by Janice Olson
I clung to the false notion that what I did was for your good and for the good of the Loveless name. I convinced myself that you would be held up to ridicule and contempt by the town, and that my choice of raising you in the orphanage where I could oversee your upbringing was best for all. I allowed my pride and engrained responsibility to the family name to overrule my judgment.
I beg your forgiveness for my warped sense of duty and honor that helped overrule claiming you as my child. I pray that one day you will be able to overlook my weakness and the wrongs that I have done.
This letter serves two purposes, the first you know; the second reveals who your father is and why I chose not to marry him.
Your father is a forthright man with an impeccable reputation and a deep sense of commitment. I fell in love with him, and he with me, but our stations were such that I could not break the bonds of class distinction and marry him. I am sad to say he does not know of your existence. If he had he would have taken you from me and raised you as his own or demanded we marry.
Sidney Stone, the steward of my estate, is your father …
Anger and hurt bubbled over, spewing forth the poisons of a lifetime that. And Sidney was the object of her fury.
All this time and he had never said a word. Why? A sob caught in her throat. The realization struck home causing her heart to ache for the want of information that came too late.
BJ’s gaze locked with Sidney’s. She saw similarities she had overlooked before.
He sat silently, watching. His remorseful, honey-colored eyes were much the same as hers, except older and faded. Worry tugged at his brow.
She noticed other little signs, signs she had overlooked before in areas she and Sidney were so much alike. But his hope she ignored.
Her anger grew stronger. She wanted to rail at him. Let him know what it felt like to be wounded, unwanted, unloved. She wanted him to feel the pain she’d suffered for thirty-one years. Instead, she sat staring, breaking inside with a tremendous load of anguish.
BJ held up the offending letter and shook it in his face. “All this time you knew.”
“No, I—”
“You were around me every day since I’ve been here—touching distance, yet you chose silence. Why?” She tasted the salt of her tears on her lips. Her hand scrubbed at the offending show of her wound, willing them away. “Why, Sidney? Tell me why?”
He sat as still as stone, his eyes imploring her to do what? Not hate him. Not judge him? Not to yell angry acquisitions at him? At this moment, she loathed him for keeping Madelyne’s ugly secret.
“Why didn’t you say something?” She hated the wounded, little girl sound in her voice.
“I tried—” He lifted his hand in supplication.
“No! No you didn’t try. You’ve known all along. You knew who I was, yet you didn’t think it necessary to tell me.”
“I didn’t know who you were for sure. I suspected as much the day I saw the box …”
“Why didn’t you say something before now or even that day?”
“I would have. But I wasn’t sure. I had to know for certain before I revealed what I knew in my heart to be true.”
“True? There is no truth. My whole life has been a lie. A sham.”
“Yes, but—”
“No. At the moment, I don’t want to hear what you have to say. You’re a month too late. And Madelyne—a lifetime wasted.” BJ jumped to her feet, bumped into the table with the iced tea, the jewelry box falling out of her lap to the ground. She looked in horror at the broken box. Embarrassed, anger kicked in. What did the box mean to her? Nothing, especially now.
“Clean up this mess.”
Her hand swept outward over the wood at her feet and the lemonade pitcher on its side, the sticky substance pouring onto the patio stone.
She saw the hurt in Sidney, but ignored the pull of her heart to apologize for offending her … what? Her father? Her servant? What do you call a man who works for you as your steward and is your own flesh and blood?
BJ rushed inside her hateful words ringing in her ears. When she reached her room she fell across the bed, tossing the offending letter on the floor. In her hand she cradled the locket hanging around her neck as her tears flowed. Floodgates of grief opened, drowning her with the pent up sorrow of what should have been. Her heart shattered into tiny pieces, all the while believing ignorance would have been better.
Chapter 76
The tentative knock pulled BJ up and off the bed where she’d been for the past hour. The tears were over. The letter, read in its entirety, lay crumpled on the comforter. Her temper somewhat subdued, her mind still unsettled, she knew she would have to speak with Sidney, but not at this moment. Her emotions were too raw to answer him.
“BJ, Mr. Hampton is downstairs and wishes to speak with you.”
Sidney’s voice, though reticent, sounded the same. Odd to think of him as her servant and her father. Still she didn’t want to feel any emotion toward the man who thought nothing of holding back vital information. Anger and benevolence warred within her. Could she really blame him for what Madelyne did?
Knowing who both of her biological parents were erased the fear she carried of the unknown. Funny how the information freed her.
“Show him to the library. I’ll be right down.” She listened for retreating footsteps before moving to the bathroom to repair her face and hair.
Horace T. stood gazing out the window but he turned when she entered the library. He looked worried and his eyes were cautious.
She moved toward him wondering what there was about him she didn’t quite like. “Is there something wrong?”
A quasi-smile pulled at his stern lips. “I’ve come to discuss legal matters of the estate. May I?” He motioned toward one of the wingback chairs.
That was a first. Usually, he directed everyone. “Yes, please be seated. Shouldn’t Jason be here for this meeting? I can call him.”
