Every click of the shutter felt like Jacques was looking deeper and deeper inside of me. I felt so incredibly taken advantage of. Immediately I began to second guess myself. Should I have tried to run away as soon as he said yes? Should I have completely stopped seeing him right away?
But how was I supposed to know he was going to want this after he took me out a few times? Was it a cultural thing, something I didn’t understand, but that any French woman would think normal?
Somehow, I doubted it. Everything about this felt wrong. I wanted to go home. I wanted to curl up in my bed and go to sleep. I wanted to wake up and find out that none of this had happened, that it was all just a dream.
“These photos will look amazing Sophie, your nipples are magnificent.”
Jacques continued to talk to me throughout the shoot, mentioning my breasts, and every time he did so I shuddered inside. I just wanted this to end, why wouldn’t it end?
I don’t know how long it took to do the shoot. All I know is it felt like an eternity, when finally I got the courage to say no.
“I’m not doing this anymore,” I told Jacques, grabbing my bra from the ground where I had left it.
“Get back there, I haven’t finished yet,” Jacques ordered, but I shook my head.
“No, I’m done. I’m not doing this.”
Jacques made his way towards me. He was obviously angry, and the way he moved made me step back, holding my bra against me, covering me up. I hit the back wall, and I was trapped. Jacques continued to move towards me until he was only inches away. I closed my eyes. I could feel his breath on me, his hot, disgusting breath.
Suddenly his hand was in between my legs. I let out a scream, but his hand covered my mouth, drowning out the noise.
“If you ever, ever tell anyone about this, I’ll put the photos on the internet. Everyone will see what a little slut you are,” he whispered into my ear as his fingers found the fabric of my panties, moving around them and discovering the folds of my sex.
Tears streamed from my face now. Oh God, I couldn’t believe it. Jacques held me against the wall while he forced two of his fingers inside of me, sliding them in and out. I thought I was going to faint. This was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I felt so violated, so betrayed.
“Understand? Don’t tell anyone about this. Got it?”
I nodded, and he slid his fingers from me and let me go.
I ran to my clothes and purse, grabbed them, threw on my shirt and went out into the street.
Tears streamed down my face. I was crying, my makeup was completely smudged. I didn’t look back, I just went straight to my apartment. I immediately threw all of the clothes I was wearing into the trash. I didn’t want to see them again, ever. I then went into the shower and turned the water on as hot as I could stand and then some.
I sat down on the tiles and let the water stream over me, the heat burning my skin. I didn’t care, if anything I wanted my skin to burn off. I wanted to forget the memory of what had happened, I wanted to forget everything.
I sat in the shower until the water went cold. No matter how hard I scrubbed, I couldn’t get the reminder of Jacques’ hands on me out of my head. The way he touched me, the way he looked at me, I was so completely repulsed, so disgusted, I couldn’t believe it.
Why had he done that to me? What the fuck? How had that happened? How did I let myself get into a situation like that?
I didn’t know what to think. My head was muddled with thoughts. Was this my fault? Did I lead Jacques on?
What did it matter, anyways? It had happened. Oh God, it had actually happened.
When I finally dragged myself out of the shower I crawled into bed and cried into my pillow, sobbing until I went to sleep, my slumber racked with nightmares that seemed to wake me up every ten minutes.
Chapter Fourteen
When I woke up the next day, the memories of the day before came flooding back to me.
I had another long shower, letting the water flow over me. Again, no matter what I did, I couldn’t get that disgusting feeling out of my head. I felt so dirty, so gross, and it wouldn’t go away.
Noelle called in the morning, and I ignored the phone. I didn’t want to see anyone at all. Why couldn’t I have listened to Philippe when he told me to stay away from Jacques? I had thought he was a gentleman, I had no idea he would end up being such a horrible person.
I spent most of the morning just staring into space, trying to forget. But I couldn’t forget. The memory of what happened to me was frozen in my brain. I couldn’t get away from it, no matter how hard I tried.
Around noon I got a phone call from Jacques. As soon as I saw his name on the screen bile built up in my mouth. I screamed and threw the phone across the room at the wall, where it hit with a thud before landing on the floor. I was crying again, the tears just wouldn’t stop coming. After a minute or two I got a hold of myself and went over to my phone. I deleted Jacques from my contacts. I was never going to speak to him again, ever.
Just then, I got a notification of a text. It was from Jacques. I opened it, and my face went white at the contents:
“Sophie, just letting you know I have the photos from our shoot last night. Remember, don’t tell anyone our little secret, or you know what happens.”
I dropped the phone, then picked it up and deleted the message. I couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t enough that Jacques had done what he did, but on top of that, I was being blackmailed.
I felt a lump form in my throat. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t. I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I didn’t know what to do. I felt like the room was spinning. I felt like I was going to throw up. My head hurt. I wanted to cry, but I had cried so much I had no more tears left. I was a mess. I didn’t know what to do. This was the worst thing on the planet.
