“But they want me to be here,” she said, needling him. “You’re really going to let them down like that?”
“Yup. Because you’re not staying in my home. Period.” Charles grabbed his tie and pulled it out of his collar, balling it up in his fist as he pinned her with a sharp glare. “This is my house. I don’t know how long your visit will be, but remember what I said. While you’re here, you’ll defer to me, and to Lisette, on all things where the children are concerned. Or I’ll personally escort you the fuck out of here and put you on a plane so fast your head will spin.” The side of his mouth lifted in a hollow grin. His insides felt as cold as ice, and he was sure his gaze was too. “And, you speak to all members of my staff with courtesy and respect, or again, I’ll throw you out without blinking an eye. Any other questions?”
“Yeah. When did you become such a prick?” Vanessa asked.
“When you decided you didn’t want to be a mother. Just looking at you disgusts me.” He turned his back on her and walked out. He felt eerily calm, considering the way his brain was churning, but he’d process this better later. For now, he had the enemy in his own home, and three children and a secret girlfriend he wanted to protect from her nastiness and manipulations. He strode down the hall, up the stairs, right to the bathroom the kids shared. Ava had gotten in her nightgown and was brushing her teeth slowly. “Where are the boys?”
“Already in their rooms,” she said, her mouth full of toothpaste.
“Your mom will be right up,” he said. He drew a deep breath as she spit her toothpaste into the sink. “She’ll put you to bed tonight. Okay?”
Ava rinsed out her mouth, then met his eyes in the mirror. “You’re not happy she’s here.”
He exhaled a deep breath. He wouldn’t lie to her, to any of the kids. “No, I’m not. We don’t get along, sweetheart. That’s why we’re not together anymore.” Among a hundred other reasons, he thought. “Also, she didn’t even tell me she was coming, and that’s rude. You’re supposed to ask people if it’s okay to come for a visit.”
“Maybe she didn’t because she thought you’d say no,” Ava said.
He sighed. “I’d never say no to her seeing you guys. But she isn’t going to stay in the house while she’s visiting. She misinformed you on that point.”
“Daddy . . .” Ava faced him, her wide blue eyes somber. “Why is she here now?”
“I don’t know,” he said quietly. He leaned against the doorframe, feeling exhausted. “Does it bother you that she’s here?”
“No,” Ava said. “I just . . . wondered why. Because she’s never just showed up for a visit like this before.” She looked into his eyes. “What do you think she wants?”
The clear, level question hit him like a gut punch. He’d wondered the same thing. Vanessa didn’t do anything without an agenda, unless there was something in it for her. But for his little girl to wonder that . . . Damn. Ava was only nine years old, but so wise beyond her years. Maybe too wise. “I think she wants to see the three of you, that’s all. People get sentimental around the holidays. She probably missed you.”
Ava considered that for a moment, then went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I love you, Daddy,” she said against his middle. “Don’t be mad ’cause she’s here. I don’t want you mad.”
“I’m fine, sweetheart. Don’t you worry.” He hugged her back tightly, sweeping his hand over her long hair. “And I love you too. More than anything in the world.”
* * *
There was a soft knock on Lisette’s door. She steeled herself, then went to answer it. It wasn’t Vanessa, but Charles, leaning casually against the frame. The light glinted off his glasses for a second as he smiled at her. He wore royal blue and white-striped pajama bottoms and a blue top with two buttons open. She knew he’d just showered; she could smell the clean scent of soap off his skin, and his hair was even darker and wavier when it was damp. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, bury her face in his neck, and breathe him in, but she didn’t. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he said softly. His brilliant blues lit as he gazed at her. “It’s so good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too,” she murmured. “When did you get home?”
“About an hour ago. I helped Vanessa put the kids to bed, then took a shower.”
Lisette only nodded. There were a million things she wanted to say, but she had no idea if she should say any of them, so she kept quiet.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
“You think that’s wise?” she asked, darting a glance into the hallway beyond him.
“The kids are all asleep,” he said, “and Vanessa is gone.”
“Gone?” Lisette’s brows lifted. “Really? She left?”
“Damn right. I made her leave.” With that, he leaned in, slid a strong arm around Lisette’s waist and yanked her to him, taking her mouth with his. He edged her into the room backwards, closing the door behind him with his foot and never breaking the kiss. His hand moved to the back of her head and pulled out the elastic, and he sifted his fingers through her hair, letting the long curtain of it shimmer down her back. “After this unwelcome homecoming, I need to hold you.” He kissed her over and over.
“It’s good to be held,” she said against his mouth.
He eased her down onto the bed, still kissing her and holding tight. “You didn’t really think she was going to stay here, did you?”
“Well, she certainly did. I didn’t know—”
“Hell no. I can’t believe she thought she could stay here. I made it very clear that wasn’t going to be the case. For fuck’s sake, the nerve of that woman . . .” He shook his head, new anger darkening his features.
“Shhhh.” She wrapped herself around him, and they kissed until she felt the tension slowly ebb from his body. “Don’t let her get to you.”
He huffed out a breath, then nuzzled Lisette’s neck, dropping tiny kisses and nibbles along her skin. “You’re right.”