“No, I’ll rely on you to speak to him about what I have to say.” He looked down at his hands, one thumbnail flicking at the other. “Have the police learned anything more about the man who tried to kill you?” He looked up, shifting in his chair.
“I don’t think so. But I believe the prosecutor is going to offer him a reduced sentence if he will turn state’s evidence. Hopefully he takes the deal.”
“Nasty business. Hopefully he will.” The lawyer shook his head, clearing his throat. “The reason for my visit, I have found some irregularities in the accounts for the estate.”
“Accounts? More than one?” BJ knew about Heritage’s books but others?
“I’m afraid so.”
“What kind of irregularities?” BJ wasn’t about to reveal Randi’s discovery. That would come when Jason and she met with Horace T. at his office.
“I’m not sure what it means as yet. Madelyne must have been taking funds from the orphanage for personal use. Also, it looks as though she may have delved into many of the accounts without reporting it to her accountants. But we have it well in hand.”
“Why would she do that? Didn’t she have money at her disposal?”
“Yes, in a manner of speaking. But Madelyne was peculiar in some ways. To her way of thinking, she owned the entities and didn’t have to account for the money she used. She would often draw out money from different accounts.”
Horace T. acted like he didn’t like BJ questioning him.
“This didn’t come to light until we began getting the books together for a full audit. But I think we’ll find it is nothing—just minor errors. Once I found the discrepancy, the deeper I dug the more it pointed to Madelyne for the withdrawal of funds. However, Ms. Carter is working with me. We should have a better scope of the matter in a few days. Not to worry, we’ll get to the bottom of it, then I’ll have a full report to give both you and Jason.”
“How much are we speaking about in the terms of monies missing?”
“We’re not sure yet.” He inspected his nails on his lef
t hand.
“I’d like to come to your office and see what you’ve found.”
Horace T. shot up from the chair, affronted. “That’s not necessary. We have everything well underhand. Once we’re through with our investigation, I’ll give you and Jason a full report.”
BJ stood. Steel in her voice she said, “But I insist. And I believe Jason will too. I’ll give your secretary, Ms. Carter, a call and set up a time. If you can’t be available, Ms. Carter should be able to show us the errors you were speaking about since she is working with you. And we’d like to look at all the books, not just the ones you found with errors.”
He gave a tight, condescending smile. “There’s no need to worry your pretty little head over the matter. I’ve got it well in hand.” Horace T. dismissed her with a perfunctory nod pulling on the door handle. “Let Jason know what I’ve found. Tell him I’ll be calling in a few days, hopefully, with good news that these are just accounting errors.” He walked out in the foyer.
BJ held her tongue to keep from filling the lawyer’s ears with biting remarks about pigheaded, domineering, self-opinionated men. Instead, she followed him out the door with a smile plastered on her face, every muscle straining to hold on to her temper. She counted to ten but without even a miniscule result of cooling her temper. One way or another, she’d see those books and Horace T. wouldn’t stop her.
In the foyer, Sidney hovered outside the library. He moved to open the door for the lawyer. After Horace T. passed through out onto the porch, Sidney closed the door with a snap. He headed in the direction of the kitchen without a word.
“Sidney.”
He stopped and turned, watching her guardedly.
“I would like a word with you in the library. But before you come, would you please bring a pot of hot tea and two cups.”
He nodded.
BJ swept her hair behind her ear, exhaustion already pulling at her and the day wasn’t even half over. She headed up the stairs to her room and retrieved the crinkled letter, unlocked the drawer to the little oak secretary. She dug out the documents from the bank vault.
Giving a swift glance in the mirror, she barely recognized the wan creature staring back. The dark circles around her bloodshot eyes reminded her of how her life had taken a turn. Everything had been reduced to intrigues, deceits, and hidden secrets, and all because of Madelyne. She was determined to find the last piece of the puzzle from the one man with the answers.
With heavy steps, she headed to the library, hoping Sidney hadn’t gotten there before her. Entering the room, she looked about and picked the two club chairs in front of the window with a small table separating them. She placed the documents on the table and waited.
Sidney entered pushing a full tea trolley, including a few slices of Martha’s pumpkin bread.
BJ waited until he completed the task of pouring the tea. Though nothing had changed, in her mind everything was different. If what the letter said is true, Sidney was her father. The more she watched him she noticed mannerisms more like her own.
“Pour yourself a cup and sit down please.” She waited until he had completed the task, but refused when he offered her bread.
“Why did you wait until today to tell me?” BJ witnessed a flitter of pain cross his face. He knew what she was asking.
“The day I saw the box in your studio I was fairly certain who you were but I didn’t know for sure. All I had was speculation. When you were in the hospital, I entered your office and opened the hidden compartment and read the letter.”
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” She heard the raw pain in her voice and cleared her throat.
“I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want you to hate me or think ill of Madelyne. A-and you were recovering. I didn’t think it was a good time.”
“First off, I don’t hate you. You were duped as much as I was. And I don’t hate Madelyne either, but I do blame her for the deception.”
Sidney brushed a hand across his brow, hurt evident in his gaze. “If I’d known …” He cleared his throat. “If I had known I would have raised you. Madelyne’s pride wouldn’t have stopped me.”
