by Unknown
“That’s bull Dr. Mase. All it means is that we should protect ourselves by whatever means necessary,” Will chimes in before fading into the background again. Dr. Mase ignores him and looks at me again.
“Lana, what words did you write today?” The others don’t write on themselves like I do. Sometimes it helps me find the theme to my emotions of the day. I look at my hands.
“Peace, happy, smoky eyes. I drew a thunderbolt, doubt, lame, I K R,” I say then, remembering Britt, add, “I think I made a friend today.” Dr. Mase smiles at me, and Bendi nudges me with her shoulder. This makes me happy.
As school ends on Friday, Britt finds me by my locker. She leans against the locker next to mine and just looks at me for a long minute.
“Hi,” I say, but she looks up and down the hall huffing. “What?” I ask, laughing at her dramatics.
“Freshmen,” she grumbles.
“What’s wrong with freshmen? I’m a freshman,” I admit.
“You’re different; you have character; and have experienced life; these other lemmings don’t have a clue.” She looks at me like she’s trying to see my soul. I laugh nervously.
“Says the sophomore,” I chuckle, not really sure what grade she’s in.
“Says the senior,” she corrects sternly.
“No way!” Britt was older than my sister!
“Yeah, stick with me and you’ll go places,” she says as she loops her arm through mine and drags me out of school. Her car is a beater, back bumper missing, dents all through the back right door. I’m a little nervous getting into it, but I do anyway. We stop at the quicky-mart on the edge of town. It’s the quicky-mart where my parents never go. They always say the gas prices are too high there. She parks and turns in her seat to look at me. “When you go in here, get whatever you want, but when you pay, put down six dollars more. Then come back outside and stand there.” She points to the corner of the building, directly under the cameras that face the parking lot. I imagine it’s a blind spot. I feel like I’m making a drug deal, though I’ve never made a drug deal. I’m just going by what I’ve seen on TV. I nod. She smiles at me and adds, “Good, I can’t wait to introduce you to Jake, my boyfriend.” I smile at her. She gets out, and I follow her in. She is wearing a short jean skirt and a ripped up T-shirt over a tank. Her tights have huge holes in them too, and she’s completed her look with combat boots. She somehow makes it work. I get a fountain drink and a pack of Big Red. She gets a drink and beef jerky. She goes to the first clerk, who has dark greasy hair, dark bushy eyebrows, and a goatee. She overpays and then steps to the side. I do the same. The second guy behind the counter is really tall and skinny. He’s got light blond dreadlocks spilling off the top of his head. I’ve never seen a white guy with dreads. He wears square-rimmed glasses. Neither of these guys send butterflies into the pit of my stomach. As I pay, Britt says proudly, “Jake, Todd, this is my new friend Lana.” They smile. Dredhead says, “What’s your poison?” I’m confused and just look at him for a long minute. “What kind?” he says under his breath as an older man enters the convenience store. I tell him, and he motions toward the door. I look at Britt, but she is lip locked with grease-head. I shrug and stuff my gum in my pocket and grab my drink. I go to where Britt told me to stand and wait. And wait. And wait. I wait until I’m so pissed that these assholes stole six dollars from me and are probably inside laughing that I’m standing here. I don’t care if every pump has been full since I walked out here; I don’t care that cars have come and gone; I care that I did what I said I would, and I’m standing out here like an idiot. Just when I’m about to go in and give the three of them a piece of my mind, dredhead comes out. He’s smiling at me, but I just glower at him.
“Sorry, we got crazy busy in there.”
“It’s OK,” I say as he approaches. He pulls me into a tight hug, and I’m uncomfortable. “Hey, I don’t know you—” I want to finish,“like that.” But he slips the pack into my back pocket. And then I understand. He gives me a tight squeeze and lets go. He smells like stale cigarettes and the hemp necklace he’s wearing around his skinny neck.
“You really should quit; it’s a nasty habit,” he says as he lights up.
“I’ll consider that,” I say, rolling my eyes. He smiles widely at me.
“You’re really cute.” I’m taken aback. If he knew the real me, the real story of me, he wouldn’t think that. He’d probably stay away from me.
“Not really.” I look away and avoid his eye contact. Last year, whether or not I thought he was cute, I would have flirted with him just for fun, relishing in the fact that this kid over eighteen thought I was cute.
