to her.

  She tore open the wrapping paper on every present set in front of her with gusto. She grinned at everything that she got: books, clothes, a crib for Mask the Bear, and lastly, a Wonder Woman kite.

  She looked at it, confused by the long, skinny wrapping. “Cape?”

  “No, it’s a kite. We can go to the park after lunch, and I’ll show you how to make it fly.”

  “I fly?”

  I chuckled. “No, the kite will fly.”

  “I fly too!” Edie said with determination.

  “Maybe someday, but not today.”

  There were two presents left, and when Edie reached for them, I stopped her. “No, those are Wynn’s for Wynn’s birthday.”

  “You didn’t need to buy me anything, Lonnie.”

  “It’s your birthday.”

  She sighed.

  “Just open th
e present,” I said, pushing the bigger box toward her.

  She did, and it was a set of books that I knew she’d wanted but hadn’t bought for herself. She’d mentioned it a while ago—the Bedjama Day—when we’d been reading together, but she hadn’t said it again. “You remembered this?”

  I shrugged. I remembered pretty much everything she told me, but I wasn’t going into that with her at the moment.

  I pulled the other present back, nervous now about giving it to her. Nervous because it was a big gift in a small box. Nervous because I knew she hated accepting anything from me, and I knew I was pushing it with this gift.

  She looked down at it. “Is that one for me, too?” And I almost heard excitement in her voice, and that made me smile.

  “Yes, but you can’t open it now.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s for later.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “It doesn’t right now, but it will later,” I told her with a smile.

  “Okay, Mr. Mysterious.”

  She let it drop, but I saw her look at it again, and I could see her wheels turning. I hoped she didn’t come up with what was inside it. I didn’t want her to guess.

  “Let’s go to the park, Birthday Girls,” I said, picking Edie up and heading down the hallway.

  Wynn followed us. “Why don’t I change Edie while you get changed, too?”

  I was still in my sweats and a t-shirt, which would be fine for the park, but I didn’t want to spend the day in them. So, I let her take Edie from my hands while I went and changed.

  At the park, we fought with the Wonder Woman kite in the fall breeze, blew bubbles, and enjoyed the sunshine that filtered through the leaves, lighting up the colors around us.

  I took pictures with my camera of the leaves, and Edie, and Wynn. The color of their hair echoed in the trees that surrounded them. Yellows and reds and oranges. My two glorious girls in a halo of glorious colors. It felt like one of the best days in my life.

  I looked up through the trees at the sky, and thought, “She’s happy, Lita. I’m doing my best. I promise, I’ll always do my best.” As I thought it, a group of three red leaves that were still hooked together dropped from a branch and landed on my shoulder. I took the leaves, set them on the blanket we’d brought, and took a picture of them.

  Wynn watched me, taking off her tiara and rubbing her head where the prongs from the tiara—that was really made for kids—had sat. She put it on the blanket near my own tiara that I’d taken off almost as soon as I got to the park. I took another picture of the sparkling tiaras and the leaves joined together in the fading light.

  My heart was full.

  “Hungry?” I asked them both.

  “Yes!” Edie almost screamed, and Wynn laughed and nodded. So, I loaded my girls up into my truck and drove them to the Dairy Queen.

  “I’ll go get it,” I told Wynn, leaving the truck running so that they stayed warm in the air that had turned cold quickly as the sun sank.

  She nodded. I loved that she didn’t complain that I was buying her a burger for her birthday, even if it was a birthday she was sharing with a four-year-old. There were a lot of people out there who would have flipped out at a birthday burger instead of a high-priced meal.

  And it wasn’t that I didn’t want to take Wynn to a nice restaurant, but there was a method to my madness today. It just added to the goodness of it all that Wynn didn’t care. It made her even more perfect.

  When I got back, she took the bags and reached inside, and I slapped at her hand playfully. “Not till we get home.”

  “Oh, come on, the french fry smell is making my stomach grumble,” she said. “It’s our birthday, Edie and I just want a french fry for the road. Right, Edie?”

  “Fry please,” Edie said.

  “Traitor,” I whispered to Edie, and she giggled even though she didn’t have a clue what that meant.

  They both nibbled on the fries on the way home.

  When we got back to the apartment, I spread the food out on the table, and we all dug in. Vanilla milkshakes, cheeseburgers, and fries. Stupid birthday dinner, really, and I don’t think Wynn had figured it out yet, but I was okay with that.

  After dinner, I brought the cupcakes over and lit a candle that was shaped like a four and then two more that were shaped like a two and a six for Wynn’s age. We all sang “Happy Birthday,” and when we got to the name part, I said “my girls.” Wynn stopped singing and met my eyes with her own blue ones. I just smiled at her, but she looked away.

  We told Edie to blow out the candles, and she blew out all three of them before proceeding to devour a cupcake. She would have eaten all three cupcakes if I hadn’t stopped her. Wynn and I each ate one of our own. We were all covered in chocolate and pink frosting by the time we were done.