“I wished you had. Right now I’m numb. I’m still working through my feelings of how she could do this to me—her own child.” Both pawns in Madelyne’s hands, BJ felt empathy for Sidney.
“I won’t make excuses for her, because what she did was wrong. But you would need to know the Loveless pride that had been drilled into her from birth. Her mother died the year before you were born. Almost on a daily basis that woman drilled into Madelyne’s head that she had a duty to her family to respect her station in life.”
“How could you not know about me?” BJ wanted to make sense of what drove Madelyne to such desperation that she would rather her child be an orphan than to allow BJ to be adopted. And her father a city block away.
“I helped Madelyne with her husband’s care—he was sick for three years. And at the last, just before he died, she leaned upon me more and more. I’m ashamed to admit it, but we fell in love. We never acted upon it until three months after she buried her husband. Even then I begged Madelyne to marry me, but her Loveless pride wouldn’t allow her to. A year later she said she was going away. Needed to clear her head, is what she said.” Sidney looked down at the cup in the palm of his hand. “I told her I would leave, she didn’t need to, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She made me promise I would stay and take care of the place until she came back. She was gone a year, and when she came home, she was different. Distant. She still loved me, but the bloom was gone. And now I understand why.
“When I heard you were to inherit along with Jason, I wondered why. But when you moved here, I noticed familiar things about you. Bits of Madelyne in you. Mannerisms. The knit of your brow when you concentrate. Playing with the locket around your neck when you’re perplexed or thinking. Little things. I thought—” A smile tipped at his lips but his gaze never wavered from BJ’s face. “—I don’t know what I thought.” His fingers fiddled with the teaspoon on the saucer, working through his thoughts. “At first, when Madelyne left on her year-long sabbatical, I believed she had met another man somewhere and had his child. It wasn’t until I saw the box that I guessed who you really were.”
Sidney slid the cup on the table then lifted his hand in supplication. “Please don’t hate me. I want you to be a part of my life.” Tears filled his eyes, which he abruptly swiped away.
BJ grabbed his hand, clasping it inside both of hers. “I don’t hate you. I don’t even hate Madelyne. Oh, I’m certainly hurt and a little confused as to why, but I’ll get over that too, in time. I’ve already forgiven her in my heart.” BJ could tell her words released a lot of Sidney’s anxieties.
“I want to hear more about Madelyne … what she was like as a person. What made her tick? Maybe then I can make some sense of it all. Was she always cruel to people she loved?”
Immediately, Sidney shook his head jumping to her defense, before resolve took over. “I thought I knew her, but I’m not so sure anymore. To keep the secret of your birth from me …” He paused, looked BJ in the face. “I’ll tell you what I know about her and help you in any way I can to understand.”
BJ watched Sidney closely as he unfolded more of the puzzle of Madelyne. Tears begged to be released, and several times BJ even laughed along with Sidney. When he seemed to not know what else to say, he stopped and stared at her.
“Thanks for sharing. I feel like I know her and you a little better. But now that I know who you are, you can’t be my servant any longer. It wouldn’t feel right.”
Chapter 77
Sidney? Your father? Incredible!” Jason studied BJ to see how the news had affected her. She played with her half-eaten food which told him plenty. She was disturbed.
“I know.” She smiled, raising her brows. “I can’t believe it either. Sidney and I had a long talk this afternoon, and we will again. But there’s so much for me to process. First Madelyne. Now Sidney. What nex
t?”
The subdued patio lighting, along with the setting sun, gave the smooth lines of her face more definition. Why hadn’t he noticed the small similarities before now? Likenesses of both Sidney and Madelyne were there to see.
BJ, though thoughtful and perplexed, set about a yearning. Her hair flowed over her shoulders, her perfume floated softly on the breeze, turning his insides out wishing for September. Jason reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze holding on, relishing the feel of her. “Whatever’s next, we’ll face it together. Agreed?”
She gave a wan smile and nodded. “There’s something else I need to mention.”
He leaned back. “More?”
“Yes. Horace T. was here today. Said there were some errors in the estate books. He thinks Madelyne might have taken sizable amounts from several of the accounts.”
Jason whistled through his teeth. ”Didn’t happen to mention a figure, did he?”
“No. But he seemed quite reluctant for us to look at the books.” BJ moved her plate to the side of the table.
“That doesn’t sound like Aunt Maddy. She had her pet charities but she was never extravagant. I used to tease her about how little good her money did if she wouldn’t use some of it to enjoy once in a while. She’d answer I get my pleasure spending it on others.”
“Do you think she was just giving it away?”
He shook his head, rubbing the spot in his neck that always seemed to trouble him when things didn’t seem quite right. Shifting in his chair, he gazed out at the pound. “I’m sure she did that some, but not to the degree that would cause Hampton to be concerned. There’s got to be some other explanation.”
“Jace.” She waited to continue until he looked at her. “There’s something going on. First Randi finds the discrepancies. And now today Horace T. When I called to set an appointment Ms. Carter said Mr. Hampton wouldn’t be available.”