Why had I ever come to France? Why had this happened to me? What did I do to deserve this? Should I go to the cops? I figured that was pointless. Between the language barrier and the fact that because of my visa I wouldn’t be able to stay in France for a trial, I didn’t think anything would be done to Jacques. Besides, if I went to the police, Jacques would put the photos on the internet. My life would be ruined. I could only imagine future employers Googling my name and finding those.
No, I couldn’t go to the police.
I didn’t know what to do. This was too much for me to handle.
Suddenly there was a knock on my door.
“Sophie? Sophie, are you back? Please be home Sophie, please answer the door.”
It was Philippe’s voice. Philippe. Philippe, who had warned me about Jacques, but I didn’t listen. I had been taken in by his charm.
“Sophie, if you’re there, please open the door. I’m worried about you.”
I don’t know why, but I got up and opened the door. I hadn’t felt like seeing anyone today. I didn’t know if I could handle it. But despite our fight the other day, there was still something about Philippe that made me trust him.
“Sophie, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” Philippe asked as soon as he saw me.
“Nothing. I just had... a rough night.”
“Oh Sophie, dear Sophie, I know that’s not true. You don’t need to tell me what’s wrong, but please tell me you have someone to talk to.”
It was then, as Philippe said those words, those deep, dark eyes boring into mine with a concern I had never experienced from anyone in my life, that I realized I really had no one.
I couldn’t go to my family. I had no family, really. My mother was a drunk, I wasn’t even sure she’d remember she had a daughter if I called her. Noelle and Claire were nice, but they weren’t super close friends. I’d only known them for a few months. Clara was my best friend, but she was thousands of miles away, and I wasn’t sure this was the sort of thing I could tell her.
I didn’t mean to, but when I realized there was no one on the planet I trusted more than Philippe I broke down. I completely collapsed, falling to my knees o
n the floor. Philippe was beside me instantly, closing the door and wrapping his arm around me. His touch was so soft, so caring, so completely different to that of Jacques the day before.
“I don’t. I don’t have anyone, Philippe. Oh God, I should have listened to you. I should have listened to you.”
“It’s ok, Sophie. It’s not your fault. It’s absolutely not your fault. Do you want to talk about what happened?”
Philippe held me while I sat on the floor. I told him everything. I spilled my guts out. He didn’t interrupt once as I told him everything that happened after I had left him. How Jacques had called and said a spot had opened up. How I was mad at Philippe and ignored his calls and texts. How it all went downhill from there.
I couldn’t quite bring myself to describe exactly what Jacques had done to me at the end, when I had finally said I was leaving. My voice trailed off as I tried.
“It’s ok, Sophie. It’s ok. You’re here now, and you’re safe now, and that’s what’s important.”
“That’s the thing. I’m not safe. I told you. I told you about the photos. Please don’t tell anyone, he’ll put them on the internet if he finds out I told anyone.”
“You have my word Sophie. I’m sorry, I feel like this is my fault.”
“It’s not your fault at all Philippe. It’s mine, I should have listened to you.”
Philippe turned to face me. He looked me in the eye, holding my shoulders gently.
“Listen to me Sophie. No matter what happens, no matter what, please know that this wasn’t your fault. It absolutely wasn’t.”
I nodded.
We sat there in silence for a while. I leaned into Philippe’s chest. He was so strong, so comforting, it felt like Philippe would take care of me, no matter what happened.
“I wish Stephanie had let me tell you,” Philippe finally said.
“Your sister? What did she have to tell you?”
Philippe sighed, not speaking for a minute, as if to figure out how he was going to say what he wanted.
“I was going to tell you this after you left yesterday. I texted you, I came here, I called you, I decided that no matter what Stephanie thought, I had to warn you. You know how Stephanie was going to become a photographer?”
I nodded, remembering the conversation, and not liking where this one was going.
“Stephanie was a promising up and coming photographer. She was chosen by Jacques Laflamme to study under him, and she was thrilled. He was a great teacher, she always said, and so polite. Then things changed. She started to complain about the attention he seemed to give her. Then one day, they were working late together, and he tried to kiss her. Stephanie pushed away, told him she wasn’t into him that way, and he raped her. Right there in that studio.”
My breath caught as I realized the implications. I wasn’t the first person Jacques had done this to. Holy shit.
“Stephanie went to the police, but Jacques is so well connected, they just laughed at her. They told her she should have expected it, being a young girl working in such close quarters with a man used to looking at topless women all day. She never got justice, and she hasn’t touched a camera since. She made me swear that I would never tell anyone what happened to her, no matter what. She didn’t want it to come out now that she had changed careers. I was going to break that promise yesterday, to warn you. I wish I had. Oh fuck, Sophie, how I wish I had. I’m so sorry.”
I took Philippe’s hands in mine. God, I loved how his skin felt against mine. I looked him in the eyes.
“This is no more your fault than it is mine, Philippe. It’s entirely his fault. It wasn’t yours.”
“Thanks, Sophie. I would have expected you to blame me. I hope you can understand why I didn’t want to tell you why you should stay away from Jacques. I made a promise.”
“I know. I understand. I wouldn’t want anyone telling my story without my permission either.”
