“No, but the weekend before I’m going to Vegas and working a bachelorette party.” She launched into the story. How it was for a girl she went to school with. That it was a combined bachelorette/extension business launch party with more than five hundred confirmed guests so far. Sounded crazy.
Also sounded like it had the potential to send her business to the next level, what with all the contacts.
“The timing just doesn’t work. Too many holiday parties and things scheduled through the New Year. I can’t get away,” she finished with a little sigh.
“Are you sure? I mean, I know you have those part-time employees who could help you, right? Maybe they could cover for you,” he suggested. Damn, maybe he shouldn’t ask her. Sounded pointless, considering she couldn’t leave.
“They need to stay here for the other events I have scheduled. I hired extra help to take with me to Vegas. That gig is too important not to have them on hand helping out. I mean, I don’t have anything actually scheduled on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, but I have things going on right before and right after.” She paused. “Why are you asking? What are you doing for Christmas?”
“I’m going home. To Texas so I can spend the holiday with my family.”
“Oh.”
He swallowed hard. Here he was his chance. He needed to just do it. “I was sorta hoping you could go with me.”
Chapter Thirteen
“What?” Willow scrambled away from him, sitting up so she could stare at him. But it was too damn dark, and she really couldn’t make out his face. “Are you serious?”
He sat up as well. “I want you to come home with me, Will. I want you to meet my mama.”
Oh. My. God. His mama? He sounded so damn serious. And sweet and cute and loving and…no. None of that. She was being ridiculous. “Is this why you acted so agitated earlier? Because you were working up the nerve to ask me to go home with you and meet your mama?”
“Don’t make fun. I’m just a simple, good ol’ mama’s boy who likes to go home as much as I can—you know this,” he muttered as he leaned over and flicked on the lamp. The moment he caught sight of her face, his eyes narrowed, his lips clamped shut.
Well, great. Now he got a good look at her panicked, disbelieving expression. “Actually, I don’t know. I mean, we talk. We hang out. We have a lot of sex. And it’s fantastic. The kind a woman never forgets, you know? But I don’t know much about your family life, and you really don’t know much about mine either.”
“If you’d let me in, maybe I’d know more,” he said bitterly. “And maybe if you asked and acted like you were interested, I’d tell you more.”
“But this isn’t real,” she said. “Our relationship is nothing. It never has been.”
“It’s fucking everything to me. I want to take you home to meet my parents, Will. I want to make you mine in every way I can.” His lips thinned. “I told Harvey we’re together. And he’s going to make it public.”
Her eyes went so wide she was afraid they’d pop out of her head. “What?”
“You heard me.” He nodded grimly. “Walter needs to know we’re together and since you’re in no hurry to tell him, I figured this was the best way.”
“That is the last thing he needs to find out.” She clamped her lips shut as soon as she saw the deadly gleam in Nick’s gaze.
“What do you mean?” he asked, his voice almost as dark as his glare. “Why are you hiding this?”
Okay. Where did that come from? “What are we doing here, Nick?”
“What do you mean, what are we doing here?”
“Us. What’s happening between us? These forced dates have morphed into something way more serious.” She looked at him pointedly, tucking the sheet under her arms. Had he wanted something more from the beginning? Or had this been the only way he could get her into bed again? Either way, she wasn’t feeling too sure about her feelings for Nick at the moment. “And you don’t do serious.”
She didn’t either—not with Nick, at least. She’d tried her best to keep distance between them, and he’d somehow wormed his way into her heart anyway.
Clearly, she was an idiot.
He stared at her, looking dumbfounded. And gorgeous, what with the way the sheet pooled in his lap, revealing acres of smooth, finely muscled skin. “I told you I wanted to prove to you that I can do serious.”
“By blowing my mind every time we get together with endless orgasms?” God, she was being so unfair, but his words freaked her out. She clutched the sheet tighter, almost like it was a shield.
But nothing could protect her from the daggers he shot at her with his eyes. “By spending all my free time with you and treating you with respect. It hasn’t been all sex between us; you do realize that, right? Or is that all you can focus on? The sexy dirty times we experience when we get together and nothing else?”
She hung her head. Couldn’t stand seeing the way he looked at her any longer. Like this was killing him. Damn it, he was right. They might’ve been indulging in lots of sex but they also talked. She was comfortable with him. Had started opening up to him, which was a huge mistake.
Huge.
“I’m scared,” she whispered, staring at her hands in her lap. “I’m scared if I give my heart to you, you’ll stomp all over it. And I don’t think I could take that again.”
“Will, I know I fucked up that first time we were together. I was young and stupid and didn’t know what I had with you. I’m sorry that I hurt you when I left you like I did, but I…I had my reasons. Stuff I don’t want to get into because it’s in the past and it’s all just a bunch of excuses.” He blew out a frustrated breath, and she glanced up, caught him running his hand through his already messy hair, his biceps bulging with the movement. “We probably wouldn’t have worked out, you know. I was a cocky asshole hell-bent on doing whatever the fuck I wanted. And I wasn’t about to answer to anyone.”
She pressed her lips together. He was probably right. Hard to admit but true.
