“I have a feeling this year is going to be amazing” I told Clara.
“It will be. It absolutely will be.”
Just then, my phone buzzed. I checked my messages, and found it was a text from Mike.
“Hey. Meet for coffee? I’ll be at the Garden Town Cafe in 30.”
Clara left me soon afterwards to find her own books. I wondered briefly if I had time to drop the pile of books off at home before meeting Mike. After all, there were six books here for my five courses this semester, and they were feeling pretty heavy just standing in the line holding them. Unfortunately, by the time I got through the line twenty five minutes had passed, and I knew the coffee shop was fifteen minutes away.
I must have looked like a huge mess as I stumbled through the door at the Garden Town, our coffee hangout on the other side of campus, not far from my apartment. I was out of breath, the bag of heavy books in one hand, dragging my shoulder down to one side. My hair, which was high maintenance on a good day, was especially unhappy with my decision to half-walk half-jog to the coffee shop, and I could feel it frizzing around everywhere. I was sure I looked like I had an afro, and as I glanced around the shop I hoped Mike had picked our usual cluster of couches in the corner to sit in. Relieved, I found that he had, and I quickly excused myself as I dropped off the books and made a pit stop to the ladies’ room to fix my appearance. I had never been the type to spend hours and hours in the bathroom every morning, but I did like to look presentable.
“Listen, we need to talk” Mike started when I finally came back, sinking into one of the deep beanbag chairs I loved so much about this place.
“What about?” I asked, confused. Mike didn’t look happy about something.
“Us. I don’t think we’re going to work out.” Wait, what? Had I really heard those words properly? Was he saying what I thought he was saying? Where the hell did this come from?
“What do you mean, we’re not going to work out?”
“I mean, I think we should break up. It’s not you, I just don’t think we’re really compatible.”
“What? Where did this come from? Just like three days ago you were telling me how we should go camping again in the same place next year,” I exclaimed, tears beginning to form in my eyes.
“Shhh, keep your voice down,” Mike scolded. “I know, it’s sudden, but I’ve just been thinking a lot these last couple days and I think I want something different. I’m sorry, Sophie.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think. I could feel the tears streaming down my face, and I was suddenly angry that he decided to do this here, in public, in a coffee shop where anybody could see. At least I was facing away from the rest of the people in the store.
“I just don’t understand,” I finally managed to whisper.
“People move on, Sophie. I’m sorry. But I’m sure you’ll find someone for you too. Goodbye.”
And with those last words, Mike got up and left, leaving me alone with my books and a skinny hazelnut latte, tears streaming down my face.
What had happened? This was so sudden. It was so out of the blue. I had thought Mike and I were happy. I thought we would have been together for years to come. It wasn’t as though we’d been fighting recently or anything. It was so strange, so completely out of nowhere.
My heart felt like it had just been ripped out of me. Like there was a gaping hole in my chest, a sharp pain letting me know what had just happened. I don’t know how long I sat there, in the coffee shop, completely heartbroken. My coffee went cold, untouched; I simply stared into space for a while, wondering what the hell went wrong.
Finally, I got up and walked home. I walked through the door and hoped that no one would have been there, and luckily, I was right. Clara, Alice and Pete, my roommates, were all gone. Thank goodness. I didn’t want to talk to Clara right now, even though she was my best friend. I wanted to be alone. And seeing Alice and Pete, who had been together for four years, since high school, would have just made me sad.
I went straight to my room and closed my door before collapsing onto the bed in a fit of tears. All of my hopes, all of my dreams of living my life with Mike, a life I’d been so happy with just that morning, all gone. Everything destroyed in one conversation. I didn’t know how I was going to go on with my life. Hell, I didn’t know what was going on with my life. How could I have been so happy just a few hours ago, and now so completely depressed, feeling a sadness unlike anything else I had ever felt before?
Chapter Two
People always tell you when relationships break down that only time will heal the wounds. Well, I took this badly, and no matter how much time passed, I didn’t feel like I was getting any better.
When Carla finally came home she knocked on my door and asked how coffee with Mike had gone. I broke down and cried, telling her everything. She sat down on the bed next to me and comforted me in her very fiery manner.
“Listen, to get over him, you need to get your revenge. Let’s go to his apartment tonight and key his car.”
I couldn’t even laugh at Carla’s crazy plans, instead I just cried harder.
“Carla, I’m not going to go key his car. I don’t feel like doing anything. It just hurts so much.”
“I know Sophie. I know it hurts. But listen, you’re going to get over him, ok? It’s just going to take you a while, since you were so close.”
“I don’t want it to take a while, it feels like I’m going to die.”
“You’re not going to die, you’re just going to sleep for a bit, ok? You’ll feel better in the morning.”
But the next morning I didn’t feel any better. Nor did I feel any better the one after that. I had thought Mike was the love of my life, but now he was out of my life. Completely out of it. Maybe I’d see him in a class or two before he graduated, but I doubted it. There was actually a really good chance that the man I’d spent almost my entire freshman year dating I would never see again in my life. Just the thought of that terrified me. Who would I tell my deepest secrets to? Who would hold me in bed late at night, make me cookies before exams, play Frisbee in the park with me on summer afternoons?