“Hey,” he says, stepping closer to me and touches my chin tilting my face up toward his. His eyes are warm, friendly, but everything about this screams inappropriate.
“Dude, I’m dying in here. Breaks over!” Jake calls from an open door.
“On my way,” he replies, glaring at Jake for a long moment, then turning back to me, “So I guess I’ll see you around?”
“Sure,” I say pressing myself against the side of the building. He steps away from me, smiles, and goes back inside. The price of a pack of smokes. Maybe I will quit soon.
Lacey
My Friday nights still belong to Jade and Tasha, but since the summer, my Saturday nights have belonged to Chase. It started out that he would stop by in the morning always having some task for me to help him with, like bleeding the brakes on a car (I still don’t know what that even means), or grocery shopping for him and his dad. Always random, he’d stomp into my room, grab me from under the pile of blankets where I’d been hiding, and literally toss me in my bathroom with clothes from my closet and drawers and tell me to get dressed. He knew my room almost as well as I did. Once I came to expect it, he wouldn’t show up till the afternoon. Then he’d take me for a ride on his bike downtown to meet up with a few other bikers in their twenties and ride around, or he took me to the Indianapolis Art Museum. We’d spend the afternoon walking around Broad Ripple or in some downtown neighborhood art fair buying beaded necklaces or artwork painted by struggling artists. Soon it was the evening when he’d show up, and we went to the movies or bowling. I found myself waiting for the Saturdays when Chase took me out. Sure, we saw each other all week with our friends or hung out at my house poolside, but on Saturdays he planned something special just for him and me. My favorites were the nights when we just drove around getting lost on the country roads of Hendricks County, talking and listening to music. We competed with each other to find the latest, coolest indie bands. One Saturday night in the middle of July, we found a utility road off a gravel road on the north side of Eagle Creek State Park, a park inside the Indianapolis city limits on Eagle Creek Reservoir with a beach, trails, playgrounds, and picnicking areas. Chase turned only after I dared him to. The road wound around over small hills and finally dead ended at a fluorescent yellow and black gate. He parked, and we sat there for two hours just talking. Sometimes we sit in the car and listen to music; sometimes we get out and climb onto the trunk, lean back on the rear window, and watch the sky framed by leaves and the trees. Tonight we’re sitting in the car. Chase is leaning against his driver’s side door stretched out at an angle, and My back against him. His arm is draped around me. I should be uncomfortable being in a romantic position with him, but for us it’s comfortable. My head rests against his chest, and I can hear his heart strumming rhythmically.
“What was your relationship like with Emily?” I asked, staring at the glow from his phone and listening to the tunes whispering through the speakers.
“Where’d that come from?” His heart quickens as he chuckles nervously.
“I was just curious as to how you were like in a relationship,” I reason.
“This is a tough topic. . . I have known Emily since fourth grade. We started going out in eighth. She was so crazy, and wild, pushing the limits, earning me this.” He chuckles, pointing to a scar above his eyebrow. I adjust to see him and al
most slide off the brown leather bench seat of his ‘78 Mercury Cougar. He wraps his arms around me tight and pulls me closer to him, causing my heart to flutter. “There toward the end, after rehab, when I got clean, I don’t know, it wasn’t fun anymore. She didn’t do drugs heavy or anything, just recreationally, but the things that were important before weren’t anymore. The last time I saw her, she was dating the captain of the football team. Getting him into trouble I’m sure.” He exhales slowly, and I lay my head back against his chest.
“When did you lose your virginity?” I ask.
“Wow, random?” he squeaks, and adjusts himself against me.
“I was just wondering.” Suddenly feeling like I crossed a line, I don’t really know why I asked the question.
“I haven’t.” I lean up, turn, and look at him. He’s made his face blank; that’s his defense mechanism. He’s afraid I’m judging him. He shrugs, “I mean I’ve done stuff.” I lean back down because I think it will be easier for him to admit without looking me in the eyes. “Everything but. . . when I was with Emily, we did a lot and were planning to finally do it over the summer before sophomore year, but then everything happened with my mom, and Emily and I broke up. Because I spent the summer and half of first semester sulking over her so, I haven’t had a girlfriend since her.” He inhaled deeply. “I’m pathetic.” He laughed again.