  “Bath time,” Wynn said to Edie.

  We worked as we always did when we were together—as a team. Bathing Edie, snuggling on the couch together, reading to her. It was exactly everything that my family had never been. It made me a little melancholy because I knew that if Lita and I had had more of this growing up, she would have been better. Not that she wouldn’t have been depressed. Not that her disease would have gone away magically. But if she’d had a better support system, maybe she wouldn’t have had to run away from all of it.

  That gave me hope for Edie. Because if she ever did inherit her mother’s illness, I’d be able to help her. Wynn and I would help her in a way my parents hadn’t.

  Once we had Edie settled in bed, tucked up with the blankets rolling around her like a cinnamon roll, I brought another cupcake to Wynn where she sat curled up on the couch. I sat on the coffee table across from her, knees almost touching, with my own cupcake.

  “Ugh. I don’t know if I can eat any more,” she said, but she took it, and I hid my smile as we both pulled the wrappers off. I could swallow it almost in one bite, but not Wynn. It was adorable because she made almost as much of a mess as Edie did.

  “You did a pretty good job making chocolate cupcakes from scratch for the first time,” she said.

  “I really wanted to do a chocolate cake, but then I remembered your Southern strawberry cake and didn’t want to mess it up that bad.”

  She smacked at my knees but didn’t say anything. She finished the cupcake, licking her fingers, tongue darting out over those slender white digits in a way that made it hard for me to breathe as I watched her. She caught my eyes and stopped. She crumpled the cupcake wrapper and placed it and the napkin I’d given her on the coffee table next to my own, her auburn hair drifting over my arm, sending waves of desire through me. Desire to tangle my hands in those silky strands.

  “I think she had a really good day,” she said as she leaned back.

  “Did you?” I asked.

  She nodded. “You know I did.”

  I pulled the last present out from behind me and handed it to her. Our fingers tangled momentarily while it transferred to her.

  “I feel bad that you bought me more,” she said, but she pulled at the ribbon on it. I was nervous again. Worried about what she would say. She opened it to reveal the long slender box. A velvety box. A box that was clearly jewelry.

  She looked up at me, slightly dumbfounded.

  “Lonnie!” she protested before even seeing what it was.

  I put my hands over hers before she could hand it back or lift the lid. “Do you remember what you told me?”

  She looked at me funny.

  “About how I could repay you?”

  Her face squished up in thought, and then her lips made a perfect “Oh,” but no sound came out.

  “Chocolate cake, hamburgers, milkshakes, and…” I took her hands and we opened the box together. Inside, was a diamond tennis bracelet. It sparkled and shone even in the dim lighting from the television and kitchen.

  “It’s beautiful, Lonnie, really. But I’m not taking this,” she said, looking up at me with eyes that shimmered.

 
“It’s a present. You can’t give it back,” I told her, trying not to let my emotions show. I pulled it from the box and grabbed her fingers in mine before slowly wrapping the glittery gems around her wrist and hooking them there.

  “You know I never meant it,” she said, breathless as she watched me.

  “I know.”

  “I was teasing you.”

  “I know.”

  “Lonnie…it’s too much.”

  I hadn’t let her fingers go, and the heat of my skin warmed her cool ones. She didn’t pull away. I was grateful for that.

  “You have chocolate…” and I swiped a thumb at the corner of her mouth where it transferred from her skin to mine. I brought my thumb to my mouth and sucked the chocolate off while she watched, eyes wide, lips parted, breath increasing.

  I leaned in slightly, closing the gap between us so that we could smell the chocolate sweetness on each other’s breaths. It was stronger than the berry scent that always surrounded her, but that was still there, too. Like an aphrodisiac to my senses. Chocolate and strawberries.

  She watched as I bent closer to her, her eyes journeying from my lips to my eyes as they had earlier in the day. And I finally let myself touch her. Lips to lips. Skin to skin. As soon as my mouth touched hers, she moaned as if it was something she’d been waiting for as long as I had. I pulled her from the couch so that she was sitting on my lap and didn’t hold back.

  I devoured her lips as I’d been dying to do. The sensation of her softness filling me in a way a woman’s lips had never filled me. Calling to my heart as much as it did to my groin. Her full lips pushing against me, calling me home. I ran my tongue across them, tasting more of the sweetness that surrounded her not just because of the cupcake.

  She let me in, my tongue tangling with her own. Every nerve ending on my body was alive, feeling every inch of her that was touching me. Lips, tongues, fingers. Where her beautiful curves were touching my thighs. Where her soft neck lay against my shoulder.

  It was worth every single second that I’d waited to kiss her like this. To feel every part of me reach out to every part of her. To know that she was mine. To know that, even though I had resisted almost as much as she had at first, that this was the plan all along. Us. Together.