Mike had been my first real boyfriend. He had been my first super serious relationship, he had taken my virginity, and now he was gone. I barely got out of bed for the first few days, except to get food and go to the bathroom. I was so depressed, I knew I was in a funk, but I just couldn’t get out of it. Carla came in a few times and tried to convince me to get up, but it never worked. I called in sick to two shifts of work, and began to wonder if I was just going to curl up and die here in this bed. On day four though, Carla simply wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer anymore.
“Come on girl, get up. You’ve had time to sulk, if you stay in this bed any longer your legs are going to start melding in with the sheets.”
“I don’t want to get up. I just want to sit here and feel sorry for myself.”
“Well, I don’t want to physically drag you out of bed, but I’ll do it if I have to. Come on. We’re going to see a movie, you can cry into your popcorn if you want and no one will notice.”
Eventually realizing she wasn’t going to take no for an answer, I dragged myself out of bed.
“Go take a shower Sophie, I’ll see you in the living room in 20.”
I had to admit, the hot water of the shower felt good on my skin. It was as though it washed off some of the bitter sadness that had enveloped me for days. The steam from the hot water seemed to clear my brain, and when I finally got dressed in clean clothes, I was starting to feel a bit better.
“Thanks, Clara, for forcing me out of the house,” I said when the movie ended. I meant it. I still felt the dull aching pain of heartbreak throughout the movie (which thankfully was an action flick with not a single romantic subplot involved, Clara had chosen well) but the movie had gotten my mind off Mike for a few minutes, which was more than I could have said a few hours earlier.
“No problem, Sophie. I know
it’s hard, but you have to get on with your life.”
The problem was, I wasn’t able to get on with my life. I tried, I really did. But nothing worked. Nothing was working out for me. I stopped going to all of my classes. I was finding I didn’t have the energy to walk the fifteen minutes to campus, and I just swore I’d catch up on everything by studying from the book.
Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for my life to continue unravelling. First, I lost my job. I wasn’t too surprised, since after all I’d basically been skipping almost all my shifts, and when I was there I knew that I didn’t have my head in the right place. Finally, my boss Chen called me up and told me they’d replaced me, and that I didn’t need to bother coming into work anymore.
It was funny, a month earlier if I’d been fired I would have felt terrible. I’d have done anything to keep my job, I’d have begged for them to keep me on. After all, I wasn’t a girl who failed at things. I was the girl who worked hard and, despite all the odds, managed to get into University and was heading down a path in business that would lead to a successful life. Getting fired from a part time job would never have been an option.
But now, now things were different. I just felt empty, completely devoid of emotion. I thanked Chen for letting me know when he fired me, but I couldn’t have cared less about losing that job. What was wrong with me?
I wasn’t the only one who noticed the changes in me, either.
“Come on Sophie, what’s with you? You’ve got to move on with your life,” Carla finally told me one day, confronting me as I ate another meal from a takeout place nearby.
“I can’t. I’ve failed. I failed at this relationship, I failed at getting back on my feet, I got fired from my job and my life sucks.”
“Yeah, it does suck. You know why? Because you’re fucking sitting around doing nothing. Do you realize that you have a test for your stats class in two days? I only know that because I actually went to your class for you to find out what the fuck you’ve missed over the last few weeks. You can’t keep going on like this, you’re going to fail your classes. And then where will you be? Will you really want to live your life working minimum wage jobs, blaming Mike for the fact that you dropped out of University?”
“Good, I’ve already failed at the rest of my life,” I muttered, then sighed. “I’m sorry Clara. I shouldn’t say things like that. Honestly, I’m glad you went and did that for me.”
“You’re damn straight. Now come on. We’re going to the library for the rest of the afternoon, and you’re going to learn everything there is to know about this stats shit.”
“Can’t I just do it here?” I whined.
“No, not a chance. You haven’t done anything here in the last few weeks, so you’re going to the library to study.”
Half an hour later we were sitting on some chairs on the third floor of the library, my stats book open to the first page as I tried to figure out what I needed to know for the exam. I could concentrate a little bit, but I still found my mind wandering off to the darkest corners of my soul, continuously crushing my self esteem and sense of worth.
Eventually I decided I needed a break. I got up, took Carla’s coffee order and went down to the first floor where the library coffee shop was bustling with business. I ordered a skinny vanilla latte for myself and a frappe for Carla then headed over to the bulletin board to scan the advertisements while I waited for the barista to call my name. It was always a long wait at the library coffee shop, so I scanned the boards. There was never anything especially interesting advertised but it was something to do.
“SCHOLARSHIPS FOR SCIENCE STUDENTS”
“Need money fast? Cheap payday loans for students”
“Mountain bike for sale, cheap!”