“No, you’re not. I’m glad you waited. We can form a secret virgin club; no one has to know. Hell, you were my first kiss; at least you’ve done stuff with someone.” I admit feeling my cheeks warm.
“You know, I’d be happy help you remedy that.” I hear the teasing in his voice. My face darkens as I try not to laugh. He squeezes me again and then adds “Wait, I wasn’t your first kiss.”
“Yeah, you were.” I laugh. Of course he was, and it was an amazing kiss we shared while Jade, Tasha, and I were fighting last spring. If I imagined a perfect kiss, it would have easily been the one we shared. It still gives me butterflies when I think about his lips on mine. I know what you’re probably thinking, that I like him, but I’m so confused about him and worry about the friendship I have with him. I can’t lose him. I can’t imagine my life without him. I depend on him too much.
“No, I interrupted you and Henry making out,” he says, confusion dominating his voice.
“When?” I ask, crinkling my eyebrows.
“When I brought you “Laced with Lies” to upload and you guys were studying.” He holds up his air quotes when he says studying. He continues, “You were so pissed at me for interrupting you.” He chuckles. I remember the day he’s talking about, and if I remember correctly, I wasn’t the only one mad that day.
“We almost kissed. I think he was starting to like me, as me,” I say, feeling a little sad.
“No way,” he whispers and gives a small chuckle choosing to ignore any more conversation of Henry. I know he feels contempt for Henry because even though I was completely wrong for tricking Henry, Chase is my friend, and Henry’s rejection really hurt me. “First kiss, huh?” I nod, and he squeezes me again.
I take his hand and put it on my chest. I’m wearing a thin, wide V-neck T-shirt and jeans rolled up into capris with my cons. Before I really think about what I’m doing, his palm is resting against my heart, and his fingers are spread at the top of my breast. Yeah, I didn’t think this through, but it’s too late now His heart hammers against my head, and mine slams against his palm. I say, “I swear to honor the members of the secret virginity club, keeping their identities protected from those who may cause their reputations harm. There— you don’t have anything to feel pathetic about,” I whisper as I put his hand back down at my waist. He laughs, and his heart slows. Then he takes my hand and pulls me so that I have to turn and face him. He pulls my hand up his shirt and places my palm over his heart. My fingers begin to tremble, and he says softly, “I swear to honor the members of the secret virginity club, keeping their identities protected from those who may cause their reputations harm.” His eyes hold mine intently. My heart crashes against my chest. He lets go of my hand, and I pull it out. I can’t help but let my fingers trace the middle of his stomach. He tightens his muscles, and his eye twitches almost in a wink, as a smile creeps into the corners of his mouth. I sit up and move to my side of the car to put some distance between us. It’s weird, but my heart is still pounding, and I suddenly have trouble holding eye contact with him.
“You are such a tease.” He laughs a little nervously. I just look out my window with a stupid smile on my face. He lets out a deep breath, saying, “I think it’s time we get out of here.” He starts the car, and we back out of our hiding place.
My parents have made it clear that they will no longer support my luxurious lifestyle of coffee, software, video games, magazines, car insurance, and gasoline. So Sunday, I hit up the drug store, Starbucks, video store, and a department store. I figure it is a good start. I turn the applications in Monday after school, and the department store doesn’t give me any response besides “Thank You.” The drug store is not hiring; so why did they give me an application? Starbucks says they may call me. Feeling defeated, I go to the video store. As I approach the counter, I see a red-haired young woman wearing a black skirt and blue silk top behind the counter. She gives me a friendly smile. I hand her the application, and she looks it over.
Looking up at me, she asks, “Do you have time to talk now?”
“Yes,” I say smiling widely. She calls for another girl named Vanessa to come to the counter. I follow her to the back. She opens a door to the back room of shelved DVD’s and a few boxes and leads me to an office. She goes around a desk, and I sit in front of it.
She interviews me there on the spot. Her name is Jessica, and she is filling the last of the hiring rampage for part-time positions since a few of her part-time employees went away to college. I will be required to work twenty hours a week, and that includes weekends. Part of the responsibilities are customer service, informing customers of specials, and upselling the free accounts to discounted monthly rates for bonus perks. She goes over the pay rate, expectations, and dress code (which I’m surprised is professional: men wear dress pants and button up with ties girls wear business wear). After fourty five minutes, she looks at me and asks, “So when can you start?”