“However you handle her while she’s here, whatever you want, just tell me.”
“I will.” He lifted his head to look into her eyes. “I told her if she doesn’t speak to you with respect, she’s on a plane.”
A little thrill burst in Lisette’s chest, but she said, “I appreciate that, but we have to be careful. If we’re going to keep our relationship a secret, and she’s around us—”
“She’ll pick up on it and pounce, I know.” His gaze got steely, the determination obvious. “But there’s no way I’m going to stay away from you.” He brushed his lips against hers. “I couldn’t if I tried.”
Her heart fluttered at the soft, earnest words. She smiled and kissed him fully.
“She wants to spend all day with them tomorrow,” he said. “So you’ll have that time to yourself. I wish I could do something with you, but I want to keep an eye on her. She doesn’t know the kids. I plan to either go along if they leave the house, or lurk if they stay here, whether she likes it or not.”
“Good idea.” She was so glad to hear him say that. She’d had similar thoughts and concerns for the kids. If he was going to be wherever they were, they’d be fine. “They must be happy to see her.”
His jaw tightened. “The boys are. But Ava . . .” He rolled off Lisette onto his back, pulling her with him and curling her into his side. “She’s glad to see her mother, but she’s wary. How sad is that. Ava’s nine, and already knows her mother is a fickle woman who must want something if she just showed up like this.” His fingers absently played with Lisette’s hair. “I don’t know what’s worse. Ava’s astute intuition, or the boys’ naïveté in thinking that their mommy loves them so much she had to come see them.”
Lisette rested her head and one hand on his broad chest. His strong, solid heartbeat was comforting. “Both selections are kind of awful, actually.”
“I know.” He sighed and stroked her back in slow, tender sweeps. “Whatever. I’m not going to let Vanessa derail anything here. You and I will b
oth keep an eye on the kids. She’s visiting, and she’ll leave soon.”
I sure hope so, Lisette thought. She tilted her head to kiss Charles’s jaw. “You smell really good.”
He smiled. “Yeah?”
“Mm hmm.” She pressed herself closer into his side and snaked her arms around his waist. “How about we just lie here and hold each other for a while? I think you need that.”
He looked at her, appreciation and affection clear in his gaze. “How do you always correctly sense what I need?”
She gave a tiny shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just . . . tuned in to you.”
“Thank God for that,” he murmured. With great tenderness, he kissed her forehead, then her mouth. He kissed her once more, long and sweet, then snuggled her tight. “Let me hold you. I missed the feel of you.”
They lay together quietly for a few minutes, savoring the closeness, the intimacy, their bubble away from the world.
“I was thinking, on the plane back today . . .” He grazed his fingertips along her cheek. “You know about the huge gala Tess throws every December for the Harrison Foundation, right?”
“Sure,” Lisette said. “It’s one of Manhattan’s biggest social events of the year.”
“Yes. Well, it’s on the eighteenth.”
“Okay . . .” She waited.
“I want you to come with me,” he said.
She pulled back a bit to look at him. “I thought kids weren’t allowed there?”
His mouth pulled up in a half smile bemused by her confusion. “They’re not. I don’t mean for you to come as their nanny. I mean for you to come as my date.”
“What?” She pulled out of his embrace altogether, sat up, and gaped at him. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“No, I’m not.”
“What happened to our taking it slow, keeping it secret?” She stared at him, lying there so casually. “All of a sudden, you want to out us to the world?”
“I don’t care about the world. I just want my girlfriend with me.” He reached for her hand.
She wondered if he’d lost his mind. “I thought once we decided we were ready, we’d tell the kids first, then the world.”
“Right. And we can tell the kids soon. Before the ball, for sure.”
“That’s less than a week away.”
“Plenty of time.”
“Didn’t we just say how we don’t want Vanessa to get wind of this?” Lisette stared at him in total confusion.
“Yes, but . . .” he said, “I just thought of something else. She can’t hurt you if we out ourselves before she finds out about us.”
Lisette shook her head vehemently. “No. You’re . . . you don’t get it.”
His eyes held hers. “If we tell the kids first, no one can hurt them. If we tell the world first, no one can hurt you.”
“That’s a lovely thought, but that’s not how this works!” she said, alarm flooding her. “Remember when I called you obtuse? This is beyond obtuse; it’s being willfully ignorant. Arrogant. You want what you want, so you’re willing to throw caution to the wind. But the truth is, if this all blows up, you’re the only one who will escape unscathed.”
“How can you say that? I’m just as invested in this as you are,” he asserted.
She shook her head and swept her hair back from her face. Anxiety made her heart pound and her throat suddenly dry. “You’re . . . being selfish, Charles. You’re not thinking clearly. You’re not really thinking this through. It’s unlike you.”
“Whoa.” He stared hard, lines gathering in his forehead and around his eyes. He sat up too, facing her. “That’s a little harsh.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s true.”
“I’m selfish because I want my new girlfriend with me at a social event?”
“Yes.”
A muscle twitched under his eye.
“You’re jumping into this,” she said, “without any forethought about the kids or me. I’m touched that you want me with you, but it’s not worth hurting them over.”