Suddenly, an advertisement caught my eye. It was half covered by other advertisements, but I could read the headline. “Looking for something new?” the flyer asked, and I moved all of the other advertisements aside to get a better look.
“Do you have at least a 3.0 GPA? Have you always wanted to see the world? Discover a new culture and have the adventure of your lifetime by doing a semester abroad. Applications are due October 31st for the winter semester. Learn a new language, make new friends and have a great addition to your resume. Apply now.”
Before I even knew what I was doing, I had grabbed one of the pieces of paper with the Internet address to apply on it. I stared at it, realizing that this was exactly what I had been looking for. A semester abroad. Sure, I’d have to leave Carla and all of my friends, but the more I thought about it the more I knew this is what I had to do. This is going to get me away from my life over here, this was going to give me a new chance to start over, and help me get over Mike.
I carefully slipped the piece of paper into my purse, then thought about how I was going to apply as I waited for the coffee. After all, I had a 3.6 GPA, so the marks were definitely not a problem. I didn’t know where I wanted to go, all I knew was that I wanted to get away from here. I would go somewhere, far away, somewhere I never dreamed that I would find myself, and I’d take a break from my life.
Who knew, I could even pretend to be someone completely different. I could pretend to be someone super outgoing and popular, creating a whole new persona for myself. Or, as was more likely, I would simply stay in my shell and make a few friends, appreciating the company of those that I did have, and still very much being myself. Still, dreaming of being someone completely different was nice if only for a little while.
When I finally got back to our chairs, I found that I couldn’t bring myself to tell Carla about the flyer. After all, what if I applied and didn’t get accepted? Surely there were a limited number of spots for something like this. I decided to keep it to myself for now, but as soon as I went home I opened up my laptop and typed the address on the slip of paper into my browser.
I had to admit, as I went through the application process I got more and more excited. This was my chance to completely change my life. It wasn’t going to be forever, but even six months away from here I knew was going to make a world of difference. Besides, I had never left the country before, and seeing a new part of the world seemed pretty exciting on its own. I didn’t care where I went, but as part of the application I had to choose three universities that I would like to attend. I ended up choosing three different parts of the world entirely. I chose one university in Lima, Peru; I chose another in Paris, France; and finally I chose one in Osaka, Japan. I didn’t know which one I would end up at, or if I would end up in any of the three, but I liked my choices. Regardless, if I got accepted, I was going to end up on another side of the world, experiencing a completely different culture. If this wasn’t going to help me get over Mike, nothing would.
When I finally submitted the application the website told me that decisions would be made in November. Finally, I had something in life to look forward to. It was funny, just the simple act of wanting to be accepted in the program made my life a little bit easier to bear day to day. I started going to classes again, since after all I didn’t want my marks to drop so low that I wouldn’t be accepted. I wasn’t getting the same types of marks that I was in my freshman year, but it was definitely an improvement on the first month of the year.
The closer and closer we came to November, the more and more excited I got. My friends all commented on the fact that I was looking better, that I seemed happier than I was before and it was true. I was definitely in a much better place. Every day I woke up and checked my emails, hoping that they would have made the decision for me just a little bit ahead of the deadline, but still trying to keep my hopes low, since after all I didn’t know how I was going to react if I was rejected for this. I didn’t handle rejection very well.
Finally, I came back one windy November afternoon, just having finished a midterm exam and feeling pretty good about myself, when I logged on to the computer and checked my email. There it was: an email from the admissions department of the University, with the subject line “Applic
ation for semester abroad”.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my hand shaking slightly as I reached with the mouse and clicked on the email. I closed my eyes as it opened, terrified of what was going to greet me. After all, what if they said no? I’d really hoped that I was going to be able to go travel next semester, but I also knew that they might have just denied me. Either way, this email held the answer.
After what felt like both hours and only seconds at the same time, I finally gathered the courage to open my eyes. I scanned the email quickly, then read it again more slowly, absorbing every word:
“Dear Ms. Burnette,
Thank you for your application to take part in the San Francisco State University semester abroad program. It is a great opportunity offered to a select few in which participants are given the opportunity of a lifetime. Every year we receive hundreds of applications from students who wish to partake in the exchange program, and unfortunately not all students are able to attend. However, we are happy to announce that you have been chosen as part of the exchange and will be attending University in Paris, France.
Attached you will find a number of files. The first is the application form, which must be filled out completely and returned no later than November 14th. The second has all of the information about the University that you will be attending, including instructions on courses, transferring credit back to the university, finding a place to stay and general information about the country in which you will be living.”
The email went on, but I was so excited that I completely stopped reading after that second paragraph. I was going to Paris! I couldn’t believe it. Growing up, we never had the money to even visit Los Angeles, and a part of me always thought that international travel was never going to be in my future. I always thought that I was going to be the type of person that would stay in America forever, but now here I was, about to visit one of the most famous cities in the world and live there for six months. I couldn’t believe my luck!
Tangled: A New Adult Romance Boxed Set (12 Book Bundle of Billionaires, Bad Boys, and Royalty) Page 138