I want to say, “Yesterday,” but instead I say, “Wednesday.” Pleased, she smiles.
“I have two other employees starting Wednesday.” She gives me paperwork to fill out, and I’m very excited to have a job. As I sit in my car getting ready to leave, I send a group text to my friends to tell them the good news. I drive the short drive home to find Chase and Tasha sitting on my porch. Jade, of course, is working. Tasha meets me at the drive and hugs me. I laugh.
“Tasha wanted to treat you to coffee for your good news,” Chase says as he swaggers up to us standing by my car. I don’t want to go back to Starbucks again after being blown off, so instead we go to Dairy Queen for ice cream cones dipped in chocolate. It’s a beautiful day in August, and Tasha drives us in her Cadillac with the top down. Her dad owns Wilson Chevrolet, the main car dealership in town, and Tasha doesn’t want for much. When we arrive we sit at the concrete tables in the courtyard while traffic whizzes by on Main Street.
Tasha and I get our orders first and make our way to the table, both of us licking the already cracking chocolate. Tasha sits down with a subtle heave, but I know something is bothering her. Tasha is really pretty with large brown, expressive eyes. Her skin is the color of mocha, and her dark hair is relaxed and long. I’ve always been jealous of her plump lips. She’s taller than me by a few inches, and graceful. She could easily be one of the most popular girls in school, but she prefers to hang out with Jade and me. She’s always in the know, but it says something about someone who sticks with her friends rather than follow the crowd.
“What’s up, buttercup?” I ask candidly as I take a wide lick. I see Chase still inside by the condiment stand grabbing a bunch of napkins. He pauses an
d takes his phone out of his pocket and looks at it, a frown creasing his lips and his eyebrows furrowing. As he puts it back in his pocket and looks out the window to meet my questioning gaze, his face goes blank. Tasha takes a deep breath before she begins.
“Jade is always MIA and now that you aren’t working for your parents and actually on a schedule, I’m never going to see you.” She concentrates only on her ice cream, not looking at me.
“Nothing is going to change; besides you have cheer most days. I’d be surprised if you even notice the days I work from the ones I don’t.” She looks up at me as if my logic hadn’t even dawned on her until I said it. “We always make time for those important to us, and you are important to me,” I add, and she nods, relief all over her face. Chase joins us. Smiling, I motion to the corner of his mouth at the piece of chocolate stuck there. He rolls his eyes and wipes his face.
“I hate this place. Whose idea was it to come here anyway?” he demands as he sits beside me.
“Mine,” Tasha and I say together, instantly sending us into one of our Chase-embarrassing giggle fits.
Lana
I keep reading the same paragraph in my earth science book. It’s talking about ecosystems. It’s gibberish to me. I’m sitting in the cafeteria during my free period, but I’d rather be listening to music. I’d rather be doing anything but reading this same paragraph over and over. My mind wanders to last Friday when I went to the quicky mart, and I decide I’m going to quit smoking. After being handled by dreadhead it’s not worth it. I haven’t broken the news to Britt yet. I’m not sure how she’ll take it. Even now, thinking about quitting makes me want to have one. But lunch was over an hour ago. I couldn’t find Britt at lunch, even via text. Worried that she was ditching me after school, I ate sitting on the floor in the hallway outside the cafeteria, alone. Someone slides into the seat beside me, bringing me out of my memory, but I don’t look up. Yesterday was Deacon’s first day back; he kept his distance and stayed away from me. That made me happy, but now my stomach clenches as I debate on whether to look up. Keeping my head down, I glance out of the corner of my eye; I see a boy’s tan legs wearing camo shorts and low socks with vans. I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Not Deacon, he wears flashy high-tops and sneakers that cost over 150 dollars. I look up and Tomas’s dark brown eyes stare hard at me. I don’t know why, but that intense look is intimidating. He was so nice the first day of school and the day he asked to eat lunch with me, but now he looks mad. His hair falls over his forehead as he opens a geometry book, still staring at me. He leans away from me and pulls a spiral notebook out of his backpack, still staring at me.