“I didn’t think I would ever see Jacques again. I was in Versailles by chance that day. It had been such a nice day I decided to go for a stroll in the park, where we used to play as children. I saw you first, looking through the park with such wonder. The instant I saw your face, Sophie, I felt something I had never felt before in my life. You were hands down the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. All of a sudden everything else seemed so empty. All I could see was your smile as you moved through the garden, like a nymph in the forest, free as a bird. Love at first sight might be a cliché, but it was my reality. Then I saw Jacques coming up behind you, and my world was shattered.”
I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. What Philippe had just told me was the most romantic thing I had ever heard in my life.
“When I saw Jacques, I saw Stephanie’s pain. I heard her screams when she woke up at night, I saw the flame that had disappeared from her eyes. I was sworn to secrecy, but I still wanted to do something to help you. You were so beautiful, so pure, I couldn’t let that dirty man get his paws on you.”
“I wish I had listened to you, Philippe. I wish I had. I felt something when I first saw you, staring at me across from the fountain. I knew there was something different about you. And yet, I didn’t know why you were warning me. Jacques had seemed so nice. He had seemed like a gentleman, and I guess I fell for his act completely. I was a sucker, plain and simple.”
“You’re young Sophie. You were in a new country, you were vulnerable. He’s used to doing this sort of thing, preying on women. It isn’t your fault. It’s absolutely not your fault at all.”
“I just keep looking back and wondering if I should have seen it coming. He took me to the opening of a club where I got drunk, despite knowing my mother was an alcoholic. He didn’t do anything to me that night, but was that him testing me? I don’t know now.”
“Try not to overanalyze it too much. The man’s a monster, but he’s good at what he does. You’re at least the second girl he has done this to, and there are probably more out there that we don’t know about.”
“I love you, Philippe.”
I don’t know why I said those words. They came out of nowhere, completely out of nowhere. But they felt right. As we sat there on the floor together, I realized I loved Philippe. I absolutely loved him like I had never loved anyone before.
“I love you too, Sophie,” Philippe whispered back to me, and I hugged him.
Pressing our bodies together, we held each other close for a few minutes. I now understood the darkness in Philippe’s eyes, the past that haunted him. It was his sister’s pain, the experience she had gone through which haunted him. I wanted to hold Philippe forever. He was such a huge comfort to me. Finally, he pulled away.
“Listen to me Sophie. I failed my sister by not being there for her. I’m not going to fail you. I want you to stay here and pack your things. It isn’t safe for you here anymore. I don’t know if Jacques will come after you again, but I want you to come stay with me for a while, ok?”
I nodded. That made perfect sense. I didn’t really want to stay here alone anyway. I knew Philippe would take care of me.
“While you’re doing that, I’m going to go for a while. I’m going to make sure that Jacques never releases the photos of you, and I’m going to make sure that he pays for what he’s done to you and never does this to another girl again.”
He stood up and helped me to my feet.
“Are you ok here by yourself for a while?”
“Yeah, I am. Hey Philippe?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you. Thank you for everything. I owe you so much.”
“Nonsense. It is me who owes you. My life is so much better with you in it, and I promise I will never let anything happen to you again.”
“I know. Thanks.”
When Philippe went I set about packing up my things. I didn’t have much. After all, I was a poor student and all of the furnishings came with the apartment. Basically all I had to pack up was my suitcase.
As I was getting my things ready, I found the p
hotos I had printed of the first set I had done with Jacques. I cried as I looked at them. The photos I had found so beautiful not long ago were now so ugly I couldn’t stand to look at them. I tore them into as many tiny pieces as I could and flushed them down the toilet. I didn’t want to see them again, ever.
When I was finished packing, I watched some TV to try and take my mind off things. I wasn’t sure what Philippe was going to do. I could have dissuaded him from doing whatever it was, but I knew he needed it as much as I wanted it. I wanted Jacques to suffer. There was no point in going to the cops, they had laughed at Stephanie. But I didn’t want Jacques to get away with this scot free.
Still, I worried about Philippe. He was gone for quite a while, and I hoped he hadn’t gotten into too much trouble. I stared at the clock on the microwave, checked my phone every two minutes, hoping for a knock on the door, or a text letting me know he was ok.
As I looked out my window and saw that night had fallen, I began to worry even more, until finally there was a knock at the door. It was Philippe.
“Oh thank God, I was starting to get worried,” I told him as I let him into the room. “Are you ok? You smell like smoke.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks Sophie. You don’t need to worry. All of the photos are gone. He won’t ever be able to put them on the internet.”
“Thanks Philippe. Thank you.”
“It was the least I could do. Now, are you ready to go?”
I nodded.
“Excellent. This isn’t exactly the way I had pictured inviting you to come live with me, but I guess it’ll have to do,” he joked, and I cracked a smile for the first time in what felt like ages.
Thanks to Philippe, I felt safe. I was going to leave here, go somewhere where there was no chance that Jacques could find me.
I took one last look at the apartment that had been my home for the past few months. I didn’t know if I was going to come back here again, ever.
Tangled: A New Adult Romance Boxed Set (12 Book Bundle of Billionaires, Bad Boys, and Royalty) Page 147