“We were too young. Hell, Will, you were only nineteen and so fucking amazing. I didn’t want to leave you. I swear I didn’t but I had to.” He sighed and shook his head, his gaze meeting hers. “You’re still amazing. I want you in my life.”
“Wait a minute, what did you just say?” When he looked at her blankly, she continued. “You said you didn’t want to leave me. Why did you, then?”
His eyes widened the slightest bit but other than that, no outward reaction. “Because I had to,” he said defensively. “Don’t look into it more than you should, Will. I mean it.”
“Why do I suddenly not believe you?” Icy cold uneasiness slipped through her, filling her with fear. “Why did you leave, Nick? You told me that you wanted to be free. That we wouldn’t have worked out.”
“We wouldn’t have.”
“According to who?” This didn’t feel right. He acted almost as if he wanted to…protect someone? Or was she way off base and reading into his words too much?
“According to your…” He clamped his lips shut and shook his head, as if he was about to reveal something she didn’t want to hear but then decided against it.
It all became clear. She knew the answer. And she didn’t want to hear it. “Don’t tell me my dad said something to make you break up with me.”
“Okay, I won’t tell you.” He shrugged nonchalantly, looking anything but nonchalant.
“Which means he did.” Closing her eyes, she hung her head again, breathing deep. Trying to gather her messy emotions before they spilled all over the place. “Right?”
He was silent for so long, she cracked open her eyes to find him watching her, his mouth hard, his eyes dark. He looked furious. “He found out about us a week before we split. Kept hounding me, telling me to leave you alone and end it. And when I didn’t make a move, he said he would end it for me by going to you himself.”
Swallowing hard, she tried to speak, but the words were clogged in her throat.
“So I did it. As much
as it killed me, I broke it off. I didn’t want him making up whatever lies to get you to leave me first. He told me again and again I wasn’t worth shit and if I knew what was good for me, I’d get my dirty paws off his daughter and never talk to her again. I guess after hearing it enough, I started to believe it.”
Her mouth dropped open. “I’m sure he wasn’t that harsh.”
“Darlin’, trust me. I’m sugarcoating it for you.”
She stared at him in disbelief, and he stared back, not saying a word. Not denying his words or her father’s either. “Why would he do that?” she finally asked, her voice a harsh whisper.
“He didn’t like me.” He shrugged. “He was trying to protect you? You’re his only child. Can’t blame him I guess.”
“I don’t understand why he would hate you so much and want us apart.” She slowly shook her head. “He deals with athletes all the time.” Realization dawned the moment the words fell from her lips.
Of course her father didn’t like them. The majority of his clients were professional athletes. His opinion of them wasn’t always the best because he knew what they were really like. Having one involved with his too young daughter had probably set him off. He’d always been so protective. She was his only child; her mother was never a part of the picture. They were all each other ever had—besides his string of ex-wives, and they really didn’t count.
And she’d done her best to keep her relationship with Nick a secret. Even from her best friend. She knew her involvement with him would earn their disapproval.
Hell, she still did it now. Sneaking around, hoping like crazy her dad wouldn’t find out she was seeing Nick again. Why couldn’t she be honest with him?
“I don’t think he’s much of a fan of my peers, if you know what I mean,” Nick drawled. “He deals with us. Takes our money if we need his help. And I’ll give it to him: Walter Cavanaugh is a damn good lawyer. He just doesn’t like the thought of ‘my kind’ messing with his little girl.”
How backwards could her father be? All these years she blamed Nick—callous, cold-hearted, love ’em and leave ’em Nick—when all along, her father had been behind their breakup. “So you left me because my father made you. And now you’re back, bound and determined to use whatever you have to get back into my bed.” Pain lanced through her, sharp and deep.
“No. Hell, no. I was hurt. Pissed,” Nick said, his voice scary soft. “Us being together has nothing to do with your father and everything to do with me and you. You know this, right? I mean, come on. You gotta know this. Or do you think I’m set on getting back at your dad by toying with you again? Because if you do, then you don’t know me at all.”
“I don’t know what to think. I’m scared, Nick. Scared to hand you my heart only for you to stomp all over it again.” She scooted away from him, wishing he would leave. Her skin was cold, her heart broken. She couldn’t trust him, ever. He hurt her every single time they were together.
How could she be so stupid?
“I don’t know how many times I can tell you that I’m a changed man before you believe me. But maybe you’ll never believe me. You act like you don’t want anyone to know about us being together anyway, so what did I expect?”
Nick was right. They hadn’t hid any of their dates, not really. But she hadn’t announced they were together either, of course. She’d seen people she knew when they were out, which wasn’t much, since they spent the majority of their time behind closed doors naked. And of course, they’d indulged in their one crazy night together at the Wharf, when he’d taken her on the roof of that restaurant where anyone could’ve seen them, for the love of God. She’d ignored the risks of getting caught, forgetting everything but the way he made her feel.
And God, could he make her feel.
Had he done it on purpose, though? Convincing her to have sex in a public place…all in the hopes that maybe her father—or anyone, for that matter—would somehow find out about it? Not that locals hung out on the Wharf or anything, but still.