“How would it hurt them,” Charles said, “to know that their father is happier than he’s been in a very long time? Because of you, someone they care about?”
“They’re little.” She sighed. “They’re not going to go from accepting me as their nanny to accepting me as your girlfriend overnight, just because you want them to.”
“How do you know?” he asked. “Kids are very accepting, and they love you. For all you know, they’ll be thrilled. I think they will be.”
“Because you want to believe that, and you’re used to getting your way. But . . .” She stared at him. She wasn’t getting through to him. The anxiety and accompanying adrenaline had already made her hands tingle, and now they worked their way through the rest of her. She drew a long, deep breath and got up from the bed.
“Where are you going?” He frowned at her. “Come back, we’re not done talking.”
She didn’t move away from the bed, but she didn’t retake her spot beside him. “Thank you for the invite, but I’m not going to the ball with you,” she said quietly. Her arms folded around her middle. “Now there’s no reason to tell them so soon.”
He rose from the bed, jaw tight and eyes flashing. “You’re afraid to tell them.”
“Of course I am!” she cried. “We—this—it’s still so new! I don’t want to hurt them!”
“No, that’s not it.” His stare pinned her. “You’re afraid to tell them because it’ll make this totally real. Something you can’t pretend isn’t happening. You’re scared of it.”
Her mouth fell open. “Is that what you think?”
He nodded.
“You need to leave now,” she whispered.
His eyes flashed, and his lips flattened into a thin line. “No. Not until we finish this conversation.”
“We’re talking in circles. You don’t want to hear me. It’s pointless.”
“I’m in love with you,” he said fiercely. “So this isn’t pointless. This is important for us to figure out, together, no matter how hard it may be.”
Her heart skipped a beat, then took off like a racehorse. “Wh-what?”
He grasped her shoulders, bending a bit to look right into her eyes. “I was away for all of thirty-six hours, and I missed you so much it ached.” He spoke softly, but wouldn’t let her look away. “When I found out Vanessa was awful to you, I was so furious that someone would treat you that way I wanted to throw things.” He reached up and smoothed back a lock of her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “I watch you with my kids, and it’s so genuine. It’s not just you doing your job, though you’re damn good at it. It’s more. You love them, and they love you. And . . . now I love you too.” He brushed the pad of his thumb over her lips. “That’s not going to change. It’s only going to get deeper and stronger every day. So yes, I thought, why wait? I know how I feel.”
“Oh, Charles,” she whispered, wishing her heart didn’t feel stuck in her chest.
“I don’t mean to sound selfish, or obtuse, or arrogant,” he said. “But you’re right about one thing: I want what I want, and what I want is you.” He brushed his lips against hers tenderly. “Forgive me for sounding so self-consumed. I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated, about ten different things, and I wish this situation were simpler.”
“Me too.” She slipped her arms around his waist and held tight. The sound of his heartbeat beneath her ear, strong and sure, was comforting, while her heart felt as if it were doing a jitterbug in her chest. “Yes, I’m afraid of our telling the kids, and their not accepting it, or being confused and angry . . . or rejecting me. I admit it.”
“I really don’t think that would happen,” he said, his hands sweeping up and down her back in long, slow caresses. “And I admit that . . . with Vanessa here, it just feels as though we might need to do some things faster than we initially planned. Like telling the kids. Because I want it to come from us, not from her.”
She nodded against his chest. “I get t
hat. It just feels too soon. We haven’t been together for that long . . .”
He sighed and let his chin rest on the top of her head. “I know. But that doesn’t make it any less real. I know I love you. That’s got to count for something.”
“It counts for a lot.” Her voice felt thick in her throat.
He pulled back enough to look at her, lift her chin with a fingertip. “So . . . how do you feel? Just curious.”
A staccato laugh burst from her. “I can’t believe you don’t know.”
His brow furrowed as he waited.
“I’ve been in love with you for a while already,” she admitted. “I thought it was so obvious.”
“Well,” he said, grinning, “as you’ve pointed out on more than one occasion, I’m a little obtuse.”
She giggled and shook her head. “Sometimes. It’s okay. I love you anyway.”
His smile widened, his eyes sparkled, and he lowered his mouth to hers to kiss her long and hard. “Do you really?”
“Yes.”
“You’re not saying it because . . . you know. Because you have to, because you’re afraid for your job?”
“No! God, no.”
“You’re not saying it because you think it’s what I want to hear, and I want what I want?” He said that facetiously, but she saw the serious glint in his eyes.
She nodded, overcome by emotion. “Charles, I love you so much. I love you, and yes, I love your children too. So much it scares me. That’s why I desperately want this to work.”
“Me too.” He let his lips sip from hers, lingering, savoring. “We’ll make it work.” He smiled and kissed her again before holding her tight. “So . . . we’ll tell the kids in a few days . . . and then you’ll come to the ball with me. Please. Have faith in me.”
Her head was spinning. He loved her. He was in love with her, and he wanted her enough to tell the world about it. Would the kids be okay with this? Would they think it strange, or be angry at her for being with their dad? They’d always had him to themselves. And with Vanessa around for now . . . she hoped they weren’t rushing things because she’d forced their hand . . .
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