“You’re ashamed of me,” he said, his voice deathly quiet. “Don’t bother denying it. You’re hiding this from your dad, from everyone.”
“That’s not true,” she started, but he silenced her with a look.
“I want you in my life but not like this. Not if we’re keeping secrets from each other still,” he said.
“You want me in your life?” She could not believe this was happening. “And you want me to trust you? Are you kidding?”
“I’m definitely not kidding,” he answered, his expression calm, his gaze turbulent.
Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her agitated nerves. “Fine. You want to be with me? How about you come with me and my dad to Aspen for the New Year?” She threw the offer out, not meaning it. She had no plans on spending it with her father, but she wanted to see what Nick would say.
Her dad would probably kill her for bringing Nick. And prior to this major confession, she hadn’t a clue there was any animosity between them.
How in the dark had she been these last few years?
Nick grimaced. “Hell no. I don’t want to ring in the New Year with Walter Cavanaugh.” He practically spit out her dad’s name.
“Right, because you’re with me out of some sort of twisted revenge, and you’re trying to get back at my father,” she threw back at him.
He ran a hand through his hair, sighing in defeat. “I’m not, Will. I swear to God. I want you. But not like this.”
Not like this. Meaning he wanted her to change or disown her father or…God. She had no idea what he wanted from her.
“You should go,” she said, dropping her gaze so she didn’t have to look at him any longer. It was painful, letting him go.
Again.
“You want me to leave.” His voice was flat, devoid of any emotion.
“Yes.” She nodded and chanced a glance at him, immediately wishing she hadn’t.
He looked upset. Angry. More than anything, he looked sad. Defeated.
“No matter what, I can’t win with you, huh?” He blew out a heavy breath. “I’m honest with you and you tell me to leave anyway.”
“Did you just hear yourself? Everything you said?” She refused to feel guilty for pushing him away. He deserved the push.
He asked for the push.
“I know it sounds bad but it’s not. I swear to God, darlin’. I care about you. I want you back in my life on a permanent basis.”
“You say you do, but then you go and admit the only reason we’re together in the first place is because you blackmailed me into going out on dates so you can get back at my father. And that’s all sorts of messed up, you know?”
“I never freaking said that. You put words in my mouth.”
“How can I trust you?” She let out a shuddery exhale. “Even if we did get back together, it’s always going to lurk in the dark corners of my mind that you’ll leave me.”
“You have zero faith in me, huh? I can’t ever get past what happened when I wasn’t even the one who wanted to break up. Your father threatened me. Told he he’d ruin my career, ruin my life. I was young and dumb and scared shitless.”
“Your career was worth more than me,” she whispered.
“Fuck yes, it was! I worked practically my entire life to make it into the NFL! My parents were counting on it. My friends were counting on it. My entire damn hometown was counting on it, and I didn’t want to fuck it up. I only just met you, Will. You were so beautiful and sweet and smart and every time I touched you, you responded like I was the best thing that ever happened to you. The only thing that ever happened to you. I—I was so fucking in love with you but I didn’t realize it then. I wanted you, but I couldn’t disappoint my family. I couldn’t let go of my dream.”
“Couldn’t let go of your dream for the girl you loved? I…I get it.” She did get it. Her heart cramped with his admission. He’d loved her. She’d loved him. They’d never said it to each other once. She would’ve killed to hear those w
ords drop from his too perfect, too sexy lips. She just did. But he’d said it in past tense.
He wasn’t in love with her now.
“That’s not fair—” he started but she cut him off.
“Life isn’t fair,” she countered.
“You’ll never let me back in, will you? I fucked up. And I can’t guarantee I won’t do it again but I swear to God, I’m a better man now that I have you back in my life. You’ve changed me. I know what I want.” His eyes softened. “And I want you.”
“I want to believe you,” she whispered. “Really I do.”
They remained silent for so long she was afraid to look at him. She kept her focus on her lap once more, sitting cross-legged on the bed, having the most important discussion of her life, and it was crumbling right before her eyes.
The mattress shifted as Nick climbed out of the bed and she looked up, watched as he slipped on his clothes methodically, his expression grim, his eyes dark with anger.
Shock coursed through her. Had she ever seen him look that mad? “So you’re leaving?”
“Isn’t that what you want? This isn’t going to work and you know it. I’m honest with you, and you still toss it back in my face. You can’t even trust me to fucking stay with you.” He slipped on his jeans, zipped, and snapped them closed. “I was twenty-one. Twenty-stupid-one and you won’t ever let me forget how I tossed you aside like yesterday’s trash. You don’t think that bothers me? That I don’t beat myself up for it every single day? I hate that I hurt you so much. I hate that you didn’t know how much I wanted to stay with you when your father pushed me right out of your life. And I was too much of a pussy to tell him to fuck off and be with you anyway. I was in love with you, Will. I bet you didn’t know that, huh?”
No way did he just say that again.
“I left and I felt empty without you. Only you could make me whole, but you were off-limits. So life went on. I played ball, I traveled a lot, and I met a bunch of women. My life turned into one big, never-ending party. Girls just wanted to get with me, you know?”
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